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George  Washington  Flowers 
Memorial  Collection 

DUKE  UNIVERSITY  LIBRARY 

ESTABLISHED  BY  THE 
FAmLY  OF 
COLONEL  FLOWERS 


THE 


BEHAVIOUR  BOOK: 


%  Slaiiucal  for  f  iibks. 


MISS  LESLIE. 

AUTHOR  OF  PENCIL  SKETCHES,  COMPLETE  COOKERY,  THE  HOUSE 
MORE  RECEIPTS,  ETC. 


PHILADELPHIA: 
WILLIS  P.  HAZARD,  178  CHESTNUT  ST. 
1853. 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1853,  by 
WILLIS  P.  HAZARD, 
in  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  in  and 
for  the  Eastern  District  of  Penngylvania. 


STEKEOTYPED  BY  L.  JOHNSON  AND  CO. 
PHILADELFHIA. 


PREFACE. 


It  is  said  that  soon  after  the  pubHcation  of 
Nicholas  Nickleby,  not  fewer  than  six  York- 
shire schoolmasters  (or  rather  six  principals 
of  Yorkshire  institutes)  took  journeys  to  Lon- 
don, with  the  express  purpose  of  prosecuting 
Dickens  for  libels — '^each  one  and  severally" 
considering  himself  shown  up  to  the  world  as 
Mr.  Squeers  of  Dotheboys  Hall. 

Now,  if  Dickens  had  drawn  as  graphic  a 
picture  of  Dothegh^ls  Hall,  we  firmly  believe 
that  none  of  the  lady  principals  of  similar  in- 
stitutes would  have  committed  themselves  by 
evincing  so  little  tact,  and  adopting  such  im- 
politic proceedings.  They  would  wisely  have 
held  back  from  all  appropriation  of  the  ob- 
noxious character,  and  passed  it  over  unnoticed; 
as  if  it  could  not  possibly  have  the  slightest 
reference  to  tJmn. 


6 


PEEFACE. 


Therefore  we  wish  that  those  of  our  fair 
readers  whom  certain  hints  in  the  following 
pages  may  awaken  to  the  consciousness  of  a 
few  habitual  misbehavements,  (of  which  they 
were  not  previously  aAvare,)  should  pause,  and 
reflect,  before  they  allow  themselves  to  "take 
umbrage  too  much."  Let  them  keep  in  mind 
that  the  purpose  of  the  writer  is  to  amend,  and 
not  to  offend ;  to  improve  her  young  country- 
women, and  not  to  annoy  them.  It  is  with 
this  view  only  that  she  has  been  induced  to 
"  set  down  in  a  note-book"  such  lapses  from  les 
hienseances  as  she  has  remarked  during  a  long 
course  of  observation,  and  on  a  very  diversified 
field. 

She  trusts  that  her  readers  will  peruse  this 
book  in  as  friendly  a  spirit  as  it  was  written. 

EuzA  Leslie. 

Philadelphia,  March  15,  1853. 


CONTENTS. 


PAG3 

SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS   9 

THE  VISITED   24 

TEA  VISITERS   30 

THE  ENTREE   47 

INTRODUCTIONS   52 

CONDUCT  IN  THE  STREET   65 

SHOPPING   71 

PLACES  OF  AMUSEMENT   87 

TRAVELLING   92 

DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL   101 

HOTEL  DINNER   120 

SHIP-BOARD   143 

LETTERS   150 

PRESENTS   174 

CONVERSATION   185 


7 


8  CONTENTS. 

INCORKECT  WORDS   216 

BORROWING   225 

OFFENCES   243 

OBLIGATIONS  TO  GENTLEMEN   250 

CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN   256 

SUGGESTIONS  TO  INEXPERIENCED  AUTHORS   274 

CHILDREN   285 

DECORUM  IN  CHURCH   299 

MISCELLANIES   304 


THE 


BEIIAYIOUR  BOOK. 


CHAPTER  I. 

% 

SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS. 

An  amusing  writer  of  the  last  century,  justly 
complains  of  the  want  of  definite  words  to  express, 
distinctly  and  unmistakably,  the  different  degrees  of 
visits,  with  reference  to  their  length.  Whether  the 
stay  of  the  guest  comprises  ten  minutes,  an  hour,  an 
evening,  a  day,  a  week,  or  a  month,  still  it  goes  under 
the  vague  and  general  term  of  a  visit. 

We  propose,  humourously,  that  if  the  stay  of  the 
guest  exceeds  a  week,  it  should  be  called  a  visitation." 
If  it  includes  a-  dining,  or  tea-drinking,  or  evening- 
spending,  it  may  be  termed  ''a  visit;"  while  a  mere 
call  can  be  mentioned  as  "a  vis." 

The  idea  is  a  very  convenient  one,  and  we  should 
like  to  see  it  carried  out  by  general  adoption.  Mean- 
while, we  must,  for  the  present,  be  contented  Vvdth  the 
old  uncertain  practice  of  saying  only  "visit"  and 
•'•visiter."  We  think  it  our  duty  to  explain  that  this 
chapter  is  designed  for  the  benefit  of  such  inexperienced 


10 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


females  as  may  be  about  to  engage  in  wbat  we  sboulcl 
like  to  call  "a  visitation." 

To  begin  at  the  beginning: — 

Do  not  volunteer  a  visit  to  a  friend  in  the  country, 
or  in  another  town,  unless  you  have  had  what  is  called 
"a  standing  invitation,"  with  every  reason  to  believe 
that  it  was  sincerely  and  cordially  given.  Many  invi- 
tations are  mere  "words  of  course,"  without  meaning  or 
motive,  designed  only  to  make  a  show  of  politeness,  and 
not  intended  to  be  taken  literally,  or  ever  acted  upon. 
Even  when  convinced  that  your  friend  is  really  your 
fHend,  that  she  truly  loves  you,  has  invited  you  in  all 
sincerity,  and  will  be  happy  in  your  society,  still,  it  is 
best  to  apprize  her,  duly,  of  the  exact  day  and  hour 
when  she  may  expect  you;  always  with  the  proviso 
that  it  is  convenient  to  herself  to  receive  you  at  that 
time,  and  desiring  her  to  let  you  know,  candidly,  if  it 
is  not.  However  close  your  intimacy,  an  unexpected 
arrival  may  possibly  produce  inconvenience  to  your 
hostess ;  particularly  if  her  family  is  numerous,  or  her 
bedchambers  few.  The  case  is  somewhat  different, 
where  the  house  is  large,  and  where  there  is  no  scarcity 
of  apartments  for  guests,  of  servants  to  wait  on  them, 
or  of  money  to  furnish  the  means  of  entertaining  them 
liberally.  But  even  then,  the  time  of  arrival  should 
be  previously  intimated,  and  observed  as  punctually  as 
possible.  Such  are  now  the  facilities  of  travelling,  and 
the  rapidity  of  transmitting  intelligence,  that  there  is 
no  excuse  for  unexpected  or  ill-timed  visits ;  and  when 
unexpected,  they  are  too  frequently  ill-timed.  When 
attempted  as  "agreeable  surprises,"  they  are  seldom 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS. 


11 


very  agreeable  to  the  surprised.  Also  the  improvement 
in  manners  has  rendered  these  incursions  old-fashioned 
and  ungenteel.  Above  all,  never  volunteer  visits  to 
families  whose  circumstances  are  so  narrow  that  they 
can  ill  afford  the  expense  of  a  guest. 

Having  received  an  invitation,  reply  to  it  imme- 
diately; and  do  not  keep  your  friends  waiting,  day  after 
day,  in  uncertainty  whether  you  mean  to  accept  or 
decline  it ;  causing  them,  perhaps,  to  delay  asking  other 
visiters  till  J^hey  have  ascertained  if  you  are  to  be  ex- 
pected or  not. 

Excuse  yourself  from  accepting  invitations  from 
persons  whom  you  do  not  like,  and  whose  dispositions, 
habits,  feelings,  and  opinions  are  in  most  things  the 
reverse  of  your  own.  There  can  be  no  pleasure  in 
daily  and  familiar  intercourse  where  there  is  no  con- 
geniality. Such  visits  never  end  well ;  and  they  some- 
times produce  irreconcilable  quarrels,  or  at  least  a 
lasting  and  ill-concealed  coolness.  Though  for  years 
you  may  have  always  met  on  decent  terms,  you  may 
become  positive  enemies  from  living  a  short  time  under 
the  same  roof;  and  there  is  something  dishonourable 
in  laying  yourself  under  obligations  and  receiving 
civilities  from  persons  whom  you  secretly  dislike,  and 
in  whose  society  you  can  have  little  or  no  enjoyment. 

When  you  arrive,  take  occasion  to  mention  how 
long  you  intend  to  stay ;  that  your  hostess  may  plan 
her  arrangements  accordingly.  It  is  rude  and  incon- 
siderate to  keep  her  in  ignorance  of  the  probable 
duration  of  your  visit.  And  when  the  allotted  time 
has  expired,  do  not  be  persuaded  to  extend  it  farther, 


12 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


unless  you  are  earnestly,  and  with  undoubted  sincerity 
invited  to  do  so.  It  is  much  better  that  your  friends 
should  part  with  you  reluctantly,  than  you  should  give 
them  reason  to  wish  your  visit  shorter.  Even  if  it 
has  been  very  pleasant  on  both  sides,  it  may  not  con- 
tinue so  if  prolonged  too  far.  Take  care  of  wearing 
out  your  welcome.  Besides,  your  room  may  be 
wanted  for  another  guest. 

On  your  first  evening,  enquire  the  hours  of  the 
house,  that  you  may  always  be  ready  to  jj^omply  with 
them.  Rise  early  enough  to  be  washed  and  dressed  in 
time  for  breakfast ;  but  if  you  are  ready  too  early,  re- 
main in  your  own  apartment,  or  walk  about  the  garden, 
or  go  to  the  library  till  the  cleaning  or  arranging  of 
the  sitting-room  has  been  completed.  Meanwhile,  you 
can  occupy  yourself  with  a  book,  if  you  stay  in  your 
own  room. 

As  soon  as  you  quit  your  bed,  take  off  the  bed- 
clothes, (each  article  separately,)  and  spread  them 
widely  over  the  chairs,  turning  the  mattrass  or  bed  as 
far  down  as  it  will  go.  This  will  give  the  bedding 
time  to  air ;  and  in  all  houses  it  should  be  done  every 
morning,  the  whole  year  round.  Before  you  leave 
the  room,  raise  the  windows  as  high  as  they  will  go, 
(unless  it  should  be  raining,  or  snowing,)  that  the 
apartment  may  be  well  ventilated.  Fortunate  are 
those  who  have  been  accustomed  to  sleeping  always 
with  the  sash  more  or  less  open,  according  to  the 
v/eather,  or  the  season.  Their  health  will  be  much 
the  better  for  the  excellent  practice  of  constantly 
admitting  fresh  air  into  their  sieeping-room.    See  Dr. 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS. 


13 


Franklin's  essay  on  the  ''Art  of  Sleeping  well."  Mr. 
Combe,  who  has  written  copiously  on  this  subject,  says 
it  not  only  improves  the  health,  but  the  complexion ; 
and  that  ladies  who  follow  this  practice  continue  to 
look  young  long  after  those  who  sleep  in  close  rooms 
have  faded  and  shrivelled.  Except  in  a  very  unhealthy 
climate,  or  in  the  neighbourhood  of  marshes,  no  ex- 
ternal air  can  be  so  unwholesome,  or  productive  of 
such  baneful  effects  on  the  constitution,  as  the  same 
air  breathed  over  and  over  again  in  a  close  room,  and 
returning  continually  to  the  lungs,  till  before  morning 
it  becomes  unfit  to  be  breathed  at  all.  Sleeping  with 
the  windows  closed  in  a  room  newly  painted  has  pro- 
duced fatal  diseases.  To  some  lungs  the  vapour  of 
white  lead  is  poisonous.  To  none  is  it  quite  innoxious. 
Its  dangerous  properties  may  be  neutralized  by  placing 
in  newly-painted  rooms,  large  tubs  of  water,  into  each 
of  which  has  been  mixed  an  ounce  of  vitriol.  The 
tubs  must  be  set  near  the  walls,  and  the  water  and 
vitriol  renewed  every  day.  The  introduction  of  zinc- 
paint  promises  to  put  that  of  white  lead  out  of  use ; 
as  zinc  is  quite  as  cheap,  and  not  at  all  pernicious  to 
health. 

At  sleeping  hours  the  air  of  a  bedroom  should  be 
perfectly  free  from  all  scents,  either  pleasant  or  other- 
wise. Many  persons  cannot  sleep  with  flowers  in  their 
chamber,  or  with  any  sort  of  perfume.    It  is  best  not. 

If  when  on  a  visit,  you  find  that  the  chambermaid 
does  not  make  your  bed  so  that  you  can  sleep  com- 
fortably, show  her  how  to  do  it,  (privately,)  but  say 

nothing  to  your  hostess.    There  is  but  one  way  of 

2 


14 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


making  a  bed  properly;  and  yet  it  is  surprising  bow 
little  that  way  is  known  or  remembered.  First,  sbake 
up  the  bed  high  and  evenly;  turning  it  over,  and  see 
that  the  foot  is  not  higher  than  the  head.  If  there  is 
a  mattrass  above  the  bed,  turn  the  mattrass  half  up, 
and  then  half  down,  till  you  have  shaken  up  the  bed 
beneath.  Next  spread  on  the  under-sheet,  laying  it 
"svell  over  the  bolster  to  secure  it  from  dragging  down 
and  getting  under  the  shoulders.  However,  to  most 
beds  now,  there  is  a  bolster-case.  Then  tuck  in  the 
under-sheet,  well,  at  both  sides,  to  prevent  its  getting 
loose  and  disordered  in  the  night.  For  the  same 
reason,  tuck  in  the  upper-sheet,  well,  at  the  foot, 
leaving  the  sides  loose.  Tuck  in  the  blankets  at 
bottom,  but  not  at  the  sides.  Lay  the  counterpane 
smoothly  over  the  whole.  Turn  it  down  at  the  top ; 
and  turn  down  the  upper-sheet  above  it,  so  as  to 
conceal  the  blankets  entirely. 

Should  the  chambermaid  neglect  your  room,  or  be 
remiss  in  filling  your  pitchers,  or  in  furnishing  you 
with  clean  towels,  speak  to  her  on  the  subject  when 
alone.  She  will  hardly,  for  her  own  sake,  inform  her 
mistress  that  you  have  had  occasion  to  find  fault  with 
her;  unless  she  is  very  insolent  or  sulky,  she  will  say 
she  is  sorry,  and  will  promise  to  do  better  in  future. 
Complaining  to  her  mistress  of  these  neglects  will 
probably  give  olFence  to  the  lady,  who  may  be  of  that 
wayward  (though  too  common)  disposition  which  will 
allow  no  one,  except  herself,  to  find  any  deficiency 
in  her  servants.  As  mistresses  are  frequently  very 
touchy  on  these  points,  your  hostess  may  hint  that 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS.  15 

joui  statement  is  incredible,  and  that  ''no  one  ever 
complained  before."  Above  all  things,  avoid  letting 
her  know  that  you  have  found  or  felt  insects  in  your ' 
bed;  a  circumstance  that  may  chance  somiCtimes  to 
happen  even  in  the  best  kept  houses.  In  a  warm 
climate,  or  in  an  old  house,  the  utmost  care  and  the 
most  vigilant  neatness  cannot  always  prevent  it.  It 
may  be  caused  by  the  bringing  of  baggage  from  boats, 
or  ships,  and  by  servants  neglecting  their  own  beds ;  a 
too  common  practice  with  them,  unless  the  mistress  or 
her  housekeeper  compels  them  to  be  cleanly,  and  sees 
that  they  are  so. 

If  you  have  proof  positive  that  your  bed  is  not  free 
from  these  intolerable  nuisances,  confide  this  fact  to 
the  chambermaid  only,  and  desire  her  to  attend  to  it 
speedily.  She  will  do  so  the  more  readily,  if  you 
promise  her  a  reward  in  case  of  complete  success. 
Enjoining  her  to  manage  this  as  quietly  as  possible, 
and  to  say  nothing  about  it  to  any  one,  may  spare 
you  a  scene  with  your  hostess ;  who,  though  you  have 
always  regarded  her  as  your  warm  friend,  may,  not- 
withstanding, become  your  enemy  for  life,  in  conse- 
quence of  your  having  presumed  to  be  incommoded  in 
Aer  house,  where  "nobody  ever  complained  before." 
A  well-bred,  sensible,  good-tempered  woman  will  not, 
of  course,  take  offence  for  such  a  cause;  and  will 
believe  that  there  must  have  been  good  reason  for  the 
complaint,  rather  than  suppose  that  her  guest  and  her 
friend  would  mention  so  delicate  a  subject  even  to  a 
servant,  unless  there  was  positive  joroof.  And  she 
will  rightly  think  it  was  well  to  make  it  known,  and 


16 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


have  it  immediately  remedied.  But  all  women  who 
invite  friends  to  visit  them,  are  not  sensible  and  good- 
tempered.    Therefore,  take  care. 

For  similar  reasons,  should  a  servant  purloin  any 
article  belonging  to  you,  (and  servants,  considered 
quite  honest,  will  sometimes  pilfer  from  a  visiter  when 
they  would  hot  dare  to  do  so  from  their  mistress,)  it  is 
safest  to  pass  it  over,  unless  the  article  stolen  is  of 
consequence.  You  may  find  your  hostess  very  un- 
willing to  believe  that  a  servant  of  hers  could  possibly 
be  dishonest;  and  much  may  be  said,  or  evidently 
tliouglit^  that  will  be  very  painful  to  you,  her  guest. 

Notwithstanding  all  that  may  be  said  to  you  about 
"feeling  yourself  perfectly  at  home,"  and  "considering 
your  friend's  house  as  your  own,"  be  very  careful  not 
literally  to  do  so.  In  fact  it  is  impossible  you  should 
with  any  propriety — particularly,  if  it  is  your  first 
visit.  You  cannot  possibly  know  the  real  character 
and  disposition  of  any  acquaintance,  till  after  you 
have  had  some  experience  in  living  under  the  same 
roof.  If  you  find  your  hostess  all  that  you  can  desire, 
and  that  she  is  making  your  visit  every  way  agreeable, 
be  very  grateful  to  her,  and  let  her  understand  that 
you  are  exceedingly  happy  at  her  house;  but  avoid 
staying  too  long,  or  taxing  her  kindness  too  highly. 

Avoid  encroaching  unreasonably  upon  her  time. 
Expect  her  not  to  devote  an  undue  portion  of  it  to 
you.  She  Vfill  probably  be  engaged  in  the  superin- 
tendence of  household  affairs,  or  in  the  care  of  her 
young  children,  for  two  or  three  hours  after  breakfast. 
So  at  these  hours  do  not  intrude  upon  her, — but  amuse 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITEKS.   '  ^'  '  17 


yourself  with  some  occupation  of  your  own,  till  you 
see  that  it  is  convenient  to  the  family  for  you  to  join 
them  in  the  sitting-room.  In  summer  afternoons, 
retire  for  an  hour  or  more,  soon  after  dinner,  to  your 
own  apartment,  that  you  may  give  your  friends  an 
opportunity  of  taking  their  naps,  and  that  you  may  do 
the  same  yourself.  You  will  be  brighter  in  the  even- 
ing, from  indulging  in  this  practice;  and  less  likely 
to  feel  sleepy,  when  you  ought  to  be  wide  awake,  and 
ready  to  assist  in  entertaining  your  entertainers.  A 
silent  visiter,  Avhether  silent  from  dulness  or  indo- 
lence, or  a  habit  of  taciturnity,  is  never  an  agreeable 
one. 

Yet,  however  pleasant  the  conversation,  have  suffi- 
cient self-denial  to  break  off  in  seasonable  time,  so  as 
not  to  keep  the  family  up  by  continuing  in  the  parlour 
till  a  late  hour.  Some  of  them  may  be  tired  and 
sleepy,  though  you  are  not.  And  between  ten  and 
eleven  o'clock  it  is  well  to  retire.  _  ^: ' 

If  you  have  shopping  to  do,  and  are  acquainted 
with  the  town,  you  can  be  under  no  necessity  of 
imposing  on  any  lady  of  the  family  the  task  of 
accompanying  you.  To  shop  /or  others,  or  luitJi 
others,  is  a  most  irksome  fatigue.  Even  when  a 
stranger  in  the  place,  you  can  easily,  by  enquiring  of 
the  family,  learn  where  the  best  stores  are  to  be 
found,  and  go  to  them  by  yourself. 

While  you  are  a  guest  at  the  house  of  a  friend,  do 
not  pass  too  much  of  your  time  in  visitirg  at  other 
houses,  unless  she  is  with  you.  You  have  no  right  to 
avail  yourself  of  the  conveniences  of  eating  and  sleep- 


18 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


ing  at  her  mansion,  without  giving  her  and  her  family 
the  largest  portion  of  your  company. 

While  a  guest  yourself,  it  is  taking  an  unwarrantable 
liberty  to  invite  any  of  your  friends  or  relatives  to 
come  there  and  spend  a  day  or  days.* 

Refrain  from  visiting  any  person  with  whom  your 
hostess  is  at  enmity,  even  if  that  person  has  been  one 
of  your  own  intimate  friends.  You  will  in  all  proba- 
bility be  regarded  as  ''a  spy  in  the  camp."  There  is 
nothing  so  difficult  as  to  observe  a  strict  neutrality; 
and  on  hearing  both  sides,  it  is  scarcely  possible  not 
to  lean  more  to  the  one  than  to  the  other.  The  friend 
whose  hospitality  you  are  enjoying  will  soon  begin  to 
look  coldly  upon  you,  if  she  finds  you  seeking  the 
society  of  her  enemy;  and  she  may  evince  that  cold- 
ness whenever  you  come  home  from  these  visits. 
However  unjust  her  suspicions,  it  is  too  probable  she 
may  begin  to  think  that  you  are  drawn  in  to  make 
her,  and  her  house,  and  family,  subjects  of  conversation 
when  visiting  her  adversary;  therefore,  she  will  cease 
to  feel  kindly  toward  you.  If  you  understand,  soon 
after  your  arrival,  that  there  is  no  probability  of  a 
reconciliation,  send  at  once  a  concise  note  to  the  lady 
with  whom  your  hostess  is  at  variance ;  express  your 
regret  at  the  circumstance,  and  excuse  yourself  from 
visiting  her  while  you  remain  in  your  present  residence. 
This  note  should  be  polite,  short,  and  decisive,  and  so 
worded  as  to  give  no  offence  to  either  side ;  for,  before 


*  So  it  is  to  order  the  carriage  without  first  asking  permission 
of  your  hostess. 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS. 


19 


sending,  it  is  proper  for  you  to  show  it,  while  yet 
unsealed,  to  the  friend  with  whom  you  are  staying. 
And  then  let  the  correspondence  be  carried  no  further. 
The  lady  to  whom  it  is  addressed,  will  of  course 
return  a  polite  answer;  such  as  you  may  show  to 
your  hostess. 

It  is  to  be  presumed,  she  will  not  be  so  lost  to  all 
delicacy  and  propriety,  as  to  intrude  herself  into  the 
house  of  her  enemy  for  the  purpose  of  visiting  you. 
But,  if  she  does,  it  is  your  place  civilly  to  decline 
seeing  her.  A  slight  coolness,  a  mere  olience  on  a 
point  of  etiquette,  which,  if  let  alone,  would  die 
out  like  a  tinder-spark,  has  been  fanned,  and  blown 
into  a  flame  by  the  go-betweening  of  a  so-called  mutual 
friend.  We  repeat,  while  you  are  a  visiter  at  a  house, 
hold  no  intercourse  with  any  foe  of  that  house.  It  is 
unkind  and  disrespectful  to  the  family  with  whom  you 
are  staying,  and  very  unsafe  for  yourself. 

If  you  know  that  your  friends  are  hurried  with 
their  sewing,  or  with  preparations  for  company,  offer 
to  assist  them,  as  far  as  you  can.  But  if  you  are 
conscious  of  an  incapacity  to  do  such  things  well,  it  is 
better  to  excuse  yourself  by  candidly  saying  so,  than 
to  attempt  them  and  spoil  them.  At  the  same  time, 
express  your  willingness  to  learn,  if  permitted.  And 
you  may  learn,  while  staying  at  the  house  of  a  clever, 
notable  friend,  many  things  that  you  have  hitherto 
had  no  opportunity  of  acquiring. 

When  called  on  by  any  of  your  own  acquaintances, 
they  will  not  expect  you  to  ask  them  to  stay  to  tea. 


20 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


or  to  dinner.  That  is  the  business  of  jour  hostess — 
not  yours. 

If  you  are  a  young  lady  that  has  beaux,  remember 
that  you  haA^e  no  right  to  encourage  the  over-fre- 
quency of  their  visits  in  any  house  that  is  not  your 
home,  or  to  devote  much  of  your  time  and  attention 
to  flirtation  with  them.  Above  all,  avoid  introducing 
to  the  family  of  your  entertainers,  young  men  whom 
they  are  likely  in  any  respect  to  disapprove.  No 
stranger  who  has  the  feelings  of  a  gentleman,  will 
make  a  second  visit  to  any  house  unless  he  is  invited 
by  the  head  of  the  family,  and  he  v/ill  take  care  that 
his  visits  shall  not  begin  too  early,  or  continue  too 
late.  However  delightful  he  may  find  the  society  of 
his  lady-fair,  he  has  no  right  to  incommode  the  family 
v/ith  whom  she  is  staying,  by  prolonging  his  visits  to 
an  unseasonable  hour.  If  he  seems  inclined  to  do  so, 
there  is  nothing  amiss  in  his  fair-one  herself  hinting 
to  him  that  it  is  past  ten  o'clock.  Also,  there  should 
be  "a  temperance"  even  in  his  morning  calls.  It  is 
rude  in  a  young  lady  and  gentleman  to  monopolize 
one  of  the  parlours  nearly  all  the  forenoon — even  if 
they  are  really  courting — still  more  if  they  are  only 
pretending  to  court ;  for  instance,  sitting  close  to  each 
other,  and  whispering  on  subjects  that  might  be  dis- 
cussed aloud  before  the  whole  housOj  and  talked  of 
across  the  room. 

Young  ladies  noted  for  abounding  in  beaux,  are 
generally  rather  inconvenient  visiters ;  except  in  very 
spacious  houses,  and  in  gay,  idle  families.  They 
should  not  take  the  liberty  of  inviting  the  said  beaux 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS. 


21 


to  stay  to  dinner  or  to  tea.  Leave  that  civility  to 
the  head  of  the  house, — without  whose  invitation  no 
gentleman  ought  to  remain. 

It  is  proper  for  visiters  to  put  out  and  pay  for 
their  own  washing,  ironing,  &c.  Therefore,  carry 
among  your  baggage  two  clothes-bags;  one  to  be 
taken  away  by  the  laundress,  the  other  to  receive 
your  clothes  in  the  interval.  You  may  always  hear 
of  a  washerw^oman,  by  enquiring  of  the  servants  of 
the  house. 

On  no  consideration  question  the  servants,  or  talk 
to  them  about  the  family,  particularly  if  they  are 
slaves. 

Take  with  you  a  small  writing-case,  containing 
whatever  stationery  you  may  be  likely  to  want  during 
your  visit;  including  post-office  stamps.  Thus  you 
will  spare  yourself,  and  spare  the  family,  the  incon- 
venience of  applying  to  them  whenever  you  have 
occasion  for  pen,  ink,  paper,  &c.  If  you  have  no  ink 
with  you,  the  first  time  you  go  out,  stop  in  at  a 
stationer's  store,  and  buy  a  small  sixpenny  bottle 
that  will  stand  steadily  alone,  and  answer  the  purpose 
of  an  inkstand.  Also,  take  care  to  be  well  supplied 
with  all  sorts  of  sewing  articles.  There  are  young- 
ladies  who  go  from  home  on  long  visits,  quite  unpro- 
vided with  even  thimbles  and  scissors ;  depending  all 
the  time  on  borrowing.  Many  visiters,  though  very 
agreeable  in  great  things,  are  exceedingly  troublesome 
in  little  ones. 

Take  care  not  to  slop  your  washing-stand,  or  to  lay 
a  piece  of  wet  soap  upon  it.    Spread  your  wet  towels 


22 


THE  BEHAVIOUll  BOOK. 


carefully  on  tlie  towel-rail.  See  that  your  trunks  are 
not  placed  so  near  the  wall  as  to  injure  the  paper  or 
paint  when  the  lid  is  thrown  back. 

If,  when  travelling,  you  are  to  stop  but  one  night  at 
the  house  of  a  friend,  it  is  not  necessary,  for  that  one 
night,  to  have  all  your  baggage  carried  up-stairs, 
particularly  if  your  trunks  are  large  or  heavy.  Be- 
fore leaving  home,  put  into  your  carpet-bag  all  the 
things  you  will  require  for  that  night;  and  then  no 
other  article  of  your  baggage  need  be  taken  up  to 
your  chamber.  They  can  be  left  down-stairs,  in 
some  safe  and  convenient  place,  which  your  hostess 
will  designate.  This  will  save  much  trouble,  and 
preclude  all  the  injury  that  may  otherwise  accrue  to 
the  banisters  and  staircase-wall,  by  the  corners  of 
trunks  knocking  against  them.  It  is  possible  to  put 
into  a  carpet-satchel  (that  can  be  carried  in  your  own 
hand)  a  night-gown  and  night-cap,  (tightly  rolled,) 
with  hair-brush,  combs,  tooth-brush,  &c.  It  is  sur- 
prising how  much  these  hand-satchels  may  be  made 
to  contain,  when  packed  closely.  No  lady  or  gentle- 
man should  travel  without  one.  In  going  from  home 
for  one  night  only,  a  satchel  is,  freouently,  all  that  is 
requisite. 

On  concluding  your  visit,  tell  your  entertainers 
that  it  has  been  pleasant,  and  express  your  gratitude 
for  the  kindness  you  have  received  from  them,  and 
your  hope  that  they  will  give  you  an  opportunity 
of  returning  their  civilities.  Give  a  parting  gratuity 
to  each  of  the  servants — the  sum  being  according 
to  your  means,  and  to  the  length  of  your  visit. 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  VISITERS. 


23 


Give  this  to  eacli  servant  with  your  oiun  hands, 
going  to  them  for  the  purpose.  Do  not  tempt  their 
integrity,  by  intrusting  (for  instance)  to  the  chamber- 
maid the  fee  intended  for  the  cook.  She  may  dis- 
honestly keep  it  to  herself,  and  make  the  cook  believe 
that  you  were  "so  mean  as  to  go  away  without  leaving 
any  thing  at  all  for  her."  Such  things  have  happened, 
as  we  know.    Therefore,  give  all  your  fees  in  person. 

After  you  get  home,  write  very  soon  (within  two 
or  three  days)  to  the  friend  at  whose  house  you  have 
been  staying,  tell  her  of  your  journey,  &g.,  and  allude 
to  your  visit  as  having  been  very  agreeable. 

The  visit  over,  be  of  all  things  careful  not  to  repeat 
any  thing  that  has  come  to  your  knowledge  in  con- 
sequence, and  which  your  entertainers  would  wish  to 
remain  unknown.  While  inmates  of  their  house,  you 
may  have  unavoidably  become  acquainted  with  some 
particulars  of  their  way  of  living  not  generally  known, 
and  which,  perhaps,  would  not  raise  them  in  public 
estimation,  if  disclosed,  Havino;  been  their  s'uest, 
and  partaken  of  their  hospitality,  you  are  bound  in 
honour  to  keep  silent  on  every  topic  that  would  injure 
them  in  the  smallest  degree,  if  repeated.  Unhappily, 
there  are  ladies  so  lost  to  shame,  as,  after  making  a 
long  visit,  to  retail  for  the  amusement  of  their  cronies, 
all  sorts  of  invidious  anecdotes  concerning  the  family 
at  whose  house  they  have  been  staying;  adding  by 
way  of  corroboration — "I  assure  you  this  is  all  true, 
for  I  stayed  five  or  six  weeks  at  their  house,  and  had 
a  good  chance  of  knowing."  More  shame  then  to 
tell  it ! 


24 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Whatever  painful  discoveries  are  made  during  a 
visit,  should  be  kept  as  closely  secret  as  if  secrecy 
was  enjoined  by  oath.  It  is  not  sufficient  to  refrain 
from  '^mentioning  names."  No  clue  should  be  given 
that  could  possibly  enable  the  hearers  even  to  hazard 
a  guess. 


^  ,         CHAPTER  II. 

.  THE  VISITED. 

Having  invited  a  friend  to  pass  a  few  days  or 
weeks  at  your  house,  and  expecting  her  at  a  certain 
time,  send  a  carriage  to  meet  her  at  the  rail-road 
depot  or  the  steam-boat  wharf,  and  if  her  host  or 
hostess  goes  in  it,  so  much  the  better;  but  do  not 
take  the  children  along,  crowding  the  vehicle,  for  the 
sake  of  giving  them  a  ride.  Arriving  at  your  house, 
have  her  baggage  taken  at  once  to  the  apartment 
prepared  for  her,  and  when  she  goes  up-stairs,  send  a 
servant  with  her  to  unstrap  her  trunks.  Then  let  her 
be  left  alo7ie  to  arrange  her  dress.  It  is  to  be  sup- 
posed that  before  her  arrival,  the  mistress  of  the 
house  has  inspected  the  chamber  of  her  guest,  to  see 
that  all  is  right — that  there  are  two  pitchers  full  of 
fresh  water  on  the  stand,  and  three  towels  on  the  rail, 
(two  fine  and  one  coarse,)  with  a  china  mug  for  teeth- 
cleaning,  and  a  tumbler  to  drink  from;  a  slop  jar  of 
course,  and  a  foot-bath.     We  conclude  that  in  all 


THE  VISITED. 


25 


genteel  and  well-furnished  houses,  none  of  these  arti- 
cles are  wanting  in  every  bedroom.  On  the  mantel- 
piece a  candle  or  lamp,  with  a  box  of  lucifer  matches 
beside  it — the  candle  to  be  replaced  by  a  new  one 
every  morning  when  the  chambermaid  arranges  the 
room — or  the  lamp  to  be  trimmed  daily;  so  that  the 
visiter  may  have  a  light  at  hand  whenever  she  pleases, 
without  ringing  the  bell  and  waiting  till  a  servant 
brings  one  up. 

By-the-bye,  when  a  guest  is  expected,  see  previously 
that  the  bells  and  locks  of  her  room  are  in  order;  and 
if  they  are  not,  have  them  repaired. 

If  it  is  cold  weather,  let  her  find  a  good  fire  in  her 
room ;  and  the  shutters  open,  that  she  may  have  sufii- 
cient  light.  Also  an  extra  blanket,  folded,  and  laid 
on  the  foot  of  the  bed.  If  summer,  let  the  sashes  be 
raised,  and  the  shutters  bowed.  The  room  should 
have  an  easy  chair  with  a  heavy  foot-cushion  before 
it, — a  low  chair  also,  to  sit  on  when  shoes  and  stock- 
ings are  to  be  changed,  and  feet  washed.  In  a  spare 
chamber  there  should  be  both  a  mattrass  and  a 
feather-bed,  that  your  visiters  may  choose  which 
they  will  have  uppermost.  Though  you  and  all  your 
own  family  may  like  to  sleep  hard,  your  guests  may 
find  it  difficult  to  sleep  at  all  on  a  mattrass  with  a 
paillasse  under  it.  To  many  constitutions  hard  sleep- 
ing is  not  only  intolerable,  but  pernicious  to  health.  ^ 

Let  the  centre-table  be  furnished  Avith  a  writing- 
case  well  supplied  with  all  that  is  necessary,  the  ink- 
stand filled,  and  with  good  black  ink;  and  some  sheets 
of  letter-paper  and  note-paper  laid  near  it.  Also, 


26 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


some  books,  such  as  you  think  your  friend  will  like. 
Let  her  find,  at  least,  one  bureau  vacant;  all  the 
drawers  empty,  so  that  she  may  be  able  to  unpack  her 
muslins,  &c.,  and  arrange  them  at  once.  The  same 
with  the  wardrobe  or  commode,  so  that  she  may  have 
space  to  hang  up  her  dresses— the  press-closet,  like- 
wise, should  be  for  her  use  while  she  stays. 

By  giving  up  the  spare  bedroom  entirely  to  your 
visiter  you  will  very  much  oblige  her,  and  preclude 
the  necessity  of  disturbing  or  interrupting  her  by 
coming  in  to  get  something  out  of  drawers,  closets,  &c. 

Every  morning,  after  the  chambermaid  has  done 
her  duty,  (the  room  of  the  visiter  is  the  first  to  be  put 
in  order,)  the  hostess  should  go  in  to  see  that  all  is 
right.  This  done,  no  further  inspection  is  necessary 
for  that  day.  There  are  ladies  who,  when  a  friend  is 
staying  v/ith  them,  are  continually  slipping  into  her 
chamber  when  she  is  out  of  it,  to  see  if  the  guest  has 
done  nothing  amiss— such  as  moving  a  chair  to  suit 
her  own  convenience,  or  opening  a  shutter  to  let  in 
more  light,  at  the  possible  risk  of  hastening  imper- 
ceptibly the  fading  of  the  carpet.  There  are  families 
who  condemn  themselves  to  a  perpetual  twilight,  by 
living  in  the  dimness  of  closed  shutters,  to  the  great 
injury  of  their  eyes.  And  this  is  endured  to  retard 
awhile  the  fading  of  furniture  too  showy  for  comfort. 
We  have  seen  staircase-windows  kept  always  shut  and 
bolted,  (so  that  visiters  had  to  grope  their  way  in 
darkness,)  lest  the  small  portion  of  stair-carpet  just 
beneath  the  window  should  fade  before  the  rest. 

It  is  not  pleasant  to  be  a  guest  in  a  house  where 


THE  VISITED. 


27 


you  perceive  tliat  your  hostess  is  continually  and 
fretfully  on  the  watch,  lest  some  almost  imperceptible 
injury  should  accrue  to  the  furniture.  We  have 
known  ladies  who  were  always  uneasy  when  their 
visiters  sat  down  on  a  sofa  or  an  ottoman,  and  could 
not  forbear  inviting  them  to  change  their  seats  and 
take  chairs.  We  suppose  the  fear  was  that  the  more 
the  damask-covered  seats  were  used,  the  sooner  they 
would  wear  out.  Let  no  visiter  be  ^  rash  as  to  sit 
on  a  pier-divan  with  her  back  near  a  mirror.  The 
danger  is  imminent — not  only  of  breaking  the  glass 
by  inadvertently  leaning  against  it,  but  of  certainly 
fretting  its  owner,  with  uneasiness,  all  the  time. 
Children  should  be  positively  interdicted  taking  these 
precarious  seats. 

It  is  very  kind  and  considerate  to  enquire  of  your 
guest  if  there  is  any  dish,  or  article  of  food  that  she 
particularly  likes,  so  that  you  may  have  it  on  the 
table  while  she  stays ;  and  also,  if  there  is  any  thing 
peculiarly  disagreeable  to  her,  so  that  you  may  refrain 
from  having  it  during  her  visit.  A  well-bred  and 
sensible  woman  will  not  encroach  upon  your  kindness, 
or  take  an  undue  advantage  of  it,  in  this  respect  or 
any  other. 

For  such  deficiencies  as  may  be  avoided  or  remedied, 
refrain  from  making  the  foolish  apology  that  you 
consider  her  ''no  stranger" — and  that  you  regard  her 
''just  as  one  of  the  family."  If  you  invite  her  at  all, 
it  is  your  duty,  for  your  own  sake  as  well  as  hers,  to 
treat  her  well  in  every  thing.  You  will  lose  nothing 
by  doing  so. 


28 


THE  BEHAVIOITR  BOOK. 


If  she  desires  to  assist  you  in  sewing,  and  has 
brought  no  work  of  her  own,  you  may  avail  yourself 
of  her  offer,  and  employ  her  in  moderation — but  let  it 
be  in  moderation  only,  and  when  sitting  in  the  family 
circle.  When  alone  in  her  own  room,  she,  of  course, 
would  much  rather  read,  write,  or  occupy  herself  in 
some  way  for  her  own  benefit,  or  amusement.  There 
are  ladies  who  seem  to  expect  that  their  guests  should 
perform  as  muojb.  work  as  hired  seamstresses. 

Let  the  children  be  strictly  forbidden  to  run  into 
the  apartments  of  visiters.  Interdict  them  from 
going  thither,  unless  sent  with  a  message;  and  then 
let  them  be  made  to  understand  that  they  are  always 
to  knock  at  the  door,  and  not  go  in  till  desired  to  do 
so.  Also,  that  they  are  not  to  play  and  make  a 
noise  in  the  neighbourhood  of  her  room.  And  when 
she  comes  into  the  parlour,  that  they  are  not  to  jump 
on  her  lap,  put  their  hands  into  her  pockets,  or 
rummage  her  work-basket,  or  rumple  and  soil  her 
dress  by  clinging  to  it  with  their  hands.  [Neither 
should  they  be  permitted  to  amuse  themselves  by 
rattling  on  the  lower  keys  when  she  is  playing  on  the 
piano,  or  interrupt  her  by  teazing  her  all  the  time  to 
play  "for  them  to  dance."  All  this  we  have  seen, 
and  the  mothers  have  never  checked  it.  To  permit 
children  to  ask  visiters  for  pennies  or  sixpences  is 
mean  and  contemptible.  And,  if  money  is  given 
them  by  a  guest,  they  should  be  made  to  return  it 
immediately. 

Enquire  on  the  first  evening,  if  your  visiter  is 
accustomed  to  taking  any  refreshment  before  she 


THE  VISITED. 


29 


retires  for  the  night.  If  she  is,  have  something  sent 
up  to  her  room  every  night,  unless  your  own  family 
are  in  the  same  habit.  Then  let  sufficient  for  all  be 
brought  into  the  parlour.  These  little  repasts  are 
very  pleasant,  especially  at  the  close  of  a  long  winter 
evening,  and  after  coming  home  from  a  place  of 
public  amusement.  ^   /  '  ' 

To  "welcome  the  coming — speed  the  parting 
guest" — is  a  good  maxim.  So  when  your  visiter  is 
about  to  leave  you,  make  all  smooth  and  convenient 
for  her  departure.  Let  her  be  called  up  at  an  early 
hour,  if  she  is  to  set  out  in  the  morning.  Send  a  ser- 
vant up  to  strap  and  bring  down  her  trunks,  as  soon 
as  she  has  announced  that  they  are  ready;  and  see 
that  an  early  breakfast  is  prepared  for  her,  and  some 
of  the  family  up  and  dressed  to  share  it  with  her.  Slip 
some  cakes  into  her  satchel  for  her  to  eat  on  the  road, 
in  case,  by  some  chance,  she  should  not  reach  the  end 
of  her  journey  at  the  usual  hour.  Have  a  carriage 
at  the  door  in  due  time,  and  let  some  male  member 
of  the  family  accompany  her  to  the  starting-place 
and  see  her  olf,  attending  to  her  baggage  and  pro- 
curing her  tickets. 


3* 


30 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


CHAPTER  III. 

TEA  VISITERS. 

When  yoif  have  invited  a  friend  to  take  tea  with 
you,  endeavour  to  render  her  visit  as  agreeable  as 
you  can ;  and  try  by  all  means  to  make  her  comfort- 
able. See  that  your  lamps  are  lighted  at  an  early 
hour,  particularly  those  of  the  entry  and  stair-case, 
those  parts  of  the  house  always  becoming  dark  as 
soon  as  the  sun  is  down;  and  to  persons  coming  in 
directly  from  the  light  of  the  open  air,  they  always 
seem  darker  than  they  really  are.  Have  the  parlours 
lighted  rather  earlier  than  usual,  that  your  guest,  on 
her  entrance,  may  be  in  no  danger  of  running  against 
the  tables,  or  stumbling  over  chairs.  In  rooms  heated 
by  a  furnace,  or  by  any  other  invisible  fire,  it  is  still 
more  necessary  to  have  the  lamps  lighted  early. 

If  there  is  a  coal-grate,  see  that  the  fire  is  burning 
clear  and  brightly,  that  the  bottom  has  been  well- 
raked  of  cinders  and  ashes,  and  the  hearth  swept 
clean.  A  dull  fire,  half-choked  with  dead  cinders, 
and  an  ashy  hearth,  give  a  slovenly  and  dreary  aspect 
to  the  most  elegantly  furnished  parlour.  A  sufficiently 
large  grate,  (if  the  fire  is  well  made  up,  and  plenty  of 
fresh  coal  put  on  about  six  o'clock,)  will  generally 
require  no  further  replenishing  during  the  evenings 


TEA  VISITERS. 


31 


unless  the  weather  is  unusually  cold ;  and  then  more 
fuel  should  be  added  at  eight  or  nine  o'clock,  so  as  to 
make  the  room  comfortahle. 

In  summer  evenings,  let  the  window-sashes  be  kept 
up,  or  the  slats  of  the  venitian  blinds  turned  open,  so 
that  your  guest  may  find  the  atmosphere  of  the  rooms 
cool  and  pleasant.  There  should  always  be  fans 
(feather  or  palm-leaf)  on  the  centre-tables. 

The  domestic  that  attends  the  door  should  be 
instructed  to  show  the  guest  up-stairs,  as  soon  as  she 
arrives ;  conducting  her  to  an  unoccupied  apartment, 
where  she  may  take  off  her  bonnet,  and  arrange  her 
hair,  or  any  part  of  her  dress  that  may  require  change 
or  improvement.  The  ladv  should  then  be  left  to 
herself.  Nothing  is  polite  that  can  possibly  incom- 
mode or  embarrass — therefore,  it  is  a  mistaken  civility 
for  the  hostess,  or  some  female  member  of  the  family 
to  follow  the  visiter  up-stairs,  and  remain  with  her  all 
the  time  she  is  preparing  for  her  appearance  in  the 
parlour.  "We  have  seen  an  inquisitive  little  girl  per- 
mitted by  her  mother  to  accompany  a  guest  to  the 
dressing-table,  and  watch  her  all  the  while  she  was  at 
the  glass;  even  following  her  to  the  corner  in  which 
she  changed  her  shoes;  the  child  talking,  and  asking 
questions  incessantly.  This  should  not  be.  Let  both 
mothers  and  children  understand  that,  on  all  occasions, 
over-officiousness  is  not  politeness,  and  that  nothing 
troublesome  and  inconvenient  is  ever  agreeable. 

The  toilet-table  should  be  always  furnished  vrith  a 
clean  hair-brush,  and  a  nice  comb.  We  recommend 
those  hair-brushes  that  have  a  mirror  on  the  back,  so 


32 


THE  BEHAYIOUr.  BOOK. 


as  to  afford  tlie  lady  a  glimpse  of  tlie  back  of  her 
head  and  neck.  Better  still,  as  an  appendage  to  a 
dressing-table,  is  a  regular  hand-mirror,  of  suiScient 
size  to  allow  a  really  satisfactory  view.  These  hand- 
mirrors  are  very  convenient,  to  be  used  in  conjunction 
with  the  large  dressing-glass.  Their  cost  is  but 
trifling.  The  toilet-pincushion  should  always  have 
pins  in  it.  A  small  work-box  properly  furnished  with 
needles,  scissors,  thimble,  and  cotton-spools,  ought 
also  to  find  a  place  on  the  dressing-table,  in  case  the 
visiter  may  have  occasion  to  repair  any  accident  that 
may  have  happened  to  her  dress. 

For  want  of  proper  attention  to  such  things,  in  an 
ill-ordered,  though  perhaps  a  very  showy  establish- 
ment, we  have  known  an  expected  visiter  ushered  first 
into  a  dark  entry,  then  shown  into  a  dark  parlour 
with  an  ashy  hearth,  and  the  fire  nearly  out:  then, 
after  groping  her  vray  to  a  seat,  obliged  to  wait  till  a 
small  hand-lamp  could  be  procured  to  light  her  dimly 
up  a  steep,  sharp-turning  staircase ;  and  then,  by  the 
same  lamp,  finding  on  the  neglected  dressing-table  a 
broken  comb,  an  old  brush,  and  an  empty  pincushion, 
— or  (quite  as  probably)  nothing  at  all — not  to  men- 
tion two  or  three  children  coming  to  w^atch  and  stare 
at  her.  On  returning  to  the  parlour,  the  visiter  would 
probably  find  the  fire  just  then  making  up,  and  the 
lamp  still  unlighted,  because  it  had  first  to  be  trimmed. 
Meanwhile,  the  guest  commences  her  visit  with  an 
uncomfortable  feeling  of  self-reproach  for  coming 
too  early;  all  things  denoting  that  she  was  not 
expected  so  soon.    In  such  houses  everybody  comes 


•  TEA  VISITERS. 


33 


too  early.  However  late,  there  will  be  nothing  in 
readiness. 

The  hostess  should  be  in  the  parlour,  prepared 
to  receive  her  visiter,  and  to  give  her  at  once  a 
seat  in  the  corner  of  a  sofa,  or  in  a  fauteuil,  or  large 
comfortable  chair;  if  a  rocking-chair,  a  footstool  is 
an  indispensable  appendage.  Bj-the-bye,  the  dizzy 
and  ungraceful  practice  of  rocking  in  a  rocking-chair 
is  now  discontinued  by  all  genteel  people,  except 
when  entirely  alone.  A  lady  should  never  be  seen  to 
rock  in  a  chair,  and  the  rocking  of  a  gentleman  looks 
silly.  Rocking  is  only  fit  for  a  nurse  putting  a  baby 
to  sleep.  When  children  get  into  a  large  rocking- 
chair,  they  usuoJly  rock  it  over  backward,  and  fall 
out.  These  chairs  are  now  seldom  seen  in  a  parlour. 
Handsome,  stuffed  easy  chairs,  that  are  moved  on 
castors,  are  substituted — and  of  these,  half  a  dozen  of 
various  forms  are  not  considered  too  many. 

Give  your  visiter  a  fan  to  cool  herself,  if  the  room 
is  warm,  or  to  shade  her  eyes  from  the  glare  of  the 
fire  or  the  light — for  the  latter  purpose,  a  broad  hand- 
screen  is  generally  used,  but  a  palm-leaf  fan  will  do 
for  both.  In  buying  these  fans,  choose  those  whose 
handle  is  the  firm  natural  stem,  left  remaining  on  the 
leaf.  They  are  far  better  than  those  with  handles  of 
bamboo,  which  in  a  short  time  become  loose  and 
rickety. 

There  are  many  persons  who,  professing  never  to 
use  a  fan  themselves,  seem  to  think  that  nobody  can 
by  any  chance  require  one;  and  therefore  they 
selfishly  keep  nothing  of  the  sort  in  their  rooms. 


34 


THE  BEHAVIOUPv  BOOK. 


If,  in  consequence  of  dining  very  late,  you  are  in 
the  custom  of  also  taking  tea  at  a  late  hour — or 
making  but  slight  preparations  for  that  repast— waive 
that  custom  when  you  expect  a  friend  whom  you 
know  to  be  in  the  practice  of  dining  early,  and  who, 
perhaps,  has  walked  far  enough  to  feel  fatigued,  and 
to  acquire  an  appetite.  For  her  accommodation,  order 
the  tea  earlier  than  usual,  and  let  it  be  what  is  called 
"a  good  tea."  If  there  is  ample  room  at  table,  do 
not  have  the  tea  carried  round,~particularly  if  you 
have  but  one  servant  to  hand  the  w^hole.  It  is 
tedious,  inconvenient,  and  unsatisfactory.  There  is 
no  comfortable  way  of  eating  bread  and  butter,  toast, 
or  buttered  cakes,  except  when  seated  at  table.  When 
handed  round,  there  is  always  a  risk  of  their  greasing 
the  dresses  of  the  ladies — the  greasing  of  fingers  is  * 
inevitable^ — though  that  is  of  less  consequence,  now 
that  the  absurd  practice  of  eating  in  gloves  is  wisely 
abolished  among  genteel  people. 

Still,  if  the  company  is  too  numerous  for  all  to  be 
commodiously  seated  at  the  usual  family  table,  and  if 
the  table  cannot  be  enlarged — it  is  better  to  have  tea 
carried  round  by  tivo  servants,  even  if  an  extra  one  is 
hired  for  the  occasion,  than  to  crowd  your  guests 
uncomfortably.  One  person  too  many  will  cause 
inconvenience  to  all  the  rest,  however  the  hostess 
may  try  to  pass  it  off,  by  assuring  the  company  that 
there  is  quite  room  enough,  and  that  she  has  seen  a 
still  larger  number  seated  round  that  very  table. 
Every-body  knows  that  "what's  impossible  a'n't  true." 

In  setting  a  tea-table,  see  that  there  is  not  only 


TEA  VISITERS. 


enoiigli,  but  more  than  enough  of  cnps  and  saucers, 
plates,  knives  and  forks,  spoons,  napkins,  &c.  Let 
the  extra  articles  be  placed  near  the  lady  of  the 
house,— to  be  distributed,  if  wanted.  We  have  known 
families  who  had  the  means  and  the  inclination  to  be 
hospitable,  that  never  sat  down  to  table  without 
several  spare  covers,  as  the  French  call  them,  ready 
for  accidental  guests. 

Unless  you  have  domestics  on  whom  you  can  im- 
plicitly rely,  it  is  well  to  go  into  the  eating-room 
about  ten  minutes  before  the  announcement  of  tea, 
and  to  see  that  all  is  right;  that  the  tea  is  strong  and 
properly  made,  and  the  pot  (which  should  be  scalded 
twice)  is  not  filled  nearly  to  overflowing  with  a  super- 
abundance of  water.  The  practice  of  drowning  away 
all  the  flavour  of  the  tea  is  strangely  prevalent  with 
servants;  who  are  also  very  apt  to  neglect  scalding 
the  tea-pot;  and  who  do  not,  or  will  not,  remember 
that  the  kettle  should  be  boiling  hard  at  the  moment 
the  water  is  poured  on  the  tea — otherwise  the  infusion 
will  be  insipid  and  tasteless,  no  matter  how  liberally 
the  Chinese  plant  has  been  afi"orded. 

If  your  cook  is  not  habitually  a  good  coffee-maker, 
the  coffee  will  most  probably  be  sent  in  cold,  thick, 
and  weak — for  want  of  some  previous  supervision. 
Let  it  have  that  supervision. 

We  have  heard  of  tea-tables  (even  in  splendid 
establishments)  being  left  entirely  to  the  wzsmanage- 
ment  of  incompetent  or  negligent  servants;  so  that 
when  the  company  sat  down,  there  was  found  a 
leficiency  in  some  of  the  indispensable  appendages ; 


36         /  THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


such  as  spoons,  and  even  forks,  and  napkins — butter- 
knives  forgotten,  and  (worse  than  all)  cooking-butter 
served  in  mistake  for  the  better  sort.  By-tlie-bye, 
the  use  of  cooking-butter  should  be  abolished  in  all 
genteel  houses.  If  the  butter  is  not  good  enough  to 
eat  on  the  surface  of  cold  bread  or  on  warm  cakes,  it 
is  not  good  enough  to  eat  in  the  inside  of  sweet  cakes, 
or  in  pastry,  or  in  any  thing  else ;  and  is  totally  unfit 
to  be  mixed  with  vegetables  or  sauces.  The  use  of 
butter  is  to  make  things  taste  well ;  if  it  makes  them 
taste  ill,  let  it  be  entirely  omitted:  for  bad  butter  is 
not  only  unpalatable,  but  unwholesome.  There  are 
houses  in  which  the  money  wasted  on  one  useless 
bauble  for  the  drawing-room  would  furnish  the  family 
with  excellent  fresh  butter  for  a  whole  year — enough 
for  all  purposes. 

We  know,  by  ex2Jerience,  that  it  is  possible  to  make 
very  fine  butter  even  in  the  State  of  New  York,  and 
to  have  it  fresh  in  winter  as  in  summer,  though  not  so 
rich  and  yellow.  Let  the  cows  be  well  fed,  well 
sheltered,  and  kept  fat  and  clean — the  dairy  utensils 
always  in  perfect  order — churning  done  twice  or  thrice 
every  week — all  the  milk  worked  well  out — and  the 
butter  will  surely  be  good. 

If  cakes  for  tea  have  been  made  at  home,  and  they 
have  turned  out  failures,  (as  is  often  the  case  with 
home-made  cakes,  where  there  is  not  much  practice 
in  baking  them,)  do  not  have  them  brought  to  table 
at  all,  but  send  to  a  shop  and  get  others.  It  is  rude 
to  set  before  your  guests  what  you  know  is  unfit  for 
them  to  eat.    And  heavy,  tough,  ill-baked  things  are 


TEA  VISITERS. 


discreditable  to  any  house  Avliere  the  means  of  obtain- 
ing better  are  practicable. 

In  sending  for  cakes  to  a  confectioner,  do  not  a 
second  time  allow  him  to  put  you  off  with  stale  ones. 
This  many  confectioners  are  in  the  practice  of  doing, 
if  it  is  passed  over  without  notice.  Stale  cakes  should 
at  once  be  sent  back,  (with  a  proper  reproof,)  and 
fresh  ones  required.  Let  the  confectioner  with  whom 
you  deal,  understand  that  he  is  not  to  palm  off  his 
stale  cakes  upon  you^  and  that  you  will  not  keep  them 
when  sent.  You  will  then  find  that  fresh  ones  will 
generally  be  forthcoming.  It  is  always  well  to  send 
for  cakes  in  the  early  part  of  the  afternoon. 

Have  a  pitcher  of  ice-water  on  the  side-table,  and 
a  tumbler  beside  every  plate — as  most  persons  like  to 
Snish  with  a  glass  of  water. 

Do  not,  on  sitting  down  to  table,  inform  your  guest 
that  "you  make  no  stranger  of  her,"  or  that  you  fear 
she  will  not  be  able  to  ^'make  out"  at  your  plain 
table.  These  apologies  are  ungenteel  and  foolish. 
If  your  circumstances  will  not  allow  you  on  any  con- 
sideration to  make  a  little  improvement  in  your  usual 
family-fare,  your  friend  is,  in  all  probability,  aware 
of  the  fact,  and  will  not  wish  or  expect  you  to  incur 
any  inconvenient  expense  on  her  account.  But  if  you 
are  known  to  possess  the  means  of  living  well,  you 
ought  to  do  so ;  and  to  consider  a  good,  though  not  an 
extravagantly  luxurious  table  a.s  a  necessary  part  of 
your  expenditure.  There  is  a  vast  difference  between 
laudable  economy  and  mean  economy.  The  latter 
(whether  it  shows  itself  in  bad  food,  bad  fires,  bad 


88        .  '   '        THE  BEHAVIOUK  BOOK. 

lights,  bad  servants)  is  never  excused  in  persons  who 
dress  extravagantly,  and  live  surrounded  bj  costly 
furniture,  and  who  are  universally  known  to  be 
wealthy,  and  fully  able  to  alBford  comfort,  as  well  as 
show. 

If  you  invite  a  friend  to  tea,  in  whose  own  family 
there  is  no  gentlemen,  or  no  man-servant,  it  is  your 
duty  previously  to  ascertain  that  you  can  provide 
her  on  that  evening  with  an  escort  home:  and  in 
giving  the  invitation,  you  should  tell  her  so,  that  she 
may  know  on  what  to  depend.  If  you  keep  a 
carriage,  it  will  be  most  kind  to  send  her  home  in  it. 

Even  if  it  is  your  rule  to  have  the  entry-lamp 
extinguished  at  a  certain  hour,  let  your  servants 
understand  that  this  rule  must  be  dispensed  with,  as 
long  as  an  evening- visiter-  remains  in  the  house. 
Also,  do  not  have  the  linen  covers  put  on  the 
furniture,  and  the  house  audibly  shut  up  for  the 
night,  before  she  has  gone.  To  do  this  is  rude, 
because  she  cannot  but  receive  it  as  a  hint  that  she 
has  staid  too  long. 

If  your  visiter  is  obliged  to  go  home  with  no  other 
escort  than  your  servant-man,  apprize  him,  in  time, 
that  this  duty  will  be  expected  of  him;  desiring  that 
he  takes  care  to  be  at  hand  before  ten  o'clock. 

A  lady  that  has  no  escorf  whose  services  she  can 
command,  ought  not  to  make  unexpected  tea-visits. 
In  many  cases  these  visits  produce  more  inconvenience 
than  pleasure.  If  you  wish  to  ''take  tea  sociably" 
with  a  friend,  inform  her  previously  of  your  intention. 
She  will  then  let  you  know  if  she  is  disengaged  on 


TEA  VISITERS. 


S9 


that  evening,  or  if  it  is  in  any  way  inconvenient  to 
receive  you;  and  slie  vfill  herself  appoint  another 
time.  Generally,  it  is  best  not  to  volunteer  a  tea- 
visit,  but  to  wait  till  invited. 

If  you  are  engaged  to  take  tea  with  an  intimate 
friend,  who  assures  you  that  you  will  see  none  but 
the  family;  and  you  afterward  receive  an  invitation 
to  join  a  party  to  a  place  of  public  amusement,  which 
you  have  long  been  desirous  of  visiting,  you  may 
retract  your  first  engagement,  provided  you  send  an 
apology  in  due  time,  telling  the  exact  truth,  and 
telling  it  in  polite  terms.  Your  intimate  friend  will 
then  take  no  offence,  considering  it  perfectly  natural 
that  you  should  prefer  the  concert,  the  play,  or  the 
exhibition,  to  a  quiet  evening  passed  at  her  house  with 
no  other  guests.  But  take  care  to  let  her  know  as 
early  as  possible."^  And  be  careful  not  to  disappoint 
her  again  in  a  similar  manner. 

If  you  are  accustomed  to  taking  coffee  in  the 
evening,  and  have  an  insuperable  dislike  to  tea,  it  is 
best  not  to  make  an  unexr)ected  visit — or  at  least,  if 
3^ou  go  at  all,  go  early — so  as  to  allow  ample  time  for 
the  making  of  coffee — a  much  slower  process  than 
that  of  tea;  particularly  as  there  may  chance  to  be 
no  roasted  coffee  in  the  house.  Much  inconvenience 
has  been  caused  by  the  "sociable  visiting"  of  deter- 
mined coffee-drinkers.  It  is  very  easy  to  make  green 
or  black  tea  at  a  short  notice — but  not  coffee. 


*  Where  the  City-Post  is  to  be  depended  on,  a  note  can  always 
be  sent  in  that  way. 


40 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


In  inviting  ^'a  few  friends,"  which  means  a  small 
select  company,  endeavour  to  assort  them  suitably, 
so  as  not  to  bring  together  people  who  have  no 
community  of  tastes,  feelings,  and  ideas.  If  you  mix 
the  dull  and  stupid  with  the  bright  and  animated,  the 
cold  and  formal  with  the  frank  and  lively,  the  pro- 
fessedly serious  with  the  gay  and  cheerful,  the  light 
with  the  heavy,  and  above  all,  those  who  pride  them- 
selves on  high  birth  (high-birth  in  America?)  with 
those  who  boast  of  "belonging  to  the  people,"  none 
of  these  "few  friends"  will  enjoy  each  other's  society; 
the  evening  will  not  go  off  agreeably,  and  you  and 
the  other  members  of  your  family  will  have  the  worst 
of  it.  The  pleasantest  people  in  the  room  will  natu- 
rally cougregate  together,  and  the  task  of  entertaining 
the  unentertainable  will  devolve  on  yourself  and  your 
own  people. 

Still,  it  is  difficult  always  to  assort  your  company 
your  satisfaction  and  theirs.  A  very  charming 
lady  may  have  very  dull  or  very  silly  sisters.  An 
intelligent  and  refined  daughter  may  be  unfortunate 
in  a  coarse,  ignorant  mother,  or  a  prosing,  tiresome, 
purse-proud  father.  Some  of  the  most  delightful 
persons  you  may  wish  to  invite,  may  be  encumbered 
with  relations  totally  incapable  of  adding  any  thing 
to  the  pleasure  of  the  evening; — for  instance,  the 
numerous  automatons,  whom  we  must  charitably  be- 
lieve are  speechless  merely  from  diffidence,  and  of 
whom  we  are  told,  that  "if  we  only  knew  them,"  we 
'should  discover  them,  on  intimate  acquaintance,  to  be 
"quite  intelligent  people."     Perhaps  so.    But  we 


TEA  YISITERS. 


41 


cannot  help  thinking  that  when  a  head  is  fiiU  of  ideaSy 
some  of  them  will  involiintarilj  ooze  out  and  be 
manifest.  Diffidence  is  verj  becoming  to  young 
people,  and  to  those  who  are  new  to  the  world.  But 
it  is  hardly  credible  that  it  should  produce  a  painful 
taciturnity  in  persons  who  have  passed  from  youth 
into  maturity;  and  who  have  enjoyed  the  advantages 
of  education  and  of  living  in  good  society.  Still 
those  who,  as  the  French  say,  have  "a  great  talent 
for  silence,"  may  redeem  themselves  from  suspicion 
of  stupidity,  by  listening  attentively  and  understand- 
ingly.  A  good  talker  is  never  displeased  with  a  good 
hearer. 

We  have  often  met  with  young  ladies  from  whom 
it  was  scarcely  possible  for  one  of  their  own  sex 
to  extract  more  than  a  few  monosyllables  at  long 
intervals;  those  intervals  being  passed  in  dozing, 
rather  than  in  hearing.  And  yet,  if  any  thing  in  the 
shape  of  a  beau  presented  itself,  the  tongues  of  these 
"dumb  belles"  were  immediately  loosened,  and  the 
wheels  of  their  minds  commenced  running  as  glibly  as 
possible.  To  be  sure,  th  e  talk  amounted  to  nothins: 
definite;  but  still  they  did  talk,  and  often  became 
quite  lively  in  a  few  minutes.  Great  is  the  power  of 
beaux! 

To  return  to  the  tea-table. — Unless  you  are  posi- 
tively sure,  when  you  have  a  visiter,  that  she  drinks 
the  same  tea  that  is  used  in  your  own  family,  you 
should  have  both  black  and  green  on  the  table.  Either 
sort  is  often  extremely  disagreeable  to  persons  who 
take  thp  other.    Drinkers  of  green  tea,  for  instance^ 


42 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


have  generally  an  unconquerable  aversion  to  black, 
as  tasting  like  hay,  herbs,  &;c.  and  they  find  in  it  no 
refreshing  or  exhilarating  property.  In  some,  it 
produces  nausea.  Few,  on  the  other  hand,  dislike 
the  taste  of  good  green  tea,  but  they  assign  as  a 
reason  for  not  drinking  it,  that  it  is  supposed  from 
its  enlivening  qualities  to  affect  the  nerves.  Judge 
Bushrod  Washington,  who  always  drank  green,  and 
avoided  black,  said  that  "he  took  tea  as  a  beverage, 
not  as  a  medicine."  And  there  are  a  vast  number  of 
sensible  people  in  the  same  category.  If  your  guest 
is  a  votary  of  green  tea,  have  it  made  for  her,  in  time 
for  the  essence  of  the  leaves  to  be  well  drawn  forth. 
It  is  no  compliment  to  give  her  green  tea  that  is  weak 
and  washy.  And  do  not,  at  your  own  table,  be  so 
rude  as  to  lectui-e  her  upon  the  superior  wholesome- 
ness  of  black  tea.  For  more  than  a  century,  green 
tea  w^as  universally  drunk  in  every  house,  and  there 
was  th^n  less  talk  of  nervous  diseases  than  during  the 
reign  of  Souchong, — which,  by-the-bye,  is  nearly 
exploded  in  the  best  European  society. 

In  pouring  out,  do  not  fill  the  cups  to  the  brim. 
Always  send  the  cream  and  sugar  round,  that  each 
person  may  use  those  articles  according  to  their  own 
taste.  Also,  send  round  a  small  pot  of  hot  water, 
that  those  who  like  their  tea  weak  may  conveniently 
dilute  it.  If  tea  is  handed,  a  servant  should,  at  the 
last,  carry  round  a  water-pitcher  and  glasses. 

Whether  at  dinner  or  tea,  if  yourself  and  family 
are  in  the  habit  of  eating  fast,  (which,  by  the  way,  is  a 
very  bad  and  unwholesome  one,  and  justly  cited 


TEA  VISITERS. 


43 


against  us  by  our  English  cousins,)  and  you  see  that 
your  visiter  takes  her  food  deliberately,  endeavour, 
(for  that  time  at  least,)  to  check  the  rapidity  of  your 
own  mastication,  so  as  not  to  finish  before  she  has 
doift,  and  thus  compel  her  to  hurry  herself  uncom- 
fortably, or  be  left  alone  while  every  one  round  her  is 
sitting  unoccupied  and  impatient.  Or  rather,  let  the 
family  eat  a  little  more  than  usual,  or  seem  to  do  so, 
out  of  politeness  to  their  guest. 

When  refreshments  are  brought  in  after  tea,  let 
them  be  placed  on  the  centre-table,  and  handed  round 
from  thence  by  the  gentlemen  to  the  ladies.  If  there 
are  only  four  or  five  persons  present,  it  may  be  more 
convenient  for  all  to  sit  round  the  table — which  should 
not  b.  cleared  till  after  all  the  visiters  have  gone, 
that  the  things  may  again  be  oifered  before  the  de- 
partui'e  of  the  guests. 

If  a  friend  makes  an  afternoon  call,  and  you  wish 
her  to  stay  and  take  tea,  invite  her  to  do  so  at  once, 
as  soon  as  she  has  sat  down;  and  do  not  wait  till  she 
has  risen  to  depart.  If  she  consents  to  stay,  there 
will  then  be  ample  time  to  make  any  additional  pre- 
paration for  tea  that  may  be  expedient :  and  she  will 
also  know,  at  once,  that  you  have  no  engagement  for 
the  evening,  and  that  she  is  not  intruding  on  your 
time,  or  preventing  you  from  going  out.  If  you  are 
intimate  friends,  and  your  guest  is  disposed  to  have  a 
long  chat,  she  will  do  well  to  ask  you,  at  the  begin- 
ning, if  you  are  disengaged,  or  design  going  out  that 
afternoon. 

We  knew  a  very  sensible  and  agreeable  lady  in 


44 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Philadelphia,  who  liking  better  to  have  company  at 
home  than  to  go  out  herself,  made  a  rule  of  inviting 
every  day,  half  a  dozen  friends  (not  more)  to  take  tea 
with  her — -just  as  many  as  could  sit  round  the  table, 
"with  ample  room  and  verge  enough."  These  fri'^ds 
she  assorted  judiciously.  And  therefore  she  never 
asked  a  whole  family  at  once;  those  who  were  left 
out  understanding  that  they  would  be  invited  another 
time.  For  instance,  she  would  send  a  note  for  the 
father  and  mother  only — to  meet  another  father  and 
mother  or  two.  A  few  weeks  after,  a  billet  would 
come  for  the  young  people  only.  But  if  there  were 
several  young  people,  some  were  delayed — thus — "I 
wish  James  and  Eliza  to  take  tea  with  me  this  evening, 
to  meet  so-and-so.  Another  time  I  promise  myself 
the  pleasure  of  Edward's  company,  and  Mary's." 

This  distribution  of  invitations  never  gave  offence. 

Those  who  were  honoured  with  the  acquaintance  of 
such  a  lady  were  not  likely  to  be  displeased  at  so 
sensible  a  mode  of  receiving  them.  These  little  tea- 
drinkings  were  always  pleasant,  and  often  delightful. 
The  hostess  was  well  qualified  to  make  them  so. 

Though  the  refreshments  were  of  the  best  kind, 
and  in  sufficient  abundance,  and  the  fires,  lights,  &c. 
all  as  they  should  be,  there  was  no  ostentatious  dis- 
play, and  the  ladies  were  dressed  no  more  than  if 
they  were  spending  a  quiet  evening  at  home — party- 
finery  being  interdicted — also,  such  needle-work  as 
required  constant  attention  to  every  stitch. 

If  you  have  a  friend  who  is  in  somewhat  precarious 
health,  and  who  is  afraid  of  being  out  in  the  night 


TEA  VISITERS. 


45 


air,  or  who  lives  in  a  distant  part  of  the  town,  invite 
her  to  dinner,  or  to  pass  the  day,  rather  than  to  tea. 
She  will  then  be  able  to  get  home  before  twilight. 

There  is  in  Boston  a  very  fashionable  and  very 
distinguished  lady,  who,  since  her  return  from  Europe, 
has  relinquished  the  custom  of  giving  large  parties; 
and  now  entertains  her  friends  by,  almost  every  day, 
having  two  or  three  to  dine  with  her, — by  invitation. 
These  dinners  are  charming.  The  hour  is  according 
to  the  season-— earlier  in  winter,  later  in  summer — the 
guests  departing  before  dark,  and  the  lady  always 
having  the  evening  to  herself. 

We  know  a  gentleman  in  Philadelphia,  who  every 
Monday  has  a  family-dinner  at  his  house,  for  all  his 
children  and  grandchildren,  who  there  meet  and  enjoy 
themselves  before  the  eyes  of  the  father  and  mother, 
—a  friend  or  two  being  also  invited.  Nothing  can  be 
more  pleasant  than  to  see  them  all  there  together, 
none  staying  away— for  parents,  children,  sons-in- 
law,  daughters-in-law,  sisters-in-law,  brothers-in-law, 
are  all  at  peace,  and  all  meeting  in  friendship — un- 
happily, a  rare  case,  where  there  is  a  large  connec- 
tion, and  considerable  wealth. 

We  wish  that  social  intercourse  was  more  frequently 
conducted  on  the  plan  of  the  few  examples  above 
cited. 

Should  chance-visiters  come  in  before  the  family 
have  gone  to  tea,  let  them  at  once  be  invited  to  par- 
take o^that  repast ;  which  they  will  of  course  decline, 
if  they  have  had  tea  already.  In  a  well-provided 
house,  there  can  be  no  diffici^lty  in  adding  something 


46 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


to  the  family  tea-table,  which,  in  genteel  life,  should 
never  be  discreditably  parsimonious. 

It  is  a  very  mean  practice,  for  the  members  of  the 
family  to  slip  out  of  the  parlour,  one  by  one  at  a  time, 
and  steal  away  into  the  eating-room,  to  avoid  inviting 
their  visiter  to  accompany  them.  The  truth  is  always 
suspected  by  these  separate  exits,  and  the  length  of 
absence  from  the  parlour — and  is  frequently  betrayed 
by  the  rattle  of  china,  and  the  pervading  fumes  of  hot 
cakes.  How  much  better  to  meet  the  inconvenience 
(and  it  cannot  be  a  great  one)  by  decently  conducting 
your  accidental  guest  to  the  table,  unless  he  says  he 
has  already  taken  tea,  and  will  amuse  himself  with  a 
book  while  the  family  are  at  theirs. 

Casual  evening  visiters  should  avoid  staying  too 
late.  Ten  o'clock,  in  our  country,  is  the  usual  time 
to  depart,  or  at  least  to  begin  departing.  If  the  visit 
is  unduly  prolonged,  there  may  be  evident  signs  of 
irrepressible  drowsiness  in  the  heads  of  the  family, 
which,  when  perceived,  will  annoy  the  guest,  who  must 
then  feel  that  he  has  stayed  too  long — and  without 
being  able  to  excuse  himself  with  any  approach  to  the 
elegance  of  William  Spencer's  apology  to  the  charm- 
ing Lady  Anne  Hamilton. 

Too  late  T  stay'd — forgive  the  crime; 

Unheeded  flew  the  hours, 
For  noiseless  falls  the  foot  of  Time 

That  only  treads  on  flowers. 
Ah  !  who  with  clear  account  remarks 

The  ebbing  of  the  glass,  • 
When  all  its  sands  are  diamond  sparks, 

That  dazzle  as  they  pass ! 


• 


THE  ENTREE. 


47 


CHAPTER  IV. 

THE  ENTREE. 

A  LADY  is  said  to  have  the  entree  of  her  friend's 
room,  when  she  is  allowed  or  assumes  the  privilege  of 
entering  it  familiarly  at  all  times,  and  without  any 
previous  intimation — a  privilege  too  often  abused. 
In  many  cases,  the  visited  person  has  never  really 
granted  this  privilege,  (and  after  growing  wise  by 
experience,  she  rarely  will ;)  but  the  visiter,  assuming 
that  she  herself  must,  under  all  circumstances,  be 
welcome,  carries  her  sociability  so  far  as  to  become 
troublesome  and  inconvenient.  Consequently,  their 
friendship  begins  to  abate  in  its  warmth.  No  one 
likes  to  be  annoyed,  or  be  intruded  on  at  all  hours. 
So  the  visited  begins  to  think  of  the  adage,  "My  room 
is  my  castle,"  and  the  visiter  finds  that  seeing  a  friend 
under  all  circumstances  somewhat  diminishes  respect, 
and  that  "familiarity  brings  contempt." 

There  are  few  occasions  on  which  it  is  well,  on 
entering  a  house,  to  run  directly  to  the  chamber  of 
your  friend,  and  to  bolt  into  her  room  without  knock- 
ing; or  the  very  instant  after  knocking,  before  she 
has  time  to  desire  you  to  enter,  or  to  make  the 
slightest  arrangement  for  your  reception.  You  may 
find  her  washing,  or  dressing,  or  in  bed,  or  even 


48 


THE  EEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


engaged  in  repairing  clothes, — or  tlie  room  maj  be  in 
great  disorder,  or  the  chambermaid  in  the  act  of 
cleaning  it.  No  one  likes  unseasonable  interruptions, 
even  from  a  very  dear  friend.  That  friend  would  be 
dearer  still,  if  she  had  sufficient  tact  and  consideration 
to  refrain  from  causing  these  annoyances.  Also, 
friendships  are  not  always  lasting — particularly  those 
that  become  inordinately  violent,  and  w^here  both 
parties,  by  their  excessive  intimacy,  put  themselves 
too  much  into  each  other's  power.  Very  mortifying 
disclosures  are  sometimes  made  after  a  quarrel,  be- 
tween two  Hermias  and  Helenas,  when  recrimination 
begins  to  come,  and  mutual  enmity  takes  the  place  of 
mutual  kindness. 

A  familiar  visit  will  alvfays  begin  more  pleasantly, 
if  the  visiter  enquires  of  the  servant  at  the  door  if 
the  lady  she  wishes  to  s5e  is  at  home,  and  then  goes 
into  the  parlour,  and  stays  there  till  she  has  sent  her 
name,  and  ascertained  that  she  can  be  received  up- 
stairs.* Then  (and  not  till  then)  let  her  go  to  her 
friend's  room,  and  still  remember  to  knock  at  the  door 
before  she  enters.  Let  her  have  patience  till  her 
friend  bids  her  come  in,  or  has  time  to  rise,  cross  the 
room,  and  come  to  open  the  door,  if  it  is  fastened. 

It  is  extremely  rude,  on  being  admitted  to  a  private 
apartment,  to  look  curiously  about,  as  if  taking  an 
inventory  of  all  that  is  to  be  seen.  We  have  known 
ladies  whose  eyes  were  all  the  time  gazing  round,  and 

*  If  the  visiter  has  been  properly  announced,  a  well-trained 
servant  will,  in  all  probability,  run  up  before  her,  and  open  the 
room-i<>ijT. 


THE  ENTREE. 


49 


even  slily  peering  under  tables,  sofas,  &c. ;  turning 
their  heads  to  look  after  every  person  who  chanced  to 
be  moving  about  the  room,  and  giving  particular 
attention  to  whatever  seemed  to  be  in  disorder  or  out 
of  place.  Nay,  we  have  known  one  who  prided  her- 
self upon  the  gentility  of  her  forefathers  and  fore- 
mothers,  rise  from  her  seat  when  her  hostess  opened 
a  bureau-drawer,  or  a  closet-door,  and  cross  the  room, 
to  stand  by  and  inspect  the  contents  of  said  bureau 
or  closet,  while  open — a  practice  very  common  with 
ill-taught  children,  but  which  certainly  should  be 
rebuked  out  of  them  long  before  they  are  grown  up. 

Make  no  remark  upon  the  work  in  which  you  find 
your  friend  engaged.  If  she  lays  it  aside,  desire  her 
not  to  quit  it  because  of  your  presence ;  but  propound 
no  questions  concerning  it.  Do  not  look  over  her 
books,  and  ask  to  borrow  them.  In  short,  meddle 
with  nothing. 

Some  ladies  never  enter  the  room  of  an  intimate 
friend  without  immediately  exclaiming  against  its  heat 
or  its  cold — seldom  the  latter,  but  very  frequently  the 
former,  as  it  is  rather  fashionable  to  be  always  too 
warm;  perhaps  because  it  makes  them  seem  younger. 
If  they  really  are  uncomfortably  warm  on  a  very  cold 
day,  we  think  it  can  only  be  from  the  glow  produced 
by  the  exercise  of  walking.  This  glow  must  naturally 
subside  in  a  few  minutes,  if  they  would  sit  down  and  ^ 
wait  with  a  little  patience,  or  else  avail  themselves  of 
the  fan  which  ought  to  be  at  hand  in  every  room. 
We  have  known  ladies  of  this  warm  temperament,  who 
had  sufficient  consideration  always  to  carry  a  pocket- 


50 


THE  BEHAVIOUU  BOOK, 


fan  in  winter  as  well  as  snmmer.  This  is  far  better 
than  to  break  out  instantly  with  a  complaint  of  the 
heat  of  the  room;  or  to  run  and  throw  up  a  window- 
sash,  or  fling  open  the  door,  at  the  risk  of  giving  cold 
to  others.  No  intimacy  can  authorize  these  freedoms 
in  a  cold  day,  unless  permission  has  first  been  asked, 
and  sincerely  granted. 

If  you  are  perfectly  certain  that  you  have  really 
the  entree  of  your  friend's  room,  and  even  if  she  has 
the  same  of  yours,  you  have  no  right  ever  to  extend 
that  privilege  to  any  other  person  who  may  chance  to 
be  with  you  when  you  go  to  see  her.  It  is  taking  an 
unjustifiable  liberty  to  intrude  a  stranger  upon  the 
privacy  of  her  chamber.  If  another  lady  is  with  you, 
waive  your  privilege  of  entree  for  that  time,  take  your 
companion  into  the  parlour,  and  send  up  the  names 
of  both,  and  do  not  say,  "  Oh !  come  up,  come  up — I 
am  on  no  ceremony  with  her,  and  I  am  sure  she  will 
not  mind  you.''  And  how  can  you  be  sure  ?  Perhaps 
in  reality,  she  will  mind  her  very  much,  and  be 
greatly  discomfited,  though  too  polite  to  appear  so. 

There  are  certain  unoccupied  females  so  over- 
friendly  as  to  take  the  entre^  of  the  whole  house. 
These  are,  generally,  ultra-neighbourly  neighbours, 
who  run  in  at  all  hours  of  the  day  and  evening; 
ferret  out  the  ladies  of  the  family,  wherever  they  may 
be — ^up-stairs  or  down;  watch  all  their  proceedings 
when  engaged,  like  good  housewives,  in  inspecting  the 
attics,  the  store-rooms,  the  cellars,  or  the  kitchens. 
Never  for  a  moment  do  they  seem  to  suppose  that 
their  hourly  visits  may  perhaps  be  inconvenient  or 


THE  ENTREE. 


51 


unseasonable,  or  too  selfish  to  abate  tlieir  frequency, 
even  when  thej  suspect  them  to  be  so,  theseinveterate 
sociablists  make  their  incursions  at  all  avenues.  If 
they  find  that  the  front-door  is  kept  locked,  they  glide 
down  the  area-steps,  and  get  in  through  the  basement. 
Or  else,  they  discover  some  back-entrance,  by  which 
they  can  slip  in  at  "the  postern-gate" — that  is,  alley- 
wise: — sociablists  are  not  proud.  At  first,  the  socia- 
blist  will  say,  on  making  her  third  or  fourth  appear- 
ance for  the  day,  "Who  comes  to  see  you  oftener 
than  I?"  But  after  awhile  even  this.faint  shadow  of 
an  apology  is  omitted — or  changed  to  "Nobody  minds 
me.''  She  is  quite  domesticated  in  your  house — an 
absolute  hahitue.  She  sees  all,  hears  all,  knows  all 
your  concerns.  Of  course  she  does.  Her  talk  to  you 
is  chiefly  gossip,  and  therefore  her  talk  about  you  is 
chiefly  the  same.  She  is  aii-fait  of  every  thing  con- 
cerning your  table,  for  after  she  has  had  her  dinner 
at  her  own  home,  she  comes  bolting  into  your  dining- 
room  and  "sits  by,"  and  sees  you  eat  yours.  It  is 
well  if  she  does  not  begin  with  "a  look  in"  upon  you 
before  breakfast.  She  finds  out  everybody  that 
comes  to  your  house;  knows  all  your  plans  for  going 
to  this  place  or  that;  is  well  acquainted  with  every 
article  that  you  wear ;  is  present  at  the  visits  of  all 
your  friends,  and  hears  all  their  conversation.  Her 
own  is  usually  "an  infinite  deal  of  nothing." 

A  sociablist  is  commonly  what  is  called  good- 
natured,  or  else  you  would  not  endure  her  at  all — and 
you  believe,  for  a  time,  that  she  really  has  an  extra- 
ordinary liking  for  you.    After  awhile,  you  arc  unde- 


52 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


ceived.  A  coolness  ensues,  if  not  a  quarrel,  and  you 
are  glad  to  find  that  she  carries  her  sociability  to 
another  market,  and  that  a  new  friend  is  now  suffering 
all  that  you  have  experienced.  To  avoid  the  danger 
of  being  overwhelmed  by  the  sociability  of  an  idle 
neighbour,  discourage  the  first  indications  of  undue 
intimacy,  by  making  your  own  visits  rather  few,  and 
rather  far  between.  A  young  lady  of  good  sense, 
and  of  proper  self-respect,  will  never  be  too  lavish  of 
her  society;  and  if  she  has  pleasant  neighbours,  will 
visit  them  always  in  moderation.  And  their  friend- 
ship will  last  the  longer. 


CHAPTER  V. 

INTRODUCTIONS. 

Fashion,  in  its  various  unmeaning  freaks,  sometimes 
decrees  that  it  is  not  "stylish  to  introduce  strangers." 
But  this  is  a  whim  that,  whenever  attempted,  has 
neither  become  general  nor  lasted  long.  It  has  seldom 
been  adopted  by  persons  of  good  sense  and  good 
manners — and  very  rarely  by  that  fortunate  class 
whose  elevated  standing  in  society  enables  them  to 
act  as  they  please,  in  throwing  aside  the  fetters  of 
absurd  conventionalities,  and  who  can  afford  to  do  so. 

Non-introduction  has  been  found,  in  many  instances, 
to  produce  both  inconvenience  and  vexation.  Per- 
sons who  had  long  known  each  other  by  reputation, 


INTKODUCTIONS. 


53 


and  who  would  have  rejoiced  in  an  opportunity  of 
becoming  personally  acquainted,  have  met  in  society, 
without  being  aware  of  it  till  afterward;  and  the 
opportunity  has  never  recurred.  One  of  our  most 
distinguished  literary  Americans  was  seated  at  a  dinner- 
party next  to  an  European  lady  equally  distinguished 
in  literature;  but  as  there  were  no  introductions,  he 
was  not  aware  of  her  presence  till  the  party  was  over 
and  the  lady  gone.  The  lady  knew  who  the  gentle- 
man was,  and  would  gladly  have  conversed  with  him ; 
but  as  he  did  not  speak,  because  he  was  not  intro- 
duced, she  had  not  courage  to  commence — though  she 
might  have  done  so  with  perfect  propriety,  considering 
who  lie  was,  and  who  she  was. 

Still  worse — from  not  knowing  who  are  present, 
you  may  inadvertently  fall  upon  a  subject  of  conversa- 
tion that,  for  private  reasons,  may  be  extremely  irk- 
some or  painful  to  some  of  the  company ;  for  instance, 
in  discussing  a  public  character.  Severe  or  mortifying 
remarks  may  unintentionally  be  made  on  the  near 
relative,  or  on  the  intimate  companion,  of  one  whom 
you  would  on  no  account  desire  to  offend.  And  in 
this  way  you  may  make  enemies,  where,  under  other 
circumstances,  you  would  have  made  friends.  In  such 
cases,  it  is  the  duty  of  the  hostess,  or  of  any  mutual 
acquaintance,  immediately  to  introduce  both  parties, 
and  thus  prevent  any  further  animadversions  that 
may  be  mal-a-propos,  or  in  any  way  annoying.  It  is 
safest,  when  among  strangers,  to  refrain  from  bitter 
animadversions  on  anybody. 

In  introducing  a  gentleman  to  a  lady,  address  her 
5* 


54 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


j&rst,  as  for  instance — "Miss  Smith,  permit  me  to 
make  you  acquainted  with  Mr.  Jones" — or,  "Mrs. 
Farley,  allow  me  to  present  Mr.  Wilson" — that  is, 
you  must  introduce  the  gentleman  to  the  lady,  rather 
than  the  lady  to  the  gentleman.  Also,  if  one  lady  is 
married  and  the  other  single,  present  the  single  lady 
to  the  matron,  as — "Miss  Thomson,  let  me  introduce 
you  to  Mrs.  Williams."'^ 

In  introducing  a  foreigner,  it  is  proper  to  present 
him  as  "Mr.  Howard  from  England" — "Mr.  Dupont 
from  France" — "Mr.  Wenzel  from  Germany."  If 
you  know  of  what  European  city  he  is  a  resident,  it  is 
better  still,  to  say  that  he  is  "from  London," — 
"Paris," — "Hamburg."  Likewise,  in  introducing 
one  of  your  own  countrymen  very  recently  returned 
from  a  distant  part  of  the  world,  make  him  known  as 
"Mr.  Davis,  just  from  China"— "Mr.  Edwards,  lately 
from  Spain" — "Mr.  Gordon,  recently  from  South 
America."  These  slight  specifications  are  easily 
made ;  and  they  afford,  at  once,  an  opening  for  con- 
versation between  the  two  strangers,  as  it  will  be 
perfectly  natural  to  ask  "the  late  arrived"  something 
about  the  country  he  has  last  visited,  or  at  least 
about  his  voyage. 

When  presenting  a  member  of  Congress,  mention 
the  State  to  which  he  belongs,  as,  "Mr.  Hunter  of 
Virginia"— "Mr.  Chase  of  Ohio,"  &c.  Recollect  that 
both  senators  and  gentlemen  of  the  house  of  repre- 

^  It  is  well  to  present  a  lady  or  gentleman  from  another  city, 
as  "Miss  Ford  of  New  York" — "Mrs.  Stephens  of  Boston" — 
"  Mr.  Warren  of  New  Orleans." 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


65 


sentatives  are  members  of  Congress— Congress  in- 
cluding the  two  legislative  bodies.  In  introducing  a 
governor,  designate  tlie  state  he  governs— as,  ''Gover- 
nor Penington  of  New  Jersey."  For  the  chief 
magistrate  of  the  republic,  say  simply^"  The  Presi- 
dent." 

In  introducing  an  officer,  tell  always  to  which  ser- 
vice he  belongs — as  "Captain  Turner  of  the  Navy" — 
"  Captain  Anderson  of  the  Army," 

We  regret  the  custom  of  continuing  to  give  military 
titles  to  militia  officers.  Foreigners  are  justly  diverted 
at  finding  soi-disant  generals  and  colonels  among  men 
who  fill  very  subordinate  stations  in  civil  life — men 
that,  however  respectable  in  their  characters,  may  be 
deficient  in  the  appearance,  manners,  or  education 
that  should  belong  to  a  regular  officer.  This  foolish 
practice  can  only  be  done  away  by  the  militia  officers 
themselves  (those  that  really  are  gentlemen — and 
there  are  many)  magnanimously  declining  to  be  called 
generals,  colonels,  &c.  except  on  parade  occasions; 
and  when  actually  engaged  in  militia  duty.  Let  them 
omit  these  titles  on  their  cards,  and  request  that  no 
letters  be  directed  to  them  with  such  superscriptions ; 
and  that  in  introductions  or  in  conversation  they  may 
be  only  addressed  as  plain  Mr.  It  is  still  more  absurd 
to  continue  these  military  titles  long  after  they  have 
ceased  to  hold  the  office, — and  above  all,  to  persist  in 
them  when  travelling  in  foreign  countries,  tacitly 
permitting  it  to  be  supposed  that  they  own  commissions 
in  the  regular  service. 

English  tourists  (even  when  they  know  better) 


56 


THE  BEIIAVIOUH  BOOK. 


make  this  practice  a  handle  for  prt  tending,  in  their 
books,  that  the  officers  of  the  American  army  are  so 
badly  paid,  or  so  eager  to  make  additional  money, 
that  they  exercise  all  sorts  of  trades,  and  engage  in 
the  humblest  occupations  to  help  themselves  along. 
They  tell  of  seeing  a  captain  stitching  coats,  a  major 
making  shoes,  a  colonel  driving  a  stage,  and  a  general 
selling  butter  in  market — sneeringly  representing  them 
as  regular  officers  of  the  United  States  army.  Is  it 
true  that  we  republicans  have  such  a  hankering  after 
titles?  If  so,  "reform  it  altogether."  And  let  one 
of  the  first  steps  be  to  omit  the  "Esq."  in  directing  a 
letter  to  an  American  citizen,  for  whom  the  title  can 
have  no  meaning.  In  England  it  signifies  the  pos- 
sessor of  an  estate  in  the  country,  including  the  office 
of  justice  of  peace.  In  America,  it  means  a  magis- 
trate only.  We  may  live  in  a  city,  and  own  not  an 
inch  of  ground  anywhere.  But  why  should  all 
manner  of  men,  of  all  trades,  and  professions,  expect 
to  see  an  "Esq."  after  their  name,  when  with  reference 
to  tliem,  it  can  have  no  rational  application  ? 

An  introduction  should  always  be  given  in  a  distinct 
and  audible  voice,  so  that  the  name  may  be  clearly 
understood.  The  purpose  is  defeated,  if  it  is  mur- 
mured over  in  so  low  a  tone  as  to  be  unintelligible. 
And  yet  how  often  is  this  the  case ;  for  what  reason 
it  is  difficult  to  divine.  It  is  usual  for  the  introducee 
to  repeat  the  name  of  the  introduced.  This  will  prove 
that  it  has  really  been  heard.  For  instance,  if  Mrs. 
Smith  presents  Miss  Brook  to  Miss  Miles,  Miss  Miles 
immediately  says,  "Miss  Brook" — or  better  still— 


INTEODUCTIONSc 


6T 


''Miss  Brook,  I  am  glad  to  meet  you,"  or  something 
similar.    Miss  Miles  then  begins  a  talk. 

If  you  introduce  yourself  to  a  lady  whom  you  "vyisli 
to  know,  but  who  does  not  know  you^  address  her  by 
her  name,  express  your  desire  to  make  her  acquaint- 
ance, and  then  give  her  your  card.  Replying  that  it 
affords  her  pleasure  to  meet  you,  she  will  give  you  her 
hand,  and  commence  a  conversation,  so  as  to  put  you 
quite  at  ease  after  your  self-introduction. 

In  introducing  members  of  your  own  family,  always 
mention,  audibly,  the  name.  It  is  not  sufficient  to 
say  ''my  father,"  or  "my  mother"-^" my  son," 
*'my  daughter" — "my  brother,"  or  "my  sister." 
There  may  be  more  than  one  surname  in  the  same 
family.  But  say,  "my  father,  Mr.  Warton," — "my 
daughter.  Miss  Wood" — or  "my  daughter-in-law,  Mrs. 
Wood" — "my  sister.  Miss  Mary  Ramsay" — "my  bro- 
ther, Mr.  James  Ramsay,"  &c.  It  is  best  in  all  these 
things  to  be  explicit.  The  eldest  daughter  is  usually 
introduced  by  her  surname  only — as  "Miss  Bradford" 
— her  younger  sisters,  as  "Miss  Maria  Bradford" — 
"Miss  Harriet  Bradford." 

In  presenting  a  clergyman,  put  the  word  "Reve- 
rend" before  his  name — unless  he  is  a  bishop,  and  then, 
of  course,  the  word  "Bishop"  suffices.  The  head  of  a 
college-department  introduce  as  "Professor" — audit 
is  to  them  only  that  the  title  properly  belongs, 
though  arrogated  by  all  sorts  of  public  exhibitors, 
mesmerists,  and  jugglers  included. 

Where  the  company  is  large,  the  ladies  of  the  house 
sliould  have  tact  enough  to  avoid  introducing  and 


58 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


placing  together  persons  who  cannot  possibly  assimi- 
late, or  take  pleasure  in  each  other's  society.  The 
dull,  and  the  silly,  will  be  far  happier  with  their  com- 
peers. To  a  woman  of  talent,  and  a  good  conversa- 
tionist, it  is  a  cruelty  to  put  her  unnecessarily  in 
contact  with  stupid,  or  unmeaning  people.  She  is 
wasted  and  thrown  away  upon  such  as  are  neither 
amusing  nor  amusable.  Neither  is  it  well  to  bring 
together  a  gay,  lively  woman  of  the  world,  and  a 
solemn,  serious,  repulsive  dame,  who  is  a  contemner 
of  the  world  and  all  its  enjoyments.  There  can  be  no 
conversation  that  is  mutually  agreeable,  between  a 
real  lady  of  true  delicacy  and  refinement,  and  a  so- 
called  lady  whose  behaviour  and  talk  are  coarse  and 
vulgar, — or  between  a  woman  of  highly  cultivated 
mind,  and  one  who  is  grossly  ignorant  of  every  thing 
connected  with  books,  and  who  boasts  of  that  igno- 
rance. We  have  heard  a  lady  of  fashion  say,  "Thank 
God,  I  never  read."  The  answer  might  well  have 
have  been,  "You  need  not  tell  us  that." 

In  inviting  but  a  small  company,  it  is  indispensable 
to  the  pleasure  of  all,  that  you  ask  none  who  are 
strikingly  unsuitable  to  the  rest — or  whose  presence 
will  throw  a  damp  on  conversation.  Especially  avoid 
bringing  into  the  same  room,  persons  who  are  at 
notorious  enmity  with  each  other,  even  if,  unhappily, 
they  should  be  members  of  the  same  family.  Those 
who  are  known  as  adversaries  should  be  invited  on 
different  evenings. 

Avoid  giving  invitations  to  bores.  They  will  come 
without. 


INTRODUCTIOXS. 


59 


The  word  ''bore"  has  an  unpleasant  and  an  inele- 
gant sound.  Still,  ^Ye  have  not,  as  yet,  found  any 
substitute  that  so  well  expresses  the  meaning, — which, 
we  opine,  is  a  dull,  tiresome  man,  or  "a  weariful 
woman,"  either  inveterately  silent,  or  inordinately 
talkative,  but  never  saying  any  thing  worth  hearing, 
or  worth  remembering — people  whom  you  receive  un- 
willingly, and  whom  you  take  leave  of  with  joy;  and 
who,  not  having  perception  enough  to  know  that  their 
visits  are  always  unwelcome,  are  the  most  sociable 
visiters  imaginable,  and  the  longest  stayers. 

In  a  conversation  at  Abbotsford,  there  chanced  to 
be  something  said  in  reference  to  bores — those  beings 
in  whom  "man  delights  not,  nor  woman  neither." 
Sir  Walter  Scott  asserted,  humourously,  that  bores 
were  always  "good  respectable  people."  "Other- 
wise," said  he  "there  could  be  no  bores.  For  if  they 
were  also  scoundrels  or  brutes,  we  would  keep  no 
measures  with  them,  but  at  once  kick  them  out  the 
house,  and  shut  the  door  in  their  faces." 

When  you  wish  an  introduction  to  a  stranger  lady, 
apply  to  your  hostess,  or  to  some  of  the  family,  or  to 
one  of  the  guests  that  is  acquainted  with  that  lady: 
you  will  then  be  led  up  and  presented  to  her.  Do  not 
expect  the  stranger  to  be  brought  to  you;  it  is  your 
place  to  go  to  her. 

If  you  are  requested  by  a  female  friend  to  introduce 
her  to  a  distinguished  gentleman,  a  public  character, 
be  not  so  ungenerous  as  to  go  immediately/  and  con- 
spicuously to  inform  him  of  the  fact.  But  spare  her 
delicacy,  by  deferring  the  ceremony  for  a  while ;  and 


60 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


then  take  an  opportunity  of  saying  to  him,  ''I  shall 
be  glad  to  make  you  acquainted  with  my  friend  Miss 
Morris.  Come  with  me,  and  I  will  introduce  you." 
When  the  introduction  has  thus  taken  place,  you  may 
with  propriety  leave  them  together  to  entertain  each 
other  for  awhile;  particularly  if  both  parties  are 
capable  of  doing  so.  And  then,  after  a  quarter  of  an 
hour's  conversation,  let  the  lady  release  the  gentle- 
man from  further  attendance,  by  bowing  to  him,  and 
turning  to  some  other  acquaintance  who  may  not  be 
far  off.  She  can  leave  him  much  more  easily  than  he 
can  leave  her,  and  it  will  be  better  to  do  so  in  proper 
time,  than  to  detain  him  too  long.  It  is  generally  in 
his  power  to  return  to  her  before  the  close  of  the 
evening,  and  if  he  is  pleased  with  her  society,  he  will 
probably  make  an  opportunity  of  doing  so. 

If  he  is  what  is  called  a  lion,  consideration  for  the 
rest  of  the  company  should  admonish  her  not  to 
monopolize  him.  But  lions  usually  know  how  to  get 
away  adroitly.  By-the-bye,  she  must  not  talk  to  him 
of  his  professional  celebrity,  or  ask  him  at  once  for 
his  autograph. 

"We  saw  no  less  a  person  than  Charles  Dickens 
compelled,  at  a  large  party,  to  devote  the  whole  even- 
ing to  writing  autographs  for  a  multitude  of  young 
ladies — many  of  whom,  not  satisfied  with  obtaining 
one  of  his  signatures  for  themselves,  desired  half  a 
dozen  others  for  ''absent  friends."  All  conversation 
ceased  with  the  first  requisition  for  an  autograph. 
He  had  no  chance  of  saying  any  thing.  We  were  a 
little  ashamed  of  our  fair  towns womien. 


INTRODUCTIONS. 


61 


Should  it  fall  to  jouy  lot  to  introduce  any  of  tlie 
English  nobility,  take  care  (before  hand)  to  inform 
yourself  exactly  what  their  titles  really  are.  Ameri- 
cans are  liable  to  make  sad  blunders  in  these  things. 
It  may  be  well  to  know  that  a  duke  is  the  highest  title 
of  British  nobility,  and  that  his  wife  is  a  duchess. 
His  eldest  son  is  a  marquis  as  long  as  his  father  lives, 
on  whose  demise  the  marquis  becomes  a  duke.  The 
wife  of  a  marquis  is  a  marchioness.  There  are  a  few 
marquises  whose  fathers  were  not  dukes.  The  younger 
sons  are  termed  Lord  Henry,  Lord  Charles,  Lord 
John,  &c.  The  daughters  Lady  Caroline,  Lady  Au- 
gusta, Lady  Julia.  The  family  name  is  generally 
quite  different  from  the  title.  Thus,  the  name  of  the 
Duke  of  Richmond  is  Lenox — that  of  the  Duke  of 
Rutland,  Manners.  The  family  name  of  the  Duke  of 
Norfolk  (who  ranks  first  of  the  English  nobility)  is 
Howard.  The  present  Duke  of  Northumberland's 
name  is  Algernon  Percy.  Arthur  Wellesley  was  that 
of  the  great  Duke  of  Wellington.  His  eldest  son  was 
Marquis  of  Douro,  and  his  second  son  Lord  Charles 
Wellesley.  The  children  of  a  marquis  are  called  Lord  * 
Frederick,  or  Lord  Henry,  and  Lady  Louisa,  or  Lady 
Harriet. 

The  next  title  is  viscount,  as  Viscount  Palmerston. 
The  next  is  earl,  whose  wife  is  a  countess,  and  the 
children  may  be  Lord  Georges  and  Lady  Marys. 

After  the  viscounts  come  the  barons,  whose  chil- 
dren are  denominated  the  Honourable  Miss,  or  Mr. 
John  Singleton  Copley,  (whose  father  was  Copley, 
the   celebrated  American   painter,)  is   now  Baron 


62 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Ljndhurst.  His  eldest  daughter  is  the  Hon.  Miss 
Copley.  In  common  parlance,  barons  are  always 
termed  lords.  Some  few  have  two  titles — as  Lord  Say 
and  Sele — Lord  Brougham  and  Yaux.  After  William 
the  Fourth  had  suddenly  dissolved  the  parliament  that 
held  out  so  long  against  passing  the  reform  bill,  and 
the  king,  appointing  a  new  cabinet,  had  placed  Lord 
Brougham  at  the  head  of  the  ministry,  a  ridiculous 
comic  song  came  out  at  one  of  the  minor  theatres, 
implying  that  now  his  majesty  has  swept  out  the  whole 
parliament,  ^'he  takes  up  his  broom  and  valks," 
(Brougham  and  Vaux.) 

When  the  widow  of  a  nobleman  marries  a  man  who 
has  no  title,  she  always  retains  hers.  Thus  when  the 
widow  of  the  Earl  of  Mansfield  married  Colonel  Gre- 
ville,  (a  nephew^  of  the  Earl  of  Warwick,) — on  their 
door-plate  the  names  were — ''The  Countess  Dowager 
of  Mansfield,  and  the  Hon.  Colonel  Greville," — a 
rather>  long  inscription.  A  nobleman's  daughter 
marrying  a  commoner,  retains  her  original  title  of 
Lady,  but  takes  his  surname — thus.  Lady  Charlotte 
Campbell,  whose  father  was  Duke  of  Argyle,  became, 
on  her  marriage  with  Dr.  Bury,  a  clergyman.  Lady 
Charlotte  Bury.  It  will  be  understood  that  if  a 
nobleman's  daughter  marries  a  nobleman,  her  title 
merges  in  his — but  if  she  marries  a  commoner,  she 
retains  what  title  she  had  originally — her  husband,  of 
course,  obtaining  no  rank  by  his  marriage. 

The  title  of  a  baronet  is  Sir — as  Sir  Francis  Bur- 
dett.  Sir  Walter  Scott.  His  children  are  Mr.  and 
Miss,  without  any  "Hon."  afiixed  to  their  names. 


INTRODUCTIONS, 


63 


Baronets  are  a  grade  below  barons,  but  the  title  is 
hereditary,  descending  to  the  eldest  son  or  next  male 
heir.  In  directing  to  a  baronet,  put  "Bart."  after  his 
name.  A  knight  is  also  called  Sir,  as  Sir  Thomas 
Lawrence,  Sir  Edwin  Landseer,  &c. ;  but  his  title  being 
only  for  life,  dies  with  him.*  It  is  always  conferred 
by  the  sovereign  touching  his  shoulder  with  a  sword, 
and  saying,  for  instance,  "Rise  up,  Sir  Francis  Cha:n- 
try."  In  writing  to  a  knight,  put  "Knt."  The  wives 
of  both  baronets  and  knights  are  called  Lady.  The 
wife  of  Sir  John  Franklin  (who  was  knighted)  is  Lady 
Franklin — not  Lady  Jane  Franklin,  as  has  been  erro- 
neously supposed.  She  could  not  be  Lady  Jane  unless 
her  father  was  a  nobleman. 

A  nobleman  always  signs  his  title  only,  without 
designating  his  exact  rank — the  Duke  of  Athol  signing 
himself  "Athol"— the  Duke  of  Bedford,  "Bedford" 
— the  Marquis  of  Granby,  "Granby" — the  Earl  of 
Chesterfield,  "Chesterfield,"  &c.  The  wives  of  peers 
give  their  Christian  name  with  their  title — as  Isa- 
bella Buccleuch — Margaret  Northampton — Elizabeth 
Derby,  &c. 

The  English  bishops  are  addressed  in  letters  as  the 
Lord  Bishop  of  Rochester,  the  Lord  Bishop  of  Bath 
and  Wells.  The  Archbishop  of  Canterbury,  who  is 
Primate  of  England, — (Head  of  the  English  Church,) 
is  called  His  Grace,  or  Your  Grace.  The  bishops 
are  all  (by  virtue  of  their  ofiice)  members  of  the 

*  Distinguished  men  of  all  professions,  doctors,  lawyers,  artists, 
authors,  and  officers  of  the  army  and  navy,  frequently  receive  the 
honour  of  knighthood. 


64 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


House  of  Peers  or  Lords.  Thej  sign  their  Cliristian 
name  vAih  the  title  of  their  bishopric,  as  John  Durham 
—William  Oxford. 

All  full  noblemen  have  an  hereditary  seat  in  the 
House  of  Peers,  which  they  take  on  attaining  the  age 
of  twenty-one,  and  it  continues  while  they  live. 
Their  younger  sons,  the  Lord  Johns  and  Lord  Frede- 
ricks, can  only  have  a  seat  in  the  House  of  Commons, 
and  to  that  they  must  be  elected,  like  the  other  mem- 
bers. Baronets,  not  being  peers,  must  also  be  elected 
as  commons. 

Americans  going  to  England  would  do  well  to  look 
over  a  book  of  the  British  Peerage,  so  as  to  save 
themselves  from  making  blunders,  v>^hich  are  much 
ridiculed  in  a  country  where  little  allowance  is  made 
for  republican  habits  and  for  republican  ignorance  of 
what  appertains  to  monarchical  institutions.'''  It 
would  not  be  amiss  even  to  know  that  a  full  coat  of 
arms,  including  shield,  supporters,  crest,  and  scroll 
vv^ith  a  motto,  belongs  only  to  the  chief  of  a  noble 
family;  and  that  the  younger  branches  are  entitled 
only  to  the  crest,  which  is  the  head  of  the  same  animal 
that  stands  erect  on  each  side  of  the  shield  as  if  to  sup- 
port it,  such  as  stags,  foxes,  bears,  vultures,  &c.  A 
baronet  has  a  shield  only,  with  a  bloody  or  wounded 
hand  over  the  top. 

Our  countrymen  abroad  sometimes  excite  ill-con- 
cealed mirth,  by  the  lavish  use  they  make  of  titles 
when  they  chance  to  find  themselves  among  the  no- 

^'  It  would  be  well  if  all  the  public  offices  at  Washington  were 
furnished  with  copies  of  the  British  Peerage.    Perhaps  they  are. 


CONDUCT  IN  THE  STKEET. 


65 


bility.  They  should  learn  that  none  but  servants  or 
people  of  the  lower  classes  make  constant  use  of  the 
terms  '^my  lord,"  and  "my  lady" — "your  lordship," 
or  "your  ladyship" — "your  grace/'  &c.,  in  conversing 
with  persons  of  rank.  Formerly  it  was  the  custom^ 
but  it  is  long  since  obsolete,  except,  as  we  have 
said,  from  domestics  or  dependants.  Address  them 
simply  as  Lord  Derby,  or  Lord  Dunmore — Lady 
Wilton,  Lady  Mornington,  &c. 


CHAPTER  YL 

CONDUCT  IN  THE  STREET. 

When  three  ladies  are  walking  together,  it  is  better 
for  one  to  keep  a  little  in  advance  of  the  other  two, 
than  for  all  three  to  persist  in  maintaining  one  un- 
broken line.  They  cannot  all  join  in  conversation 
without  talking  across  each  other — a  thing  that,  in-doors 
or  out-of-doors,  is  awkward,  inconvenient,  ungenteel, 
and  should  always  be  avoided.  Also,  three  ladies 
walking  abreast  occupy  too  much  of  the  pavement, 
and  therefore  incommode  the  other  passengers.  Three 
young  men  sometimes  lounge  along  the  pavement,  arm 
in  arm.    Three  young  gentlemen  never  do  so. 

If  you  meet  a  lady  with  whom  you  have  become 
but  slightly  acquainted,  and  had  merely  a  little  conver- 
sation, (for  instance,  at  a  party  or  a  morning  visit,)  and 

who  m_oves  in  a  circle  somewhat  higher  or  more 

6.^ 


66 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


fashionable  than  your  own,  it  is  safest  to  wait  till  she 
recognises  you.  Let  her  not  see  in  you  a  disposition 
to  obtrude  yourself  on  her  notice. 

It  is  not  expected  that  all  intimacies  formed  at 
watering-places  shall  continue  after  the  parties  have 
returned  to  their  homes.  A  mutual  bow  when  meeting 
in  the  street  is  sufficient.  But  there  is  no  inter- 
changing of  visits,  unless  both  ladies  have,  before 
parting,  testified  a  desire  to  continue  the  acquaintance. 
In  this  case,  the  lady  who  is  eldest  or  palpably 
highest  in  station  makes  the  first  call.  It  is  not 
customary  for  a  young  lady  to  make  the  first  visit  to  a 
married  lady. 

When  meeting  them  in  the  street,  always  speak  first 
to  your  milliner,  mantua-maker,  seamstress,  or  to  any 
one  you  have  been  in  the  practice  of  employing.  To 
pass  without  notice  any  servant  that  you  know,  is 
rude  and  unfeeling,  as  they  will  attribute  it  to  pride, 
not  presuming  to  speak  to  you  themselves,  unless  in 
reply.  There  are  persons  who  having  accepted,  when 
in  the  country,  much  kindness  from  the  country-people, 
are  ashamed  to  recognise  them  when  they  come  to 
town,  on  account  of  their  rustic  or  unfashionable 
dress.  This  is  a  very  vulgar,  contemptible,  and 
foolish  pride;  and  is  always  seen  through,  and  de- 
spised. There  is  no  danger  of  plain  country-people 
being  mistaken  for  vulgar  city-people.  In  our  coun- 
try, there  is  no  reason  for  keeping  aloof  from  any 
who  are  respectable  in.  character  and  appearance. 
Those  to  be  avoided  are  such  as  wear  tawdry  finery, 
paint  their  faces,  and  leer  out  of  the  corners  of  their 


CONDUCT  IN  THE  STREET. 


6T 


eyes,  looking  disreputably,  even  if  they  are  not  disre- 
putable in  reality. 

When  a  gentleman  meets  a  lady  with  whom  his 
acquaintance  is  very  slight,  (perhaps  nothing  more 
than  a  few  words  of  talk  at  a  party,)  he  allows  her  the 
option  of  continuing  the  acquaintance  or  not,  at  her 
pleasure;  therefore,  he  waits  till  she  recognises  him, 
and  till  she  evinces  it  by  a  bow, — he  looking  at  her  to 
give  the  opportunity.  Thus,  if  she  has  no  objection 
to  numbering  him  among  her  acquaintances,  she  de- 
notes it  by  bowing  first.  American  ladies  never 
curtsey  in  the  street.  If  she  has  any  reason  to  dis- 
approve of  his  character  or  habits,  she  is  perfectly 
justifiable  in  ''cutting"  him,  as  it  is  termed.  Let  her 
bow  very  coldly  the  first  time,  and  after  that,  not  at 
all. 

Young  ladies  should  yield  the  wall  to  old  ladies. 
Gentlemen  do  so  to  all  ladies. 

In  some  cities  it  is  the  custom  for  all  gentlemen  to 
give  their  arm  to  all  ladies,  when  v/alking  with  them. 
In  others,  a  gentleman's  arm  is  neither  ofi'ered  nor 
taken,  unless  in  the  evening,  on  slippery  pavements, 
or  when  the  streets  are  very  muddy.  A  lady  only 
takes  the  arm  of  her  husband,  her  affianced  lover,  or 
of  her  male  relatives.  In  the  country  the  custom  is 
different.  There,  a  gentleman,  when  walking  with 
a  lady,  always  gives  her  his  arm ;  and  is  much 
offended  when,  on  ofi'ering  his  arm,  the  lady  refuses 
to  take  it.  Still,  if  it  is  contrary  to  the  custom  of 
her  place,  she  can  explain  it  to  him  delicately,  and  he. 
will  at  once  see  the  propriety  of  her  declining. 


68 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


When  a  lady  is  walking  between  two  gentlemen, 
she  should  divide  her  conversation  as  equally  as  prac- 
ticable, or  address  most  of  it  to  him  who  is  most  of  a 
stranger  to  her.  He,  with  whom  she  is  least  on 
ceremony,  will  excuse  her. 

A  gentleman  on  escorting  a  lady  to  her  own  home, 
must  not  leave  her  till  he  has  rung  the  bell,  and 
waited  till  the  servant  has  come  and  opened  the  door, 
and  till  she  is  actually  in  the  house.  Men  who  know 
no  better,  think  it  sufficient  to  walk  with  her  to  the 
foot  of  the  steps  and  there  take  their  departure, 
leaving  her  to  get  in  as  she  can.  This  we  have  seen — 
but  not  often,  and  the  offenders  were  not  Americans. 

If  you  stop  a  few  minutes  in  the  street  to  talk  to  an 
acquaintance,  draw  to  one  side  of  the  pavement  near 
the  wall,  so  as  not  to  impede  the  passengers — or  you 
may  turn  and  walk  with  her  as  far  as  the  next  corner. 
And  never  stop  to  talk  in  the  middle  of  a  crossing. 
To  speak  loudly  in  the  street  is  exceedingly  ungenteel, 
and  foolish,  as  what  you  say  will  be  heard  by  all  who 
pass  by.  To  call  across  the  way  to  an  acquaintance, 
is  very  unlady-like.  It  is  best  to  hasten  over,  and 
speak  to  her,  if  you  have  any  thing  of  importance  to 
say. 

When  a  stranger  offers  to  assist  you  across  a 
brimming  gutter,  or  over  a  puddle,  or  a  glair  of 
slippery  ice,  do  not  hesitate,  or  decline,  as  if  you 
thought  he  was  taking  an  unwarrantable  liberty.  He 
means  nothing  but  civility.  So  accept  it  frankly,  and 
•  thank  him  for  it. 

When  you  see  persons  slip  down  on  the  ice,  do  not 


CONDUCT  IN  THE  STREET. 


69 


laugh  at  them.  There  is  no  fun  in  being  hurt,  or  in 
being  mortified  hj  a  fall  in  the  public  street;  and  we 
know  not  how  a  ladi/  can  see  any  thing  diverting  in 
so  painful  a  circumstance.  It  is  more  feminine,  on 
witnessing  such  a  sight,  to  utter  an  involuntary  scream 
than  a  shout  of  laughter.  And  still  more  so,  to  stop 
and  ascertain  if  the  person  that  fell  has  been  hurt. 

If,  on  stopping  an  omnibus,  you  find  that  a  dozen 
people  are  already  seated  in  it,  draw  back,  and  refuse 
to  add  to  the  number ;  giving  no  heed  to  the  assertion 
of  the  driver,  that  'Hhere  is  plenty  of  room."  The 
passengers  will  not  say  so,  and  you  have  no  right  to 
crowd  them  all,  even  if  you  are  willing  to  be  crowded 
yourself — a  thing  that  is  extremely  uncomfortable,  and 
very  injurious  to  your  dress,  which  may,  in  conse- 
quence, be  so  squeezed  and  rumpled  as  never  to  look 
well  again.  None  of  the  omnibuses  are  large  enough, 
to  accommodate  even  twelve  grown  people  comfortably; 
and  that  number  is  the  utmost  the  law  permits.  A 
child  occupies  more  than  half  the  space  of  a  grown 
person,  yet  children  are  brought  into  omnibuses  ad 
libitum.  Ten  grown  persons  are  as  many  as  can  be 
really  well  seated  in  an  omnibus — tw^elve  are  too 
many;  and  a  lady  will  always  regret  making  the 
thirteenth — and  her  want  of  consideration  in  doing  so 
will  cause  her  to  be  regarded  with  unfavourable  eyes 
by  the  other  passengers.  It  is  better  for  her  to  go 
into  a  shop,  and  wait  for  the  next  omnibus,  or  even  to 
walk  home,  unless  it  is  actually  raining. 

Have  your  sixpence  ready  in  your  fingers  a  few 
minutes  before  you  are  to  get  out;  and  you  may 


70 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  EOOIv. 


request  any  gentleman  near  you  to  hand  it  up  to  the 
driver.  So  many  accidents  have  happened  from  the 
driver  setting  off  before  a  lady  was  entirely  out  of  the 
vehicle  and  safely  landed  in  the  street,  that  it  is  well 
to  desire  the  gentleman  not  to  hand  up  the  sixpence 
till  after  you  are  fairly  clea.r  of  the  steps. 

Y>^hen  expecting  to  ride  in  an  omnibus,  take  care  to 
have  sufficient  small  change  in  your  purse — that  is, 
sixpences.  We  have  seen,  when  a  quarter-dollar  has 
been  handed  up,  and  the  driver  was  handing  down  the 
change,  that  it  has  fallen,  and  been  scattered  among 
the  straw.  There  was  no  stopping  to  search  for  it, 
and  therefore  the  ride  cost  twenty-five  cents  instead 
of  six:  the  driver,  of  course,  finding  the  change  him- 
self, as  soon  as  he  got  rid  of  all  his  passengers. 

It  is  most  imprudent  to  ride  in  an  omnibus  with 
much  money  in  your  purse.  Pickpockets  of  genteel 
appearance  are  too  frequently  among  the  passengers. 
We  know  a  gentleman  who  in  this  way  lost  a  pocket- 
book  containing  eighty  dollars;  and  various  ladies 
have  had  their  purses  taken  from  them,  by  well- 
dressed  passengers.  If  you  are  obliged  to  have  money 
of  any  consequence  about  you,  keep  your  hand  all  the 
time  in  that  pocket. 

If  the  driver  allows  a  drunken  man  to  come  into  an 
omnibus,  the  ladies  will  find  it  best  to  get  out;  at 
least  those  whose  seats  are  near  his.  It  is,  however, 
the  duty  of  the  gentlemen  to  insist  on  such  fellows 
being  refused  admittance  where  there  are  ladies. 

No  lady  should  venture  to  ride  in  an  omnibus  after 
dark,  unless  she  is  escorted  by  a  gentleman  Avhom  she 


SHOPPING, 


71 


knows.  She  had  better  walk  home,  even  under  the 
protection  of  a  servant.  If  alone  in  an  omnibus  at 
night,  she  is  liable  to  meet  with  improper  company, 
and  perhaps  be  insulted. 


CHAPTER  VIIo 

SHOPPING. 

When  you  go  out  shopping,  it  is  well  to  take  with 
you  some  written  cards,  inscribed  with  your  residence 
as  well  as  your  name.  For  this  purpose  to  use  en- 
graved visiting-cards  is  an  unnecessary  expense.  That 
there  may  be  no  mistake,  let  your  shopping-cards  con- 
tain not  only  your  street  and  number,  but  the  side  of 
the  way,  and  between  what  streets  your  house  is  situ- 
ated. This  minuteness  is  particularly  useful  in  Phila- 
delphia, where  the  plan  and  aspect  of  the  streets  is  so 
similar.  Much  inconvenience,  disappointment,  and 
delay  have  resulted  from  parcels  being  left  at  wrong 
places.  If  you  are  staying  at  an  hotel,  give  also  the 
number  of  your  chamber,  otherwise  the  package  may 
be  carried  in  mistake  to  the  apartment  of  some  other 
lady;  the  servants  always  knowing  the  number  of  the 
rooms,  but  not  always  remembering  the  names  of  the 
occupants ;  usually  speaking  of  the  ladies  and  gentle- 
men as  No.  25,  No.  42,  &c. 

There  is  another  advantage  in  having  cards  with 
you  when  you  go  out  shopping:  if  you  should  chance 


72 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


to  forget  your  reticule,  or  handkerchief,  and  leave  it 
on  the  counter,  the  shopkeeper  will  know  exactly 
whose  it  is,  and  where  to  send  it,  or  for  whom  to  keep 
it  till  called  for. 

If  you  intend  to  purchase  none  but  small  articles, 
take  but  little  money  in  your  purse,  so  that  if  you 
chance  to  lose  it,  the  loss  may  not  be  great. When 
you  buy  articles  of  any  consequence,  they  will  always 
be  sent  home  at  your  request— and  (unless  you  keep 
a  standing  account  at  that  store)  desire  the  bill  to  be 
sent  along;  and  sent  at  an  hour  when  you  will  cer- 
tainly be  at  hand  to  pay  it.  Be  careful  to  take  re- 
ceipts for  the  payment;  and  keep  the  receipts  on  a 
file  or  Yfire.  We  have  known  instances  when,  from 
the  clerk  or  storekeeper  neglecting  or  delaying  to 
cross  out  an  account  .as  soon  as  paid,  the  same  bill 
was  inadvertently  sent  twice  over ;  and  then  by  having 
the  receipt  to  show,  the  necessity  of  imying  it  twice 
over  was  obviated.  Look  carefully  at  every  item  of 
the  bill,  and  see  that  all  is  correct.  Sometimes 
(though  these  oversights  are  of  rare  occurrence)  the 
same  article  may  accidentally  be  set  down  twice  in 
the  same  bill.  But  this  is  easily  rectified  by  taking 
the  bill  to  the  storekeeper,  and  showing  it  to  him 

In  subscribing  for  a  magazine  or  newspaper,  and 
paying  in  advance,  (as  you  always  should,)  be  especially 
careful  of  the  receipts  given  to  you  at  paying.  So 
many  persons  are  in  the  habit  of  allowing  these 

*  When  circumstances  render  it  expedient  to  carry  much  money 
out  with  you,  divide  it;  putting  half  in  one  purse  or  pocket-book, 
and  half  in  another,  an-'  nut  these  portions  into  two  pockets. 


SHOPPING. 


73 


accounts  to  run  on  for  years,  that  if  you  neglect 
preserving  your  receipts,  and  cannot  produce  them 
afterward,  you  may  be  unintentionally  classed  among 
the  delinquents,  and  have  no  means  of  proving  satis- 
factorily that  you  have  really  paid. 

Many  ladies  keep  a  day-book,  in  which  they  set 
down,  regularly,  all  the  money  they  have  expended 
on  that  day;  adding  up  the  whole  every  week.  An 
excellent  plan,  and  of  great  importance  to  every  one 
who  is  mistress  of  a  family. 

In  making  purchases  for  other  persons,  have  bills 
made  out;  and  send  the  bills  (receipted)  with  the 
articles  purchased,  as  an  evidence  of  the  exact  price 
of  the  things,  and  that  they  were  paid  for  punctually. 
The  friends  that  have  commissioned  you  to  buy  them, 
should  immediately  repay  you.  Much  inconvenience 
may  be  felt  by  a  lady  whose  command  of  money  is 
small,  when  a  friend  living  in  a  distant  place,  and 
probably  in  opulent  circumstances,  neglects  or  post- 
pones the  payment  of  these  sums.  She  should,  at  the 
beginning,  send  money  amply  sufficient  to  make  these 
purchases.  It  is  enough  that  you  take  the  trouble  of 
going  to  the  stores,  selecting  the  desired  articles,  and 
having  them  packed  and  sent  off.  She  has  no  right  to 
put  you  to  the  slightest  pecuniary  inconvenience. 
There  have  been  instances,  where  articles  thus  bought 
for  a  lady  in  a  far-off  place,  have  not  been  paid  for  by 
that  lady  till  after  the  lapse  of  many  months.  For 
such  remissness  there  is  no  excuse.  To  go  shopping 
for  a  friend  is  rarely  a  pleasant  business.  Besides  its 
encroacBing  on  your  time,  there  is  always  a  danger  of' 


74 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


the  purchases  proving  unsatisfactory,  or  not  suiting  the 
taste  of  her  for  whom  they  are  intended.  Also,  circum- 
stances may  preyent  the  articles  reaching  her  as  soon 
as  expected.  Whenever  practicable,  it  is  best  to  send 
all  such  packages  by  the  Transportation  Line — that 
charge  to  be  paid  by  the  owner,  on  delivery. 

It  is  not  well  to  trouble  a  gentleman  with  the  care 
of  a  parcel,  unless  it  is  quite  small,  and  he  has  to  pass 
the  door  of  the  house  at  which  it  is  to  be  delivered ;  or 
unless  his  residence  is  in  the  immediate  neighbourhood. 

When  visiting  the  shops,  if  you  do  not  intend  to 
buy  at  that  time,  but  are  merely  looking  round  to  see 
varieties  of  articles  before  you  determine  on  what  to 
purchase,  candidly  say  so  to  the  persons  standing  at 
the  counter.  They  will  (particularly  if  they  know 
you)  be  perfectly  willing  to  show  you  such  things  as 
you  desire  to  see,  in  the  hope  that  you  may  return  to 
their  store  and  buy  of  them  afterward.  At  the  same 
time,  avoid  giving  unnecessary  trouble;  and  do  not, 
from  mere  curiosity,  desire  such  things  to  be  brought 
to  you  as  you  have  no  intention  of  buying  at  all. 

The  practice  that  is  called  cheapening,  or  beating 
down  the  price,  is  now  nearly  obsolete.  Most  trades- 
men have  a  fixed  price  for  every  thing,  and  will  not 
abate. 

It  is  but  rarely  that  you  will  meet  with  articles  of 
really  good  quality  on  very  low  terms,  unless  near  the 
close  of  the  season,  when  the  storekeepers,  anxious  to 
get  rid  of  their  old  stock,  generally  put  down  the 
prices  of  the  goods  that  are  left  on  hand;  knowing 
that  by  the  return  of  next  season,  these  will  be  super- 


SHOPPING. 


75 


seded  by  tilings  of  a  newer  fashion.  Economical 
ladies,  who  are  not  resolutely  determined  on  wearing 
none  but  articles  of  the  very  latest  fashion,  may  thus 
supply  themselves  with  excellent  silks,  lawns,  &c.  in 
August  and  September,  at  prices  far  below  what  they 
would  have  given  in  May  or  June.  And  then  they 
can  lay  them  by  till  next  summer.  In  the  same  way 
they  can  purchase  merinoes,  mousselines  de  laine,  &c. 
in  January,  February,  and  March,  much  lower  than  in 
November  and  December.  It  is  best  always  to  buy 
rather  too  much  than  too  little;  and  to  have  a  piece 
left,  rather  than  to  get  a  scanty  pattern,  such  as  Avill 
barely  hold  out,  leaving  nothing  for  repairs  or  altera- 
tions. There  is  much  advantage  in  getting  an  extra 
yard  and  a  half,  or  two  yards,  and  keeping  it  back  for 
new  sleeves.  Unless  you  are  small  and  slender,  it  is 
not  well  to  buy  a  dress  embroidered  with  a  border 
pattern.  They  are  alwaj^s  scanty  in  w^idth,  and  have 
that  look  when  made  up.  The  skirts  are  never  quite 
wide  enough.  A  tall  woman  requires  as  full  a  skirt 
as  a  fat  one ;  else  her  height  will  make  her  look  lanky 
and  narrow. 

When  bespeaking  an  article  to  be  made  purposely 
for  you,  ascertain  from  the  maker  what  will  be  the 
cost,  and  then  request  him  to  write  down  the  terms  on 
a  card,  or  a  slip  of  paper,  or  on  a  leaf  of  your  tablet. 
If  he  says  he  cannot  tell  how  much  it  will  be,  or  that 
he  knows  not  what  price  to  fix  on  it,  or  that  he  cannot 
decide  till  after  it  is  finished,  it  will  be  safest  and 
wisest  for  you  to  decline  engaging  it,  till  he  has  calcu- 
lated the  amount,  or  something  very  near  it.  Persist 


76 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


in  tills  condition  being  a  sine  qua  non.  It  is  his 
place  to  know  every  thing  connected  with  his  business, 
and  to  be  able  to  judge  of  his  outlay,  and  his  profits. 
If  you  do  not  insist  on  a  satisfactory  answer  when 
making  the  bargain,  you  may  in  the  end  find  yourself 
greatly  overcharged,  (as  we  know  by  experience ;)  the 
price  in  the  bill,  after  the  article  is  made,  and  sent 
home,  proving  infinitely  higher  than  you  would  have 
been  willing  to  give  if  previously  aware  of  it.  In 
dealing  with  foreigners  whose  language  is  not  yours, 
take  especial  care  that  there  is  a  correct  understand- 
ing on  both  sides. 

When  on  a  visit  to  a  city  with  which  you  are  not 
familiar,  enquire  where  the  best  shops  are  to  be  found, 
and  make  memorandums  of  them  in  your  tablets. 
This  will  spare  your  friends  the  trouble  of  accompany- 
ing you  on  your  shopping  expeditions.  And  if  you 
have  a  small  pocket-map  of  the  town,  there  will  be  no 
danger  of  losing  your  way.  Except  to  ladies  whose 
chief  delight  is  in  seeing  things  connected  with  dress, 
to  go  shopping  with  a  stranger  is  usually  very  th^e- 
some.  Also,  the  stranger  will  feel  less  constraint  by 
going  alone;  and  more  at  liberty  to  be  guided  by  her 
own  taste  in  selecting,  and  to  consult  her  pecuniary 
convenience  in  regard  to  the  price.  It  is  only  when 
you  feel  that  you  have  reason  for  distrusting  your  own 
judgment,  as  to  the  quality  and  gentility  of  the  arti- 
cles, that  it  is  well  to  be  accompanied  by  a  person  of 
more  experience.  And  then  you  will,  most  probably, 
be  unwilling  to  fatigue  her  by  going  to  as  many  shops 
as  you  would  like  to  visit.    In  most  cases,  it  is  best 


SHOPPING. 


77 


to  go  shopping  without  any  companion,  except,  per- 
haps, a  member  of  your  immediate  family.  Gentle- 
men consider  it  a  very  irksome  task  to  go  on  shopping 
expeditions,  and  their  ill-concealed  impatience  becomes 
equally  irksome  to  you. 

If  you  have  given  the  salesman  or  saleswoman 
unusual  trouble  in  showing  you  articles  which  you 
find  not  to  suit,  make  some  compensation,  by  at  least 
one  or  two  small  purchases  before  leaving  the  store; 
for  instance,  linen  to  lay  by  as  a  body-lining  for  a 
future  dress,  gloves,  mits,  a  neck-ribbon,  cotton  spools, 
pins,  needles,  iiJipe,  black  sewing-silk,  &c., — things 
that  will  always  come  into  use. 

Remember  that  in  all  American  stores,  the  rule  of 
"first  come,  first  served,"  is  rigidly  observed.  There- 
fore, testify  no  impatience  if  a  servant-girl,  making  a 
sixpenny  purchase,  is  served  before  you — Avhich  she 
certainly  will  be,  if  her  entrance  has  preceded  yours. 

There  are  still  some  ladies  who  think  that  one  of 
the  great  arts  of  shopping,  is  to  disparage  the  articles 
shown  to  them,  to  exclaim  at  the  price,  and  to  assert 
that  at  other  places  they  can  get  exactly  such  things 
infinitely  lower.  When  shopping,  (as  well  as  under 
all  other  circumstances,)  it  is  best  to  adhere  to  the 
truth.  If  you  really  like  the  article,  why  not  gratify 
the  salesman  by  saying  so.  If  you  know  that  the 
price  is  in  conformity  to  the  usual  rate,  you  need  not 
attempt  to  get  it  lower,  for  you  will  seldom  succeed — 
unless,  indeed,  on  that  day  the  tradesman  is  particu- 
larly anxious  to  sell,  having  a  sum  of  money  to  make 

up,  and  being  somewhat  at  a  loss.    Perhaps  then,  he 

7* 


78 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


may  abate  sometliing;  but  if  be  does  not  bimself 
propose  the  abatement,  and  if  he  is  largely  in  business, 
and  sure  of  plenty  of  custom,  there  will  be  little  use 
in  your  urging  it. 

If  you  are  a  stranger  in  the  city,  (Philadelphia  for 
instance,)  do  not  always  be  exclaiming  at  the  prices, 
and  declaring  that  you  can  buy  the  same  articles 
much  lower  and  much  handsomer  in  New  York, 
Boston,  or  Baltimore.  For  certain  reasons,  prices 
are  different  in  different  places.  If  an  article  is 
shown  to  you  in  Philadelphia  as  ^'  something  quite 
new,"  refrain  from  saying  that  it  has  been  out  of 
fashion  these  two  years  in  New  York.  This  may 
injure  its  sale  with  bystanders,  chancing  to  hear  you. 
You  need  only  say  "that  it  is  very  pretty,  but  you  do 
not  want  it  now." 

It  is  strange,  but  no  less  strange  than  true,  that 
though  the  distance  between  New  York  and  Phila- 
delphia is  reduced  to  less  than  half  a  day's  travel,  it 
ta,kes  a  year  or  more,  for  the  New  York  fashions  to 
get  to  Philadelphia,  and  many  of  them  never  arrive 
at  all.  There  are  certain  dress-makers  and  milliners 
in  the  latter  city,  who,  if  you  show  them  any  thing 
quite  fresh  from  New  York,  will  habitually  reply, 
"  Oh !  we  made  that,  here  in  Philadelphia,  a  year  or 
two  ago."  You  need  not  believe  them.  Our  Ameri- 
can ladies  derive  all  their  ideas  of  costume  from 
France;  and  as  Nev\^  York  rejoices  in  the  most 
extensive  and  the  most  speedy  intercourse  with  that 
land  of  taste  and  elegance,  the  French  fashions  always 
get  there  first.    The  wonder  is  that  so  long  a  time 


SHOPPING. 


79 


elapses  before  they  prevail  in  the  other  cities.  We 
must  say,  however,  that  Vv^hatever  is  fantastic  and 
extreme,  is  generally  modified  and  softened  down  in 
Philadelphia.  In  provincial  towns,  and  in  remote 
new  settlements,  we  often  see  a  disposition  to  carry  to 
the  utmost  a  fashion  already  too  showy  or  gaudy. 

When  you  see  on  another  lady  a  new  article  of 
dress  that  you  admire,  it  is  not  ill-manners,  (but 
rather  the  contrary,)  to  tell  her  so.  But  unless  you 
really  desire  to  get  one  exactly  like  it  for  yourself, 
and  are  sincerely  asking  for  information,  it  is  con- 
sidered very  rude  to  enquire  where  she  bought  it,  and 
what  was  the  cost.  And  it  is  peculiarly  vulgar  to 
preface  the  enquiry  by  the  foolish  words — '^If  it  is  a 
fair  question."  The  very  doubt  proves  that  you  knov/ 
the  question  to  be  a  very  unfair  one.  And  so  it  is. 
We  have  never  known  that  expression  used  except  to 
introduce  something  rude  and  improper.  Any  lady 
who  is  asked  an  impertinent  question,  would  bo 
perfectly  justifiable  in  saying,  "Excuse  me  from 
answering" — and  then  immediately  changing  the  con- 
versation. Yet  there  are  ladies  who  are  always  cate- 
chising others  about  their  dress.  You  are  not  bound 
to  give  explicit  answers  to  these,  or  any  other  ques- 
tions concerning  your  personal  affairs.  Much  mis- 
chief accrues  in  society,  from  some  ladies  being  too 
inquisitive,  and  others  too  communicative. 

It  is  really  a  great  fatigue,  both  of  body  and  mind, 
to  go  shopping  with  a  very  close  economist,  particu- 
larly if  you  know  that  she  can  well  afford  a  sufficiently 
liberal  expenditure.     The  length  of  time  she  wi^^ 


80 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


ponder  over  every  thing  before  slie  can  ^'make  up  lier 
mind;"  the  ever-besetting  fear  that  she  may  possibly 
have  to  give  a  few  cents  more  in  one  store  than  in 
another;  her  long  deliberation  as  to  whether  a  smaller 
than  the  usual  quantity  may  not  be  "made  to  do ;"  her 
predilection  for  bargain-seeking  in  streets  far  off,  and 
ungenteel;  the  immense  trouble  she  gives  to  the 
persons  behind  the  counter, — all  will  induce  you  to 
forswear  trying  a  second  time  the  experiment  of 
attending  on  the  progress  of  a  shopper  who  sets  out 
with  the  vain  expectation  of  obtaining  good  articles  at 
paltry  prices. 

In  what  are  called  "cheap  shops,"  you  will  rarely 
find  more  than  two  or  three  things  that  are  really 
cheap.  If  of  bad  quality,  they  are  not  cheap^  but 
dear.  Low-priced  ribbons,  for  instance,  are  generally 
flimsy,  tawdry,  of  ugly  figures,  and  vulgar  colours, — 
soon  fading,  and  soon  "getting  into  a  string."  Yet 
there  are  ladies  who  will  v/alk  two  miles  to  hustle  in 
the  crowd  they  find  squeezing  toward  the  counter  of 
the  last  new  emporium  of  cheap  ribbons;  and,  while 
waiting  their  turn,  have  nothing  to  look  at  around 
them  but  lots  of  trash,  that  if  they  bought  they  would 
be  ashamed  to  wear.    Coarse  finery  is  trumpery. 

On  the  other  hand,  for  ladies  of  small  means,  it  is 
not  indispensable  to  their  standing  in  society,  that 
they  should  deal  only  at  stores  noted  for  selling  Jdgher 
than  the  usual  price.  It  is  a  very  poor  boast ;  particu- 
larly when  they  cannot  afford  it. 

Whatever  may  be  the  caprices  of  fashion,  a  lady  of 
good  taste  (and  we  may  add,  good  sense,)  will  not,  in 


SHOPPING, 


81 


buying  dresses,  select  tliose  of  large  figures,  and  liigli 
glaring  colours.  There  is  something  peculiarly  un- 
genteel  and  ungraceful  in  a  white  ground  with  large 
red  flowers  and  green  leaves  wandering  over  it.  Even 
if  the  fabric  is  brocade,  it  has  a  look  of  calico.  Red 
and  green  is  only  beautiful  in  real  flowers.  In  a  lady's 
dress,  it  somehow  looks  unlady-like.  A  great  variety 
of  bright  colours  is  only  suited  to  a  carpet.  For  a 
dress,  two  are  quite  sufficient.  And  then  if  one  is 
blue,  pink,  scarlet,  or  orange,  let  it  be  contrasted 
Vv^ith  brown,  gray,  olive,  or  some  chaste  and  quiet  tint 
that  will  set  it  ofi*.  Few  silks  are  more  becoming 
than  those  in  which  the  figure  is  formed  by  a  darker 
shade  of  the  same  colour  as  the  ground.  Silks  of  one 
colour  only,  trim  the  best — variegated  trimming  looks 
confused  and  inefl'ective.  No  colours  are  more  ungen- 
teel,  or  in  worse  taste,  than  reddish  lilacs,  reddish 
purples,  and  reddish  browns.  The  original  tint  of 
aronetta,  or  anatto,  is  the  contempt  of  ladies ;  but  by 
previously  washing  the  article  in  strong,  warm  pot-ash 
water,  before  it  is  put  into  the  solution  of  aronetta, 
you  will  obtain  a  beautiful  bird-of-paradise  colour, 
entirely  free  from  all  appearance  of  the  unpopular 
powder. 

Buy  no  silk  that  is  stiff  and  hard,  however  thick 
and  heavy  it  may  seem.  It  will  crack  and  split,  and 
wear  worse  than  a  soft  silk  that  appears  much  thinner. 
Venture  on  no  satin  that  is  not  of  excellent  quality. 
A  thin  satin  frays  and  ravels,  and  is  not  w^orth  making 
up.  For  common  wear,  a  soft,  thick  India  silk  is 
generally  excellent.    We  have  never  seen  a  good  one 


82 


ME  BEHxiVIOUR  BOOK. 


for  less  than  a  dollar  a  yard.  The  figured  or  em- 
bossed India  silks  are  not  worth  buying,— wearing 
rough  and  fuzzj,  and  fraying  all  over.  For  a  service- 
able, long-lasting  home  dress,  there  is  nothing  equal 
to  a  very  thick,  soft,  double-width  India  black  satin, 
such  as  is  called  two  yards  wide,  and  sells  at  two 
dollars  a  yard.  But  they  have  become  very  scarce. 
Never  use  satin  to  cover  cord.  It  ravels  too  much. 
Velvet  and  satin  should  be  corded  with  substantial 
silk.  If  you  cannot  match  the  exact  shade,  let  it  be 
darker  rather  than  lighter.  A  belt-ribbon  should 
always  be  darker  than  the  dress.  Cord  merino  with 
itself.    A  cording  of  silk  will  not  wash. 

If  you  cannot  get  lace  that  is  tolerably  fine,  wear 
none  at  all,  rather  than  have  it  coarse.  We  have 
seen  lace  called  Brussels,  so  coarse  that  it  looked  as 
if  made  of  cotton,  though  in  truth  it  was  of  thread. 
There  was  no  real  beauty  in  it.  Genuine  Brussels 
lace  is  exquisitely  fine. 

Large  showy  ornaments,  by  way  of  jewellery,  are 
exceedingly  ungenteel.  They  always  tell  their  own 
story,  of  glass  stones  set  in  gilding,  not  gold.  If  you 
cannot  obtain  real  jev/els,  never  attempt  sham  ones. 
It  requires  no  practised  eye  to  detect  them— particu- 
larly false  diamonds. 

Do  not  interfere  with  the  shopping  of  other  custom- 
ers, (who  may  chance  to  stand  near  you  at  the  counter,) 
by  either  praising  or  deprecating  any  of  the  articles 
they  are  looking  at.  Leave  them  to  the  exercise  of 
their  own  judgment;  unless  they  ask  your  opinion. 
And  then  give  it  in  a  low  voice,  and  sincerely. 


SHOPPING. 


83 


If  joii  meet  an  acquaintance  nnexpectedlj  in  a 
store,  it  is  not  well  to  engage  in  a  long  conversation 
with  her,  and  thus  detain  persons  behind  the  counter 
from  waiting  on  other  customers.  Finish  your  pur- 
chase-making first,  and  then  jou  will  have  leisure  to 
step  aside  and  converse.  A  store  is  not  the  place  for 
social  intercourse,  and  you  may  chance  to  say  some- 
thing there,  that  bystanders  should  not  hear.  "  Greet- 
ings in  the  market-place"  should  always  be  short. 

It  is  not  admissible  to  try  on  kid  gloves  in  a  store. 
After  buying  a  pair,  ask  for  the  glove-stretcher,  (which 
they  keep  in  all  good  shops,  for  the  convenience  of 
customers,)  and  then  stretch  the  gloves  upon  it,  unless 
you  have  a  glove-stretcher  at  home.  This  will  render 
them  easy  to  put  on  when  you  take  them  into  wear. 
Glove-stretchers  are  to  be  bought  at  the  variety 
stores ;  or  ought  to  be.  They  will  save  many  a  new 
glove  from  tearing. 

In  buying  stockings,  whether  silk  or  cotton,  you 
will  find  it  cheapest  in  the  end,  to  get  those  of  the 
best  English  manufacture,  particularly  those  of  fine 
quality.  For  winter,  and  to  wear  with  boots,  English 
stockings  of  unbleached  cotton  ^re  very  comfortable, 
feeling  warmer  than  those  that  are  perfectly  white. 
It  is  to  be  lamented  that  all  black  stockings  (even  of 
silk)  are  painful  and  injurious  to  the  feet,  the  copperas 
dye  being  poisonous. 

In  buying  black  mits,  see  that  they  are  really  of 
silk,  otherwise  they  will  stain  your  hands,  and  look 
brown  and  foxy.  Much  cotton  is  now  substituted  for 
silk ;  a  way  having  been  discovered  of  carding  silk 


84 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


and  cotton  together,  before  the  thread  is  spun.  Linen 
also,  is  shamefully  adulterated  with  cotton,  and  it  is 
difficult  for  purchasers  to  discover  the  cheat  before 
the  article  is  washed.  Linen  is  frequently  injured  in 
the  piece  by  bad  bleaching-salts ;  so  that  after  the 
first  wa>.hing,  it  drops  into  holes,  such  as  are  caused 
by  vitriol.  Of  this  we  have  had  sad  experience  in 
several  instances,  when  the  linen  was  supposed  to  be 
of  the  best  quality. 

Always  object  to  a  parcel  being  put  up  in  newspa- 
per-— as  the  printing-ink  will  rub  off,  and  soil  the 
article  inclosed.  If  it  is  a  little  thing  that  you  are 
going  to  take  home  in  your  own  hand,  it  will  smear 
your  gloves.  All  shopkeepers  in  good  business  can 
afford  to  buy  proper  wrapping-paper,  and  they  gene- 
rally do  so.  It  is  very  cheap.  See  also  that  they  do 
not  wrap  your  purchase  in  so  small  a  bit  of  paper  as 
to  squeeze  and  crush  it. 

If  you  go  out  with  much  money,  (which  is  never 
advisable,)  divide  it  into  two  portions,  putting  part  in 
your  pocket-book  or  porte-monnaie,  and  the  remainder 
into  your  purse,  so  that  if  you  lose  it,  or  have  your 
pocket  picked,  the  loss  may  be  less.  Do  not  carry 
notes  in  your  purse,  but  keep  them  in  your  pocket- 
book.  Little  gold  dollars  had  best  go  into  your  porte- 
monnaie.  If  kept  in  your  purse  with  small  change, 
you  will  be  very  likely  to  lose  them,  or  to  mistake 
them  for  three-cent  pieces  if  the  light  is  bad. 

Once,  on  embarking  in  a  New  York  steamboat,  we 
saw  a  gentleman  having  bought  a  penny  paper,  give 
the  news-boy  a  gold  eagle  in  mistake  for  a  cent.  The 


SHOPPING. 


85 


gentleman  was  instantly  apprized  of  his  error  by  a 
bystander,  wlio  had  seen  it;  but  the  boy  had  already 
sprung  upon  the  wharf  and  was  lost  in  the  crowd. 

We  knew  an  instance  of  a  lady  in  New  York  giving 
a  hundred-dollar  note  to  a  strawberry  woman,  instead 
of  a  note  of  one  dollar.  Neither  note  nor  woman 
were  seen  or  heard  of  more. 

In  getting  change  see  that  three-cent  pieces  are  not 
given  to  you  for  five  cents. 

And  now  a  few  words  to  saleswomen.  They  have 
always,  when  commencing  that  vocation,  two  important 
qualities  to  cultivate  (exclusive  of  cleverness  in  busi- 
ness)— civility,  and  patience.  In  these  two  requisites, 
few  of  our  American  young  women  are  deficient.  Let 
them  also  learn  activity  in  moving,  and  quickness  in 
recollecting  where  all  the  articles  called  for  are  to  be 
found,  so  as  not  to  keep  the  customers  waiting  too 
long,  while  they,  the  sellers,  are  searching  the  shelves 
and  boxes.  Also,  if  a  lady  wishes  to  match  some- 
thing, (for  instance,  a  piece  of  silk,)  it  is  foolish  and 
jiseless  to  bring  her  a  piece  that  is  not  exactly  like; 
trying  to  persuade  her  to  take  it,  and  calling  it  "  as 
good  a  match  as  she  is  likely  to  get."  Of  course  she 
will  not  take  a  piece  that  is  only  tolerahly  like,  but 
not  quite  the  same ;  for  unless  it  matches  exactly,  it 
is  no  match  at  all.  If  a  customer  enquires  for  light 
blue  ribbon  it  is  absurd  to  bring  her  dark  blue,  saying 
''we  have  no  light  blue" — or  to  say  ''we  have  no 
pink,  but  we  have  scarlet — we  have  no  lilac,  but  we 
have  purple."    Or  still  worse,  to  try  to  persuade  the 

customer  that  deep  crimson  is  a  beautiful  shade  of 

8 


86 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BO0K= 


scarlet;  or  worse  than  all,  tliat  tliose  very  unbecoming 
tints,  called  improperly  rose-white  and  pearl-white,  are 
really  a  pure  dead  white ;  when  you  know  very  well 
that  thej^  are  no  such  thing.  Both  white  and  black 
are  very  difficult  to  match  precisely. 

Let  the  yard-measure  be  visible  to  the  customers. 
In  some  shops  the  measure  is  at  the  back  of  the 
counter,  hidden  behind  a  glass  case.  This  practice 
of  measuring  out  of  sight,  sometimes  gives  rise  to  a 
suspicion  that  the  measure  is  not  true,  as  it  is  So  easy 
to  deceive  where  the  brass  nails  that  mark  it  are  con- 
cealed from  view  of  the  customers. 

Every  female  who  keeps,  or  attends  in  a  store, 
should  discourage  the  visits  of  her  friends  at  business- 
hours.  If  she  looks  off  to  chat  with  her  shop-visiters, 
she  cannot  attend  properly  to  her  customers;  and 
those  visiters  may  be  inconsiderate  and  obtrusive 
enough  to  interfere,  by  putting  in  their  word,  and 
praising  the  beauty  or  cheapness  of  the  articles,  by 
way  of  promoting  the  interest  of  the  seller,  which  it 
ultimately  loill  7wt.  • 

Show  as  much  civility  and  attention  to  a  customer 
plainly  dressed,  and  walking  on  foot,  or  getting  out 
of  an  omnibus,  as  you  would  to  a  lady  elegantly 
attired,  and  coming  in  her  own  carriage.  The  form.er 
may  prove  the  most  profitable  customer.  Be  careful 
to  exhibit  no  temper,  even  if  you  have  had  the  trouble 
of  showing  a  variety  of  goods  to  one  who  goes  away 
without  buying  any  thing.  Another  time,  perhaps, 
she  may  come  and  make  large  purchases:  but  if  you 
offend  her,  she  will  assuredly  never  enter  the  store 


PLACES  OF  AMUSEMENT. 


8T 


again.  Recollect  that  no  one  feels  under  the  least 
compulsion  to  buy  what  does  not  suit  them.  You 
would  not  yourself.  Habitual  courtesy  is  a  valuable 
qualification,  and  always  turns  to  good  account. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

PLACES  OF  AMUSEMENT. 

It  would  be  well  in  all  places  of  public  amusement, 
if  there  could  be  a^  apartment  appropriated  to  the 
ladies,  in  which  they  might  deposit  their  cloaks,  hoods, 
&c.  in  charge  of  a  responsible  attendant ;  her  care  to 
be  rewarded  by  a  small  gratuity.  Ladies  would  then 
be  under  no  necessity  of  carrying  warm  outer-gar- 
ments into  a  crowded  and  heated  room ;  or  of  wearing 
their  bonnets,  and  thereby  intercepting  the  view  of 
persons  seated  behind  them;  ahyays  a  grievance 
v\^here  the  benches  are  not  sufficiently  elevated,  or 
where  there  is  no  difference  at  all  in  their  respective 
elevation,  as  is  som-ctimes  the  case.  Also,  the  appear- 
ance of  the  female  part  of  the  company  is  always 
more  elegant,  when  vfearing  bandeaus,  caps,  or  other 
light  head-dresses ;  young  persons  requiring  their  hair 
only,  or  the  slight  decoration  of  a  flower  or  a  ribbon. 
It  is  very  painful  and  fatiguing  to  be  for  several  hours 
continually  dodging  your  head  from  side  to  side,  and 
stretching  your  neck  this  way  and  that,  and  peeping 
wherever  you  can  obtain  a  tantalizing  glimpse  between 


88 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


the  bonnets  of  ladies  seated  immediately  before  you. 
This,  in  addition  to  the  annoyance  of  being  squeezed 
on  a  bench  that  is  over-fullj  is  enough  to  destroy 
nearly  all  the  pleasure  of  the  exhibition ;  and  to  make 
a  large  portion  of  the  audience  regret  that  they  came. 

If  you  wish  to  secure  a  good  seat,  go  early.  It  is 
better  to  sit  there  an  hour  before  the  commencement 
of  the  performance,  than  to  arrive  after  it  has  begun. 
The  time  of  waiting  will  soon  pass  away,  in  conversa- 
tion with  the  friends  wdiom  you  have  accompanied. 

When  invited  to  join  a  party  to  a  place  of  amuse- 
ment, begin  to  prepare  in  ample  time;  so  as  not  to 
keep  them  waiting  for  you.  When  a  large  party  is 
going  to  a  place  of  amusement,  (for  instance,  the 
theatre,  or  opera,)  it  is  better  that  each  family  should 
go  thither  from  their  own  home,  (being  provided  with 
their  own  tickets,)  than  that  they  should  all  rendezvous 
at  the  house  of  one  of  the  company;  at  the  risk  of 
keeping  the  whole  party  waiting,  perhaps  for  the  very 
youngest  members  of  it.  When  a  box  has  been  taken, 
let  the  tickets  be  sent  to  all  the  persons  who  are  to 
have  seats  in  it,  and  not  retained  by  the  taker  of  the 
box  till  the  whole  party  has  assembled  at  the  door  of 
the  theatre.  If  the  tickets  are  thus  distributed,  the 
persons  from  each  house  can  go  wdien  they  please, 
without  com^pelling  any  of  the  party  to  w^ait  for  them. 

Still,  to  make  an  entrance  after  the  performance 
has  begun,  is  (or  ought  to  be)  very  embarrassing  to 
ladies.  It  excites  the  attention  of  all  around,  divert- 
ing that  attention  from  the  performance;  and  there  is 
nhvays,  when  the  house  is  full,  and  the  hour  late,  some 


PLAGES  OF  AMUSEMENT. 


89 


delay  and  difficulty  in  reaching  tlie  seats,  even  when 
the  seats  have  been  secured. 

If  it  is  a  concert,  where  places  cannot  be  previously 
engaged,  there  are,  of  course,  additional  reasons  for 
going  in  due  time;  and  the  most  sensible  and  best- 
behaved  part  of  the  audience  always  endeavour  to  do 
so.  But  if  you  are  unavoidably  late,  be  satisfied  to 
pay  the  penalty,  by  quietly  taking  back-seats,  if  no 
others  are  vacant.  Y/e  have  seen  young  ladies  not 
arriving  till  after  the  entertainment  had  commenced, 
march  boldly  up  to  the  front  benches,  and  stand  there 
looking  steadfastly  in  the  faces  of  gentlemen  who  with 
their  parties  had  earned  good  seats  by  coming  soon 
after  the  doors  were  opened.  The  ladies  persever- 
ing in  this  determined  stare,  till  they  succeeded  in 
dislodging  these  unfortunate  gentlemen,  and  com- 
pelling them  to  quit  their  seats,  to  leave  the  ladies 
who  belonged  to  them,  and  to  stand  for  the  remainder 
of  the  evening,  perhaps  in  a  distant  part  of  the  room. 
American  men  are  noted,  everywhere,  for  their  polite- 
ness to  females.  "VYe  wish  we  could  say  the  same  of 
the  politeness  of  our  fair  countrywomen  in  return. 
Yet  frequently  they  will  avail  themselves  of  these 
civilities  from  strangers,  without  rewarding  them  with 
a  word  of  thanks,  or  even  a  bow  of  acknowledgment. 

English  tourists  remark  (and  with  truth)  that  there 
is  no  position  in  which  American  ladies  appear  to  such 
disadvantage  as  when  crowding  the  galleries  of  our 
legislative  assemblies;  ejecting  gentlemen  to  whom  it 
is  of  importance  to  hear  the  debates ;  and  still  worse, 
intruding  upon  the  floor  of  the  senate-chamber,  and 


90 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


compelliPig  tlie  senators  to  relinquish  their  places,  and 
find  others  where  they  can,  or  else  to  stand  all  the 
time.  And  among  these  ladies,  there  may  be  very 
few  vfho  are  really  capable  of  enjoying  or  appreciating 
the  eloquence  of  our  distinguished  orators,  or  of  enter- 
ing understandingly  into  the  merits  of  the  question. 
Often  these  damsels  are  whispering  half  the  time 
about  some  nonsense  of  their  own;  and  often,  as  is 
surmised,  the  chief  object  of  the  ladies  whose  visits  to 
the  capitol  are  most  frequent,  is  the  chance  of  a  few 
words  of  flirtation  with  some  of  the  most  gallant 
among  the  members;  or  the  possibility  of  being 
escorted  home  by  a  congressman,  who  has  but  little 
to  do,  or  at  least  who  does  but  little.  We  think  the 
English  parliament  is  right  in  excluding  ladies  from 
their  halls,  except  when  the  queen  goes  there  in  state, 
to  open  or  prorogue  the  session.  Let  them  be  satis- 
fied w^ith  reading  the  debates  in  the  newspapers 

We  acknowledge  that  it  is  very  interesting  to  see 
and  hear  the  most  eminent  men  of  our  country  ar- 
ranging the  affairs  of  the  nation;  to  become  acquainted 
with  their  personal  appearance,  and  to  listen  to  their 
eloquence.  But  the  privilege  should  not  be  abused 
as  it  is,  by  those  who,  after  all,  listen  so  badly,  or 
comprehend  so  badly,  that  if  questioned  an  hour 
afterward,  they  could  scarcely  repeat  the  purport  of 
one  single  sentence, — nor  perhaps  even  recollect  the 
subject  of  debate.  Such  instances  we  have  known — 
and  not  a  few  of  them  either. 

To  laugh  deridingly,  or  to  whisper  unfavourable 
remarks  during  the  performance  of  a  concert  or  a 


PLACES  OF  AMUSEMENT. 


91 


play,  is  a  rudeness  of  wMcli  few  American  ladies  are 
guilty.  Still,  we  occasionally  see  some  of  that  few, 
who,  much  to  the  annoyance  of  those  persons  near 
them  who  really  wish  to  enjoy  what  they  came  for, 
talk  audibly  in  ridicule  of  the  performers;  the  per- 
formers being,  in  all  probability,  near  enough  to  hear 
these  vexatious  remarks,  and  to  be  disconcerted  by 
them.  We  heard  of  a  highly  respectable  actress  who 
was  so  mortified  by  the  unfeeling  animadversions  of 
some  young  ladies  in  a  stage-box,  that  she  forgot  her 
part,  vras  unable  to  utter  a  word,  or  to  restrain  her 
tears,  and  became  so  nervous  that  she  played  badly 
during  the  remainder  of  the  piece,  and  was  in  con^se- 
quence,  severely  handled  next  day  by  the  newspaper 
critics.    This  was  very  hard. 

Parents  before  taking  their  children  to  the  theatre, 
should  first  ascertain  whether  the  play  is  such  as  will 
amuse  or  interest  them.  Small  children  are  invariably 
restless,  troublesome,  and  finally  sleepy  at  a  perform- 
ance that  affords  them  no  entertainment,  and  they  will 
be  better  at  home.  Yet  we  have  seen  little  girls 
brought  to  see  the  painful  tragedy  of  the  Gamester 
— or  still  worse,  the  dreary  coniedy  of  the  Stranger. 
How  is  it  that  young  ladies  are  frequently  matronized 
to  plays  that  even  their  mothers  cannot  witness  with- 
out blushes  ? 


92 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


CHAPTER  IX. 

TRAVELLING. 

No  lady  should  set  out  on  a  journey  unprovided 
with  an  oiled-silk  bag  for  the  reception  of  tooth- 
brushes, soap,  a  hair-brush,  and  a  towel.  Let  the  bag 
be  about  half  a  quarter  of  a  yard  longer  at  the  back 
than  at  the  front;  so  as  to  leave  a  flap  to  turn  over, 
and  tie  down,  when  all  the  articles  are  in.  It  should 
be  square,  (exclusive  of  the  flap,)  and  about  a  quarter 
and  half-quarter  in  length,  and  the  same  in  breadth ; 
stitched  in  compartments,  something  like  an  old- 
fashioned  thread-case,  only  that  the  compartments 
differ  much  in  size.  The  two  smallest  are  for  two 
tooth-brushes.  Another  should  be  broad  enough  to 
contain  a  hair-brush.  For  travelling,  have  a  hair-brush 
with  a  mirror  at  the  back,  and  if  you  can  get  one  that 
has  also  a  dressing-comb  attached  to  it,  so  much  the 
better.  The  largest  compartment  (which  should  oc- 
cupy the  centre)  is  for  a  towel,  and  a  cake  of  soap.  If 
you  are  obliged  to  start  in  haste,  all  these  things  can 
be  put  in  while  wet  from  recent  use,  the  towel  being 
rolled  or  folded  into  as  small  a  compass  as  possible. 
The  oiled  silk  will  prevent  the  wet  from  oozing 
through.  When  all  are  in,  turn  over  the  flap  at  the 
top,  (which  should  be  furnished  with  two  long  strings 


TRAVELLING. 


93 


of  broad,  white  tape,)  and  tie  it  securely  down. 
Carry  this  bag  in  the  square  satchel  which  all  ladies 
now  keep  in  their  hands  when  travelling,  and  which 
contain  such  things  as  they  may  want  during  the  day, 
precluding  the  necessity  of  opening  their  large  carpet- 
bag, till  they  stop  for  the  night. 

In  a  carpet-bag  pack  nothing  but  white  articles,  or 
such  as  can  be  washed,  and  will  not  be  spoiled  by  the 
bag  chancing  to  get  wet.  Have  your  name  engraved 
on  the  lock  of  your  carpet-bag,  and  also  on  the  brass 
plate  of  your  trunks.  Besides  this,  write  your  full 
direction  on  several  cards,  make  a  small  hole  in  each, 
and  running  a  string  through  the  hole,  tie  a  card  to 
the  handle  of  each  trunk,  and  sew  one  on  the  side  of 
your  carpet-bag — the  direction  designating  the  place 
to  which  you  are  going.  Your  name  in  full  should  be- 
painted  in  white  letters  on  every  trunk.  This  costs 
but  a  trifle,  and  secures  the  recognition  of  your  bag- 
gage when  missing.  It  is  also  an  excellent  plan  to 
tie  round  the  handle  of  each  trunk  or  bag,  a  bit  of 
ribbon — blue,  red,  or  yellow — all  the  bits  being  off 
the  same  piece. 

Write  on  a  large  card,  a  list  and  description  of  each 
trunk,  box,  &c.  and  give  the  card  to  the  gentleman 
who  escorts  you.  It  will  greatly  assist  him  in  identi- 
fying all  the  articles  that  comprise  your  baggage. 

Be  quite  ready  at  least  a  quarter  of  an  hour  before 
the  time  for  starting.    Nelson  said  he  traced  all  the 

In  a  former  work  of  the  author's,  The  House  Boole,  published 
by  A.  Hart,  Philadelphia,  will  be  found  ample  directions  for  pack- 
ing trunks,  &c. 


94 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


most  fortunate  events  of  his  life  to  his  practice  of 
being,  on  every  occasion,  quite  prepared  a  quarter  of 
an  hour  too  early.    It  is  a  good  rule. 

Previous  to  departing,  put  into  the  hand  of  your 
escort  rather  more  than  a  sufficient  sum  for  the 
expenses  of  your  journey,  so  as  to  provide  for  all 
possible  contingencies.  He  will  return  you  the  ba- 
lance when  all  is  paid.  Having  done  this,  should  any 
person  belonging  to  the  line  come  to  you  for  your 
fare,  refer  them  to  the  gentleman,  (mentioning  his 
name,)  and  take  care  to  pay  nothing  more  yourself. 

Dress  very  plainly  when  travelling.  Few  ladies 
that  are  ladies  wear  finery  in  rail-cars,  and  steam- 
boats— still  less  in  stages — stage-roads  being  usually 
very  dusty.  Showy  silks,  and  what  are  called  dress- 
bonnets  are  preposterous — so  are  jewellery  ornaments, 
which,  if  real,  you  run  a  great  risk  of  losing,  and  if 
false,  are  very  ungenteel.  Above  all,  do  not  travel 
in  white  kid  gloves.    Respectable  women  never  do. 

The  best  travelling-dresses  are  of  merino,  or  alpaca ; 
plain  mousseline  de  laine ;  grey  or  brown  linen ;  or 
strong  India  silk,  senshaw  for  instance.  In  warm 
weather,  gingham  is  better  than  printed  lawn,  which 
rumples  and  tumbles  and  ^'gets  into  a  string"  directly. 
The  sleeves  wide,  for  if  tight  to  the  arm,  they  will 
stain  with  perspiration.  Your  travelling-dress  for 
summer  should  have  a  large  cape  or  pelerine  of  the 
same.  Beside  which,  carry  on  your  arm  a  large 
shav/1  for  chilly  mornings  and  evenings.  No  lady 
should  travel  in  cold  w^eather,  without  a  warm  cloak, 
mantilla,  or  pelisse, — furs,  &c.  of  course — p-nd  travel- 


TRAVELLING. 


95 


ling-boots  lined  with  fur  or  flannel ;  having  also  inner 
6oles  of  lambs-wool,  varnished  on  the  leather  side  to 
make  them  water-proof.  Take  with  you  one  of  those 
very  useful  umbrellas,  that  are  large  enough  to  shelter 
one  person  from  the  rain,  and  can  ako  be  used  as  a 
parasol.  Do  not  pack  it  away  in  a  trunk,  for  you  may 
want  it  in  the  transit  from  rail-car  to  steamboat. 
Keep  it  near  you  all  the  time,  with  your  satchel  and 
extra  shawl.    By  all  means  wear  a  white  collar. 

If  you  are  fortunately  able  to  ride  backward  as  well 
as  forward,  you  will  be  less  incommoded  vvith  flying 
sparks,  by  sitting  with  your  back  to  the  engine.  A 
spark  getting  into  the  eye  is  very  painful,  and  some- 
times dangerous.  It  is  possible  to  expel  it  by  blowing 
your  nose  very  hard,  while  with  the  other  hand  you 
wipe  out  the  particle  of  cinder  with  a  corner  of  your 
handkerchief,  pulling  down  the  lower  eye-lid.  We 
have  seen  this  done  successfully.  Another  way  is  to 
wrap  the  head  of  a  pin  in  the  corner  of  a  fine,  soft 
cambric  handkerchief,  and  placing  it  beneath  the  lid, 
sweep  all  round  the  eye  with  it.  If  this  does  not 
succeed,  get  out  at  the  first  station-house  where  you 
can  stop  long  enough,  procure  a  bristle-hair  from  a 
sweeping-brush,  tie  it  in  a  loop  or  bow  with  a  bit  of 
thread,  and  let  some  one  insert  it  beneath  your  eye- 
lid, and  move  it  slowly  all  round,  so  as  to  catch  in  it 
the  ofiending  particle  of  coal,  and  bring  it  out.  Or  if 
there  is  time,  send  to  the  nearest  apothecary  for  an 
eye-stone,  (in  reality,  a  lobster's  eye,)  and  soak  it  five 
minutes  in  a  saucer  of  vinegar  and  water  to  give  it 
activity,  then,  wiping  it  dry,  and  carefully  inserting 


fit  THE  BBHAVIOUR  BOOK. 

it  beneath  the  eje-lid,  bind  a  handkerchief  over  it. 
The  eye-stone  will  go  circling  round  the  eye,  and 
most  likely  take  up  the  mote  in  its  course.  When 
the  pain  ceases,  remove  the  handkerchief,  and  wash 
the  eye  with  cold  water. 

To  read  in  a  rail-car  is  very  injurious  to  the  eyes, 
from  the  quivering,  tremulous  motion  it  seems  to  com- 
municate to  the  letters  of  the  page.  It  is  best  to  ab- 
stain from  your  book  till  you  are  transferred  to  the 
steamboat. 

Many  persons  cannot  talk  in  a  rail-car  without  a 
painful  exertion  of  the  voice.  And  it  is  not  an  easy 
task,  even  to  those  whose  lungs  are  strong.  You  can 
easily  excuse  yourself  from  conversing  with  your  escort, 
by  telling  him  that  your  voice  is  not  loud  enough  to 
be  heard  above  the  racket  of  the  cars,  and  that  though 
you  will  gladly  listen  to  Jiim,  he  must  allow  you  to 
listen  w^ithout  replying,  except  in  as  few  words  as 
possible.  If  he  finds  a  gentleman  with  whom  he  is 
acquainted,  desire  him  to  talk  to  his  friend,  and  leave 
you  to  hear  their  conversation  as  a  silent  auditor. 

If  you  pass  the  night  in  a  steamboat,  and  can  afford 
the  additional  expense  of  a  wJiole  state-room,  by  all 
means  engage  one  as  soon  as  you  go  on  board.  The 
chambermaid  will  give  you  the  key  and  the  number, 
and  you  can  retire  to  it  whenever  you  please,  and 
enjoy  the  luxury  of  being  alone,  and  of  washing  and 
dressing  without  witnesses.  If  you  are  constrained  to 
take  a  berth  in  the  ladies'  sleeping-cabin,  it  is  not  the 
least  necessary  to  retire  to  it  immediately  after  supper. 
By  doing  so  yoa  wi^l  have  a  very  long,  tiresome  night, 


TRAVELLING. 


97 


and  be  awake  many  hours  before  morning.  And  if 
you  are  awake,  do  not  be  continually  calling  upon  the 
poor  chambermaid,  and  disturbing  her  with  inquiries, 
such  as  "Where  are  we  now?"  and  ''How  soon  shall  we 
arrive?" 

The  saloon  is  the  place  in  which  ladies  and  gentle- 
men sit  together.  If  a  lady  is  so  inconsiderate  or 
selfish  as  to  violate  the  rules  of  the  boat,  by  inviting 
her  husband  or  lover  to  take  a  seat  in  the  ladies'  cabin, 
there  is  no  impropriety  in  sending  the  chambermaid 
to  remind  him  that  he  must  leave  the  room.  This  is 
often  done,  and  always  should  be.  We  once  saw  a 
gentleman  (or  a  pretended  one)  so  pertinacious  in 
remaining,  (it  is  true  his  lady-love  urged  him  "not  to 
mind,")  that  the  captain  had  to  be  brought  to  threaten 
him  with  forcible  expulsion.  This  had  the  desired 
effect. 

Such  are  the  facilities  of  travelling,  that  a  lady 
evidently  respectable,  plainly  dressed,  and  behaving 
properly,  may  travel  very  well  without  a  gentleman. 
Two  ladies  still  better.  On  commencing  the  journey 
she  should  speak  to  the  conductor,  requesting  him  to 
attend  to  her  and  her  baggage,  and  to  introduce  her 
to  the  captain  of  the  boat,  who  will  of  course  take 
charge  of  her  during  the  voyage. 

Before  arriving  at  the  wharf,  she  had  best  engage 
one  of  the  servants  of  the  boat,  (promising  him  a 
shilling  or  two,)  to  obtain  for  her  a  porter  or  a  hack, 
and  to  see  that  her  baggage  is  safe.  She  must  stipu- 
late with  the  hackman  that  no  stranger  is  to  be  put 
into  the  carriage  with  her.    This  is  against  the  law, 


98 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


but  notwithstanding,  is  often  done,  and  the  lady  who 
has  first  engaged  the  coach,  is  liable  to  have  for  her 
riding-companions  persons  of  improper  character  and 
vulgar  appearance,  and  to  be  carried  with  them  to 
their  places  in  remote  parts  of  the  city,  before  she  is 
conveyed  to  her  own  home.  Previous  to  getting  in, 
take  the  number  of  the  coach,  by  writing  it  on  a  card 
with  your  pencil,  and  make  your  bargain  with  him  as 
to  the  charge  for  conveying  you  and  your  baggage. 

It  would  be  well  if  the  imposition  and  insolence  of 
hack-drivers  were  always  followed  with  the  punish- 
ments provided  by  law.  Ladies  are  naturally  un- 
willing to  appear  at  a  magistrate's  office.  But  it  is 
the  duty  of  every  gentleman,  as  a  good  citizen,  to  see 
that  the  municipal  regulations  are  never  violated  with 
impunity. 

All  trouble  may  be  avoided  on  arriving,  by  sending 
for  the  captain  of  the  boat,  and  requesting  him  to  see 
you  on  shore,  or  to  depute  his  clerk  to  that  office. 

In  arriving  at  a  rail-road  depot,  be  careful  not  to 
quit  the  cars  till  after  they  have  positively  stopped 
quite  still.  The  time  gained  is  but  an  instant,  and 
the  risk  is  very  imminent  of  serious  injury  by  falling, 
should  your  ankle  twist  in  stepping  out  while  there  is 
the  least  motion. 

On  arriving  at  a  hotel,  ask  immediately  to  see  the 
proprietor ;  give  him  your  name  and  address,  tell  how 
long  you  purpose  staying,  and  request  him  to  see  that 
you  are  provided  with  a  good  room.  Request  him 
also  to  conduct  you  to  the  dining-room  at  dinner-time, 
and  allot  yow  a  seat  near  his  own=    For  this  purpose, 


TRAVELLING. 


99 


he  will  wait  for  you  near  the  door,  (do  not  keep  him 
waiting,)  or  meet  you  in  the  ladies'  drawing-room. 
While  at  table,  if  the  proprietor  or  any  other  gentle- 
man asks  you  to  take  wine  with  him,  politely  refuse. 

If,  on  arriving  at  the  wharf,  you  expect  a  gentle- 
man to  meet  you,  take  a  seat  either  on  deck  near  the 
cabin-door,  or  just  inside  of  the  door,  so  that  he  may 
find  you  easily. 

If  you  are  to  pursue  your  journey  early  in  the 
morning,  desire,  over-night,  the  w^aiter  who  attends 
your  room,  to  knock  hard  at  your  door  an  hour  before 
the  time  of  starting.  Before  you  go  down-stairs,  ask 
for  the  chambermaid  who  has  attended  you,  and  give 
her  a  fee,  (not  less  than  a  quarter-dollar,)  putting  it 
into  her  own  hand  yourself,  and  not  commissioning 
another  to  convey  it  to  her.  Do  not  omit  giving  a 
quarter-dollar  at  least,  to  the  waiter  who  attended 
your  room,  and  one  also  to  him  who  has  served  you 
at  table. 

Refrain  from  making  acquaintance  with  any  stran- 
gers, unless  you  are  certain  of  their  respectability. 
If  a  gentleman  of  whom  you  know  nothing,  endeavours 
to  get  into  conversation  with  you,  turn  away,  and 
make  no  reply.  Avoid  saying  any  thing  to  women  in 
showy  attire,  with  painted  faces,  and  white  kid  gloves. 
Such  persons  have  frequently  the  assurance  to  try  to 
be  very  sociable  with  respectable  ladies  who  are  travel- 
ling alone.    Keep  aloof  from  them  always. 

If  you  have  breakfasted  early,  it  will  be  well  to  put 
some  gingerbread-nuts  or  biscuits  into  your  satchel, 
as  you  may  become  very  hungry  before  dinner. 


100 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Carry  b'lt  little  money  in  your  pocket — not  more 
than  will  suffice  for  the  expenses  of  the  day.  But  for 
travelling,  have  another  pocket,  concealed  beneath 
your  upper  petticoat,  and  in  that  keep  the  main  por- 
tion  of  your  cash.  Be  cautious  of  taking  bank-notes 
in  change — they  may  be  such  as  you  cannot  pass.  If 
they  are  offered  to  you,  refuse  them,  and  insist  upon 
gold  or  silver. 

Travelling  in  America,  ladies  frequently  meet  with 
little  civilities  from  gentlemen,  so  delicately  offered, 
that  to  refuse  them  would  be  rude.  These  incidental 
acts  of  politeness  should  always  be  acknowledged  with 
thanks ;  but  they  should  not  be  construed  into  a  desire 
of  commencing  an  acquaintance.  If  a  lady  obliged 
to  travel  alone,  wishes  to  be  treated  with  respect,  her 
own  deportment  must  in  all  things  be  quiet,  modest 
and  retiring. 

If  you  have  a  servant  with  you,  see  that  she  gets 
her  meals,  and  has  a  comfortable  sleeping-place,  or  in 
all  probability  she  will  be  neglected  and  overlooked. 
In  a  steamboat  or  a  hotel,  speak  yourself  to  the  head- 
waiter,  and  desire  him  to  take  her  to  the  servants' 
table  and  attend  to  her;  and  tell  the  chambermaid  to 
see  her  provided  with  a  bed.  If  their  lady  forgets  to 
look  out  for  them,  coloured  women  in  particular  have 
often  no  courage  to  look  out  for  themselves. 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


101 


CHAPTER  X. 

DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL,  OR  AT  A  LARGE 
BOARDINa-HOUSE. 

Now  tliat  there  is  so  much  travelling  in  the  summer, 
(and  indeed  at  all  seasons,)  and  so  much  living  in  pub- 
lic, to  save  the  trouble  and  the  expense  of  keeping 
house  in  private,  it  may  be  well  to  offer  some  hints  on 
the  propriety  of  manners  that  ought  to  be  observed  in 
places  where  you  are  always  exposed  to  the  inspection 
and  to  the  remarks  of  strangers.  These  strangers, 
knowing  you  but  slightly,  or  not  at  all,  will  naturally 
draw  their  inferences  for  or  against  you  from  what 
they  see  before  their  eyes ;  concluding  that  you  are 
genteel  or  ungenteel,  patrician  or  plebeian,  according 
to  the  coarseness  or  the  polish  of  your  manners. 

Yet  strange  to  say,  there  are  persons  who  indulge 
themselves  in  astounding  acts  of  rudeness,  from  the 
supposition  that  a  hotel  is  only  a  tavern,  a  sort  of 
Liberty  Hall,  where  every  one  has  a  right  to  "take 
their  ease  in  their  inn,"  if  they  pay  for  it.  Have  they 
no  respect  for  themselves  ? 

It  is  usual  for  members  of  the  same  party  to  meet 
in  the  ladies'  drawing-room  before  they  go  in  to  break- 
fast, unless  the  party  is  large ;  and  then  it  is  not  ex- 
pected that  half  a  dozen  persons  should  be  kept  wait- 
ing for  one  or  two  late  risers,  or  tardy  dressers.  When 


102  THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 

two  or  three  of  tlie  party  find  themselves  ready  in  the 
parlour,  it  will  be  best  for  them  to  proceed  to  the 
eating-room,  and  leave  the  others  to  follow  at  their 
convenience,  by  twos  or  by  threes,— always  seeing 
that  a  young  lady,  if  a  stranger,  is  not  left  to  go  in 
alone.  Strangers  at  hotels  can  have  no  particular 
seats  at  breakfast  and  tea,  as  at  these  two  repasts, 
they  always  come  to  table  by  instalments,  and  at  no 
regular  time.  If  a  large  party  enters  all  at  once, 
and  they  are  determined  to  sit  all  together,  they  may 
occasion  much  inconvenience  to  persons  already  seated, 
or  to  the  regular  boarders,  who  have  their  allotted 
seats.  Neither  is  there  any  necessity  or  advantage 
in  six,  eight,  or  ten  people,  who  travel  as  one  party, 
resolving  to  establish  themselves  at  a  hotel-table  all 
side  by  side,  in  a  row;  particularly  when  it  causes 
inconvenience  to  others.  Certainly  not  more  than 
three  or  four  persons  ranged  in  a  line  can  join  in  the 
same  conversation,  or  attend  to  the  wants  of  their 
friends.  Why  then  should  they  make  any  extraordi- 
nary point  of  occupying  chairs  next  to  each  other.  It 
would  be  better  to  divide  their  forces;  and  if  they 
can,  for  half  to  sit  on  one  side  of  the  table,  and  the 
other  half  directly  opposite.  Or  they  will  find  that  if 
the  table  is  full,  and  they  have  to  disperse  -  ti]]  more 
widely,  they  had  best  do  so  with  a  good  grai  e,  rather 
than  make  any  disturbance  on  the  subj^ci.  When 
they  quit  the  table  to  return  to  the  drawing-room, 
they  may  be  very  sure  of  all  meeting  again  near  the 
door. 

Nine  o'clock  (or  half-past)  is  the  latest  hour  that 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


103 


any  guest  at  a  hotel  should  come  to  breakfast ;  and 
few  Ameriemis  have  so  little  consideration  as  to  detain 
the  table  and  the  servants  till  ten  or  eleven.*  At  a 
boarding-house,  the  guests  are  very  soon  made  to  un- 
derstand that  if  they  are  late  risers,  they  need  expect 
nothing  but  the  cold  leavings  of  the  breakfast.  At  a 
hotel  they  find  more  indulgence.  You  there  choose 
from  the  bill  of  fare  such  dishes  as  you  may  prefer, 
and  they  will  be  brought  to  you,  after  you  have  been 
supplied  Vvdth  tea  or  coffee,  and  bread  and  butter  to 
begin  with.  To  each  person  is  allowed  a  separate 
dish  or  plate  of  the  articles  selected;  and  it  is  under- 
stood to  be  for  yourself  alone,  and  that  no  other  person 
has  a  right  to  partake  of  it,  or  to  meddle  with  it  in 
any  way.  Yet  even  from  your  ovm  dish,  never  help 
yourself  with  the  knife  and  fork  or  spoon  you  are 
eating  A^th;  but  always  use  a  spare  one,  with  which 
the  waiter  will  furnish  you.  Do  not  eat  different  sorts 
of  relishes  off  the  same  plate.  At  a  hotel  there  is  no 
scarcity  of  plates,  or  of  servants  to  change  them. 
Always  take  butter  with  the  butter-knife,  and  then  do 
not  forget  to  return  that  knife  to  the  butter-plate. 
Carefully  avoid  cutting  bread  with  your  own  knife,  or 
taking  salt  with  it  from  the  salt-cellar.  It  looks  as  if 
you  had  not  been  accustomed  to  butter-knives  and 
salt-spoons. 

Ladies  no  longer  eat  salt-fish  at  a  public-table. 

Nevertheless,  it  is  not  good  manners  to  make  any  remark 
(even  to  a  friend)  on  their  coming  to  breakfast  late  or  early.  It 
is  no  concern  of  yours,  and  they  have  reasons  of  their  own,  un- 
doubtedly. 


104 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


The  odour  of  it  is  now  considered  extremely  ungen- 
teel,  and  it  is  always  very  disagreeable  to  those  who 
do  not  eat  it.  If  you  breakfast  alone,  you  can  often 
indulge  in  it. 

Speak  to  the  waiter  in  a  distinct,  but  not  in  too 
loud  a  voice,  and  always  civilly.  Thank  him  for  any 
little  extra  attention  he  may  show  you.  If  you  do 
not  like  what  he  has  brought  you,  or  find  that  you 
cannot  eat  it,  make  your  objection  in  a  low  voice,  so 
as  not  to  be  heard  by  the  neighbouring  guests;  and 
quietly  desire  him  to  bring  you  something  else. 

It  is  usual  at  a  hotel-table  for  each  waiter  to  have 
charge  of  three  or  four  persons,  and  to  attend  to  their 
wants  exclusively.  If  you  are  a  stranger,  ask  the 
waiter  his  name  when  he  first  comes  to  you;  and 
unless  he  is  not  at  hand,  and  you  see  another  standing 
idle,  do  not  call  on  any  one  else  to  attend  yo]^. 

If  the  servants  are  coloured  men,  refrain  from  all 
conversation  in  their  presence  that  may  grate  harshly 
on  their  feelings,  by  reminding  them  of  their  unfortu- 
nate African  blood.  Do  not  talk  of  them  as  "ne- 
groes,"* or  "darkies."  Avoid  all  discussions  of 
abolition,  (either  for  or  against,)  when  coloured  people 
are  by.  Also,  quote  none  of  their  laughable  sayings 
while  they  are  present. 

When  the  domestics  are  Irish,  and  you  have  occa- 
sion to  reprove  them  for  their  negligence,  forgetful- 
ness,  or  blunders,  do  so  without  any  reference  to  their 

^  Americans  never  really  say  niggers,  though  constantly  accused 
of  doing  so  by  their  British  cousins.  The  word  negor  we  have 
teard,  but  nigger  never. 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


105 


country.  If  you  find  one  who  is  disrespectful  or  inso- 
lent, or  who  persists  in  asserting  a  falsehood,  it  is 
safest  to  make  no  reply  yourself,  but  to  have  the 
matter  represented  to  the  proprietor  of  the  house; 
desiring  that  another  waiter  may  be  allotted  to  you. 

It  is  ungenteel  to  go  to  the  breakfast-table  in  any 
costume  approaching  to  full  dress.  There  m.ust  be  no 
flowers  or  ribbons  in  the  hair.  A  morning-cap  should 
be  as  simple  as  possible.  The  most  genteel  morning- 
dress  is  a  close  gown  of  some  plain  material,  with 
long  sleeves,  which  in  summer  may  be  white  muslin. 
A  merino  or  cashmere  wrapper,  (grey,  brown,  purple, 
or  olive,)  faced  or  trimmed  with  other  merino  of  an 
entirely  different  colour,  such  as  crimson,  scarlet, 
green,  or  blue,  is  a  becoming  morning  dress  for  winter. 
In  summer,  a  white  cambric-muslin  morning-robe  is 
the  handsomest  breakfast  attire,  but  one  of  gingham 
or  printed  muslin  the  most  convenient.  The  coloured 
dress  may  be  made  open  in  front,  with  short  loose 
sleeves  and  a  pointed  body.  Beneath  it  a  white 
under-dress,  having  a  chemisette  front  down  to  the 
belt,  and  long  white  sleeves  down  to  the  wrist. 
This  forms  a  very  graceful  morning  costume,  the 
white  skirt  appearing  where  the  coloured  skirt  opens. 

The  fashion  of  wearing  black  silk  mittens  at  break- 
fast is  now  obsolete.  It  was  always  inconvenient,  and 
neither  useful  nor  ornamental. 

After  breakfast,  it  is  customary  for  the  ladies  to 
adjourn  to  the  drawing-room,  where  they  converse,  or 
read  the  papers,  or  receive  early  visiters,  while  the 
chambermaids  are  putting  the  bed-chambers  in  order. 


106 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Some  who  are  not  accustomed  to  hotels,  go  immedi- 
ately from  the  breakfast-table  to  their  own  apartment, 
sitting  there  among  the  flue  and  dust  during  the 
whole  process  of  bed-making  and  room-sweeping; 
afraid  to  trust  the  chambermaid  alone,  lest  she  should 
steal  something.  This  is  absurd.  They  should  know 
that  the  chambermaids  (being  all  considered  honest 
and  responsible)  are  furnished  with  duplicate  keys, 
by  which  they  can  at  any  time  unlock  the  chamber- 
doors,  and  let  themselves  in,  when  the  occupant  is 
absent.  Also,  this  palpable  suspicion  of  their  honesty 
is  an  insult  to  the  gixds,  and  is  always  felt  as  such.  It 
is  sufficient  to  lock  the  bureau,  the  wardrobe,  and  your 
trunks.  When  you  go  out,  (that  is,  out  of  the  house,) 
then  lock  the  door  of  your  room,  lest  some  one  passing 
by,  should  have  curiosity  to  stroll  in  and  look  about, 
and  meddle  with  what  they  see  there. 

Should  you  perceive  that  the  dress  of  another  lady 
is,  by  some  accident,  out  of  order — for  instance,  that 
a  hook  or  a  button  has  become  unfastened;  or  that  a 
string  is  visibly  hanging  out ;  a  collar  unpinned,  and 
falling  off;  the  corner  of  a  shawl  dragging  along  the 
floor ;  a  skirt  caught  up ;  or  a  sleeve  slipping  down, 
immediately  have  the  kindness  to  apprize  her  of  it  in 
a  low  voice,  and  assist  her  in  repairing  the  mischance ; 
and,  if  necessary,  leave  the  room  with  her  for  that 
purpose. 

We  have  seen  a  lady  who,  finding  that  a  cluster  of 
her  false  curls  was  coming  down,  had  the  courage  to 
say  so  to  a  gentleman  with  whom  she  was  conversing 
at  a  party.    And  going  openly,  and  at  once,  to  the 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


107 


nearest  mirror,  she  calmly  adjusted  her  borrowed 
locks,  and  returned  to  her  seat  with  a  good  grace. 
Consequently,  nobody  laughed  at  the  untoward  acci- 
dent; as  might  perhaps  have  been  the  case,  had  she 
seemed  excessively  confused  and  mortified,  and  awk- 
wardly tried  to  hold  on  her  curls  till  she  got  out  of 
the  room. 

If  you  do  not  wish  to  be  encumbered  by  carrying 
the  key  in  your  pocket,  let  it  be  left  during  your  ab- 
sence, with  the  clerk  in  the  office,  or  with  the  bar- 
keeper; and  send  to  him  for  it  on  your  return. 
Desire  the  servant  who  attends  the  door  to  show  no 
person  up  to  your  room  during  your  absence.  If 
visiters  wish  to  wait  for  your  return,  it  is  best  they 
should  do  so  in  the  parlour. 

In  going  in  and  out,  be  careful  to  shut  the  parlour- 
doors  after  you,  except  in  summer.  Young  ladies  are 
often  very  inconsiderate  in  this  respect,  and  cause 
much  inconvenience,  in  cold  weather,  to  those  who  do 
not  like  to  sit  with  a  draught  of  keen  air  blowing  upon 
them.  Even  if  you  feel  too  warm  yourself,  it  is  rude 
to  throw  open  a  door,  (much  more  to  raise  a  window- 
sash,)  without  first  enquiring  if  other  ladies  have  no 
objection. 

There  is  no  impropriety  in  a  lady  commencing  con- 
versation with  a  stranger  of  genteel  appearance.  You 
can  easily  take  occasion  to  mention  your  own  name, 
and  then,  in  return,  she  will  communicate  hers.  But, 
unless  you  are  previously  certain  of  her  respectability, 
have  little  to  say  to  a  woman  who  is  travelling  without 
a  companion,  and  whose  face  is  painted,  who  wears  a 


108 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


profusion  of  long  curls  about  her  neck,  who  has  a 
meretricious  expression  of  eye,  and  who  is  over-dressed. 
It  is  safest  to  avoid  her.  Also,  you  will  derive  no 
pleasure  or  advantage  from  making  acquaintance  with 
females  who  are  evidently  coaise  and  vulgar,  even  if 
you  know  that  they  are  rich,  live  in  a  large  house, 
and  are  of  respectable  charactei.  Young  girls  who 
are  loud,  noisy,  bold,  and  forward,  (however  fashion- 
able they  may  be,)  it  is  best  also  to  avoid.  They  will 
not  want  your  society,  as  they  are  generally  all  the 
time  surrounded  by  "beaux,"  or  else  rattling  over  the 
keys  of  the  piano. 

In  a  public  parlour,  it  is  selfish  and  unmannerly  to 
sit  down  to  the  instrument  uninvited,  and  fall  to  play- 
ing or  practising,  without  seeming  to  consider  the 
probability  of  your  interrupting  or  annoying  the  rest 
of  the  company,  particularly  when  you  see  them  all 
engaged  in  reading  or  in  conversation.  If  you  want 
amusement,  you  had  better  read,  or  occupy  yourself 
with  some  light  sewing  or  knitting-work. 

If  you  have  no  book,  you  can  ring  the  bell,  and 
send  to  the  reading-room  to  borrow  a  file  of  newspa- 
pers ;  but  in  most  hotels,  there  are  books  belonging  to 
the  establishment,  lying  on  a  table  in  the  ladies' 
parlour.  Be  sure  not  to  carry  any  of  these  books  up- 
stairs, as  they  are  intended  solely  for  the  drawing- 
room  ;  and  their  removal  from  thence  is  interdicted. 
Also,  never  carry  away  the  Directory,  the  Atlas,  the 
City  Guide,  or  any  other  book  placed  there  for  the 
convenience  of  strangers. 

If  you  want  pen  and  ink,  or  any  sort  of  stationery, 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


109 


you  can  obtain  it  immediate^,  by  ringing  for  a  servant 
to  bring  it  you  from  the  office.  In  ringing  the  bell, 
one  pull  is  sufficient ;  and  always  pull  the  cord  down- 
ward. If  you  jerk  it  out  horizontally,  and  give 
successively  several  hard  pulls  in  that  direction,  the 
cord  is  very  likely  to  break,  or  the  knob  or  tassel  to 
come  off  in  your  h^d.  At  the  chief  hotel  in  one  of 
the  New  England  cities,  we  saw  a  printed  paper  with 
directions  in  large  type,  pasted  beside  every  hell-pull 
in  the  house;  the  directions  specifying  minutely  the 
proper  mode  of  bell-ringing.  Could  it  be  that  this 
house  was  frequented  by  persons  unaccustomed  to 
bells? 

To  return  to  the  too-prevalent  evil  of  uninvited  and 
ill-timed  piano-playing,  (much  of  which  does  not  de- 
serve the  name  of  music,)  we  have  always  been  at  a 
loss  to  understand  how  a  young  stranger,  (modest  and 
unobtrusive  in  other  things,)  could  walk  up  to  the  in- 
strument, sometimes  almost  as  soon  as  she  arrives, 
and  rattle  "fast  and  furious"  over  the  keys,  drowning 
the  voices  of  ladies  and  gentlemen  who  were  talking, 
and  therefore  compelling  them  to  cease  their  conversa- 
tion; or  if  they  pursued  it,  obliging  them  to  raise 
their  tone  painfully;  or  to  lose  more  than  half,  from 
the  impossibility  of  hearing  each  other  distinctly.  To 
read  when  piano-playing  is  going  on,  is  to  most  per- 
sons impossible.  There  are  few  readers  who  cannot 
so  concentrate  their  attention  on  their  book,  as  not  to 
be  disturbed  by  any  talking  that  may  occur  in  their 
vicinity ;  and  if  talking  does  withdraw  their  attention 
from  the  book,  it  is  best  that  they  should  read  only 


110 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


when  alone  in  tlieir  apartment.  But  we  have  met 
with  no  one  who  could  read  in  the  neighbourhood  of  a 
played  piano. 

If  the  music  is  really  very  good,  and  accompanied 
by  a  fine  voice,  it  is  true  that  most  readers  will 
willingly  close  the  book  to  listen.  But  if  the  playing 
is  barely  tolerable,  or  decidedly  ba&,  and  if  the  sing- 
ing is  weak  and  insipid,  or  harsh  and  screaming,  or 
timeless  and  tasteless,  who  can  possibly  wish  to  hear 
it;  except  perhaps  a  doating  father,  or  an  injudicious 
mother,  vain  of  her  daughter  because  she  is  hers,  and 
so  anxious  to  show  her  off,  that  she  encourages  the 
girl  to  display  even  her  deficiencies. 

We  believe  that  our  beloved  America  is  not  yet  the 
land  of  music;  and  that  (with  many  exceptions)  her 
children  are  generally  not  furnished  with  much  capa- 
city for  it.  If  there  was  a  true  feeling  for  music, 
there  would  be  more  genius  for  that  charming  art,  and 
there  would  be  more  composers  of  original  airs,  the 
number  of  which,  in  our  country,  is  smaller  than  in 
any  civilized  nation  in  the  world.  It  is  true  we  have 
many  excellent  musicians,  and  many  very  good  sing- 
ers, but  still,  music  is  not  the  grand  forte  of  Jonathan. 
Pity  it  were, — for  he  has  "a  nobler  and  a  manlier 
one." 

Now  as  ''there  is  a  time  for  all  things,"  we  persist 
in  saying  that  the  time  and  place  for  school-girls  to 
hear  their  own  music,  or  to  prove  that  it  is  not  worth 
hearing,  is  not  in  the  drawing-room  of  a  hotel,  or  in 
the  presence  of  a  company  that  can  have  no  desire  to 
hear  them.    What  would  be  thought  of  a  young  lady, 


DEPOHTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


Ill 


who  in  a  public  room,  slionld  suddenly  come  forward 
and  "speak  a  speecli;"  or  suddenly  rise  up,  and  com- 
mence, "loud  and  high,"  a  reading  of  poetry,  or  recite 
a  French  fable,  or  repeat  the  multiplication  table,  or 
favour  the  company  wiih  a  spontaneous  i^as  seul. 
And  yet  vre  do  not  perceive  that  any  of  these  feats 
would  be  a  much  greater  evidence  of  deficiency  in 
diffidence,  (to  call  it  by  no  bolder  name,)  than  the 
practice  of  rattling,  uninvited  and  unseasonably,  over 
the  keys  of  a  piano.  A  really  good  musician  is  rarely 
obtrusive  with  her  music,  seldom  playing  unless  she  is 
asked;  and  then,  of  course,  complying  at  once.* 

We  repeat  that  no  lady  should  play  or  sing  in 
company,  unless  she  knows  herself  to  be  universally 
considered  a  good  singer  or  player,  and  capable  of 
something  more  than  the  mere  series  of  lessons  she 
has  learnt  from  her  music  teacher.  Also,  some  punish- 
ment should  be  devised  for  a  young  girl  who  cannot 
play,  yet  has  the  folly  and  assurance  to  seat  herself 
at  the  piano  of  a  public  parlour,  and  annoy  the  com- 
pany by  an  hour  of  tinking  and  tanking  with  one  finger 
only.  Yet  this  we  have  seen  ;  and  her  mother  present 
all  the  time. 

The  gratuitous  exhibition  of  bad  music  is  said  by 
Europeans  to  be  one  of  the  peculiar  characteristics  of 

*  It  is  customary  with  professional  or  public  musicians,  when  in 
private  company,  to  volunteer  a  song  or  a  piece ;  knowing  that, 
out  of  delicacy,  no  one  will  ask  them  to  give  a  gratuitous  specimen 
of  the  art  by  which  they  live.  This  is  polite  and  proper.  It  is 
always  duly  appreciated,  and  adds  to  the  popularity  of  the  per- 
former. 


112 


THE  EEIIAVIOUR  BOOK, 


American  young  ladies.  Let  them  then  "reform  it 
altogether." 

Bring  no  large  sewing  into  the  ladies'  drawing- 
room,  and  nothing  that  will  produce  clippings  or  litter. 
Whenever  you  have  occasion  to  write  more  than  a  few 
lines,  do  it  in  your  own  apartment.  It  is  well  to  have 
always  there  a  small  writing-case  of  your  own,  wdth 
paper,  pens,  ink,  wafers,  sealing-wax,  envelopes,  post- 
office  stamps,  &c.  There  are  very  neat  little  writing- 
cases,  (to  be  purchased  at  the  best  stationers,)  that  are 
fitted  with  receptacles  for  all  the  above  articles,  ex- 
cepting paper;  the  whole  occupying  no  more  space  in 
your  travelling-satchel  than  a  needle-book.  The  ink  is 
so  secured,  that  there  is  no  danger  of  its  spilling. 
You  may  even  carry  these  writing-cases  in  your  pocket 
as  conveniently  as  a  card-case.  As  wi'iting-paper 
should  not  be  folded  or  rolled  in  packing,  lay  it  flat 
in  a  small  port-folio,  and  put  it  into  your  trunk.  You 
wdll  find  great  convenience,  when  from  home,  to  have 
with  you  a  little  assortment  of  writing  materials. 

Except  in  cases  of  illness,  it  is  well  to  decline  invi- 
tations to  visit  ladies  in  their  own  apartments,  unless 
you  are  very  intimately  acquainted  with  them,  or  have 
some  particular  business.  Too  much  sociability  may 
indace  communications  too  confidential;  and  subse- 
quent events  may  prove  this  confidence  to  be  mis- 
placed. Among  the  ladies  staying  at  a  hotel,  there 
is  always  more  harmony,  when  they  all  content  them- 
selves with  meeting  at  table,  or  in  the  public  drawing- 
room.  Young  ladies  should  not  encourage  daily 
morning  visits  from  young  men  boarding  at  the  same 


DEPOETMENT  AT  A  HOTEL, 


113 


kouse,  particularly  if  these  visits  are  long.  In  our 
country,  nearly  every  young  man  is  obliged,  in  some 
way,  to  get  his  own  living ;  and  few  can  afford  to  idle 
av/ay  their  mornings  in  loitering  about  parlours,  and 
talking  flirtation,  A  youth  Vvho  passes  his  time  in 
this  manner,  is  a  beau  not  worth  having.  A  man  that; 
deserves  to  be  called  a  good  match  has  something  else 
to  do  with  his  mornings.  Ladies  at  hotels  should  be 
specially  careful  not  to  make  acquaintance  with  gentle- 
men of  whom  they  know  nothing.  If  a  man  of  noto- 
riously dissipated  or  immoral  character,  presumes  to* 
request  an  introduction  to  a  lady  who  is  aware  of  his 
bad  reputation,  let  her  at  once  reply  that  not  consider- 
ing the  acquaintance  desirable,  she  must  be  excused 
for  declining  it.  It  is  better  thus  to  keep  off  an 
objectionable  man,  (even  with  the  certainty  of  offend- 
ing him,)  than  weakly  to  subject  yourself  to  the  annoy- 
ance and  discredit  (perhaps,  still  worse)  of  allowing 
him  to  boast  of  his  intim.acy  with  you. 

In  conversing  with  gentlemen  at  hotels,  (and  all 
other  places,)  try  not  to  fall  into  the  too  common 
practice  of  talking  to  him  nothing  but  nonsense.  It 
is  a  problem  difficult  to  solve,  that  so  many  ladies  of 
good  abilities  and  cultivated  minds,  and  who  always 
with  their  own  sex  talk  like  intelligent,  sensible  wo- 
men, should,  as  soon  as  they  get  into  conversation 
with  a  gentleman,  seem  immediately  to  take  leave  of 
rationality,  and  demean  themselves  like  utter  fools — 
giving  way  at  once  to  something  they  call  excitement, 
now  the  fashionable  word  for  almost  every  feeling 
that  is  wrong. 

10* 


114 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


We  grieve  to  see  a  charming,  modest,  refined  young 
lady,  almost  the  moment  a  gentleman  begins  to  talk 
to  her,  changing  her  whole  demeanour,  and  quickly 
becoming  bold,  forward,  noisy,  and  nonsensical;  chat- 
tering at  the  top  of  her  voice  about  nothing ;  and 
keeping  up  a  continual  laugh  about  nothing.  Does 
she  suppose  he  cannot  understand  her  if  she  talks 
sense, — or  does  she  think  he  will  like  her  the  better 
for  regaling  him  with  nothing  but  folly  ?  She  is,  in  all 
probability,  egregiously  mistaken,  unless  the  gentle- 
man is  himself  a  simpleton. 

Let  it  not  be  supposed  that  we  have  any  objection 
to  that  sprightliness  which  is  one  of  the  most  agreeable 
characteristics  of  youth.  On  the  contrary,  we  are 
glad  to  see  vivacity  in  women  of  all  ages ;  and  if  they 
have  a  sprinkling  of  wit  and  humour,  so  much  the 
better.  But  we  wish  them  to  do  themselves  justice; 
and  not,  when  conversing  with  men,  run  wild,  because 
it  is  with  men ;  and  give  themselves  up  to  all  manner 
of  folly,  such  as  would  be  pointless,  vapid,  and  insipid, 
if  it  was  not  seasoned  with  causeless  laughter,  and 
with  eyes  keeping  time  to  the  tongue,  rolling  about  in 
perpetual  motion  at  nothing.  We  do  not  wish  ladies 
in  conversing,  even  with  men  of  sense,  to  confine 
themselves  always  to  grave  discussions  on  important 
subjects.  On  the  contrary,  gay  and  lively  conversa- 
tion is  always  pleasa.nt,  when  well-timed.  But  those 
who  have  not  a  talent  for  wit  and  humour,  had  best 
not  attempt  it.  Again,  in  listening  to  a  woman  of 
real  wit,  you  will  see  that  it  is  her  hearers  who  laugh, 
and  not  herself. 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


115 


Persons  who  have  no  turn  for  humour,  and  little 
perception  of  it,  are  apt  to  mistake  mere  coarseness 
for  that  amusing  gift;  and  in  trying  to  be  diverting, 
often  become  vulgar — a  word  not  too  severe  for  things 
that  are  sometimes  said  and  written  by  very  good 
people  who  wish  to  be  funny,  and  do  not  know  how. 
For  instance,  there  is  no  wit,  but  there  is  shocking 
ungentility,  in -a  lady  to  speak  of  taking  a  ''snooze" 
instead  of  a  nap, — in  calling  pantaloons  ''pants,"  or 
gentlemen  "gents," — in  saying  of  a  man  whose  dress 
is  getting  old  that  he  looks  "seedy," — and  in  alluding 
to  an  amusing  anecdote,  or  a  diverting  incident,  to  say 
that  it  is  "rich."  All  slang  words  are  detestable 
from  the  lips  of  ladies. 

We  are  always  sorry  to  hear  a  young  lady  use  such 
a  word  as  "polking"  when  she  tells  of  having  been 
engaged  in  a  certain  dance  too  fashionable  not  long 
since ;  but  happily,  now  it  is  fast  going  out,  and  almost 
banished  from  the  best  society.  To  her  honour  be  it 
remembered,  Queen  Victoria  has  prohibited  the  polka 
being  danced  in  her  presence.  How  can  a  genteel 
girl  bring  herself  to  say,  "Last  night  I  was  polking 
with  Mv.  Bell,"  or  "Mr.  Cope  came  and  asked  me  to 
polk  with  him."  Its  coarse  and  ill-sounding  name  is 
worthy  of  the  dance. 

If  you  own  a  lap-dog  or  poodle,  recollect  that  how- 
ever charming  it  may  be  to  yourself,  others  may  re- 
gard it  as  an  annoyance ;  therefore,  try  to  do  without 
it  when  you  are  in  the  parlour  of  a  house  that  is  not 
your  own,  and  when  the  company  present  does  not 
consist  entirely  of  your  own  family.    All  but  their 


lie 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


infatuated  mistresses  soon  become  very  tired  of  the 
society  of  these  animals.  Poodles  are  generally  pee- 
vish, whining,  and  snappish,  prone  to  get  under  chairs 
and  bite  at  feet,  and  to  writhe  about  the  skirts  of 
dresses.  Their  faces  often  look  old,  withered,  cross, 
and  blear-eyed,  seeming  as  if  constantly  troubled  by 
the  hair  that  dangles  uncomfortably  in  their  eyes ;  and 
they  are  seldom  healthy.  They  have  none  of  the 
honest,  grateful,  affectionate  character  common  to 
dogs  of  larger  growth.  Though  they  often  inspire 
their  mistress  with  a  love  that  becomes  such  a  mania 
as  to  weaken  her  affection  for  all  other  things,  they 
seldom  make  friends  of  any  one  else.  We  include 
what  is  called  a  Kina;  Charles's  do^  in  the  same  cate- 
gory.  For  instance  Jip — whose  character  is  as  true 
to  nature,  and  as  admirably  drawn  as  that  of  Dora 
herself. 

Should  a  visiter  come  in  to  see  one  of  the  boarders 
who  may  be  sitting  near  you,  change  your  place,  and 
take  a  seat  in  a  distant  part  of  the  room.  It  is  ill- 
manners  to  remain,  and  listen  to  the  conversation.  It 
is  best  for  the  visited  lady  to  meet  her  friend  as  soon 
as  she  sees  her  enter  the  room,  and  conduct  her  to  a 
sofa  or  ottoman  w^here  they  can  enjoy  their  talk  v/ith- 
out  danger  of  being  overheard.  After  the  visiter  is 
gone,  do  not  enquire  her  name  of  the  friend  she  has 
just  called  on. 

It  is  not  well  to  call  at  the  same  time  on  two  ladies 
both  living  at  the  same  house,  (so  as  to  make  one  visit 
suffice  for  both,)  unless  they  are  intimate  friends  of  each 
other,  or  unless  your  stay  in  the  city  will  be  very 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


117 


short.  If  one  is  taciturn,  and  the  other  conversable, 
she  that  is  silent  may  imagine  herself  neglected,  by 
the  dialogue  being  chiefly  between  those  who  can  talk 
fluently,  as  it  certainly  will  be,  if  the  third  person  only 
speaks  when  spoken  to,  and  replies  in  monosyllables. 

It  is  better  to  make  a  separate  visit  to  each  lady, 
on  difi'erent  days.  There  is  another  way,  and  a  very 
good  one.  For  instance,  should  Mrs.  Canning  wish 
to  call  on  Mrs.  Austin  and  Miss  Level,  both  inmates 
of  the  same  house,  let  her,  when  shown  into  the  par- 
lour,, send  up  her  name  to  Mrs.  Austin  first.  When 
that  lady  comes  down,  and  she  and  her  friend  have 
conversed  about  as  long  as  the  usual  term  of  a  morn- 
ing call,  Mrs.  Canning  will  rise  to  depart,  and  when 
Mrs.  Austin  has  seen  her  to  the  parlour  door,  Mrs.  C. 
may  say,  "I  will  detain  you  no  longer,"  or  "I  will 
encroach  no  longer  on  your  time,  but  I  am  going  now 
to  send  up  for  Miss  Level." 

Mrs.  Austin  then  takes  her  leave,  and  goes  up-stairs, 
[her  part  of  the  visit  being  over;)  while  Mrs.  Canning 
returns  to  her  seat  in  the  parlour,  having  first  rung 
the  bell,  and  sent  for  Miss  Lovel. 

In  this  manner,  two  distinct  visits  may  be  politely 
made  to  two  ladies  living  in  the  same  hotel — and  it  is 
very  customary. 

Any  lady  that  lives  at  a  hotel  can  in  some  degree 
make  a  return  for  the  civilities  received  from  private 
families,  by  occasionally  inviting  a  friend  to  dine  or 
take  tea  with  her.  These  dinners  or  teas  are  of  course 
always  charged  in  her  bill.  If  she  expects  a  friend, 
she  v.ill  previously  send  to  apprize  the  head-waiter 


118 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


that  she  wishes  him  to  reserve  a  seat  next  to  her  own, 
for  a  lady.  She  should  take  the  arm  of  her  guest,  in 
going  to  the  table. 

If  a  friend  chances  to  call,  whom  she  really  wishes 
to  stay  and  dine  or  drink  tea  with  her,  she  should 
ask  her  guest  to  take  off  her  bonnet  as  soon  as  she 
comes  in;  giving  her  the  invitation  at  once,  and  not 
delaying  it  till  the  visiter  is  about  taking  her  leave. 

Even  in  a  private  house,  such  extemporaneous 
invitations  (which  if  evidently  sincere,  are  always 
gratifying,  whether  accepted  or  not)  should  be  given 
immediately^  as  soon  as  the  hostess  meets  her  guest. 
There  will  then  be  time  to  order  any  improvement  in 
the  table  arrangements  that  may  be  deemed  necessary. 

We  often  have  occasion  to  repeat,  that  whatever  is 
done  at  all,  should  be  done  well. 

If,  while  in  the  parlour  of  the  hotel,  you  wish  to 
know  if  a  person  you  are  desirous  of  seeing  is  staying 
at  the  house,  the  easiest  way  to  obtain  the  information, 
is  not  to  enquire  round  of  the  ladies  present,  but  to 
ring  the  bell,  and  desire  the  waiter  to  go  and  ask  at 
the  office.  You  can  then  send  a  message  accordingly. 
It  should  be  a  card  with  a  message  pencilled  on  it. 

Ey  sending  to  the  office  you  may  learn  where  all 
the  public  places  in  the  city  and  its  environs  are  to 
be  found.    Also,  where  the  churches  are  situated. 

You  may  be  sure  that  the  most  fashionable  shops 
are  in  the  main  street. 

At  any  stationer's,  you  can  buy  a  small  pocket-map 
of  the  city,  folded  in  a  little  morocco  case.  This  will 
be  an  almost  indispensable  aid  in  finding  your  way. 


DEPORTMENT  AT  A  HOTEL. 


119 


In  Philadelphia,  the  arrangement  of  the  long  streets 
that  run  east  and  west  from  the  Delaware  to  the 
Schuylkill,  has  given  occasion  to  the  old  rhyme  of 

Market,  Arch,  Race  and  Vine, 
Chestnut,  Walnut,  Spruce  and  Pine. 

If  when  about  to  ascend  the  stairs,  you  find  that  a 
gentleman  is  going  up  at  the  same  time,  draw  back 
and  make  a  sign  for  him  to  precede  you.  He  will 
bow,  and  pass  on  before  you.  When  coming  down, 
do  the  same,  that  the  gentleman  may  descend  in  ad- 
vance of  you. 

A  very  polished  man  will  not  wait  for  a  signal  from 
the  lady,  but  will  bow  and  run  up-stairs,  passing  her 
as  a  thing  of  course. 


120 


THE  BEIIAVIOUH  BOOK. 


HAPTER  XI. 

HOTEL  DINNER. 

In  dressing  for  a  hotel  dinner,  it  is  not  well  to 
adopt  a  full  evening  costume,  and  to  appear  as  if 
attired  for  a  ball ;  for  instance,  with  a  coloured  velvet 
gown ;  or  one  of  a  splendid  brocade ;  or  a  transparent 
gauze  material  over  a  satin;  or  with  short  sleeves  and 
bare  neck  in  cold  weather;  or  with  flowers  or  jewels 
in  the  hair.  Such  costumes  should  be  reserved  for 
evening  parties.  If  worn  at  the  table  d'h6te,  it  may 
be  suspected  you  have  no  other  place  in  which  to  dis- 
play them.  Your  dress  need  not  be  more  showy  than 
you  would  wear  when  dining  at  a  private  house,  par- 
ticularly if  you  are  a  permanent  boarder.  There  is 
no  place  where  dress  escapes  with  less  scrutiny  than 
at  a  great  hotel.  Still,  it  is  bad  taste  to  go  to  the 
dinner-table  in  ungenteel  and  unbecoming  habiliments 
— such  as  a  figured  or  party-coloured  mousseline-de- 
laine,  a  thing  which  always  has  the  effect  of  calico, 
and,  like' calico,  gives  an  unlady-like  look  even  to  the 
most  decided  lady.  In  fact,  what  is  it  but  woollen 
calico?  And  if  it  is  accompanied  by  a  very  thin, 
flimsy  collar,  so  small  and  narrow  as  to  be  scarcely 
visible,  the  neck  and  face  will  look  dingy  and  ill- 
coloured  for  want  of  sufficient  white  to  relieve  it.  No 


HOTEL  DINNER. 


121 


collar  at  all,  but  merely  a  coloured  silk  handkerchief, 

or  a  coloured  dress,  coming  immediately  against  the 

neck,  is  disfiguring  to  all  women,  and  men  too. 

Most  American  ladies  beyond  the  age  of  thirty -five, 

look  better  in  caps  than  without  them,  even  if  their 

hair  shows  no  signs  of  middle  age.    Before  that  time, 

the  females  of  our  country  begin  to  fade,  evincing  one 

efiect  of  torrid   summers  and  frozen  winters.  A 

tasteful  and  simply  elegant  cap  (not  one  that  is 

elaborate  in  its  design,  and  loaded  with  ornament,) 

imparts  a  grace  and  softness  to  a  faded  face,  and 

renders  less  conspicuous  the  inroads  of  time.  A 

decidedly  old  lady,  persisting  in  going  with  her  head 

uncovered,  is  a  pitiable  object,  and  scarcely  looks 

respectable.    Worse  still,  when  she  takes  to  an  auburn 

wig.    Gray  hair  is  seldom  unbecoming  to  a  man.  To 

a  woman  it  gives  a  masculine  aspect,  especially  if 

worn  without  a  cap;  and  if  there  is  an  attempt  at 

long  gray  locks,  or  ringlets,  the  effect  is  strange,  wild 

and  ghastly.    It  is  far  more  becoming  for  an  elderly 

lady  to  give  a  dark  shade  to  her  temples,  and  the 

upper  part  of  her  forehead,  by  a  plain,  simple,  and 

becoming  dark-coloured  braid,  not  intended  to  pass  as 

her  natural  hair,  (for  it  never  does,)  but  merely  that 

the  face  should  be  set  off  by  a  due  proportion  of 

shadow, — and  not  be  all  light  or  lightish.     If  a 

decidedly  old  lady  prefers  wearing  her  own  gray  hair, 

let  her  part  it  smoothly  on  her  forehead,  but  make  no 

attempt  at  curls,  and  be  sure  to  add  a  cap  to  it.  An 

elderly  female  should,  as  we  have  saidy  .  alwa^/s  wear  a 

cap;  and  her  cap  should  have  tabs  or  broad  strings  to 

11 


122 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


fie  under  her  chin.  There  is  no  nse  or  beauty  in  s 
lady  looking  older  than  is  necessary,  by  wearing  a 
short-eared  or  round-eared  cap,  set  back  from  her 
head,  and  exposing  all  her  cheeks  even  beyond  her 
ears,  with  the  crease  in  her  chin,  and  the  deep 
furrows  or  vmnkles  on  each  side  of  her  neck — all 
which  can  be  concealed  by  bringing  forv^^ard  the  bow 
of  her  cap  tabs. 

Let  all  ladies,  old  and  young,  avoid  having  their 
caps  trimmed  with  ribbons  or  flowers  of  what  are  called 
high-colours ;  deep,  heavy  pinks  and  blues,  and  reddish 
lilacs.  These  colours  vulgarize  every  thing  they  are 
intended  to  decorate.  High-coloured  ribbons,  flowered 
or  figured,  are  decidedly  vulgar. 

A  profusion  of  jewels  at  a  public  table  is  in  very 
bad  taste,  particularly  if  the  jewellery  is  palpably 
false — for  instance,  a  large  brooch  with  great  mock 
diamonds,  or  a  string  of  wax  beads  meant  for  pearls. 
Still  worse,  glass  things  imitating  topazes  or  garnets 
—or  two  or  three  gilt  bracelets  on  one  arm.  A  large 
imitation  gem  always  betrays  its  real  quality  by  its  size. 

Endeavour  to  make  your  arrangements  so  as  to  be 
dressed  for  dinner,  and  seated  in  the  ladies'  drawing- 
room,  about  ten  or  fifteen  minutes  before  the  dining^ 
hour,  that  you  may  be  ready  to  go  in  with  the  rest  of 
the  company. 

If  you  and  your  party  are  strangers,  recently  ar- 
rived, do  not  at  once  take  the  lead,  and  walk  up  to  the 
head  of  the  table,  regardless  of  dislodging  and  causing 
inconvenience  among  the  regular  boarders,  to  whom 
those  seats  have  been  allotted.    But  desire  a  servant 


HOTEL  DINNER. 


123 


to  show  you  a  place.  The  head-waiter  is  usually  at 
hand  to  arrange  seats  for  the  strangers,  and  he  will 
attend  to  you.  Persons  not  accustomed  to  hotels, 
frequently  show  a  great  craving  for  the  seats  near  the 
head  of  the  table.  This  is  foolish.  There  are  no 
places  of  honour;  neither  are  the  eatables  better  at 
one  part  of  the  table  than  another. 

Nobody  "sits  below  the  salt."  And  every  one  has 
an  equal  chance  of  obtaining  a  share  of  the  nicest 
articles  on  the  table.  What  is  most  desirable  is  to 
have  a  seat  in  the  vicinity  of  agreeable  people,  and 
you  will  more  frequently  find  them  about  the  middle, 
or  lower  end  of  the  table,  than  at  the  top — that  being 
the  place  usually  most  coveted  by  the  least  genteel  of 
the  guests.  We  have  seen  the  Chief  Magistrate  of  the 
Union,  "the  ruler  of  millions,"  simply  take  a  seat 
near  the  door,  at  the  lower  end  of  a  hotel-table,  in 
Philadelphia,  having  arrived  unexpectedly. 

As  we  have  said  before,  we  perceive  not  the  pro- 
priety or  the  convenience  of  a  large  party  of  strangers, 
on  entering  in  a  body,  pertinaciously  making  their 
way  to  the  upper  end  of  the  table,  with  a  determi- 
nation to  obtain  seats  all  in  a  row;  as  if  the  whole 
row  together  could  join  in  the  same  conversation, 
or  even  see  each  other,  when  they  sit  on  the  same 
side. 

In  seating  yourself,  look  down  for  a  moment  to 
see  if  you  have  placed  the  foot  of  your  chair  on  the 
dress  of  the  lady  sitting  next  to  you ;  and  if  you  have 
done  so,  remove  it  immediately,  that  her  dress  may 
be  in  no  danger  of  tearing  when  she  attempts  to  rise. 


124 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


Sit  close  to  the  table,  but  never  lean  jour  elbows 
upon  it.  To  sit  far  from  it,  and  reach  out  distantly, 
is  very  awkward.  Having  unfolded  your  napkin, 
secure  it  to  your  belt  with  a  pin,  to  prevent  its  slip- 
ping down  from  your  lap,  and  falling  under  the  table. 
This  may  be  done  so  that  the  pinning  will  not  be 
perceptible.  Bring  with  you  a  spare  pin  or  two  for 
this  purpose, — or  keep  always  a  pincushion  in  your 
pocket.  It  is  much  better  than  to  incur  the  risk  of 
getting  your  dress  greased  or  stained  by  the  napkin 
deserting  your  lap.  If  such  accidents  should  happen, 
pass  them  over  slightly,  and  do  not  lose  your  temper. 
For  the  present,  wipe  the  spot  with  your  napkin,  and 
dip  the  corner  in  water,  and  rub  it  lightly  over  the 
grease-mark.  When  dinner  is  over,  you  can  finish 
repairing  the  injury  in  your  own  room.  The  coloured 
waiters  are  generally  very  clever  at  removing  grease- 
spots  from  dresses.  One  of  them  will  do  it  for  you 
Pifter  dinner.  The  stain  of  wine  or  fruit  may  in  most 
cases  be  taken  out  of  a  washable  article  by  laying  it 
immediately  in  cold  water. 

To  eat  in  gloves  or  mittens  was  always  foolish; 
fortunately  it  is  no  longer  fashionable;  but  greatly 
the  contrary. 

Refrain  from  loud  talking,  or  loud  laughing. 
Young  ladies  truly  genteel  are  never  conspicuously 
noisy  at  a  public  table,  or  anywhere  else.  Still  more 
carefully  refrain  from  whispering,  or  exchanging 
significant  glances.  Whispers  are  always  overheard, 
(even  when  the  vulgar  precaution  is  taken  of  screening 
your  mouth  with  your  hand,)  and  glances  are  always 


HOTEL  DINNER. 


125 


observed.*  Joggings,  nudgings,  piiichings,  sleeve-pull- 
ings,  &c.  are  excessively  unlady-like,  and  shamefully 
impudent  when  (as  is  often  the  case)  the  eye  of  the 
jogger  is  fixed  upon  the  object  of  the  jog.  To  put  up 
an  eye-glass  at  the  face  of  a  stranger,  is  very  rude. 
So  it  is  to  make  remarks  in  French. 

When  eating  fish,  first  remove  the  bones  carefully, 
and  lay  them  on  the  edge  of  your  plate.  Then  with 
your  fork  in  your  right  hand,  (the  concave  or  hollow- 
side  held  uppermost,)  and  a  small  piece  of  bread  in 
your  left,  take  up  the  flakes  of  fish.  Servants,  and 
all  other  persons,  should  be  taught  that  the  butter- 
sauce  should  not  be  i^oured  over  the  fish,  but  put  on 
one  side  of  the  plate,  that  the  eater  may  use  it  pro- 
fusely or  sparingly,  according  to  taste,  and  be  enabled 
to  mix  it  conveniently  with  the  sauce  from  the  fish- 
castors.  Pouring  butter-sauce  over  any  thing  is  now 
ungenteel. 

Do  not  attempt  removing  a  cover  from  a  dish,  that 
you  may  help  yourself  before  the  rest  of  the  company. 
Leave  all  that  to  the  waiters.  Tell  them  what  jou 
want  in  a  distinct,  but  not  in  a  loud,  conspicuous  voice. 
In  asking  a  servant  to  bring  you  a  thing,  add  not  the 
useless  and  senseless  words  "  will  joiiV  for  instance, 
"Bring  me  the  bread,  wall  you?" — "Give  me  some 
water,  will  you?"    Of  course  he  will.    Has  he  the 


*  A  whisperer  usually  betrays  herself  by  unconsciously  fixing 
of  her  eyes  on  the  person  she  is  secretly  talking  of.  If  you  wish 
to  inform  your  neighbour  that  a  distinguished  person  is  present, 
say  softly,  "  Mr.  C.  is  here,  but  do  not  look  at  him  just  now." 

11^ 


126 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


option  of  refusing  ?  How  you  would  be  startled  were 
he  to  answer,  I  ivill  not.''  It  is  well  always  to  say, 
even  to  servants,  "  I  will  thank  you  for  the  bread, — 
or  the  water."  If  you  are  a  stranger  in  the  house, 
ask,  at  the  beginning,  the  servant  who  waits  on  you  to 
tell  you  his  name.  This  may  save  you  some  incon- 
venience. Where  servants  are  numerous,  they  should 
always  go  by  their  surnames,  and  be  called  Wilson, 
Jackson,  Thomson,  or  v/hatever  it  may  be.  This  will 
prevent  the  confusion  arising  from  half  a  dozen  Johns, 
or  as  many  Williams. 

If  the  waiters  are  attentive,  and  in  sufficient  number, 
you  will  have,  at  a  good  hotel,  little  or  no  occasion  to 
help  yourself  to  any  thing.  Do  not,  under  any  cir- 
cumstances, reach  across  the  table,  or  rise  on  your 
feet  to  get  at  any  particular  dish  you  may  want. 
Trouble  no  one  of  the  company ;  but  wait  till  you  see 
a  servant  at  hand.  No  man  who  is  a  gentleman  ever 
puts  the  ladies  in  requisition  to  help  him  at  table. 

It  is  not  customary  at  hotels  for  ladies  to  be  assidu- 
ous in  watching  and  supplying  the  plates  of  gentlemen. 
They  can  take  care  of  themselves. 

If  in  turning  to  speak  to  a  waiter,  you  find  him  in 
the  act  of  serving  some  one  else,  say,  "  When  you  are 
at  leisure^  I  will  thank  you  for  some  water," — or  what- 
ever you  may'  want. 

It  is  selfish  to  be  continually  sending  out  of  the  room 
the  man  who  vfaits  near  you,  for  the  purpose  of  bring- 
ing extra  things  for  yourself.  Try  to  be  satisfied 
with  what  you  find  on  the  table,  and  recollect  that 
you  are  depriving  others  of  his  services,  while  you 


HOTEL  DINNER.  127 

are  dispatcMng  him  back  and  forward  on  errands  to 
the  kitchen. 

Many  persons  hold  silver  forks  awkwardly,  as  if  not 
accustomed  to  them.  It  is  fashionable  to  use  your 
knife  only  while  cutting  up  the  food  small  enough  to 
be  eaten  with  the  fork  alone.  Yfhile  cutting,  keep 
the  fork  in  your  left  hand,  the  hollow  or  concave  side 
downward,  the  fork  in  a  very  slanting  position,  and 
your  fore-finger  extended  far  down  upon  its  handle. 
When  you  have  done  cutting  up  what  you  are  going 
to  eat,  lay  aside  your  knife,  transfer  the  fork  to  your 
right  hand,  and  take  a  small  piece  of  bread  in  your 
left.  If  eating  any  thing  soft,  use  your  silver  fork 
somewhat  as  a  spoon,  turning  up  the  hollow  side  that 
the  cavity  may  hold  the  food.  If  engaged  in  talking, 
do  not,  meanvfhile,  hold  your  fork  bolt  upright,  but 
incline  it  downv/ard,  so  as  to  be  nearly  on  a  level  with 
your  plate.  Remember,  always,  to  keep  your  own 
knife,  fork,  and  spoon  out  of  the  dishes.  It  is  an 
insult  to  the  company,  and  a  disgrace  to  yourself,  to 
dip  into  a  dish  any  thing  that  has  been  even  for  a 
moment  in  your  mouth.  To  take  butter  or  salt  with 
your  own  knife  is  an  abomination.  There  is  alvrays  a 
butter-knife  and  a  salt-spoon.  It  is  nearly  as  bad  to 
take  a  lump  of  sugar  with  your  fingers. 

In  eating  bread  at  dinner,  break  ofi"  little  bits,  in,- 
stead  of  putting  the  whole  piece  to  your  mouth  and 
biting  at  it. 

No  lady  looks  worse  than  when  gnawing  a  bone, 
even  of  game  or  poultry.  Few  ladies  do  it.  In  fact, 
nothing  should  be  sucked  or  gnawed  in  public  ;  neither 


128 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


corn  bitten  off  from  the  cob,  nor  melon  nibbled  from 
the  rind.*  It  is  very  ungraceful  to  eat  an  orange  at 
table,  unless,  having  cut  a  bit  off  the  top,  you  eat  the 
inside  with  a  tea-spoon — otherwise  reserve  it  for  the 
privacy  of  your  own  room.  Always  pare  apples  and 
peaches;  and  crack  no  nuts  with  your  teeth.  In 
eating  cherries,  put  your  half-closed  hand  before  your 
mouth  to  receive  the  stones;  then  lay  them  on  one 
side  of  your  plate.  To  spit  out  the  stones  one  at  a 
time  as  you  proceed  with  the  cherries  is  very  ungen- 
teel.    Get  rid  of  plumb-stones  in  the  same  manner. 

Do  not  eat  incongruous  and  unsuitable  things  from 
the  same  plate,  telling  the  waiter  that  "he  need  not 
change  it,  as  it  will  do  very  well."  The  washing  of  a 
plate  (more  or  less)  is  no  object  whatever  in  a  large 
establishment,  and  it  is  expected  that  the  guests  will 
have  clean  ones  very  frequently. 

It  is  an  affectation  of  ultra-fashion  to  eat  pie  with  a 
fork,  and  has  a  very  awkward  and  inconvenient  look. 
Cut  it  up  first  with  your  knife  and  fork  both ;  then 
proceed  to  eat  it  with  the  fork  in  your  right  hand. 

Much  of  this  determined  fork-exercise  may  be  con- 
sidered foolish.    But  it  is  fashionable. 

If  a  lady  wishes  to  eat  lobster,  let  her  request  the 
waiter  that  attends  her,  to  extract  a  portion  of  it  from 
the  shell,  and  bring  it  to  her  on  a  clean  plate — also 
to  place  a  castor  near  her. 

*  It  is,  howGTer,  customary  in  eating  sweet  potatoes  of  a  large 
size,  to  break  them  in  two,  and  taking  a  piece  in  your  hand,  to 
pierce  down  to  the  bottom  with  your  fork,  and  then  mix  in  some 
butter,  continuing  to  hold  it  thus  while  eating  it. 


HOTEL  DINNER, 


129 


ISTovices  in  lobster  sometimes  eat  it  simply  with 
salt,  or  -vvith  vinegar  only,  or  with  black  pepper.  This 
betrays  great  ignorance  of  the  article.  To  prepare  it 
according  to  the  usual  custom,— cut  up,  very  small, 
the  pieces  of  lobster,  and  on  another  plate  make  the 
dressing.  First,  mash  together  some  hard-boiled  yolk 
of  egg,  and  some  of  the  red  coral  of  the  lobster,  with 
a  little  salt  and  cayenne.  Mix  in,  with  a  fork,  mus- 
tard to  your  taste;  and  then  a  liberal  allowance  of 
salad-oil,  finishing  with  vinegar.  Transfer  the  bits  of 
lobster  to  the  plate  that  has  the  dressing,  and  combine 
the  whole  with  a  fork.  Lettuce  salad  is  dressed  in 
the  same  manner. 

At  a  public  table,  a  lady  should  never  volunteer  to 
dress  salad  for  others  of  the  company.  Neither  should 
she  cut  up  a  pie,  and  help  it  round.  These  things 
ought  only  to  be  done  by  a  gentleman,  or  a  servant. 

If  a  gentleman  with  whom  you  are  acquainted  has 
dressed  a  salad,  and  offers  the  plate  to  you,  take  what 
you  want,  and  immediately  return  to  him  the  remain- 
der ;  and  do  not  pass  it  on  to  persons  in  your  vicinity. 
It  is  his  privilege,  and  not  yours  to  offer  it  to  others, 
as  he  has  had  the  trouble  of  dressing  it.  And  it  is 
just  that  he  should  have  ,  a  portion  of  it  for  himself, 
which  will  not  be  the  case  if  you  officiously  hand  it 
about  to  people  around  you.  Leave  it  to  him  to  dis- 
pose of  as  he  pleases. 

It  was  formerly  considered  ill-manners  to  refuse  to 
take  wine  with  a  gentleman.  Now  that  the  fortunate 
iDcrea.se  of  temperance  has  induced  so  many  persons 
to  abjure,  entirely,  the  use  of  all  liquors,  it  is  no  longer 


130 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


an  offence  to  decline  these  invitations.  If  jou  have 
no  conscientious  scruples,  and  if  you  are  acquainted 
with  the  gentleman,  or  have  been  introduced  to  him, 
(not  else,)  jou  may  comply  with  his  civility,  and  when 
both  glasses  are  filled,  look  at  him,  bow  your  head, 
and  taste  the  wine.  If  you  are  placed  between  a  lady 
and  gentleman  who  are  taking  wine  together,  lean 
back  a  little  that  they  may  see  each  other's  faces.  It 
is  not  customary,  in  America,  for  a  lady  to  empty  her 
glass, — or  indeed,  at  a  hotel,  or  boarding-house,  to 
take  wine  with  the  same  gentleman  after  the  first  day. 
Next  time  he  asks,  politely  refuse,  simply  desiring 
him  to  excuse  you.  If  he  is  a  true  gentleman,  he  will 
regard  your  refusal  in  its  proper  light,  and  not  persist. 
We  have  often,  at  a  public  table,  regretted  to  see  ladies 
in  the  daily  practice  of  taking  wine  with  the  same 
gentleman  as  often  as  invited.  This  "  daily  practice" 
is  improper,  indelicate,  and  we  will  say  mean — for 
wine  is  expensive,  and  no  lady  should  every  day  place 
herself  under  the  same  obligation  to  the  same  gentle- 
man, even  for  a  single  glass.  He  will  not  respect  her 
the  more  for  doing  so.  On  no  consideration  let  any 
lady  be  persuaded  to  take  two  glasses  of  champag^ne. 
It  is  more  than  the  head  of  an  American  female  can 
bear.  And  she  may  rest  assured  that  (though  un- 
conscious of  it  herself)  all  present  will  find  her  cheeks 
flushing,  her  eyes  twinkling,  her  tongue  unusually 
voluble,  her  talk  loud  and  silly,  and  her  laugh  inces- 
sant. Champagne  is  very  insidious ;  and  two  glasses 
may  throw  her  into  this  pitiable  condition. 

If  a  stranger  whom  you  do  not  know,  and  to  whom 


HOTEL  DINNER. 


131 


you  have  had  no  introduction,  takes  the  liberty  of 
asking  you  to  drink  wine  with  him.  refuse  at  once, 
positively  and  coldly,  to  prove  that  you  consider  it  an 
unwarrantable  freedom.    And  so  it  is. 

If  you  are  helped  to  any  thing  whose  appearance 
you  do  not  like,  or  in  which  you  are  disappointed  when 
you  taste  it,  you,  of  course,  at  a  hotel  table,  are  not 
obliged  to  eat  it.  Merely  leave  it  on  your  plate, 
without  audibly  giving  the  reason ;  and  then,  in  a  low 
voice,  desire  the  waiter  to  bring  you  something  else. 
It  is  well,  while  at  table,  to  avoid  any  discussion  of 
the  demerits  of  the  dishes.  On  the  other  hand,  you 
may  praise  them  as  much  as  you  please. 

In  refusing  to  be  helped  to  any  particular  thing, 
never  give  as  a  reason  that  "you  are  afraid  of  it,"  or 
"  that  it  will  disagree  with  you."  It  is  sufficient  simply 
to  refuse ;  and  then  no  one  has  a  right  to  ask  why  ? 
While  at  table,  all  allusions  to  dyspepsia,  indigestion, 
or  any  other  disorders  of  the  stomach,  are  vulgar  and 
disgusting.  The  word  "stomach"  should  never  be 
uttered  at  any  table,  or  indeed  anywhere  else,  except 
to  your  physician,  or  in  a  private  conversation  with  a 
female  friend  interested  in  your  health.  It  is  a  dis- 
agreeable word,  (and  so  are  all  its  associations,)  and 
should  never  be  mentioned  in  public  to  "ears  polite." 
Also,  make  no  remarks  on  what  is  eaten  by  persons 
near  you,  (except  they  are  children,  and  under  your 
own  care,)  such  as  its  being  unwholesome,  indigestible, 
feverish,  or  in  any  way  improper.  It  is  no  business 
of  yours;  and  besides,  you  are  not  to  judge  of  others 
by  yourself.    No  two  constitutions  are  alike,  and  what 


132 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


is  very  bad  for  you^  may  be  perfectly  innoxious  to 
others.  If  persons  are  with  you  in  whom  you  are 
much  interested,  and  over  whom  you  have  influence, 
and  they  seem  inclined  to  eat  what  is  bad  for  them, 
refrain  from  checking  them  in  presence  of  strangers. 
Above  all,  do  not  open  your  eyes,  and  hold  up  your 
hands,  and  exclaim  against  their  folly,  and  want  of 
self-control,  and  predict  their  certain  sufferings  from 
that  cause.  But  if  you  must  remonstrate,  wait  till 
you  have  quitted  the  table,  and  find  yourself  alone 
with  the  delinquent. 

Never,  while  at  table,  (whether  in  public  or  private,) 
allow  yourself  to  talk  on  painful  or  disgusting  subjects. 
Avoid  all  discussions  of  sicknesses,  sores,  surgical 
operations,  dreadful  accidents,  shocking  cruelties,  or 
horrible  punishments.  A  love  of  such  topics,  evinces 
a  coarse  and  unfeminine  mind.  It  is  rude  in  gentle- 
men at  any  time  to  introduce  them  before  ladies;  and 
a  polished  man  never  does  so.  The  conversation  at 
table  should  be  as  cheerful  and  pleasant  as  possible. 
Political  and  sectarian  controversies  ought  to  have  no 
place  there.  Shakspeare  truly  says,  "Unquiet  meals 
make  ill  digestion." 

Avoid  the  discussion  at  table  of  private  affairs ;  either 
your  own,  or  those  of  other  people.  Remember  that 
"servants  have  ears,"  and  frequently  much  more  quick- 
ness of  comprehension  and  retentiveness  of  memory 
than  is  generally  supposed.    So  have  children. 

Abstain  from  picking  your  teeth  at  table.  Not- 
withstanding that  custom  has  allowed  this  practice  in 
Europe,  (even  in  fashionable  society,)  it  is  still  a  very 


HOTEL  DINNER. 


133 


disagreeable  one,  and  to  delicate  spectators  absolutely 
sickening  to  behold.  Delay  it  till  you  are  alone,  and 
till  you  can  indulge  in  it  without  witnesses.  We  knoAV 
that  it  is  quite  possible  to  go  on  through  a  long  life, 
and  to  have  clean  teeth,  Avithout  ever  once  having 
been  seen  to  pick  them ;  and  yet  those  teeth  are  really 
picked  after  every  meal. 

Should  you  chance  to  be  extremely  incommoded  by 
some  extraneous  substance  that  has  gotten  between 
your  teeth,  you  can  remove  it  unperceived,  by  holding 
up  your  napkin  or  handkerchief  before  your  mouth,  so 
as  effectually  to  conceal  the  process.  When  you  take 
any  thing  out  of  your  teeth,  do  not  make  the  persons 
who  are  near  you  sick,  by  laying  the  disgusting  par- 
ticle on  the  side  of  your  plate ;  but  conceal  it  imme- 
diately. Still,  nothing  but  "sheer  necessity"  can 
excuse  any  teeth-picking  at  table. 

We  have  seen  a  young  ladt/,  at  a  very  fashionable 
house  in  one  of  our  great  cities,  pull  a  dish  of  stewed 
oysters  close  to  her,  and  with  a  table-spoon  fish  out 
and  eat  the  oysters  one  at  a  time ;  audibly  sipping  up 
their  liquor  from  the  said  dish. 

We  have  seen  a  young  gentleman  lift  his  plate  of 
soup  in  both  hands,  hold  it  to  his  mouth  and  drink,  or 
rather  lap  it  up.  This  was  at  no  less  a  place  than 
Niagara. 

We  have  heard  of  a  well-dressed  stranger  at  a  great 
hotel  in  Boston,  w^ho  having  used  his  own  knife  for 
the  butter,  flew  into  a  violent  passion  with  the  waiter 
for  respectfully  pointing  out  to  him  the  silver  butter- 
knife.    Swearing  that  the  knife  he  had  been  putting 


134 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


in  his  moiitli  was  quite  good  enough,  afterward,  for 
any  butter  in  the  world,  the  gentleman  flung  the  silver 
knife  across  the  table,  and  broke  it  against  the  wall. 
For  this  exploit  he  had  to  pay  five  dollars. 

A  man  that  habitually  rises  on  his  feet  to  reach 
across  the  table  for  a  dish,  and  pulls  it  to  himself, 
instead  of  desiring  the  waiter  to  bring  it  to  him,  is 
unworthy  the  appellation  of  a  gentleman.  Ladies,  of 
course,  cannot  be  guilty  of  this  abomination;  but  it  is 
true  that  they  sometimes  extend  their  arms  entirely 
too  far,  in  trying  to  get  at  something  which  a  servant 
would  bring  them  if  asked  to  do  so. 

Some  persons  behave  coarsely  at  a  public  table 
because  they  are  ignorant,  and  know  no  better.  Some 
(far  less  excusable)  are  rude  because  they  are  too 
selfish  to  put  any  restraint  on  their  inclinations,  or  to 
care  for  the  convenience  of  others. 

Some  display,  all  the  time,  a  vulgar  determination  to 
''get  the  full  worth  of  their  money."  Some,  who  at 
a  private  dinner-table  would  be  the  most  polite  people 
imaginable,  lay  aside  their  good  manners  in  a  public 
dining-room;  regarding  a  hotel  as  they  would  a  ta- 
vern— a  sort  of  Liberty  Hall.  And  some  are  insolent 
by  way  of  "showing  their  consequence," — having,  in 
reality,  mixed  so  little  with  true  people  of  consequence, 
as  not  to  be  aware  that  persons  of  high  station  are, 
with  few  exceptions,  entirely  free  from  the  assumption 
of  undue  importance. 

Servants  are  often  very  shrewd  observers,  and  they 
always  say  that  real  gentlefolks  "never  take  airs." 
Neither  they  do. 


HOTEL  DINNER, 


135 


When  the  finger-glasses  are  sent  round,  dip  a  clean 
corner  of  your  napkin  into  tlie  water,  and  wet  round 
your  lips  with  it,  but  omit  the  disgusting  foreign 
fashion  of  taking  v/ater  into  your  mouth,  rinsing  and 
gurgling  it  round,  and  then  spitting  it  back  into  the 
glass.  Wait  till  you  can  give  your  mouth  a  regular 
and  efficient  vfashing  up-stairs.  Dip  your  fingers  into 
the  glass,  rub  them  Vvith  the  slice  of  lemon,  or  the 
orange-leaf  that  may  be  floating  on  the  surface,  and 
then  wipe  them  on  the  napkin.  W e  have  heard  of  a 
man  who  saw  finger-glasses  for  the  first  time  in  his 
life,  when  dining  at  one  of  the  New  York  hotels.  A 
slice  of  lemon  floating  on  the  top,  he  took  up  the  bowl 
and  drank  the  water,  exclaiming  as  he  set  it  down — 
"Weill  if  this  isn't  the  poorest  lemonade  I  ever 
tasted!" 

On  quitting  the  table,  it  is  not  necessary  to  fold  up 
your  napkin.  Merely  lay  it  on  the  table  near  your 
plate.  The  napkins  will  be  immediately  collected  by 
the  servants,  carried  to  the  laundry,  and  thrown  at 
once  into  tubs  of  water,  to  take  out  the  stains. 

When  dinner  is  over,  and  you  see  that  nearly  all 
the  company,  except  two  or  three,  have  left  the  table, 
it  is  not  v/ell  to  be  one  of  that  two  or  three,  and  to 
remain  to  an  indefinite  period,  loitering  over  the  last 
pickings  of  a  plate  of  nuts — nut-picking  being  always 
a  tedious  business.  The  waiters  are,  by  this  time, 
very  tired  of  standing,  and  they  (like  all  other  people) 
are  entitled  to  some  consideration  of  their  comfort. 
Even  the  attraction  of  a  beau  drinking  his  wine  beside 
her,  ought  not  to  induce  a  young  lady  to  outstay  all 


13G 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


tlie  company,  witli  the  pretext  of  being  passionately 
fond  of  nuts.  Slie  may  indulge  this  passion  at  any 
time  by  keeping  a  bag  of  them  in  her  ovm  room. 

The  English  travellers  who  visit  America  are  often 
right  in  their  remarks  on  many  of  our  customs.  And 
instead  of  resenting  these  remarks,  we  might  profit  by 
them,  and  reformo 

For  instance,  it  is  true  that  the  generality  of  Ameri- 
cans eat  too  fast,  for  their  own  health,  and  the  comfort 
of  those  about  them;  masticating  their  food  very 
slightly,  and  not  allowing  themselves  time  enough  to 
enjoy  their  meals.  The  French,  however,  eat  faster 
still,  and  can  dispatch  a  surprising  quantity  of  food  in 
less  time  than  any  people  in  the  civilized  world.  If 
we  pattern  after  either  nation  in  the  customs  of  the 
table,  the  genteel  English  are  far  better  models  than 
most  of  their  neighbours  across  the  Channel.  But  the 
best  class  of  Americans  are  unsurpassed  in  the  essen- 
tials of  all  these  observances.  The  English  attach  too 
much  importance  to  ceremonies  merely  conventional, 
and  for  vfhich  there  seems  no  motive  but  the  ever- 
changing  decrees  of  fashion.  Yet,  on  going  to  Eng- 
land, let  every  American  lady  take  care  to  make 
herself  acquahited  with  these  ceremonies;  for  her 
ignorance  of  them  will  find  no  quarter  there — and  she 
need  not  flatter  herself  that  it  will  be  passed  over  un- 
noticed. 

In  most  hotels  it  is  not  customary  to  have  hot  cakes 
or  any  warm  dishes  on  the  tea-table,  except  in  cold 
weather.  Yf e  think,  in  a  summer  afternoon,  they  can 
be  easily  dispensed  with,  and  that  ladies  might  be 


HOTEL  DIXXER. 


137 


satisfied  with  sweet  cakes,  fruit,  preserves,  and  other 
things  more  delicate,  and  more  suited  to  the  hour, 
than  the  hot  preparations  thej  sometimes  call  for: 
and  which,  by  not  seeing  them  on  the  table,  they 
may  be  assured  do  not  come  within  scope  of  the  tea- 
arrangements.  It  is  expecting  too  much  to  suppose 
the  cook  will  be  willing  to  mix  batter-cakes  and  bake 
them,  or  to  scorch  over  the  fire  with  broiling  or  stev.-- 
ing  relishes,  in  a  W9.rm  summer  evening — or  even  to 
make  toast,  except  for  an  invalid.  Also,  every  one 
should  know  that  a  substantial  meal  (including  tea. 
and  coffee)  can  generally  be  had  at  the  nine  o'clock 
supper-table.  In  houses  where  there  is  no  nine  o'clock 
supper,  the  tea-table  is  set  out  with  greater  profusion 
and  variety. 

At  hotels,  the  interval  between  dinner  and  tea  is 
usually  short;  the  tea-hour  being  early,  that  the 
guests  may  have  ample  time  to  prepare  for  going  to 
places  of  amusement.  Yet  there  are  ladies  who^ 
though  spending  all  the  evening  at  home,  will  remain 
sitting  idly  in  the  parlour  till  eight  o'clock,  (or  later 
still,)  keeping  the  table  standing  and  servants  w\aiting 
in  attendance,  that  they  may  have  a  better  appetite, 
and  be  able  to  make  a  heartier  meal  at  their  tea. 
This  is  selfish  and  inconsiderate,  particularly  as  they 
might  easily  wait  a  little  longer,  and  take  their  tea  or 
coffee  at  the  supper-table.  Their  appetites  would  then 
be  still  better.  The  servants  certainly  require  rest, 
and  should  be  exempt  from  all  attendance  in  the  ladies* 
eating-room,  for  an  hour  or  tAvo  in  the  evening. 

No  lady  can  remain  long  in  the  drawing-room 

12- 


138 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


talking  to  a  gentleman  after  all  the  rest  have  retired 
for  the  night,  without  subjecting  herself  to  remarks 
which  it  would  greatly  annoy  her  to  hear — whether 
merited  or  not.  Neither  is  it  well  for  her  to  be  seen 
continually  sitting  at  the  same  window  with  the  same 
gentleman. 

Ladies  and  gentlemen  who  wish  to  hold  private 
dialogues,  should  not  for  that  purpose  monopolize  a 
centre-table;  thereby  preventing  persons  who  wish  to 
read  from  availing  themselves  of  the  light  of  the 
chandelier  above  it.  Lovers  who  have  proper  con- 
sideration, (a  rare  occurrence,)  always  sit  as  far  as 
possible  from  the  rest  of  the  company,  and  so  they 
should — unless  they  can  bring  themselves  to  join  in 
general  conversation.  That  is,  if  the  lovership  is  real. 
In  many  cases  the  semblance  is  only  assumed  to  pro- 
duce effect,  and  the  talk  has  really  nothing  secret  or 
mysterious  about  it,  and  might  just  as  well  be  uttered 
audibly. 

In  making  acquaintance  with  a  stranger  at  a  hotel, 
there  is  no  impropriety  (but  quite  the  contrary)  in 
enquiring  of  her  from  what  place  she  comes.  In 
introducing  yourself  give  your  name  audibly;  or 
what  is  still  better,  if  you  have  a  card  about  you, 
present  that;  and  she  should  do  the  same  in  return. 
Before  you  enter  into  conversation  on  any  subject 
connected  with  religion,  it  will  be  well  to  ask  her  to 
what  church  she  belongs.  This  knowledge  will  guard 
you  from  indulging,  inadvertently,  in  sectarian  re- 
marks which  may  be  displeasing  to  her,  besides  pro- 
ducing a  controversy  which  may  be  carried  too  far, 


HOTEL  DINNEE. 


139 


and  produce  ill-feeling  between  tne  parties.  We  h  ive 
known  the  mere  question,  Have  you  been  to  church 
to-day?"  when  asked  of  a  stranger  at  a  Sunday  dinner- 
table,  bring  on  a  dialogue  of  great  asperity,  and  very 
annoying  to  the  hearers.  As  it  cannot  possibly  con- 
cern yourself  whether  the  strangers  at  a  hotel  have 
been  to  church  or  not,  or  what  church  they  have 
visited,  omit  catechising  them  at  table  on  this  or  any 
other  religious  subject.  We  have  never  known  a 
clergyman  guilty  of  this  solecism  in  good  sense  and 
good  manners. 

When  you  give  a  gratuity  to  a  servant — for  instance, 
to  the  man  who  waits  on  you  at  table,  or  he  that 
attends  your  room,  or  to  the  chambermaid  or  the 
errand-boy — give  it  at  no  regular  time,  but  whenever 
you  think  proper,  or  find  it  convenient.  It  is  inju- 
dicious to  allow  them  to  suppose  that  they  are  to  do 
you  no  particular  service  without  being  immediately 
paid  for  it.  It  renders  them  mercenary,  rapacious, 
and  neglectful  of  other  boarders  who  are  less  profuse ; 
not  reflecting  that  the  servants  are  hired  to  wait  on 
the  company,  and  are  paid. wages  for  doing  so,  by  the 
proprietor  of  the  establishment,  and  that  it  is  there- 
fore their  duty  to  him,  and  to  his  guests,  to  exert 
themselves  so  to  give  satisfaction.  Still,  it  is  right 
and  customary  to  pay  them  extra  for  conveying  your 
baggage  up  and  down  stairs  when  you  are  departing 
from  the  house  or  returning  to  it.  Carrying  heavy 
baggage  is  very  hard  work  even  for  strong  men.  If 
you  are  a  permanent  boarder,  and  from  ill-health 
require  extra  attendance,  it  is  well  to  give  a  certain 


140 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


sum,  monthly,  to  each  of  tlie  servants  wlio  wait  upon 
you ;  and  then  they  will  not  expect  any  thing  more, 
except  on  extraordinary  occasions.  And  to  each  of 
them,  separately,  give  the  money  wuth  your  own  hand. 
In  short,  v/hatever  you  give  to  any  one,  (servants  or 
others,)  it  is  safest,  when  convenient,  to  bestow  it  in 
person.  There  will  then  be  no  mistakes,  no  forget- 
tings,  and  no  temptation  to  embezzlement. 

If  you  live  in  Philadelphia,  you  will  find  it  very 
convenient,  in  most  cases,  to  send  messages  by  a  note 
with  a  stamp  on  it,  put  into  the  city-post.  There  is 
a  mail-bag  and  a  letter-box  at  all  hotels,  and  at  most 
of  the  large  boarding-houses.  The  errand-boy  of  the 
hotel  carries  parcels,  and  takes  such  messages  as 
require  an  immediate  answer.  For  a  distance  of  any 
consequence,  he  will  expect  from  twelve  to  twenty- 
five  cents.  For  little  errands  in  the  immediate 
neighbourhood,  less  will  suffice.  When  a  servant 
brings  you  small  change,  do  not  tell  him  to  keep  it. 
It  is  giving  him  the  bad  habit  of  expecting  it  always ; 
and  at  times  when  you  may  have  occasion,  yourself, 
for  that  very  change.  It  is  the  vforst  way  of  feeing 
them.  On  leaving  the  house,  and  at  Christmas,  it  is 
customary  to  give  a  fee  rather  larger  than  usual,  to 
the  servants  who  have  been  your  attendants.  But  as 
we  have  said  before,  give  it  with  your  own  hands. 

It  is  ungenerous  and  most  unjustifiable  to  bribe 
the  servants  to  neglect  other  boarders,  (whose  place  is 
near  yours,)  for  the  purpose  of  their  bestowing  on  you 
a  double  share  of  attention.  It  is  taking  an  undue 
advantage,  which  in  the  end  will  come  out  badly. 


HOTEL  DINNER. 


141 


All  persons  wlio  go  to  hotels  are  not  able  to  lavish 
large  and  frequent  gratuities  on  the  servants.  But 
all,  for  the  price  they  pay  to  the  proprietor,  are  en- 
titled to  an  ample  share  of  attention  from  the  do- 
mestics. 

It  is  very  mean  and  unladylike  to  gossip  secretly 
with  the  servants,  and  question  them  about  any  of  the 
other  guests.  Still  worse,  to  repeat  what  they  tell 
you,  and  give  them  as  authority.  Treat  them  always 
with  kindness  and  civility,  but  have  no  confidential 
and  familiar  intercourse  with  them.  To  those  you 
know,  it  is  but  common  civility  to  bid  good  morning 
every  day.  Coloured  people  you  may  always  gratify 
by  saying  a  few  words  to  them,  now  and  then,  in 
passing.  They  value  this  little  kindness,  and  will  not 
presume  upon  it  like  those  from  ''the  old  country," 
who,  if  treated  familiarly,  will  frequently  take  liberties, 
and  lose  all  respect  for  you.  Elderly  coloured  people, 
(particularly  in  the  South,)  like  much  to  be  called 
''aunt"  or  "uncle;"  and  it  degrades  no  white  lady  to 
please  them  by  doing  so. 

In  all  hotels,  it  is  against  the  rule  to  take  out  of 
the  ladies'  drawing-room  any  books  that  may  be 
placed  there  for  the  general  convenience  of  the  com- 
pany, such  as  dictionaries,  guide-books,  directories, 
magazines,  &c.  If  you  borrow  a  file  of  newspapers 
from  the  reading-room,  get  done  with  them  as  soon 
as  you  can,  lest  they  should  be  wanted  there  by  the 
gentlemen ;  and  as  soon  as  you  have  finished,  ring  for 
a  servant  to  carry  them  back. 

Be  careful,  in  cold  weather,  always  to  shut  the 


142 


THE  BEHAVroUR  BOOK. 


parlour-doors  after  jou.  If  jou  think  the  room  too 
warm,  do  not  throw  open  either  door  or  window,  with- 
out first  enquiring  if  it  will  cause  inconvenience  to  any 
one  present.  It  is  a  good  practice  to  carry  a  pocket 
fan  even  in  winter,  in  case  you  should  chance  to  feel 
the  heat  more  sensibly  than  any  other  lady  in  the 
room.  If  the  heat  of  the  grate  causes  you  inconve- 
nience, enquire  if  there  is  any  objection  to  having  the 
blower  brought  in  and  stood  up  before  it.  If  not, 
,  ring  the  bell  and  order  it. 


SHIP-BOARD. 


143 


CHAPTER  XII. 

SHIP-BOARD. 

There  are  few  places  where  the  looks  and  manners 
of  the  company  are  more  minutely  scanned  than  on 
ship-hoard;  and  few  where  the  agreeability  of  a  lady 
will  be  more  highly  appreciated.  There  is  little  or  no 
variety  of  objects  to  attract  attention.  The  passengers 
are  brought  so  closely  into  contact  with  each  other,  and 
confined  to  so  small  a  neighbourhood,  or  rather  so  many 
neighbours  are  crowded  into  so  small  a  space,  that  all 
their  sayings  and  doings  are  noticed  with  unusual  at- 
tention, by  those  who  are  well  enough  to  regard  any 
thing  but  themselves.  Sea-sickness  is  a  very  selfish 
malady, — -and  no  wonder  that  it  is  so.  Fortunately  it 
is  less  prevalent  than  formerly,  thanks  to  the  improve- 
ments in  cabin-room,  ventilation,  lodging,  food,  and 
many  other  things  connected  with  ocean-travelling. 
A  lady  who  is  not  of  a  bilious  or  dyspeptic  habit,  and 
Yfh.0  has  taken  precautionary  medicine  a  few  days  be- 
fore commencing  the  voyage,  frequently  escapes  sea- 
sickness altogether;  or  at  least  gets  well  after  the 
first  day  or  two. 

It  is  best  not  to  be  over-officious  in  ofi'ering  your 
aid  to  the  sick  ladies,  unless  they  are  your  intimate 
friends.    The  stewardess  of  a  packet-ship  is  generally 


144 


THE  BEHAVIOUH  BOOK. 


all-sufficient;  and  mucli  more  capable  of  attending  to 
their  wants  than  you  can  be.  Sea-sickness  renders 
its  victims  very  querulous ;  and  few  like  to  be  continu- 
ally reminded  of  their  condition  by  enquiries  too  often 
repeated  of — How  do  you  find  yourself  now?"  " Do 
you  feel  any  better?"  or,  "Do  you  think  you  could 
not  eat  something?"  To  one  very  much  prostrated 
by  the  effects  of  the  sea-motion,  the  mere  replying  to 
these  questions  is  an  additional  misery.  Whatever 
sympathy  you  may  feel,  at  the  time,  for  those  afflicted 
with  the  marine  malady,  remember  that  it  is  a  dis- 
order which  never  kills,  but  very  frequently  cures. 

If  you  are  sick  yourself,  say  as  little  about  it  as 
possible.  And  never  allude  to  it  at  table,  where  you 
will  receive  little  sympathy,  and  perhaps  render  your- 
self disgusting  to  all  who  hear  you.  At  no  time  talk 
about  it  to  gentlemen.  Many  foolish  commonplace 
sayings  are  uttered  by  ladies  who  attempt  to  describe 
the  horrors  of  sea-sickness.  For  instance  this— "I 
felt  all  the  time  as  if  I  wished  somebody  to  take  me 
up,  and  throw  me  overboard."  This  is  untrue — no 
human  being  ever  really  did  prefer  drowning  to  sea- 
sickness. 

When  the  ship  is  actually  in  danger,  this  malady  is 
always  frightened  away;  the  feelings  of  the  mind 
entirely  overpowering  those  of  the  body. 

Try  to  avoid  supposing  that  every  fresh  gale  is  a 
violent  storm;  but  confide  in  the  excellence  of  the 
ship,  and  the  skill  of  its  navigators.  Yet,  though  not 
afraid  yourself,  remember  that  others  may  be  so,  and 
do  not  try  to  show  your  courage  by  indulging  in  undue 


SHIP-BOARD.  145 

gayety.  Mirth  is  out  of  place  wlien  the  sky  is  over- 
cast with  gloom,  the  wind  blowing  hard,  and  the  waves 
"running  mountains  high,"  and  foaming  and  roaring 
all  round  the  vessel. 

If  there  is  truly  a  violent  tempest,  and  if  the  danger 
is  real  and  imminent,  trust  to  that  Almighty  Powef 
who  is  with  you  always, — on  the  sea,  and  on  the  land ) 
and  silently  and  fervently  implore  his  protection. 

No  captain  likes  to  be  teazed  with  importunities 
concerning  the  probable  length  of  the  passage.  You 
may  be  sure  he  will  do  all  he  can  to  make  it  as  short 
as  possible.  In  rough  weather,  refrain  from  asking, 
whenever  you  see  him,  '^If  there  is  any  danger?"  If 
there  really  is,  he  will  certainly  let  you  know  it  in 
time. 

Endeavour  to  live  harmoniously  with  your  fellow- 
passengers.  Avoid  such  national  allusions  as  may 
give  offence  to  the  foreigners.  If  you  find  that  any 
of  them  are  in  the  frequent  practice  of  sneering  at 
your  own  country,  or  speaking  of  it  disrespectfully, 
repress  your  resentment,  resort  to  no  recrimination, 
but  refrain  from  further  conversation  with  that  indi- 
vidual, and  leave  him  to  the  gentlemen.  If  a  female 
foreigner  is  in  the  habit  of  gratuitously  abusing 
America,  endeavour  calmly  to  convince  her  that  her 
ideas  of  your  country  are  erroneous.  If  she  will  not 
be  convinced,  (as  is  most  likely,  if  she  is  an  ungenteel 
Englishwoman,)  give  up  the  attempt,  and  leave  her  to 
herself.  If  you  have  a  taste  for  the  ridiculous,  you 
will  regard  her  prejudices  and  the  expression  of  them 
only  as  objects  of  amusement. 


146 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


Avoid  all  arguments  with  a  Yfoman  of  irritable  dis= 
position,  lest  you  are  drawn  in  yourself  to  defend  your 
opinion  too  warmly.  You  will  soon  find  whether  or 
not  you  can  convince  her^  or  whether  she  is  likely  to 
convince  you.  And  it  is  worse  than  useless  for  both 
to  continue  protracting  the  argument,  when  they  know 
that  the  opinion  of  neither  will  be  shaken.  Also,  it 
is  foolish  to  keep  on  repeating  the  same  ideas,  with  no 
change  but  in  a  few  of  the  vfords. 

Long  and  turbulent  discussions  are  peculiarly  annoy- 
ing on  ship-board,  particularly  in  rainy  weather,  when 
for  the  vv^eary  and  pent-up  audience,  "there's  no  door 
to  creep  out." 

It  is  certainly  advisable  for  every  lady  on  ship- 
board to  endeavour  to  make  herself  as  agreeable  as 
she  can,  and  not  to  suppose  that  all  her  "whims  and 
oddities"  will  be  excused  because  she  is  suffering  "the 
pains  and  penalties"  of  the  sea,  and  is  therefore  not 
"a  responsible  being."  If  free  from  sickness,  a  lady 
may  propose  or  promote  many  pleasant  little  amuse- 
ments and  occupations;  such  as  playing  children's 
games  on  deck,  or  taking  a  part  in  chess,  chequers, 
and  backgammon  in  the  cabin.  Ladies  sometimes 
form  a  regular  little  coterie,  for  assembling  at  certain 
hours,  and  employing  themselves  in  knitting,  bead- 
work,  light-sewing,  &c.  while  a  gentleman  reads  aloud 
to  them  in  some  entertaining  book.  In  the  evening, 
vocal  concerts  will  be  an  agreeable  variety,  as  there 
are  always  some  persons  on  board  who  can  sing.  And 
when  the  weather  is  fine,  and  the  ship  steadily  laying 
her  course,  a  moonlight  dance  on  deck  is  delightful. 


SHIP-BOARD. 


14T 


A  young  lady  should  improve  the  opportunity  of 
learning  the  names  of  the  principal  parts  of  the  ship. 
It  is  a  silly  boast  at  the  end  of  the  voyage,  (and  yet 
we  have  heard  such  boasts,)  to  say  that  you  do  not 
know  the  fore-mast  from  the  main-mast ;  and  that  you 
have  no  idea  where  the  mizen-mast  is,  much  less  the 
bow-sprit.  And  even  if  a  fair  damsel  should  be  able 
to  distinguish  the  fore-topsail  from  the  jib,  and  to 
know  even  the  flying-jib,  and  have  learnt  the  diff"erence 
between  the  compass  and  the  quadrant,  and  the  log- 
line  and  the  lead-line,  we  opine  that  *'the  gentlemen" 
will  think  none  the  worse  of  her ;  to  say  nothing  of 
the  satisfaction  it  will  aiFord  herself  to  listen  with  some 
comprehension  to  talk  concerning  the  ship,  and  to 
read  understandingly  a  few  of  the  numerous  excellent 
novels  that  treat  of  "life  on  the  ocean  wave." 

If  you  have,  unfortunately,  the  rude  and  unamiable 
habit  of  laughing  whenever  you  see  any  one  get  a  fall, 
leave  it  off  when  on  ship-board,— where  falls  are  of 
continual  occurrence  from  the  rolling  of  the  vessel, 
and  the  steepness  of  the  stairs.  We  never  could  tell 
why  a  fall,  even  on  the  ice,  should  be  regarded  as  a 
subject  of  mirth,  when  the  chance  is  that  it  may  pro- 
duce a  serious  hurt,  and  is  always  attended  with  some 
pain  or  some  annoyance  at  least.  Low-bred  women 
always  say  they  cannot  help  laughing  at  such  sights. 
We  think  ladies  ought  always  to  help  it,  and  hasten 
at  once  to  the  relief  of  the  sufferer,  to  ascertain  if  they 
are  hurt. 

Be  washed  and  dressed  neatly  every  day.  This 


148 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


can  generally  be  managed  with  the  assistance  of  the 
female  servants — -even  if  you  are  sick. 

A  piano  never  sounds  well  on  ship-board — the  cabins 
are  too  small,  and  the  ceilings  too  low.  To  the  sick 
and  nervous,  (and  all  who  are  sea-sick  become  very 
nervous,)  this  instrument  is  peculiarly  annoying. 
Therefore  be  kind  enough  to  spare  them  the  annoy- 
ance. You  can  practise  when  the  weather  is  fine, 
and  the  invalids  are  on  deck.  Pianos  have  been 
abolished  in  many  of  the  finest  ships.  Such  instru- 
ments as  can  be  carried  on  deck,  and  played  in  the 
open  air,  are,  on  the  contrary,  very  delightful  at  sea, 
when  in  the  hands  of  good  performers- — particularly 
on  a  moonlight  evening. 

In  going  to  England,  take  with  you  no  American 
reprints  of  English  books,  unless  you  intend  leaving 
them  on  board  the  ship.  If  you  attempt  to  land  them, 
they  will  be  seized  at  the  custom-house.  American 
books  by  American  authors  are  not  prohibited. 

Make  no  attempt  to  smuggle  any  thing.  You  may 
be  detected  and  disgraced.  The  risk  is  too  great, 
and  the  advantage  too  little. 

When  you  leave  your  state-room  to  sit  in  the  ladies' 
cabin,  do  not  fall  to  relating  the  particulars  of  your 
sickness,  or  complaining  of  the  smallness  of  your 
apartment,  the  rolling  of  the  ship,  or  the  roughness 
of  the  waves.  These  inconveniences  are  unavoidable, 
and  must  always  be  expected  in  a  sea- voyage;  and 
talking  about  them  too  much  seems  to  magnify  their 
evils. 

If  there  is  any  deficiency  in  accommodations  or 


SHIP-BOARD. 


149 


attentions,  either  endeavour  as  -vyell  as  jou  can  to  do 
mthout  them,  or  in  a  kind  and  considerate  manner 
endeavour  to  obtain  them  of  the  servants,  if  not  too 
inconvenient,  or  against  the  ship's  regulations. 

It  is  very  inconsiderate  to  have  things  cooked  at 
luncheon  time  purposely  for  youfself.  Ladies  who 
are  quite  well  will  sometimes  order  baked  apples, 
stewed  prunes,  buttered  toast,  arrow-root,  cups  of  tea 
or  coffee,  &c., — notwithstanding  that  the  lunch-table 
is  always  profusely  spread  with  a  variety  of  cold 
articles ;  and  that  when  dinner  is  cooking  at  the  same 
time,  the  small  size  of  the  kitchen  renders  any  extra 
preparations  very  inconvenient  to  the  preparers. 


13* 


150 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

LETTERS. 

The  practice  of  inclosing  letters  in  envelopes  is  now 
universal ;  particularly  as  when  the  letter  is  single  no 
additional  postage  is  charged  for  the  cover.  The 
postage  now  is  in  almost  every  instance  pre-paid,  it 
being  but  three  cents  when  paid  by  the  writer,  and 
five  if  left  to  the  receiver.  Therefore,  none  but  very 
poor  or  very  mean  people  send  unpaid  letters.  Let- 
ter-stamps for  the  United  States  post  should  be  kept 
in  a  little  box  on  your  writing-table.  You  can  get 
them  always  by  sending  to  the  post-office — from  a 
dollar's  worth  or  more,  down  to  fifty  or  twenty-five 
cents'  worth,  at  a  time.  In  a  second  box,  keep  stamps 
for  the  city  or  penny  post,  which  transmits  notes  from 
one  part  of  the  town  to  another.  And  in  a  third, 
stamps  to  go  on  the  covers  of  newspapers. 

Sealing  with  wax  is  found  to  be  very  insecure  for 
letters  that  are  carried  by  steamers  into  warm  cli- 
mates— the  wax  melting  with  the  heat,  and  sticking 
the  letters  to  each  other,  so  that  they  cannot  be 
separated  without  tearing.    Wafers  are  better. 

The  best  way  of  all,  (as  we  find  by  our  own  expe- 
rience,) is  to  use  the  post-office  stamp  as  a  seal,  thus 
making  it  answer  a  double  purpose.    The  gum  on  the 


LETTERS. 


151 


back  of  the  stamp  will  secure  the  letter  perfectly  well ; 
and  it  cannot  be  fraudulently  opened  without  detection. 
See,  however,  that  it  is  quite  dry  before  it  goes  to  the 
post-office. 

In  writing  upon  business  exclusively  your  own,  for 
instance  to  make  a  request,  to  ask  for  information,  to 
petition  for  a  favour,  or  to  solicit  an  autograph,  it  is 
but  right  not  only  to.  pay  the  postage  of  your  own 
letter,  but  to  enclose  a  stamp  for  the  answer.  This  is 
always  done  by  really  polite  and  considerate  people. 
You  have  no  right,  when  the  benefit  is  entirely  your 
own,  to  cause  any  extra  expense  to  the  receiver  of  the 
letter — not  even  the  cost  of  three  cents  to  pay  the 
postage  back  again.  It  is  enough  to  tax  their  time 
by  requiring  them  to  write .  to  you  and  send  off  the 
reply.  Also,  in  corresponding  with  a  relative,  or  very 
intimate  friend,  to  whom  even  a  small  expense  is  of 
more  importance  than  to  yourself,  you  may  enclose  a 
stamp  for  the  ansvv^er.  Do  so  always  in  writing  to 
poor  people.  Be  careful  not  to  allow  yourself  to  get 
entirely  out  of  post-office  stamps.  Replenish  your 
stock  in  time.  If  the  gum  on  the  back  seems  too 
weak,  go  over  it  afresh  with  that  excellent  cement, 
"Perpetual  Paste."  Embossed  or  bordered  envelopes 
are  not  often  used  except  in  notes  of  ceremony — or 
when  the  acquaintance  is  slight.  The  same  with 
ornamented  note-paper.  Intimate  friends  and  rela- 
tives use  paper  that  is  handsome,  but  plain.  Letters 
of  business  are  generally  enclosed  in  yellow  or  buff- 
coloured  envelopes.  Some  of  these  yellow  envelopes 
are  large  enough  to  contain  a  folio  sheet  when  folded. 


152 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Notes  not  to  be  sent  bj  post,  are  usually  sealed  with 
wax — the  seal  very  small.  But  a  small  wafer  is 
admissible — a  white  one  looks  best  for  a  note.  In 
folding  your  note  or  letter,  see  that  it  is  not  too  large 
to  go  into  the  envelope.  Write  the  direction  on  the 
back  of  the  cover,  and  nothing  at  all  on  the  back  of 
the  letter.  But  inside,  near  the  bottom  of  the  last 
page,  put  the  name  and  residence  of  the  person  for 
whom  it  is  intended.  The  envelope  is  sometimes 
damaged  in  the  letter-bag  so  as  to  be  illegible — and 
this  accident  may  be  provided  against,  by  a  second 
address,  (as  we  have  said,)  inside  of  the  letter,  so  as  to 
denote  for  whom  it  is  intended. 

We  have  seen  no  good  letter-paper  at  less  price 
than  twenty-five  cents  per  quire ;  and  for  that  it  ought 
to  be  very  good.  If  of  lower  cost,  you  may  find  it 
soft  and  fuzzy,  so  that  the  pen  will  not  move  freely, 
(the  nib  wearing  out  directly,)  or  so  thin  that  you  can- 
not write  on  both  sides  of  the  sheet.  In  paper,  as  in 
most  other  things,  the  best  is  the  cheapest.  If  the 
tint  is  bluish,  the  writing  will  not  be  so  legible  as  on  a 
pure  white.  The  surface  should  be  smooth  and  glossy. 
For  letter  writing  ruled  paper  is  rarely  used,  except 
by  children.  In  writing  for  the  press,  no  other  is  so 
convenient.  A  page  of  ruled  lines  to  slip  beneath,  is 
indispensable  to  those  who  cannot  otherwise  write 
straight.  They  are  to  be  had  for  a  few  cents  at  every 
stationer's.  It  is  well  to  get  three  difi'erent  sizes.  If 
you  write  a  small  hand,  the  lines  should  be  closer  to- 
gether than  if  your  writing  is  large.  If  you  are 
addressing  a  friend  and  have  mnch  to  say,  and  expect 


LETTERS. 


153 


to  fill  tlie  sheet,  begin  very  near  tlie  top  of  the  first 
page.  But  if  your  letter  is  to  be  a  short  one,  com- 
mence lower  down,  several  inches  from  the  top.  If  a 
very  short  letter  of  only  a  few  lines,  begin  but  a  little 
above  the  middle  of  the  page.  Crossing  a  letter  all 
over  with  transverse  lines  is  obsolete.  It  is  in- 
tolerable to  read,  and  there  is  no  excuse  for  it  now, 
when  postage  is  so  low,  and  every  body  pays  their 
own. 

\Yrite  the  date  near  the  right-hand  side  of  the  first 
page,  and  place  it  about  two  lines  higher  than  the  two 
or  three  vfords  of  greeting  or  accosting  with  which 
letters  usually  commence.  Begin  the  first  sentence  a 
little  below  those  words,  and  farther  toward  the  right 
than  the  lines  that  are  to  follow.  It  is  well  in  dating 
every  letter  to  give  always  your  exact  residence — that 
is,  not  only  the  town  you  live  in,  but  the  number  and 
street.  If  your  correspondent  has  had  hut  one  notifi- 
cation of  your  present  place  of  abode,  she  may  have 
forgotten  the  number,  and  even  the  street.  Your  letter 
containing  it  may  not  be  at  hand  as  a  reference,  and 
the  answer  may,  in  consequence,  be  misdirected — or 
directed  in  so  vague  a  manner  that  it  will  never  reach 
you.  We  have  known  much  inconvenience  (and  in- 
deed loss)  ensue  from  not  specifying  with  the  date  of 
each  letter  the  exact  dwelling-place  of  the  writer. 
But  if  it  is  always  indicated  at  the  top  of  every  one,  a 
reference  to  any  one  of  your  letters  will  furnish  your 
proper  address.  If  you  are  in  the  country,  where 
there  are  no  streets  or  numbered  houses,  give  the 
name  of  the  estate  and  that  of  the  nearest  post-town; 


154 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


also  the  county  and  state.  All  this  will  occupy  a 
long  line,  but  you  will  find  the  advantage.  If  your 
letter  fills  more  than  one  sheet,  number  each  page. 
Should  you  have  no  envelope,  leave,  on  the  inside  of 
the  third  page,  two  blank  spaces  where  the  seal  is  to 
come.  These  spaces  should  be  left  rather  too  large 
than  too  small.  Lest  the  letter  should  be  torn  in 
hrealcing  open,  it  is  best  to  cut  round  the  seal.  Vv^e 
have  seen  letters  that  were  actually  illegible  from  the 
paleness  of  the  ink.  If  you  write  from  your  own 
house  this  is  inexcusable,  as  you  ought  always  to  be 
well  supplied  with  that  indispensable  article ;  and  in  a 
city  you  can  easily  send  to  a  stationer's  and  buy  it. 
It  is  still  better  to  make  it  yourself;  than  which 
nothing  is  more  easy.  The  following  receipt  we  knoio^ 
hy  experience^  to  he  superlative.    Try  it. 

Buy  at  a  druggist's  four  ounces  of  the  best  blue 
Aleppo  nut-galls ;  half  an  ounce  of  green  copperas ; 
and  half  an  ounce  of  clean,  vfhite  gum-arabic.  These 
three  articles  must  be  pulverized  in  a  mortar.  Put 
them  into  a  large,  clean,  white-ware  pitcher,  and  pour 
on  a  quart  of  boiling  water.  Stir  the  whole  with  a 
stick  that  will  reach  to  the  bottom,  and  set  the  pitcher 
in  a  w^arm  place;  covering  it  lightly  with  a  folded 
newspaper.  In  about  an  hour,  stir  it  again  very 
hard ;  and  repeat  the  stirring  several  times  during  the 
day.  Let  it  remain  in  the  pitcher  several  days,  or  a 
week,  till  it  becomes  an  excellent  black ;  the  blacken- 
ing will  be  accelerated  by  keeping  the  pitcher  in  the 
sun ;  for  instance,  in  a  sunny  balcony.  Stir  it,  down 
to  the  bottom,  two  or  three  times  a  day — always  with 


LETTERS. 


155 


a  stick.  Use  nothing  of  metal  in  making  this  ink. 
When  it  is  very  black,  and  writes  well,  pour  it  off 
carefully  from  the  bottom,  (which  must  have  rested 
undisturbed  for  two  or  three  hours  previous,)  passing 
it  through  a  funnel  into  pint-bottles.  Before  you 
cork  them,  put  into  each  a  large  tea-spoonful  of 
brandy,  to  prevent  moulding,  or  a  few  drops  of 
lavender.  A  small  tea-spoonful  of  cloves,  (slightly 
broken,)  placed  in  the  bottom  of  each  bottle,  before 
the  ink  is  poured  in,  will  answer  the  same  purpose. 
Scouring  the  pitcher  with  soap  and  sand,  after  throw- 
ing away  the  dregs  of  the  ink,  will  completely  clear 
off  the  stains.  ^ 
Ink-stands  should  be  washed  out,  before  they  are 
filled  anew. 

There  is  no  ink  superior  to  this  in  blackness  or 
smoothness.  You  can  make  it  at  less  than  half  the 
cost  of  that  which  you  buy  in  the  shops.  It  looks 
blacker  the  next  day  after  using,  and  never  fades. 
If  it  becomes  rather  too  thick,  dilute  it  slightly  with 
water. 

Never  use  Hue  ink.  If  the  letter  chances  to  get 
wet,  the  writing  will  be  effaced.  Serious  losses  have 
resulted  from  business  letters  being  written  in  blue 
ink. 

If  you  make  a  mistake  in  a  word,  draw  your  pen 
through  it,  or  score  it  so  as  to  be  quite  illegible,  and 
then  interline  the  correction,  placing  a  caret  be- 
neath. This  will  be  better  than  scratching  out  the 
error  with  your  penknife,  and  afterward  trying  to 
write  a  new  word  in  the  identical  place ;  an  attempt 


156 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


which  rarely  succeeds,  even  with  the  aid  of  pounce- 
powder,  which  is  pulverized  gum-sandarac. 

At  the  end  of  the  letter,  somewhat  lower  than  your 
signature,  (which  should  be  very  near  the  right-hand 
edge  of  the  page,)  add  the  name  and  address  of  the 
person  for  whom  the  letter  is  designed,  and  to  whom 
it  will  thus  find  its  way,  even  if  the  envelope  should 
be  defaced,  or  torn  oif  and  lost.  Write  your  own 
name  rather  larger  than  your  usual  hand,  and  put  a 
dot  or  dash  after  it. 

Some  of  the  ensuing  paragraphs  are  taken  (with 
permission  of  the  publisher)  from  a  former  work  of 
the  author's. 

In  folding  a  letter,  let  the  breadth  (from  left  to 
right)  far  exceed  the  height.  A  letter  folded  tall  is 
ridiculous,  and  one  verging  towards  squareness  looks 
very  awkward.  It  is  well  to  use  a  folder  (or  paper- 
knife)  to  press  along  the  edges  of  the  folds,  that  the}^ 
may  be  smooth  and  straight.  If  one  is  looser  than 
another,  or  if  there  is  the.  slightest  narrowing  in,  or 
widening  out,  toward  the  edge  of  the  turn-over,  the 
letter  will  have  an  irregular,  unsightly  appearance. 
Pieces  of  ruled  lines  may  be  so  cut  that  you  can  slip 
them  under  the  back  of  a  letter  after  it  is  folded,  and 
then  you  will  be  in  no  danger  of  writing  the  direction 
crooked,  or  uneven. 

Write  the  name  of  your  correspondent  about  the 
middle  of  the  back,  and  very  clearly  and  distinctly. 
Then  give  the  number  and  street  on  the  next  line,  a 
little  nearer  to  the  right.  Then  the  town  in  large 
letters,  extending  still  nearer  to  the  right.    If  a 


LETTERS, 


157 


country-town,  give  next  (in  letters  a  little  smaller) 
the  name  of  the  county  in  which  it  is  situated.  This 
is  very  necessary,  as  in  some  of  our  states  there  is 
more  than  one  town  of  the  same  name,  and  "V/ash- 
ingtons"  all  over  the  Union.  Lastly,  at  the  very 
bottom,  and  close  to  the  right,  indicate  the  state 
or  district  by  its  usual  abbreviation, — for  instance, 
3Ie.  for  Maine*— iV:  H.  ITew  Hampshire—  Vt.  Ver- 
mont— Mass.  Massachusetts — R.  I.  Rhode  Island — 
Ct.  or  Conn.  Connecticut — JSf.  Y.  New  York — N.  J. 
New  Jersey — Pa.  or  Penna.  Pennsylvania — Del.  Dela- 
ware—ilfc^.  Maryland — Va.  Virginia — N.  Q.  North 
Carolina — S.  C.  South  Carolina — Gra.  or  Q-eo.  Georgia 
— Ala.  Alabama — Miss.  Mississippi — Mo.  Missouri — 
La.  Louisiana — Te7in.  Tennessee — Ky.  Kentucky — 
0.  Ohio — Ind.  Indiana — III.  Illinois — Mich.  Michi- 
gan— Ark.  Arkansas — Wis.  Wisconsin — lo.  Iowa — 
Tex.  Texas — Flo.  Florida — Oal.  California — Or.  Ore- 
gon— Minn.  Minnesota —  Utah — D.  C.  District  of  Co- 
lumbia. 

To  these  may  be  added  the  abbreviations  of  the 
British  possessions  in  North  America:  U.  0.  Upper 
Canada — L.  0.  Lower  Canada — A^.  S.  Nova  Scotia — 
W.  B.  New  Brunswick — X.  P.  New  Providence. 

In  directing  a  letter  to  a  foreign  country,  give  the 
whole  name,  as  France,  Spain,  Belgium,  England, 
Ireland,  Scotland,  &c.  We  have  towns  in  America 
called  after  all  manner  of  European  towns.    For  in- 


*  When  the  name  of  the  state  is  short,  you  may  give  all  the 
letters  that  compose  it,  as  Maine — Ohio — Iowa — Texas — Utah. 

14 


158 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


stance,  a  letter  directed  to  our  Havre-de-Grace,  miglit, 
if  Maryland  was  not  designated,  find  its  way  to  Havre- 
de-Grace  in  France;  Rome  in  the  state  of  New  York 
might  be  taken  to  Rome  in  Italy,- — York  in  Pennsyl- 
vania to  York  in  England,  &c.  We  know  an  instance 
of  a  gentleman  directing  an  important  letter  to  Boston, 
and,  forgetting  to  add  Mass.  (for  Massachusetts)  at  the 
bottom,  the  letter  actually  w^ent  from  Philadelphia  to 
the  small  town  of  Boston  in  Lincolnshire,  England, 
In  writing  from  Europe,  finish  the  direction  with  the 
words  United  States  of  North  Ameinca. 

When  you  send  a  letter  by  a  private  opportunity,  (a 
thing  w^hich  is  already  almost  obsolete  since  the  days 
of  cheap  postage,)  it  will  be  sufficient  to  introduce  very 
near  the  lower  edge  of  the  left-hand  corner  of  the 
back,  simply  the  name  of  the  gentleman  who  carries 
it,  written  small.  It  is  now  considered  old-fashioned 
to  insert  on  the  back  of  such  a  letter — Politeness  of 
Mr.  Smith" — ''Favoured  by  Mr.  Jones" — "Honoured 
by  Mr.  Brown."  If  the  letter  is  to  cross  the  sea,  by 
mail  or  otherwise,  write  the  name  of  the  vessel  on  the 
left-hand  corner  of  the  outside. 

When  a  letter  is  to  go  to  New  York  city,  always 
put  the  words  New  York  in  full,  (and  not  N.  Y.,) 
written  large.  Much  confusion  is  caused  by  the  name 
of  this  state  and  its  metropolis  being  the  same.  It 
has  been  well-suggested  that  the  name  of  the  state  of 
New  York  should  be  changed  to  Ontario — a  beautiful 
change.  In  directing  to  any  of  the  towns  in  the  state 
of  New  York,  then  put  N.  Y.  after  the  name  of  the 
town,  as  Hudson,  N.  Y., — Syracuse,  N.  Y.,  &;c. 


LETTERS. 


159 


In  sending  a  letter  to  the  metropolis  of  the  Union, 
direct  for  Washington,  D.  C. 

In  directing  to  a  clergyman,  put  Bev.  (Reverend) 
before  his  name.  If  a  bishop,  BigJit  Reverend.  To 
an  officer,  immediately  after  his  name  put  U.  S.  A.  for 
United  States  Army,  or  U.  S.  N.  for  United  States 
Navy — having  preceded  his  name  with  Gen.^  Qol.^ 
Capt.^  Lieut.,  according  to  his  rank. 

The  title  Hon.  (Honourable)  is  always  used  in 
directing  to  a  member  of  congress,  a  member  of  the 
cabinet,  a  judge  of  the  supreme  court,  an  ambassador, 
or  the  governor  of  a  state.  For  the  Chief  Magistrate 
of  the  Union,  you  may  direct  simply  to  the  President 
of  the  United  States.  The  term  "Excellency"  is  now 
but  little  used. 

For  a  gentleman  holding  a  professorship  in  a  uni- 
versity, preface  his  name  with  Prof,  or  Professor. 
The  title  of  "Professor"  does  not  really  belong  to  all 
raen  who  teach  any  thing,  or  to  every  man  that  ex- 
hibits a  show — or  to  mesmerists,  and  spiritual  knock- 
ers.   Do  not  give  it  to  them. 

For  sealing  letters  no  light  is  so  convenient  as  a 
wax  taper  in  a  low  stand.  A  lamp,  or  candle,  may 
smoke  or  blacken  the  wax.  To  seal  well,  your  wax 
should  be  of  the  finest  quality.  Red  wax  of  a  bright 
scarlet  colour  is  the  best.  Low-priced  wax  consumes 
very  fast;  and  when  melted,  looks  purplish  or  brown- 
ish. When  going  to  melt  sealing-wax,  rest  your  elbow 
on  the  table  to  keep  your  hand  steady.  Take  the 
stick  of  wax  between  your  thumb  and  finger,  and  hold 
it  a  little  above  the  light,  so  that  it  barely  touches  the 


160 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


point  of  the  flame.  Turn  the  stick  round  till  it  is 
equally  softened  on  all  sides.  Then  insert  a  little  of 
the  melted  wax  under  the  turn-over  part  of  the  letter, 
just  where  the  seal  is  to  come.  This  will  render  it 
more  secure  than  if  the  sole  dependence  was  on  the 
outside  seal.  Or  instead  of  this  little  touch  of  wax, 
you  may  slip  beneath  the  turn-over  a  small  wafer, 
either  wdiite  or  of  the  same  colour  as  the  wax.  Then 
begin  at  the  outer  edge  of  the  place  you  intend  for 
the  seal;  and  move  the  wax  in  a  circle,  which  must 
gradually  diminish  till  it  terminates  in  the  centre. 
Pat  the  seal  exactly  to  the  middle  of  the  soft  wax, 
and  press  it  dow^n  hard,  but  do  not  screw  it  round. 
Then  vathdraw  it  suddenly.  Do  not  use  motto  seals 
unless  writing  to  a  member  of  your  own  family,  or  to 
an  intimate  friend.  For  common  service,  (and  particu- 
larly for  letters  of  business,)  a  plain  seal,  with  simply 
your  initials,  is  best. 

For  a  note  always  use  a  very  small  seal.  In  ad- 
dressing one  of  your  own  family,  it  is  not  necessary  to 
follow  scrupulously  all  these  observances.  In  writing 
to  persons  decidedly  your  inferiors  in  station,  avoid 
the  probability  of  mortifying  them  by  sending  mean, 
ill-looking  notes. 

Kemember  also  (what,  strange  to  say,  some  people 
calling  themselves  ladies  seem  not  to  know)  that  a 
note  commenced  in  the  first  person  must  continue  in 
the  first  person  all  through.  The  same  when  it  begins 
in  the  third  person.  We  have  heard  of  invitations  to 
a  party  being  worded  thus ; — 


LETTERS. 


161 


Mrs.  Welford's  compliments  to  Mrs.  Marlej,  and 
requests  the  pleasure  of  her  company  on  Thursday 
evening. 

Yours  sincerely, 

E.  Welford. 

Notes  of  invitation  should  always  designate  hoth  the 
day  of  the  week  and  that  of  the  month.  If  that  of 
the  month  only  is  specified,  one  figure  may  perhaps  be 
mistaken  for  another;  for  instance,  the  13th  may  look 
like  the  18th,  or  the  25th  like  the  26th.  We  know 
instances  where,  from  this  cause,  some  of  the  guests 
did  not  come  till  the  night  after  the  party. 

There  are  some  very  sensible  people  who,  in  their 
invitations,  tell  frankly  what  is  to  be  expected,  and  if 
they  really  ask  but  a  fevj  friends,  they  at  once  give 
the  names  of  those  friends,  so  that  you  may  know 
whom  you  are  to  see.  If  you  are  to  meet  no  more 
than  can  sit  round  the  tea-table,  they  signify  the 
same.  If  they  expect  twenty,  thirty,  or  forty  persons, 
they  say  so — and  do  not  leave  you  in  doubt  whether 
to  dress  for  something  very  like  a  party,  or  for  a  mere 
family  tea-drinking. 

If  it  is  a  decided  music-party,  by  all  means  specify 
the  same,  that  those  w^ho  have  no  enjoyment  of  what 
is  considered  fashionable  music,  may  stay  away. 

Always  reply  to  a  note  of  invitation  the  day  after 
you  have  received  it.  To  a  note  on  business  send  an 
answer  the  same  day.  After  accepting  an  invitation, 
should  any  thing  occur  to  prevent  your  going,  send  a 
second  note  in  due  time. 

14* 


162 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Do  not  take  offence  at  a  friend  because  she  does 
not  invite  you  every  time  she  has  company.  Her  re- 
gard for  you  may  be  as  warm  as  ever,  but  it  is  proba- 
bly inconvenient  for  her  to  have  more  than  a  certain 
number  at  a  time.  Believe  that  the  omission  is  no 
evidence  of  neglect,  or  of  a  desire  to  offend  you ;  but 
rest  assured  that  you  are  to  be  invited  on  other  occa- 
sions. If  you  are  not^  then  indeed  you  may  take  it 
as  a  hint  that  she  is  no  longer  desirous  of  continuing 
the  acquaintance.  Be  dignified  enough  not  to  call 
her  to  account;  but  cease  visiting  her,  without  taking 
her  to  task  and  bringing  on  a  quarrel.  But  if  you 
must  quarrel,  let  it  not  be  in  writing.  A  paper  war 
is  always  carried  too  far,  and  produces  bitterness  of 
feeling  which  is  seldom  entirely  eradicated,  even  after 
apologies  have  been  made  and  accepted.  Still,  when 
an  offence  has  been  given  in  writing,  the  atonement 
should  be  made  in  writing  also. 

Much  time  is  wasted  (particularly  by  young  ladies) 
in  vfriting  and  answering  such  epistles  as  are  termed 
"letters  of  friendship," — -meaning  long  documents 
(frequently  with  crossed  lines)  filled  with  regrets  at 
absence,  asseverations  of  eternal  affection,  modest 
deprecations  of  your  humble  self,  and  enthusiastic 
glorifyings  of  your  exalted  correspondent;  or  else 
wonderments  at  both  of  you  being  so  much  alike,  and 
so  very  congenial ;  and  anticipations  of  rapture  at 
meeting  again,  and  lamentations  at  the  slow  progress 
of  time,  till  the  extatic  hour  of  re-union  shall  arrive — 
the  postscript  usually  containing  some  confidential 
allusion  to  a  lover,  (either  real  or  supposed,)  and  per- 


LETTERS. 


163 


haps  a  kind  enquiry  about  a  real  or  supposed  lover  of 
your  friend's. 

Now  such  letters  as  these  are  of  no  manner  of  use 
but  to  foster  a  sickly,  morbid  feeling,  (very  often  a 
fictitious  one,)  and  to  encourage  nonsense,  and  destroy 
all  relish  for  such  true  friendship  as  is  good  and  whole- 
some. 

A  still  worse  species  of  voluminous  female  corre- 
spondence is  that  which  turns  entirely  upon  love,  or 
rather  on  what  are  called  "beaux;"  or  entirely  on 
hate — for  instance,  hatred  of  step-mothers.  This 
topic  is  considered  the  more  piquant  from  its  impro- 
priety, and  from  its  being  carried  on  in  secret. 

Then  there  are  young  ladies  born  with  the  organ 
of  letter-writing  amazingly  developed,  and  increased 
by  perpetual  practice,  who  can  scarcely  become  ac- 
quainted with  a  gentleman  possessing  brains,  without 
volunteering  a  correspondence  with  him.  And  then 
ensues  a  long  epistolary  dialogue  about  nothing,  or  at 
least  nothing  worth  reading  or  remembering ;  trench- 
ing closely  on  gallantry,  bat  still  not  quite  that; 
affected  flippancy  on  the  part  of  the  lady;  and  un- 
affected impertinence  on  that  of  the  gentleman,  "which 
serves  her  right" — alternating  with  pretended  pout- 
ings  on  her  side,  and  half  or  whole -laughing  apologies 
on  his.  Sometimes  there  are  attempts  at  moralizing, 
or  criticising,  or  sentimentalizing — but  nothing  is  ever 
elicited  that,  to  a  third  person,  can  afford  the  least 
amusement  or  improvement,  or  excite  the  least  interest. 
Yet,  strange  to  say,  gentlemen  have  been  inveigled 
into  this  sort  of  correspondence,  even  by  ladies  who 


164 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


have  made  a  business  of  afterward  selling  the  letters 
for  publication,  and  making  monej  out  of  them.  And 
such  epistles  have  actually  been  printed.  We  do  not 
suppose  they  have  been  read.  The  public  is  very 
stubborn  in  refusing  to  read  what  neither  amuses, 
interests,  or  improves — even  when  a  publisher  is  ac- 
tually so  weak  as  to  print  such  things. 

No  young  lady  ever  engages  in  a  correspondence 
with  a  gentleman  that  is  neither  her  relative  or  her 
betrothed,  without  eventually  lessening  herself  in  his 
eyes.  Of  this  she  may  rest  assured.  With  some 
men,  it  is  even  dangerous  for  a  lady  to  write  a 
note  on  the  commonest  subject.  He  may  show  the 
superscription,  or  the  signature,  or  both,  to  his  idle 
companions,  and  make  insinuations  much  to  her  disad- 
vantage, which  his  comrades  will  be  sure  to  circulate 
and  exaggerate. 

Above  all,  let  no  lady  correspond  with  a  married 
man,  unless  she  is  obliged  to  consult  him  on  business; 
and  from  that  plain,  straight  path  let  her  not  diverge. 
Even  if  the  wife  sees  and  reads  every  letter,  she  will, 
in  all  probability,  feel  a  touch  of  jealousy,  (or  more 
than  a  touch,)  if  she  finds  that  they  excite  interest  in 
her  husband,  or  give  him  pleasure.  This  will  inevita- 
bly be  the  case  if  the  married  lady  is  inferior  in 
intellect  to  the  single  one,  and  has  a  lurking  conscious- 
ness that  she  is  so. 

Having  hinted  what  the  correspondence  of  young 
ladies  ought  not  to  be,  we  will  try  to  convey  some  idea 
of  what  it  ought.  Let  us  premise  that  there  is  no 
danger  of  an^  errors  in  grammar  or  spelling,  and  but 


LETTERS. 


165 


few  faults  of  punctuation,  and  that  tlie  fair  writers  are 
aware  that  a  sentence  should  always  conclude  with  a 
period  or  full  stop,  to  be  followed  by  a  capital  letter 
beginning  the  next  sentence;  and  that  a  new  para- 
graph should  be  allotted  to  every  change  of  subject, 
provided  that  there  is  room  on  the  sheet  of  paper. 
And  still,  it  is  well  to  have  always  at  hand  a  diction- 
ary and  a  grammar,  in  case  of  unaccountable  lapses 
of  memory.  However,  persons  who  have  read  much, 
and  read  to  advantage,  generally  find  themselves  at  no 
loss  in  orthography,  grammar,  and  punctuation.  To 
spell  badly  is  disgraceful  in  a  lady  or  gentleman,  and 
it  looks  as  if  they  had  quitted  reading  as  soon  as  they 
quitted  school. 

To  write  a  legible  and  handsome  hand  is  an  accom- 
plishment not  sufficiently  valued.  And  yet  of  what 
importance  it  is !  We  are  always  vexed  when  we  hear 
people  of  talent  making  a  sort  of  boast  of  the  illegi- 
bility of  their  writing,  and  relating  anecdotes  of  the 
difficulty  with  which  it  has  been  read,  and  the  mistakes 
made  by  its  decipherers.  There  are  persons  who 
aifect  bad  writing,  and  boast  of  it,  because  the 
worst  signatures  extant  are  those  of  Shakspeare, 
Bonaparte,  and  Byron.  These  men  were  great  in 
spite  of  their  autographs,  not  because  of  them.  The 
caliph  Haroun  Alraschid,  who  was  well  imbued  with 
Arabic  learning,  sent  an  elegantly  written  letter  to 
Charlemagne,  with  a  splendid  cover  and  seals;  not 
being  aware  that  the  European  emperor's  signature 
was  made  by  dipping  his  thumb  into  the  ink  and 
giving  a  smear — sealing  with  the  hilt  of  his  dagger. 


166 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


The  '^wording"  of  jour  letter  should  be  as  much 
like  conversation  as  possible,  containing  (in  a  con- 
densed form)  just  what  you  would  be  most  likelj  to 
talk  about  if  you  saw  your  friend.  A  letter  is  of  no 
use  unless  it  conveys  some  information,  excites  some 
interest,  or  affords  some  improvement.  It  may  be 
handsomely  written,  correct  in  spelling,  punctuation, 
and  grammar,  and  yet  stiff  and  formal  in  style — 
affectedly  didactic,  and  therefore  tiresome — or  mawk- 
ishly sentimental,  and  therefore  foolish.  It  may  be 
refined,  or  high-flown  in  words,  but  flat  and  barren  in 
ideas,  containing  nothing  that  a  correspondent  cares 
to  know. 

Read  over  each  page  of  your  letter,  as  you  finish  it, 
to  see  that  there  are  no  errors.  If  you  find  any, 
correct  them  carefully.  In  writing  a  familiar  letter, 
a  very  common  fault  is  tautology,  or  a  too  frequent 
repetition  of  the  same  word — for  instance,  "Yesterday 
I  received  a  letter  from  sister  Mary,  which  was  the 
first  letter  I  have  received  from  sister  since  she  left." 
The  sentence  should  be,  "Yesterday  I  received  a 
letter  from  my  sister  Mary,  the  first  since  she  left  us." 

Unless  you  are  writing  to  one  of  your  own  family, 
put  always  the  pronoun  "my''  before  the  word 
"sister,"  Say  also — "my  father,"  "my  mother,"  and 
not  "father,"  "mother,"  as  if  they  were  also  the 
parents  of  your  correspondent. 

To  end  the  sentence  with  the  word  "left,"  (for  de- 
parted,) is  awkward  and  unsatisfactory — for  instance, 
"It  is  two  days  since  he  left."  Left  what?  It  is 
one  of  the  absurd  innovations  that  have  crept  in 


LETTERS. 


167 


among  us  of  late  years,  and  are  supposed  to  be 
fashionable.  Another  is  the  ridiculous  way  of  omit- 
ting the  possessive  S  in  words  ending  with  that  letter ; 
for  instance,  Sims'  Hotel"  instead  of  Sims's  Hotel" 
■ — Jenkins'  Bakery"  for  "  Jenkins's  Bakery."  Would 
any  one,  in  talking,  say  they  had  stayed  at  Sims'  Hotel, 
or  that  they  bought  their  bread  at  Jenkins'  Bakery, 
This  is  ungrammatical,  as  it  obliterates  the  possessive 
case,  and  is  therefore  indefinite;  and  moreover,  it 
looks  and  sounds  awkwardly. 

Many  persons  who  think  themselves  good  gram- 
marians put  on  their  cards  "The  Misses  Brown,"— 
"The  Misses  Smith."  Those  who  really  are  so,  write 
"  The  Miss  Browns"—"  The  Miss  Smiths"— the  plural 
being  always  on  the  substantive,  and  never  on  the 
adjective.  Would  we  say  "the  whit'es  glove"  instead 
of  "the  white  gloves" — or  the  "blues  ribbon"  for  the 
"blue  ribbons."  Does  any  lady  in  talking  say,  "The 
two  Misses  Brown  called  to  see  me?" 

It  is  also  wrong  to  say  "two  Sj:'oowsful,"  instead  of 
two  spoonixA^.  Thus,  "two  spoonsful  of  milk"  seems 
to  imply  two  separate  spoons  with  milk  in  each ;  while 
"two  spoonfuls  of  milk"  gives  the  true  idea— one 
spoon  twice  filled. 

Avoid  in  writing,  as  in  talking,  all  words  that  do 
not  express  the  true  meaning.  We  are  sorry  to  say 
that  sometimes  even  among  educated  people,  when 
attempting  smartness  or  wit,  we  find  a  sort  of  con- 
ventional slang  that  has,  in  truth,  a  strong  tinge  of 
vulgarity,  being  the  wilful  substitution  of  bad  words 
or  bad  phrases  for  good  ones.    When  we  find  them 


168 


THE  BEHATIOUE  BOOK. 


issuing  from  the  lips  or  the  pen  of  a  ladi/^  we  fear  she 
is  unfortunate  in  a  reprobate  husband,  or  brother, 
from  whom  she  must  have  learnt  them.  Yet  even 
reprobates  dislike  to  hear  their  wives  and  sisters  talk- 
ing coarsely. 

Unless  you  know  that  your  correspondent  is  well 
versed  in  French,  refrain  from  interlarding  your  letters 
with  Gallic  words  or  phrases. 

Do  not  introduce  long  quotations  from  poetry. 
Three  or  four  lines  of  verse  are  sufficient.  One  line, 
or  two,  are  better  still.  Write  them  rather  smaller 
than  your  usual  hand,  and  leave  a  space  at  the  begin- 
ning and  end;  marking  their  commencement  and 
termination  with  inverted  commas,  thus  "  ". 

One  of  our  young  relatives  when  seven  or  eight 
years  old,  tried  h^r  hand  at  story-writing.  In  finish- 
ing the  history  of  a  naughty  girl,  much  addicted  to 
falsehood,  the  terminating  sentence  ran  thus:- — 

Arabella  did  not  cure  herself  of  this  fault;  but 
when  she  grew  up,  and  became  an  authoress,  she  never 
marked  her  quotations." 

If  your  letter  is  longer  than  can  be  comprised  in 
one  sheet,  number  the  pages,  placing  the  number  near 
the  upper  corner.  If  engaged  in  a  regular  correspond- 
ence on  business  or  other  things,  or  in  writing  from  a 
foreign  country  to  your  family  at  home,  number  not 
only  the  pages,  but  the  letter  itself,  putting  that  figure 
in  the  centre  at  the  top  of  the  first  page.  Thus,  if 
your  friend,  having  received  No.  10,  finds  the  next 
letter  that  comes  to  hand  is  No.  12,  she  will  know 
that  No.  11  is  missing,  and  will  tell  you  so  in  her 


letters". 


169 


reply.  Keep  a  memorandum  of  the  letters  you  liave 
sent,  that  you  may  know  how  to  number  the  next. 
Before  commencing  a  long  letter,  it  is  well  to  put 
down  on  a  slip  of  paper,  a  list  of  the  subjects  you 
intend  to  write  on. 

Unless  to  persons  living  in  the  same  house,  do  not 
inclose  one  letter  in  another.  And  even  then,  it  is 
not  always  safe  to  do  so.  Let  each  letter  be  trans- 
mitted on  its  own  account,  by  mail,  with  its  own  full 
direction,  and  its  own  post-office  stamp.  We  know  an 
instance  where  the  peace  of  a  family  was  entirely 
ruined  by  one  of  its  members  suppressing  enclosed 
letters.  Confide  to  no  one  the  delivery  of  an  important 
letter  intended  for  another  person.  It  is  better  to 
trust  to  the  mail,  and  send  a  duplicate  by  the  nex'c 
post. 

To  break  the  seal  of  a  letter  directed  to  another 

person  is  punishable  by  law.    To  read  secretly  the 

letter  of  another  is  morally  as  felonious.    A  woman 

who  would  act  thus  meanly  is  worse  than  those  who 

apply  their  eyes  or  ears  to  key-holes,  or  door-cracks, 

or  who  listen  under  windows,  or  look  down  from  attics 

I    upon  their  neighbours;  or  who,  in  a  dusky  parlour, 

1    before  the  lamps  are  lighted,  ensconce  themselves  in  a 

corner,  and  give  no  note  of  their  presence  while  listen- 

I    ing  to  a  conversation  not  intended  for  them  to  hear. 

We  do  not  conceive  that,  unless  he  authorizes  her 

to  do  so,  (which  he  had  best  not,)  a  wife  is  justifiable 

in  opening  her  husband's  letters,  or  he  in  reading  hers. 

Neither  wife  nor  husband  has  any  right  to  entrust  to 

the  other  the  secrets  of  their  friends;  and  letters  may 

15 


170 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


contain  such  secrets.  Unless  under  extraordinary 
circumstances,  parents  should  not  consider  themselves 
privileged  to  inspect  the  correspondence  of  grown-up 
children.  Brothers  and  sisters  always  take  care  that 
their  epistles  shall  not  be  unceremoniously  opened  by 
each  other.  In  short,  a  letter  is  the  property  of  the 
person  to  whom  it  is  addressed,  and  nobody  has  a 
right  to  read  it  without  permission. 

If  you  are  shown  an  autograph  signature  at  the 
bottom  of  a  letter,  be  satisfied  to  look  at  that  only ; 
and  do  not  open  out,  and  read  the  whole — unless  de- 
sired. 

Some  years  ago,  in  one  of  our  most  popular  maga- 
zines, were  several  pages  containing  fac-simile  signa- 
tures of  a  number  of  distinguished  literary  women — 
chiefly  English.  We  saw  an  original  letter,  from  a 
lady,  who  complained  that  some  mischievous  person 
had  taken  her  magazine  out  of  the  post-office  before  it 
reached  her,  and  shamefully  scribbled  womeris  names 
in  it,  disfiguring  it  so  as  to  render  it  unfit  for  binding ; 
therefore  she  desired  the  publisher  to  send  her  a  clean 
copy  in  place  of  it. 

In  putting  up  packets  to  send  away,  either  tie  them 
round  and  across,  with  red  tape,  (sealing  them  also 
Tfhere  the  tape  crosses,)  or  seal  them  without  any 
tape.  If  the  paper  is  strong,  the  wax  good,  and  the 
contents  of  the  parcel  not  too  heavy,  sealing  will  in 
m.ost  cases  be  sufficient.  Twine  or  cord  may  eut  the 
paper,  and  therefore  is  best  omitted.  Never  put  up  a 
parcel  in  newspaper.  It  looks  mean  and  disrespectful, 
and  will  soil  the  articles  inside. 


LETTERS. 


171 


Keep  yourself  provided  with  different  sorts  and 
sizes  of  wrapping-paper. 

A  large  packet  requires  more  than  one  seal;  the 
seals  rather  larger  than  for  a  letter. 

Put  up  newspapers,  for  transmission,  in  thin  whitish 
or  brownish  paper,  pasting  the  cover,  and  leaving  one 
end  open.  Newspaper-stamps  cost  but  one  cent,  and 
are  indispensable  to  the  transmission  of  the  paper. 

Avoid  giving  letters  of  introduction  to  people  whose 
acquaintance  cannot  possibly  afford  any  pleasure  or 
advantage  to  those  whose  civilities  are  desired  for 
them,  or  who  have  not  leisure  to  attend  to  strangers. 
Artists,  authors,  and  all  other  persons  to  whom  "time 
is  money,"  and  whose  income  stops  whenever  their 
hands  and  eyes  are  unemployed,  are  peculiarly  an- 
noyed by  the  frequency  of  introductory  letters,  brought 
by  people  with  whom  they  can  feel  no  congeniality, 
and  whom  they  never  would  have  sought  for.  Among 
the  children  of  genius,  but  few  are  in  a  situation  to 
entertain  strangers  handsomely^  as  it  is  called,  which 
means,  expensively.  Many  are  kept  always  in  strait- 
ened circumstances,  from  the  incessant  demands  on 
their  time  and  attention.  And  in  numerous  instances, 
letters  are  asked  and  given  with  no  better  motive  than 
the  gratification  of  idle  curiosity. 

We  advise  all  persons  obtaining  an  introductory 
letter  to  a  painter,  to  ascertain,  before  presenting  it, 
what  branch  of  the  art  he  professes.  We  have  been 
asked  whether  a  certain  artist  (one  of  the  most  dis- 
tinguished in  London)  painted  "figures,  flowers,  or 
landscapes."    Also,  no  one  should  presume  to  request 


172 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


an  introduction  to  an  authoress,  if  thej  are  ignorant 
whether  she  writes  prose  or  verse.  Not  that  they  are 
expected  to  talk  to  her,  immediately,  on  literary  sub- 
jects. Far  from  it;  but  if  they  know  nothing  of  her 
works,  they  deserve  no  letter.  In  America,  books,  or 
at  least  newspapers,  are  accessible  to  all  who  can  read. 

Bores  are  peculiarly  addicted  to  asking  letters  of 
introduction,  in  accordance  with  their  system  of  "be- 
stowing their  tediousness"  upon  as  many  people  as 
possible.  We  pity  the  kind  friends  from  whom  these 
missives  are  required,  and  who  have  not  courage  to 
refuse,  or  address  enough  to  excuse  themselves  plausi- 
bly from  complying. 

We  have  known  instances  of  stupid,  vulgar  persons, 
on  preparing  to  visit  another  city,  obtaining  letters  to 
families  of  the  really  highest  class,  and  receiving  from 
them  the  usual  civilities,  which  they  knew  not  how  to 
appreciate. 

On  the  other  hand,  how  pleasant  it  is,  by  means  of 
an  introductory  letter,  to  bring  together  two  kindred 
spirits,  whose  personal  intercourse  must  inevitably 
produce  mutual  satisfaction,  who  are  glad  to  know 
each  other,  glad  to  meet  frequently,  and  grateful  to 
the  friend  who  has  made  them  acquainted. 

Letters  of  introduction  should  not  be  sealed.  To 
do  so  is  rude,  and  mean.  If  you  wish  to  write  on  the 
same  day  to  the  same  person,  take  another  sheet, 
write  as  long  an  epistle  as  you  please,  seal  it,  and 
send  it  by  mail. 

It  is  best  to  deliver  an  introductory  letter  in  per- 
son, as  the  lady  or  gentleman  whose  civilities  have 


LETTERS. 


173 


been  requested  in  jour  behalf,  may  tbus  be  spared  the 
trouble  of  calling  at  your  lodgings,  ^^ith  the  risk  of 
not  finding  you  at  home.  This  is  very  likely  to 
happen,  if  you  send  instead  of  taking  it  yourself.  If 
you  do  send  it,  enclose  a  card  with  your  residence. 
Also,  it  is  more  respectful  to  go  yourself,  than  to 
expect  them  to  come  to  you. 

As  soon  as  you  are  shown  into  the  parlour,  send  up 
the  letter,  and  wait  till  the  receiver  comes  to  you. 

To  conclude — let  nothing  induce  you  to  give  an 
introductory  letter  to  any  person  on  vrhose  moral 
character  there  is  a  blemish. 


174 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

PRESENTS. 

Having-  accepted  a  present,  it  is  your  duty,  and 
ought  to  be  your  pleasure,  to  let  the  giver  see  that  you 
make  use  of  it. as  intended,  and  that  it  is  not  thrown 
away  upon  you.  If  it  is  an  article  of  dress,  or  of 
personal  decoration,  take  occasion,  on  the  first  suitable 
opportunity,  to  wear  it  in  presence  of  the  giver.  If 
an  ornament  for  the  centre-table,  or  the  mantel-piece, 
place  it  there.  If  a  book,  do  not  delay  reading  it. 
Afterward,  speak  of  it  to  her  as  favourably  as  you 
can.  If  of  fruit  or  flowers,  refer  to  them  the  next 
time  you  see  her. 

In  all  cases,  when  a  gift  is  sent  to  you,  return  a  note 
of  thanks ;  or  at  least  a  verbal  message  to  that  effect. 

Never  enquire  of  the  giver  what  was  the  price  of 
her  gift,  or  where  she  bought  it.  To  do  so  is  con- 
sidered exceedingly  rude. 

When  an  article  is  presented  to  you  for  a  specified 
purpose,  it  is  your  duty  to  use  it  for  that  purpose,  and 
for  no  other,  according  to  the  wish  of  the  donor.  It 
is  mean  and  dishonourable  to  give  away  a  present;  at 
least  without  first  obtaining  permission  from  the  ori- 
ghial  giver.  You  have  no  right  to  be  liberal  or  gene- 
rous at  the  expense  of  another,  or  to  accept  a  gift  with 


PRESENTS. 


175 


a  secret  determination  to  bestow  it  yourself  on  some- 
body else.  If  it  is  an  article  that  you  do  not  wan 
that  you  possess  already,  or  that  you  cannot  use  for 
yourself,  it  is  best  to  say  so  candidly,  at  once;  ex- 
pressing your  thanks  for  the  offer,  and  requesting 
your  friend  to  keep  it  for  some  other  person  to  whom 
it  will  be  advantageous.  It  is  fit  that  the  purchaser 
of  the  gift  should  have  the  pleasure  of  doing  a  kind- 
ness with  her  own  hand,  and  eliciting  the  gratitude  of 
one  whom  she  knows  herself.  It  is  paltry  in  you  to 
deprive  her  of  this  pleasure,  by  first  accepting  a  present, 
and  then  secretly  giving  it  away  as  from  yourself. 

There  are  instances  of  women  whose  circumstances 
did  not  allow  them  to  indulge  often  in  delicacies,  that 
on  a  present  of  early  fruit,  or  some  other  nice  thing 
being  sent  to  them  by  a  kind  friend,  have  ostenta- 
tiously transferred  the  gift  to  a  wealthy  neighbour, 
with  a  view  of  having  it  supposed  that  they  had 
bought  it  themselves,  and  that  to  tJiein  such  things 
were  no  rarities.  This  is  contemptible — but  it  is  some- 
times done. 

Making  a  valuable  present  to  a  rich  person  is  in 
most  cases,  a  work  of  supererogation ;  unless  the  gift 
is  of  something  rare  or  unique,  which  cannot  be  pur- 
chased, and  which  may  be  seen  and  used  to  more 
advantage  at  the  house  of  your  friend  than  while  in 
your  own  possession.  But  to  give  an  expensive  article 
of  dress,  jewellery,  or  furniture  to  one  whose  means 
of  buying  such  things  are  quite  equal  (if  not  superior) 
to  your  own,  is  an  absurdity;  though  not  a  very 
uncommon  one,  as  society  is  now  constituted.  Such 


176 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


gifts  elicit  no  real  gratitude,  for  in  all  probability, 
the  J  may  not  suit  the  pampered  taste  of  those  to 
whom  fine  things  are  no  novelties.  Or  they  may  be 
regarded  (however  unjustly)  as  baits  or  nets  to  catch, 
in  return,  something  of  still  greater  cost. 

There  are  persons,  who,  believing  that  presents  are 
generally  made  with  some  mercenary  view,  and  being 
unwilling  themselves  to  receive  favours,  or  incur  obliga- 
tions, make  a  point  of  repaying  them  as  soon  as  possi- 
ble, by  a  gift  of  something  equivalent.  This  at  once 
implies  that  they  suspect  the  motive.  If  sincere  in 
her  friendship,  the  donor  of  the  first  present  will  feel 
hurt  at  being  dii^ectly  paid  for  it,  and  consider  that 
she  has  been  treated  rudely,  and  unjustly.  On  the 
other  hand,  if  compensation  j/^^^s  secretly  desired,  and 
really  expected,  she  will  be  disappointed  at  receiving 
nothing  in  return.  Therefore,  v^e  repeat,  that  among 
persons  who  can  conveniently  provide  themselves  with 
vfhatever  they  may  desire,  the  bestowal  of  presents  is 
generally  a  most  unthankful  business.  If  you  are  in 
opulent  circumstances,  it  is  best  to  limit  your  gene- 
rosity to  such  friends  only  as  do  not  abound  in  the 
gifts  of  fortune,  and  whose  situation  denies  them  the 
means  of  indulging  their  tastes.  By  them  such  acts 
of  kindness  will*be  duly  appreciated,  and  gratefully 
remembered;  and  the  article  presented  will  have  a 
double  value,  if  it  is  to  them  a  novelty. 

Gratitude  is  a  very  pleasant  sensation,  both  for  those 
who  feel  and  to  those  who  excite  it.  'No  one  who 
confers  a  favour  can  say  icith  truth,  that  "  they  want 
no  thanks."    They  always  do. 


PllSSEXTS.  177 

We  know  not  "wli j,  when  a  young  lady  of  fortune  is 
going  to  be  married,  her  friends  should  all  be  expected 
to  present  her  with  bridal  gifts.  It  is  a  custom  that 
sometimes  bears  heavily  on  those  w^hose  condition 
allows  them  but  little  to  spare.  And  from  that  little 
it  may  be  very  hard  for  them  to  squeeze  out  enough 
to  purchase  some  superfluous  ornament,  or  some  bauble 
for  a  centre-table,  when  it  is  already  glittering  with 
the  gifts  of  the  opulent ; — gifts  lavished  on  one  who  is 
really  in  no  need  of  such  things ;  and  whose  marriage 
confers  no  benefit  on  any  one  but  herself.  Why  should 
she  be  rewarded  for  gratifying  her  own  inclination  in 
marrying  the  man  of  her  choice?  Now  that  it  is 
fashionable  to  display  all  the  wedding-gifts  arranged 
in  due  form  on  tables,  and  labelled  with  the  names  of 
the  donors,  the  seeming  necessity  of  giving  something 
expensive,  or  at  least  elegant,  has  become  more  onerous 
than  ever.  For  instance,  poor  Miss  Cassin  can  barely 
afford  a  simple  brooch  that  costs  about  five  dollars; 
but  she  strains  the  utmost  capacity  of  her  slender  purse 
to  buy  one  at  ten  dollars,  that  it  may  not  disgrace  the 
brilliant  assemblage  of  jewellery  that  glitters  on  the 
bridal  table  of  her  wealthy  friend  Miss  Denham.  And 
after  all,  she  finds  that  her  modest  little  trinket  looks 
really  contemptible  beside  the  diamond  pin  given  by 
Mrs.  Farley  the  millionaire.  After  all,  she  sees 
no  one  notice  it,  and  hears  no  one  say  that  it  is  even 
neat  and  pretty.  To  be  sure,  the  bride,  when  it  was 
sent  with  a  note  on  the  preceding  day,  did  vouchsafe 
a  polite  answer.  But  then,  if  poor  Miss  C.  does  not 
make  a  wedding  present  to  rich  Miss  D.,  it  might  be 


178 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


supposed  that  Miss  0.  cannot  afford  it.  Neither  she 
can.  And  her  making  the  effort  elicits  perhaps  some 
satirical  remarks,  that  would  be  very  mortifying  to 
Miss  Cassin  if  she  heard  them. 

We  repeat,  that  we  cannot  exactly  perceive  why, 
when  the  union  of  a  couple  of  lovers,  in  many  cases, 
adds  to  the  happiness,  honour,  and  glory  of  the  married 
pair  alone,  their  friends  should  think  it  a  duty  to  levy 
on  themselves  these  contributions;  so  often  inconve- 
nient to  the  givers,  and  not  much  cared  for  by  the 
receivers. 

When  the  young  couple  are  not  abounding  in  what 
are  called  "the  goods  of  this  world,"  the  case  is 
altered;  and  it  may  then  be  an  act  of  real  kindness 
for  the  opulent  friends  of  the  bride  to  present  her 
with  any  handsome  article  of  dress,  or  of  furniture, 
that  they  think  will  be  acceptable.  What  we  contend 
is,  that  on  a  marriage  in  a  wealthy  family,  the  making 
of  presents  should  be  confined  to  the  immediate  rela- 
tives of  the  lady,  and  only  to  such  of  thcni  as  can  well 
afford  it. 

Much  of  the  money  wasted  in  making  ostentatious 
gifts  to  brides  whose  fathers  have  already  given  them 
a  splendid  outfit,  might  be  far  better  employed,  in 
assisting  to  purchase  the  trousseaus  and  the  furniture 
of  deserving  young  women  in  humble  life,  on  their 
marriage  with  respectable  tradesm.en  or  mechanics. 
How  many  ladies  of  fortune  have  it  in  their  power  to 
do  this — yet  hov^  seldom  it  is  done ! 

At  christenings,  it  is  fortunately  the  sponsors  only 
that  are  expected  to  make  gifts  to  the  infant.  There- 


PRESENTS. 


179 


fore,  invite  no  persons  as  sponsors,  who  cannot  well 
afford  this  expense;  unless  you  are  sufficiently  inti- 
mate to  request  them,  privately,  not  to  comply  with 
the  custom ;  being  unwilling  that  they  should  cause 
themselves  inconvenience  by  doing  so. 

The  presentation  of  Christmas  and  New- Year's  gifts 
is  often  a  severe  tax  on  persons  with  whom  money  is 
not  plenty.  It  would  be  well  if  it  were  the  universal 
custom  to  expect  and  receive  no  presents  from  any  but 
the  rich. 

In  making  gifts  to  children,  choose  for  them  oaly 
such  things  as  will  afford  them  somewhat  of  lasting 
amusement.  For  boys,  kites,  tops,  balls,  marbles, 
wheelbarrows,  carts,  gardening  utensils,  and  car- 
penter's tools,  &c.  Showy  toys,  that  are  merely  to 
look  at,  and  from  which  they  can  derive  no  enjoyment 
but  in  breaking  them  to  pieces,  are  not  worth  buying. 
Little  girls  delight  in  little  tea-sets,  and  dinner-sets, 
in  which  they  can  "make  feasts,"  miniature  kitchen- 
utensils,  to  play  at  cooking,  washing,  &c. ;  and  dolls  so 
dressed  that  all  the  clothes  can  be  taken  off  and  put 
on  at  pleasure.  They  soon  grow  tired  of  a  doll  whose 
glittering  habiliments  are  sewed  fast  upon  her.  A 
w^ax  doll  in  elegant  attire  is  too  precarious  and  expen- 
sive a  plaything  to  make  them  happy;  as  they  are, 
always  afraid  of  injuring  her.  We  knew  a  little  girl 
for  whom  a  magnificent  w^ax  doll,  splendidly  dressed, 
was  brought  from  France;  an-d  for  an  hour  she  was 
highly  delighted.  But  next  morning  she  was  found 
still  more  happy  in  carrying  about  her  favourite  baby, 
a  sofa-pillow,  with  an  old  shawl  pinned  round  it  for  a 


180 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


frock;  feeling  perfect  freedom  to  toss  it  about  as  she 
pleased.  Children  like  their  doll-babies  to  be  very 
substantial,  and  rather  heavy  than  light.  A  large,  well- 
made  r^^^-doll  is  for  a  small  child  far  better  than  any 
other, — occasionally  putting  a  clean  new  face  upon  it. 

We  have  seen  country  children  perfectly  satisfied 
with  a  doll  that  was  nothing  but  a  hard  ear  of  Indian 
corn,  arrayed  in  a  coarse  towel  pinned  round  it.  A 
little  farm-house  boy,  of  three  years  old,  made  a  pet 
of  a  large  squash,  which  he  dressed  in  a  pocket-hand- 
kel^hlef,  and  called  Phebe  Ann.  We  heard  him  say, 
as  he  passed  his  hand  over  its  lumpy  neck,  "Poor 
Phebe  Ann !  what  hives  she  has  !" 

To  an  intelligent  child,  no  gifts  are  so  valuable  as 
entertaining  books — provided  they  really  are  enter- 
taining. Children  are  generally  wise  enough  to  prefer 
an  amusing  book  in  a  plain  cover,  to  a  dull  one  shining 
with  gold.  When  children  are  able  to  read  fluently, 
they  lose  much  of  their  desire  for  mere  picture-books. 
If  the  cuts  are  badly  executed,  and  give  ugly,  disa- 
greeable ideas  of  the  characters  in  the  stories,  they 
only  trouble  and  annoy  the  little  readers,  instead  of 
pleasing  them.  Some  of  the  most  popular  juvenile 
books  have  no  pictures  inside,  and  no  gilding  outside. 
Bad  engravings,  (beside  uselessly  enhancing  the  price,) 
spoil  the  taste  of  the  children.  We  highly  recom- 
mend to  the  publishers  of  juvenile  books  to  omit  the 
cuts  entirely,  if  they  caimot  afford  very  good  ones. 
Many  children  have  better  judgment  in  these  things 
than  their  parents  suppose;  and  some  of  them  more 
than  the  parents  themselves. 


PRESENTS. 


181 


Children  have  less  enjoyment  than  is  supposed  in 
being  taken  to  shops  to  choose  gifts  for  themselves,  or 
even  in  laying  out  their  own  money.  It  is  always  a 
long  time  before  they  can  decide  on  w^hat  to  buy,  and 
as  soon  as  they  have  fixed  upon  one  thing,  they  imme- 
diately see  something  they  like  better.  And  often, 
after  getting  home,  they  are  dissatisfied  with  their 
choice,  and  sorry  they  bought  it.  Also,  they  fre- 
quently .wear  out  the  patience  of  the  shopkeepers; 
being  desirous  of  seeing  every  thing,  and  pondering 
so  long  before  they  can  determine  on  buying  any 
thing. 

It  is  every  way  better  to  go  to  the  shops  without 
them,  buy  what  you  think  proper,  tnd  then  give  them 
an  agreeable  surprise  by  the  presentation. 

Young  ladies  should  be  careful  how  they  accept 

presents   from   gentlemen.     No  truly  modest  and 

dignified  woman  will  incur  such  obligations.  And 

no  gentleman  who  really  respects  her  will  offer  her 

any  thing  more  than  a  bouquet,  a  book,  one  or  two 

autographs  of  distinguished  persons,  or  a  few  relics  or 

mementos  of  memorable  places — things  that  derive 

their  chief  value  from  associations.    But  to  present  a 

young  lady  with  articles  of  jewellery,  or  of  dress,  or 

with  a  costly  ornament  for  the  centre-table,  (unless 

she  is  his  afiianced  wife,)  ought  to  be  regarded  as  an 

olfence,  rather  than  a  compliment,  excusable  only  in 

a  man  sadly  ignorant  of  the  refinements  of  society. 

And  if  he  is  so,  she  should  set  him  right,  and  civilly, 

but  firmly,  refuse  to  be  his  debtor. 

Yet,  we  are  sorry  to  say,  that  there  are  ladies  so 
16 


182 


THE  BEHAVIOUU  BOOK. 


rapacious,  and  so  mean,  that  they  are  not  ashamed  to 
give  broad  hints  to  gentlemen,  (particularly  those 
gentlemen  who  are  either  very  young  or  very  old,) 
regarding  certain  beautiful  card-cases,  bracelets,  es- 
sence-bottles, &c.  which  they  have  seen  and  admired,- — 
even  going  so  far  as  to  fall  in  love  with  elegant  shawls, 
scarfs,  splendid  fans,  and  embroidered  handkerchiefs. 
And  their  admiration  is  so  violent,  and  so  reiterated, 
that  the  gentleman  knows  not  how  to  resist;  he 
therefore  puts  them  in  possession  of  a  gift  far  too 
costly  for  any  woman  of  delicacy  to  accept.  In  such 
cases,  the  father  or  mother  of  the  young  lady  should 
oblige  her  to  return  the  present.    This  has  been  done. 

There  are  ladiestssyho  keep  themselves  supplied  with 
certain  articles  of  finery,  (for  instance,  white  kid 
gloves,)  by  laying  ridiculous  wagers  with  gentlemen, 
knowing  that,  whether  winning  or  losing,  the  gentle- 
man, out  of  gallantry,  always  pays.  No  lady  should 
ever  lay  wagers,  even  with  one  of  her  own  sex.  It  is 
foolish  and  unfeminine — and  no  man  likes  her  any 
the  better  for  indulging  in  the  practice. 

Some  young  ladies,  Avho  profess  a  sort  of  daughterly 
regard  for  certain  wealthy  old  gentlemen,  are  so  kind 
as  to  knit  purses  or  work  slippers  for  them,  or  some 
other  nick-nacks,  (provided  always  that  the  ''dear  old 
man"  has  a  character  for  generosity,)  for  they  know 
that  he  will  reward  them  by  a  handsome  present  of 
some  bijou  of  real  value.  And  yet  they  may  be 
assured  that  the  kind  old  gentleman  (Avhom  "they 
mind  no  more  than  if  he  was  their  pa")  sees  through 
the  whole  plan,  knows  why  the  purse  was  knit,  or 


PRESENTS. 


183 


the  slippers  worked,  and  esteems  the  kind  joung  lady 
accordingly. 

Another,  and  highly  reprehensible  way  of  extorting 
a  gift,  is  to  have  what  is  called  a  philopena  with  a 
gentleman.  This  very  silly  joke  is  when  a  young 
lady  chances  in  cracking  almonds  to  find  two  kernels 
in  one  shell.  If  she  immediately  calls  out  ^'"pliilo- 
pena'  to  any  beau  who  may  be  near  her,  he  is  in 
duty  bound  to  make  her  a  present ;  and  she  is  to  re- 
mind him  of  it  till  he  remembers  to  comply.  So  much 
nonsense  is  frequently  talked  on  the  occasion,  that  it 
seems  to  expand  into  something  of  importance;  and 
the  gentleman  thinks  he  can  do  no  less,  than  purchase 
for  the  lady  something  very  elegant,  or  valuable; 
particularly  if  he  has  heard  her  tell  of  the  munificence 
of  other  beaux  in  their  philopenas. 

There  is  great  w"ant  of  delicacy  and  self-respect  in 
philopenaism,  and  no  lady  who  has  a  proper  sense  of 
her  dignity  as  a  lady  will  engage  in  any  thing  of  the  sort. 

In  presenting  a  dress  to  a  friend  whose  circum- 
stances are  not  so  affluent  as  your  own,  and  who  you 
know  will  gladly  receive  it,  select  one  of  excellent 
quality,  and  of  a  colour  that  you  think  she  will  like. 
She  will  feel  mortified,  if  you  give  her  one  that  is  low- 
priced,  flimsy,  and  of  an  unbecoming  tint.  Get  an 
ample  quantity,  so  as  to  allow  a  piece  to  be  cut  olF 
and  laid  by  for  a  new  body  and  sleeves,  when  neces- 
sary. And  to  make  the  gift  complete,  buy  linen  for 
the  body -lining;  stiff,  glazed  muslin  for  the  facings; 
buttons,  sewing-silk,  and  whatever  else  may  be  wanted. 
This  will  save  her  the  cost  of  these  things. 


184 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


When  you  give  a  dress  to  a  poor  woman,  it  is  far 
better  to  buy  for  her  a  substantial  new  one,  than  to 
bestow  on  her  an  old  thin  gown  of  your  own.  The 
poor  have  little  leisure  to  sew  for  themselves;  and 
second-hand  fine  clothes  last  them  but  a  very  short 
time  before  they  are  fit  only  for  the  rag-bag. 

If  you  are  going  to  have  a  party,  and  among  your 
very  intimate  friends  is  one  whose  circumstances  will 
not  permit  her  to  incur  the  expense  of  buying  a  hand- 
some new  dress  for  the  occasion,  and  if  she  has  no 
choice  but  to  stay  away,  or  to  appear  in  a  costume  very 
inferior  to  that  of  the  other  ladies,  you  may  (if  you 
can  well  afford  it)  obviate  this  difiiculty  by  presenting 
her  with  a  proper  dress-pattern,  and  other  accessories. 
This  may  be  managed  anonymously,  but  it  will  be 
better  to  do  it  with  her  knowledge.  It  will  be  a  very 
gratifying  mark  of  your  friendship ;  and  she  ought  to 
consider  it  as  such,  and  not  refuse  it  from  a  feeling  of 
false  pride.  Of  course,  it  will  be  kept  a  secret  from 
all  but  yourselves.  In  the  overflow  of  gratitude  she 
may  speak  of  it  to  others,  but  for  you  to  mention  it 
would  be  ungenerous  and  indelicate  in  the  extreme. 
We  are  glad  to  say  that  ladies  of  fortune  often  make 
gifts  of  party-dresses  to  their  less-favoured  friends. 


CONVERSATION. 


185 


CHAPTER  Xy. 

CONVERSATION. 

Conversation  is  the  verbal  interchange  of  thoughts 
and  feelings.  To  form  a  perfect  conversationist,  many 
qualifications  are  requisite.  There  must  be  knowledge 
of  the  world,  knowledge  of  books,  and  a  facility  of 
imparting  that  knowledge;  together  with  originality, 
memory,  an  intuitive  perception  of  what  is  best  to  say, 
and  best  to  omit,  good  taste,  good  temper,  and  good 
manners.  An  agreeable  and  instructive  talker  has 
the  faculty  of  going  "from  gay  to  grave,  from  lively 
to  serene,"  w^ithout  any  apparent  effort;  neither  skim- 
ming so  slightly  over  a  variety  of  topics  as  to  leave 
no  impression  of  any,  or  dwelling  so  long  upon  one 
subject  as  to  weary  the  attention  of  the  hearers. 
Persons  labouring  under  a  monomania,  such  as  ab- 
sorbs their  w^hole  mind  into  one  prevailing  idea,  are 
never  pleasant  or  impressive  talkers.  They  defeat 
their  own  purpose  by  recurring  to  it  perpetually,  and 
rendering  it  a  perpetual  fatigue.  A  good  talker 
should  cultivate  a  temperance  in  talking;  so  as  not  to 
talk  too  much,  to  the  exclusion  of  other  good  talkers. 
Conversation  is  dialogue,  not  monologue.  It  w^as  said 
of  Madame  de  Stael  that  she  did  not  converse,  but 
delivered  orations. 

16* 


186 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


To  be  a  perfect  conversationist,  a  good  voice  is 
indispensable — a  voice  that  is  clear,  distinct,  and 
silver-toned.  If  you  find  that  you  have  a  habit  of 
speaking  too  lovf,  "reform  it  altogether."  It  is  a 
bad  one ;  and  will  render  your  talk  unintelligible. 

Few  things  are  more  delightful  than  for  one  intelli- 
gent and  well-stored  mind  to  find  itself  in  company 
w^ith  a  kindred  spirt — each  understanding  the  other, 
catching  every  idea,  and  comprehending  every  allu- 
sion. Such  persons  will  become  as  intimate  in  half 
an  hour,  as  if  they  had  been  personally  acquainted  for 
years. 

On  the  other  hand,  the  pleasure  of  society  is  much 
lessened  by  the  habit  in  which  many  persons  indulge, 
of  placing  themselves  always  in  the  opposition,  con- 
troverting every  opinion,  and  doubting  every  fact. 
They  talk  to  you  as  a  lawyer  examines  a  witness  at 
the  bar ;  trying  to  catch  you  in  some  discrepancy  that 
will  invalidate  your  testimony;  fixing  their  scruti- 
nizing eyes  upon  your  face  "as  if  they  would  look  you 
through,"  and  scarcely  permitting  you  to  say,  "It  is 
a  fine  day,"  w^ithout  making  you  prove  your  words. 
Such  people  are  never  popular.  Nobody  likes  per- 
petual contradiction,  especially  Vfhen  the  subject  of 
argument  is  of  little  or  no  consequence.  In  young 
people  this  dogmatic  practice  is  generally  based  upon 
vanity  and  impertinence.  In  the  old  it  is  prompted 
by  pride  and  selfishness.  We  doubt  if  in  the  present 
day  the  talk  and  manners  of  Johnson  would  have 
been  tolerated  in  really  good  society. 

Unless  he  first  refers  to  it  himself,  never  talk  to  a 


CONVERSATION. 


187 


gentleman  concerning  his  profession ;  at  least  do  not 
question  him  about  it.  For  instance,  you  must  not 
expect  a  physician  to  tell  jou  how  his  patients  are 
affected,  or  to  confide  to  you  any  particulars  of  their 
maladies.  These  are  subjects  that  he  will  discuss 
only  with  their  relatives,  or  their  nurses.  It  is  also 
very  improper  to  ask  a  lawyer  about  his  clients,  or 
the  cases  in  which  he  is  employed.  A  clergyman 
does  not  like  always  to  be  talking  about  the  church. 
A  merchant,  when  away  from  his  counting-house,  has 
no  wish  to  engage  in  business-talk  with  ladies ;  and  a 
mechanic  is  ever  willing  "to  leave  the  shop  behind 
him."  Every  American  is  to  be  supposed  capable  of 
conversing  on  miscellaneous  subjects ;  and  he  considers 
it  no  compliment  to  be  treated  as  if  he  knew  nothing 
but  what  the  Scotch  call  his  "bread-winner."  Stiil, 
there  are  some  few  individuals  who  like  to  talk  of 
their  bread-winner.  If  you  perceive  this  disposition, 
indulge  them,  and  listen  attentively.  You  will  learn 
something  useful,  and  worth  remembering. 

Women  who  have  begun  the  world  in  humble  life, 
and  have  been  necessitated  to  give  most  of  their  atten- 
tion to  household  affairs,  are  generally  very  shy  in 
talking  of  housewifery,  after  their  husbands  have 
become  rich,  and  are  living  in  style,  as  it  is  called. 
Therefore,  do  not  annoy  them  by  questions  on  domes- 
tic economy.  But  converse  as  if  they  had  been  ladies 
always. 

Lord  Erskine,  having  lived  a  bachelor  to  an  ad- 
vanced age,  finally  married  his  cook,  by  way  of  se- 
curing her  services,  as  she  had  frequently  threatened 


188 


THE  BEHAVIOUK  BOOK. 


to  leave  him.  After  she  became  Lady  Erskine  she 
lost  all  knowledge  of  cookery,  and  it  was  a  mortal 
affront  to  hint  the  possibility  of  her  knowing  how  any 
sort  of  eatable  should  be  prepared  for  the  table. 

Never  remind  any  one  of  the  time  when  their  situa- 
tion was  less  genteel,  or  less  affluent  than  at  present, 
or  tell  them  that  you  remember  their  living  in  a  small 
house,  or  in  a  remote  street.  If  they  have  not  moral 
courage  to  talk  of  such  things  themselves,  it  is  rude  in 
you  to  make  any  allusion  to  them. 

On  the  other  hand,  if  invited  to  a  fashionable  house, 
and  to  meet  fashionable  company,  it  is  not  the  time  or 
place  for  you  to  set  forth  the  comparative  obscurity 
of  your  own  origin,  by  way  of  showing  that  you  are 
not  proud.  If  you  are  not  proud,  it  is  most  likely 
that  your  entertainers  may  be,  and  they  will  not  be 
pleased  at  your  ultra-magnanimity  in  thus  lowering 
yourself  before  their  aristocratic  guests.  These  com- 
munications should  be  reserved  for  tete-d-tetes  w^ith 
old  or  familiar  friends,  who  have  no  more  pride  than 
yourself. 

When  listening  to  a  circumstance  that  is  stated  to 
have  actually  occurred  to  the  relater,  even  jf  it  strikes 
you  as  being  very  extraordinary,  and  not  in  conformity 
to  your  own  experience,  it  is  rude  to  reply,  "Such  a 
thing  never  happened  to  me.''  It  is  rude  because  it 
seems  to  imply  a  doubt  of  the  narrator's  veracity ;  and 
it  is  foolish,  because  its  not  having  happened  to  you 
is  no  proof  that  it  could  not  have  happened  to  any 
body  else.  Slowness  in  belief  is  sometimes  an  evidence 
of  ignorance,  rather  than  of  knowledge.    People  who 


COXTERSATIOX. 


189 


have  read  but  little,  travelled  but  little,  and  seen  but 
little  of  the  world  out  of  their  own  immediate  circle, 
and  whose  intellect  is  too  obtuse  to  desire  any  new 
accession  to  their  own  small  stock  of  ideas,  are  apt  to 
think  that  nothing  can  be  true  unless  it  has  fallen 
under  their  o^\n  limited  experience.  Also,  they  may 
be  so  circumstanced  that  nothing  in  the  least  out  of 
the  common  way  is  likely  to  disturb  the  still  water  of 
their  pond-like  existence. 

A  certain  English  nobleman  always  listens  incredu- 
lously when  he  hears  any  person  descanting  on  the 
inconveniences  of  travelling  on  the  continent,  and 
relating  instances  of  bad  accommodations  and  bad 
fare;  uncomfortable  vehicles,  and  uncomfortable  inns; 
the  short  beds  and  narrow  sheets  of  Germany ;  the 
slow  and  lumbering  diligence-riding  of  France;  the 
garlicky  stews  of  Spain  with  a  feline  foundation;  the 
little  vine-twig  fires  in  the  chilly  winters  of  Xorthern 
Italy ;  and  various  other  ills  which  the  flesh  of  travel- 
lers is  heir  to; — the  duke  always  saying,  "Now  really 
I  never  experienced  any  of  these  discomforts,  much 
as  I  have  traversed  the  continent.  None  of  these 
inconveniences  ever  come  in  my  way."  And  how 
should  they,  when,  being  a  man  of  enormous  wealth,  he 
always  travels  with  a  cavalcade  of  carriages ;  a  reti- 
nue of  servants ;  a  wagon-load  of  bedding  and  other 
furniture;  a  cook,  with  cooking-utensils,  and  lots  of 
luxurious  eatables  to  be  cooked  at  stopping-places — 
his  body-coach  (as  it  is  called)  being  a  horse-drawn 
palace.  What  inconveniences  can  possibly  happen  to 
him  ?  ' 


190 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


When  you  bear  a  gentleman  speak  in  praise  of  a 
lady  whom  you  do  not  think  deserving  of  his  com- 
mendations, you  "will  gain  nothing  by  attempting  to 
undeceive  him ;  particularly  if  she  is  handsome.  Your 
dissenting  from  his  opinion  he  will,  in  all  probability, 
impute  to  envy,  or  ill-nature ;  and  therefore  the  only 
impression  you  can  make  will  be  against  yourself. 

Even  if  you  have  reason  to  dislike  the  lady,  recollect 
that  few  are  without  some  good  points  both  of  person 
and  character.  And  it  will  be  much  better  for  you  to 
pass  over  her  faults  in  silence,  and  agree  with  him  in 
commending  what  is  really  commendable  about  her. 
What  he  would,  perhaps,  believe  implicitly  if  told  to 
him  by  a  man,  he  would  attribute  entirely  to  jealousy, 
or  to  a  love  of  detraction  if  related  by  a  woman^ 
Above  all,  if  a  gentleman  descants  on  the  beauty  of  a 
lady,  and  in  your  own  mind  you  do  not  coincide  with 
his  opinion,  refrain,  on  your  part,  from  criticizing 
invidiously  her  face  and  figure,  and  do  not  say  that 
''though  her  complexion  may  be  fine,  her  features  are 
not  regular;"  that  "her  nose  is  too  small,"  or  "her 
eyes  too  large,"  or  "her  mouth  too  wide."  Still  less 
disclose  to  him  the  secret  of  her  wearing  false  hair, 
artificial  teeth,  or  tinging  her  cheeks  with  rouge.  If 
she  is  a  bold,  forward  woman,  he  will  find  that  out  as 
soon  as  yourself,  and  sooner  too, — and  you  may  be 
sure  that  though  he  may  amuse  himself  by  talking  and 
flirting  with  her,  he  in  reality  regards  her  as  she  de- 
serves. 

If  a  foreigner  chances,  in  your  presence,  to  make 
an  unfavourable  remark  upon  some  custom  or  habit 


C0XYEESATI05T. 


191 


peculiar  to  your  country,  do  not  immediately  take  fire 
•and  resent  it;  for,  perhaps,  upon  reflection,  you  may 
find  that  he  is  right,  or  nearly  so.  All  countries  have 
their  national  character,  and  no  character  is  perfect, 
whether  that  of  a  nation  or  an  individual.  If  you 
know  that  the  stranger  has  imbibed  an  erroneous 
impression,  you  may  calmly,  and  in  a  few  words,  en- 
deavour to  convince  him  of  it.  But  if  he  shows  an 
unwillingness  to  be  convinced,  and  tells  you  that  what 
he  has  said  he  heard  from  good  authority;  or  that, 
before  he  came  to  America,  "his  mind  was  made  up," 
it  will  be  worse  than  useless  for  you  to  continue  the 
argument.  Therefore  change  the  subject,  or  turn  and 
^    address  your  conversation  to  some  one  else. 

Lady  Morgan's  Duchess  of  Belmont  very  properly 
checks  O'Donnell  for  his  ultra-nationality,  and  advises 
him  not  to  be  always  running  a  tilt  with  every  Eng- 
lishman he  talks  to,  continually  seeming  as  if  ready 
with  the  war-cry  of  "St.  Patrick  for  Ireland,  against 
St.  George  for  England." 

Dr.  Johnson  was  speaking  of  Scotland  with  his  usual 
severity,  when  a  Caledonian  who  was  present,  started 
up,  and  called  out,  "Sir,  /  was  born  in  Scotland." 
"Yeryjwell,  sir,"  said  the  cynic  calmly,  "I  do  not  see 
why  so  small  a  circumstance  should  make  any  change 
in  the  national  character." 

English  strangers  complain  (and  with  reason)  of 
the  American  practice  of  imposing  on  their  credulity, 
by  giving  them  false  and  exaggerated  accounts  of 
certain  things  peculiar  to  this  country,  and  telling 
them,  as  truths,  stories  that  are  absolute  impossibilities ; 


192 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


the  amusement  being  to  see  how  the  John  Bulls 
swallow  these  absurdities.  Even  General  Washington' 
diverted  himself  by  mystifying  Weld  the  English 
traveller,  who  complained  to  him  at  Mount  Vernon  of 
musquitoes  so  large  and  fierce  that  they  bit  through 
his  cloth  coat.  "Those  are  nothing,"  said  Washing- 
ton, "to  musquitoes  I  have  met  with,  that  bite  through 
a  thick  leather  boot."  Weld  expressed  his  astonish- 
ment, (as  well  he  might;)  and,  when  he  "put  out  a 
book,"  inserted  the  story  of  the  boot-piercing  insects, 
which  he  said  7nust  be  true,  as  he  had  it  from  no  less 
a  person  than  General  Washington. 

It  is  a  work  of  supererogation  to  furnish  falsehoods 
for  British  travellers.  They  can  manufacture  them 
fast  enough.  Also,  it  is  ungenerous  thus  to  sport 
with  their  ignorance,  and  betray  them  into  ridiculous 
caricatures,  which  they  present  to  the  English  world 
in  good  faith.  We  hope  these  tricks  are  not  played 
upon  any  of  the  best  class  of  European  travel-writers. 

When  in  Europe,  (in  England  particularly,)  be  nob 
over  sensitive  as  to  remarks  that  mxay  be  made  on 
your  OAvn  country;  and  do  not  expect  every  one 
around  you  to  keep  perpetually  in  mind  that  you  are 
an  American ;  nor  require  that  they  should  « guard 
every  word,  and  keep  a  constant  check  on  their 
conversation,  lest  they  should  chance  to  offend  your 
republican  feelings.  The  English,  as  they  become 
better  acquainted  with  America,  regard  us  with  more 
favour,  and  are  fast  getting  rid  of  their  old  prejudices, 
and  opening  their  eyes  as  to  the  advantages  to  be 
derived  from  cultivating  our  friendship  instead  of 


CONVERSATION. 


193 


provoking  our  enmity.  They  have,  at  last,  all  learnt 
that  our  language  is  theirs,  and  they  no  longer  com- 
pliment newly-arrived  Americans  on  speaking  English 
''quite  well."  It  is  not  many  years  since  two  young 
ladies  from  one  of  our  Western  States,  being  at  a  party 
at  a  very  fashionable  mansion  in  London,  were  re- 
quested by  the  lady  of  the  house  to  talk  a  little 
American;  several  of  her  guests  being  desirous  of 
hearing  a  specimen  of  that  language.  One  of  the 
young  ladies  mischievously  giving  a  hint  to  the  other, 
they  commenced  a  conversation  in  what  school-girls 
call  gibberish;  and  the  listeners,  when  they  had 
finished,  gave  various  opinions  on  the  American 
tongue,  some  pronouncing  it  very  soft,  and  rather 
musical;  others  could  not  help  saying  candidly  that 
they  found  it  rather  harsh.  But  all  agreed  that  it 
resembled  no  language  they  had  heard  before. 

There  is  no  doubt  that  by  the  masses,  better  Eng- 
lish is  spoken  in  America  than  in  England. 

However  an  Englishman  or  an  Englishwoman  may 
boast  of  their  intimacy  with  "the  nobility  and  gentry," 
there  is  one  infalliable  rule  by  which  the  falsehood  of 
these  pretensions  may  be  detected.  And  that  is  in 
the  misuse  of  the  letter  H,  putting  it  where  it  should 
not  be,  and  omitting  it  where  it  should.  This  unac- 
countable practice  prevails,  more  or  less,  in  all  parts 
of  England,  but  is  unknown  in  Scotland  and  Ireland. 
It  is  never  found  but  among  the  middle  and  lower 
classes,  and  by  polished  and  well-educated  people  is 
as  much  laughed  at  in  England  as  it  is  with  us.  A 
relative  of  ours  being  in  a  stationer's  shop  in  St.  Paul's 


194 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Cliurcli  Yard,  (the  street  surrounding  the  cathedral,) 
heard  the  stationer  call  his  boy,  and  tell  him  to  '^go 
and  take  the  babby  out,  and  give  him  a  hairing — the 
babby  having  had  no  hair  for  a  week."  We  have 
heard  an  Englishman  talk  of  ^'taking  an  ouse  that 
should  have  an  ot  water  pipe,  and  a  hoven.''  The 
same  man  asked  a  young  lady  "if  she  had  eels  on  her 
boots."  We  heard  an  Englishwoman  tell  a  servant 
to  "bring  the  arth  brush,  and  sweep  up  the  hashes'' 
Another  assured  us  that  "the  American  ladies  were 
quite  hignorant  of  hetiquette.'" 

We  have  actually  seen  a  ridiculous  bill  sent  seriously 
by  a  Yorkshireman  who  kept  a  livery-stable  in  Phila- 
delphia.   The  items  were,  verbatim — 

D.  C. 

Anosafada   2  50 

takinonimome   0  37 

No  reader  can  possibly  guess  this—so  we  will  ex- 
plain that  the  first  line,  in  which  all  the  words  run 
into  one,  signifies  "An  orse  af  a  day,"~or  "A  horse 
half  a  day."  The  second  line  means  "takin  on  im 
ome," — or  "Taking  of  him  home." 

English  travellers  are  justly  severe  on  the  tobacco- 
chewing  and  spitting,  that  though  exploded  in  the 
best  society,  is  still  too  prevalent  among  the  million. 
All  American  ladies  can  speak  feelingly  on  this  sub- 
ject, for  they  sufi"er  from  it  in  various  ways.  First, 
the  sickening  disgust  without  which  they  cannot  wit- 
ness the  act  of  expectoration  performed  before  their 


CONVERSATION. 


195 


faces.  Next,  the  danger  of  tobacco-saliva  falling  on 
their  dresses  in  the  street,  or  ^hile  travelling  in 
steamers  and  rail-cars.  Then  the  necessity  of  walk- 
ing throuD-h  the  abomination  when  leavino;  those  con- 
es c  o 

veyances ;  treading  in  it  with  their  shoes  ;  and  wiping 
it  np  with  the  hems  of  their  gowns.  We  know  an 
instance  of  the  crown  of  a  lady's  white-silk  bonnet 
being  bespattered  with  tobacco-juice,  by  a  man  spit- 
tino'  out  of  a  window  in  one  of  the  New  York  hotels, 
A  lady  on  the  second  seat  of  a  box  at  the  Chestnut- 
street  theatre,  found,  when  she  went  home,  the  back 
of  her  pelisse  entirely  spoilt,  by  some  man  behind  not 
having  succeeded  in  trying  to  spit  past  her — or  per- 
haps he  did  not  try.  Why  should  ladies  endure  all 
this,  that  men  may  indulge  in  a  vulgar  and  deleterious 
practice,  pernicious  to  their  own  health,  and  which 
they  cannot  acquire  without  going  through  a  seasoning 
of  disgust  and  nausea? 

It  is  very  unmannerly  when  a  person  begins  to 
relate  a  circumstance  or  an  anecdote,  to  stop  them 
short  by  saying,  "you  have  heard  it  before."  Still 
worse,  to  say  you  do  not  wish  to  hear  it  at  all.  There 
are  people  who  set  themselves  against  listening  to  any 
thing  that  can  possibly  excite  melancholy  or  painful 
feelings :  and  profess  to  hear  nothing  that  may  give 
them  a  sad  or  unpleasant  sensation.  Those  who  have 
so  much  tenderness  for  themselves,  have  usually  but 
little  tenderness  for  others.  It  is  impossible  to  go 
through  the  world  with  perpetual  sunshine  over  head, 
and  unfading  flowers  under  foot.  Clouds  will  gather 
in  the  brightest  sky,  and  weeds  choke  up  the  fairest 


196  THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 

primroses  and  violets.  And  we  should  all  endeavour 
to  prepare  ourselves  for  these  changes,  bj  listening 
with  sympathy  to  the  manner  in  which  they  have 
affected  others. 

No  person  of  good  feelings,  good  manners,  or  true 
refinement,  will  entertain  their  friends  with  minute 
descriptions  of  sickening  horrors,  such  as  barbarous 
executions,  revolting  punishments,  or  inhuman  cruelties 
perpetrated  on  animals.  We  have  never  heard  an 
ofiicer  dilate  on  the  dreadful  spectacle  of  a  battle- 
field ;  a  scene  of  which  no  description  can  ever  pre- 
sent an  adequate  idea;  and  which  no  painter  has  ever 
exhibited  in  all  its  shocking  and  disgusting  details. 
Physicians  do  not  talk  of  the  dissecting-room. 

Unless  you  are  speaking  to  a  physician,  and  are 
interested  in  a  patient  he  is  attending,  refrain  in 
conversation  from  entering  into  the  particulars  of 
revolting  diseases,  such  as  scrofula,  ulcers,  cutaneous 
afflictions,  &c.  and  discuss  no  terrible  operations — 
especially  at  table.  There  are  women  who  seem  to 
delight  in  dwelling  on  such  disagreeable  topics. 

If  you  are  attending  the  sick-bed  of  a  friend,  and 
are  called  down  to  a  visiter,  speak  of  her  illness  with 
delicacy,  and  do  not  disclose  all  the  unpleasant  cir- 
cumstances connected  with  it ;  things  which  it  would 
grieve  her  to  know,  may,  if  once  told,  be  circulated 
among  married  women,  and  by  them  repeated  to  their 
husbands.  In  truth,  upon  most  occasions,  a  married 
woman  is  not  a  safe  confidant.  She  w^ill  assuredly 
tell  every  thing  to  her  husband ;  and  in  all  probability 
to  his  mother  and  sisters  also — that  is,  every  thing 


CONVEESATION. 


19T 


concerning  her  friends— always,  perhaps,  under  a 
strict  injunction  of  secrecy.  But  a  secret  entrusted 
to  more  than  two  or  three  persons,  is  soon  diffused 
throughout  the  whole  community. 

A  man  of  some  humom-  was  to  read  aloud  a  deed. 
He  commenced  with  the  words,  ''Know  one  woman  by 
these  presents."  He  was  interrupted,  and  asked  why 
he  changed  the  words,  which  were  in  the  usual  form, 
''Know  all  men  by  these  presents."  "Oh!"  said  he, 
"'tis  very  certain  that  all  men  will  soon  know  it,  if 
one  woman  does." 

Generally  speaking,  it  is  injudicious  for  ladies  to 
attempt  arguing  with  gentlemen  on  political  or  finan- 
cial topics.  All  the  information  that  a  woman  can 
possibly  acquire  or  remember  on  these  subjects  is  so 
small,  in  comparison  with  the  knowledge  of  men,  that 
the  discussion  will  not  elevate  them  in  the  opinion  of 
masculine  minds.  Still,  it  is  well  for  a  woman  to 
desire  enlightenment,  that  she  may  comprehend  some- 
thing of  these  discussions,  when  she  hears  them  from 
the  other  sex;  therefore  let  her  listen  as  understand- 
ingly  as  she  can,  but  refrain  from  controversy  and 
argument  on  such  topics  as  the  grasp  of  a  female 
mind  is  seldom  capable  of  seizing  or  retaining.  Men 
are  very  intolerant  toward  women  who  are  prone  to 
contradiction  and  contention,  when  the  talk  is  of 
things  considered  out  of  their  sphere ;  but  very  indul- 
gent toward  a  modest  and  attentive  listener,  who  only 
asks  questions  for  the  sake  of  information.  Men  like 
to  dispense  knowledge ;  but  few  of  them  believe  that 
in  departments  exclusively  their  own,  they  can  profit 


198  THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 

much  by  the  suggestions  of  women.  It  is  true  there 
are  and  have  been  women  who  have  distinguished 
themselves  greatly  in  the  higher  branches  of  science 
and  literature,  and  on  whom  the  light  of  genius  has 
clearly  descended.  But  can  the  annals  of  woman 
produce  a  female  Shakspeare,  a  female  Milton,  a 
Goldsmith,  a  Campbell,  or  a  Scott?  What  woman 
has  painted  like  Raphael  or  Titian,  or  like  the  best 
artists  of  our  own  times?  Mrs.  Darner  and  Mrs. 
Siddons  had  a  talent  for  sculpture;  so  had  Ma^rie  of 
Orleans,  the  accomplished  daughter  of  Louis  Philippe. 
Yet  what  are  the  productions  of  these  talented  ladies 
compared  to  those  of  Thorwaldsen,  Canova,  Chantrey, 
and  the  master  chisels  of  the  great  American  statu- 
aries. Women  have  been  excellent  musicians,  and 
have  m.ade  fortunes  by  their  voices.  But  is  there 
among  them  a  Mozart,  a  Bellini,  a  Michael  Kelly,  an 
Auber,  a  Boildieu  ?  Has  a  woman  made  an  improve- 
ment on  steam-engines,  or  on  any  thing  connected 
with  the  mechanic  arts  ?  And  yet  these  things  have 
been  done  by  men  of  no  early  education — by  self- 
taught  men.  A  good  tailor  fits,  cuts  out,  and  sews 
better  than  the  most  celebrated  female  dress-maker. 
A  good  man-cook  far  excels  a  good  woman-cook. 
Whatever  may  be  their  merits  as  assistants,  women 
are  rarely  found  w^ho  are  very  successful  at  the  head 
of  any  establishment  that  requires  energy  and  origi- 
nality of  mind.  Men  make  fortunes,  women  make 
livings.  And  none  make  poorer  livings  than  those 
who  waste  their  time,  and  bore  their  friends,  by 
writing  and  lecturing  upon  the  equality  of  the  sexes, 


CONVERSATION. 


199 


and  what  they  call  Women's  Rights."  How  is  it  that 
most  of  these  ladies  live  separately  from  their  husbands . 
either  despising  them,  or  being  despised  by  them? 

Truth  is,  the  female  sex  is  really  as  inferior  to  the 
male  in  vigour  of  mind  as  in  strength  of  body ;  and 
all  arguments  to  the  contrary  are  founded  on  a  few 
anomalies,  or  based  on  theories  that  can  never  be  re- 
duced to  practice.  Because  there  was  a  Joan  of  Arc, 
and  an  Augustina  of  Saragossa,  should  females  expose 
themselves  to  all  the  dangers  and  terrors  of  ''the 
battle-field's  dreadful  array."  The  women  of  the 
American  Revolution  effected  much  good  to  their 
country's  cause,  without  encroaching  upon  the  pro- 
vince of  its  brave  defenders.  They  were  faithful  and 
patriotic ;  but  they  left  the  conduct  of  that  tremen- 
dous struggle  to  abler  heads,  stronger  arms,  and 
sterner  hearts. 

We  envy  not  the  female  who  can  look  unmoved 
upon  physical  horrors — even  the  sickening  horrors  of 
the  dissecting-room. 

Yet  women  are  endowed  with  power  to  meet  mis- 
fortune with  fortitude  ;  to  endure  pain  with  patience  ; 
to  resign  themselves  calmly,  piously,  and  hopefully  to 
the  last  awful  change  that  awaits  every  created  being ; 
to  hazard  their  own  lives  for  those  that  they  love ; 
to  toil  cheerfully  and  industriously  for  the  support  of 
their  orphan  children,  or  their  aged  parents ;  to  watch 
with  untiring  tenderness  the  sick-bed  of  a  friend,  or 
even  of  a  stranger  ;  to  limit  their  own  expenses  and 
their  own  pleasures,  that  they  may  have  something  to 
bestow  on  deserving  objects  of  charity ;  to  smooth  the 


200 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


riiggedness  of  man ;  to  soften  his  asperities  of  temper ; 
to  refine  his  manners  ;  to  make  his  home  a  happy 
one ;  and  to  improve  the  minds  and  hearts  of  their 
children.  All  this  women  can — and  do.  And  this  is 
their  true  mission. 

In  talking  with  a  stranger,  if  the  conversation 
should  turn  toward  sectarian  religion,  enquire  to  what 
church  he  belongs  ;  and  then  mention  your  own  church. 
This,  among  people  of  good  sense  and  good  manners, 
and  we  may  add  of  true  piety,  will  preclude  all  danger 
of  remarks  being  made  on  either  side  which  may  be 
painful  to  either  party.  Happily  we  live  in  a  land  of 
universal  toleration,  where  all  religions  are  equal  in 
the  sight  of  the  law  and  the  government ;  and  where 
no  text  is  more  powerful  and  more  universally  received 
than  the  wise  and  incontrovertible  words — "By  their 
fruits  ye  shall  know  them."  He  that  acts  well  is  a 
good  man,  and  a  religious  man,  at  whatever  altar  he 
may  worship.  He  that  acts  ill  is  a  bad  man,  and  has 
no  true  sense  of  religion ;  no  matter  how  punctual  his 
attendance  at  church,  if  of  that  church  he  is  an  un- 
worthy member.  Ostentatious  sanctimony  may  de- 
ceive man,  but  it  cannot  deceive  God. 

On  this  earth  there  are  many  roads  to  heaven ; 
and  each  traveller  supposes  his  own  to  be  the  best. 
But  they  must  all  unite  in  one  road  at  the  last.  It  is 
only  Omniscience,  that  can  decide.  And  it  will  then  be 
found  that  no  sect  is  excluded  because  of  its  faith  ;  or 
if  its  members  have  acted  honestly  and  conscientiously 
according  to  the  lights  they  had,  and  molesting  no  one 
for  believino;  in  the  tenets  of  a  different  church.  The 

o 


CCXVEESATIOX. 


201 


religion  of  Jesiis,  as  our  Saviour  left  it  to  us,  was  one 
of  peace  and  good-Tvill  to  men,  and  of  unlimited  faitli 
in  the  wisdom  and  goodness,  and  power  and  majesty 
of  God.  It  is  not  for  a  frail  human  being  to  place 
limits  to  his  mercy,  and  say  what  church  is  the  only 
true  one — and  the  only  one  that  leads  to  salvation. 
Let  all  men  keep  in  mind  this  self-evident  tnith — ''He 
can't  be  wrong  whose  life  is  in  the  right;"  and  try  to 
act  up  to  the  Divine  command  of  ''  doing  unto  all  men 
as  you  would  they  should  do  unto  you." 

In  America,  no  religious  person  of  good  sense  or 
good  manners  ever  attempts,  in  company,  to  controvert, 
uncalled  for,  the  sectarian  opinions  of  another.  No 
clergyman  that  is  a  gentleman,  (and  they  all  are  so,  or 
ought  to  be,)  ever  will  make  the  drawing-room  an 
arena  for  religious  disputation,  or  will  offer  a  single 
deprecatory  remark,  on  finding  the  person  with  whom 
he  is  conversing  to  be  a  member  of  a  church  essentially 
differing  from  his  own.  And  if  clergymen  have  that 
forbearance,  it  is  doubly  presumptuous  for  a  woman, 
(perhaps  a  silly  young  girl,)  to  take  such  a  liberty. 
"Tools  rush  in,  where  angels  fear  to  tread." 

Nothing  is  more  apt  to  defeat  even  a  good  purpose 
than  the  mistaken  and  ill-judged  zeal  of  those  that  are 
not  competent  to  understand  it  in  all  its  bearings. 

Truly  does  the  Scripture  tell  us — "  There  is  a  time 
for  all  things."  "We  know  an  instance  of  a  young 
lady  at  a  ball  attempting  violently  to  make  a  proselyte 
of  a  gentleman  of  twice  her  age,  a  man  of  strong  sense 
and  high  moral  character,  whose  church  (of  which  he 
was  a  sincere  member)  differed  materially  from  her 


202 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


own.  After  listening  awliile,  he  told  lier  that  a  ball- 
room was  no  place  for  such  discussions,  and  made  his 
bow  and  left  her.  At  another  party  we  saw  a  young 
girl  going  round  among  the  matrons,  and  trying  to 
bring  them  all  to  a  confession  of  faith. 

Religion  is  too  sacred  a  subject  for  discussion  at  balls 
and  parties. 

If  you  find  that  an  intimate  friend  has  a  leaning 
toward  the  church  in  which  you  worship,  first  ascer- 
tain truly  if  her  parents  have  no  objection,  and  then, 
but  not  else,  you  may  be  justified  in  inducing  her  to 
adopt  your  opinions.  Still,  in  most  cases,  it  is  best 
not  to  interfere. 

In  giving  your  opinion  of  a  new  book,  a  picture,  or 
a  piece  of  mnsicj  when  conversing  with  a  distinguished 
author,  an  artist  or  a  musician,  say  modestly,  that  "so 
it  appears  to  you^'^ — that  "it  has  given  you  plea- 
sure/' or  the  contrary.  But  do  not  positively  and 
dogmatically  assert  that  it  is  good,  or  that  it  is  bad. 
The  person  with  whom  you  are  talking  is,  in  all  proba- 
bility, a  far  more  competent  judge  than  yourself; 
therefore,  listen  attentively,  and  he  may  correct  your 
opinion,  and  set  you  right.  If  he  fail  to  convince  you, 
remain  silent,  or  change  the  subject.  Vulgar  ladies 
have  often  a  way  of  saying,  when  disputing  on  the 
merits  of  a  thing  they  are  incapable  of  understanding, 
"Any  how,  /  like  it,"  or,  "It  is  quite  good  enough 
for  me.'' — Which  is  no  proof  of  its  being  good  enough 
for  any  body  else. 

In  being  asked  your  candid  opinion  of  a  person,  be 
very  cautious  to  whom  you  confide  that  opinion ;  for 


CONVERSATION. 


203 


if  repeated  as  yours,  it  may  lead  to  nnpleasant  conse- 
quences. It  is  only  to  an  intimate  and  long-tried 
friend  that  you  may  safely  entrust  certain  things, 
that  if  known,  might  produce  mischief.  Even  very 
intimate  friends  are  not  always  to  be  trusted,  and 
when  they  have  actually  told  something  that  they 
heard  under  the  injunction  of  secrecy,  they  will  con- 
sider it  a  sufficient  atonement  to  say,  "  Indeed  I  did 
not  mean  to  tell  it,  but  somehow  it  slipped  out;"  or, 
"  I  really  intended  to  guard  the  secret  faithfully,  but 
I  was  so  questioned  and  cross-examined,  and  bewil- 
dered, that  I  knew  not  how  to  answer  withoul^  dis- 
closing enough  to  make  them  guess  the  whole.  I  am 
very  sorry,  and  w^ill  try  to  be  more  cautious  in  future. 
But  these  slips  of  the  tongue  wilj  happen." 

The  lady  whose  confidence  has  been  thus  be- 
trayed, should  be  ^'more  cautious  in  future,"  and 
put  no  farther  trust  in  she  of  the  slippery  tongue — 
giving  her  up,  entirely,  as  unworthy  of  farther  friend- 
ship. 

No  circumstances  will  induce  an  honourable  and 
right-minded  woman  to  reveal  a  secret  after  promising 
secrecy.  But  she  should  refuse  being  made  the 
depository  of  any  extraordinary  fact  which  it  may  be 
wrong  to  conceal,  and  wrong  to  disclose. 

We  can  scarcely  find  words  sufficiently  strong  to 
contemn  the  heinous  practice,  so  prevalent  with  low- 
minded  people,  of  repeating  to  their  friends  whatever 
they  hear  to  their  disadvantage.  By  low-minded 
people,  we  do  not  exclusively  mean  persons  of  low 
station.    The  low-minded  are  not  always  "born  in  a 


204 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


garret,  in  a  kitchen  bred."  Unhappily,  there  are  (so- 
called)  ladies — ladies  of  fortune  and  fashion — who  will 
descend  to  meannesses  of  which  the  higher  ranks 
ought  to  be  considered  incapable,  and  who,  without 
compunction,  will  wantonty  lacerate  the  feelings  and 
mortify  the  self-love  of  those  whom  they  call  their 
friends,  telling  them  what  has  been  said  about  them 
by  other  friends. 

It  is  sometimes  said  of  a  notorious  tatler  and  mis- 
chief-maker, that  '^she  has,  notwithstanding,  a  good 
heart."  How  is  this  possible,  when  it  is  her  pastime 
to  scatter  dissension,  ill-feeling,  and  unhappiness  among 
all  whom  she  calls  her  friends  ?  She  may,  perhaps, 
give  alms  to  beggars,  or  belong  to  sewing  circles,  or 
to  Bible  societies,  or  be  officious  in  visiting  the  sick. 
All  this  is  meritorious,  and  it  is  well  if  there  is  some 
good  in  her.  But  if  she  violates  the  charities  of  social 
life,  and  takes  a  malignant  pleasure  in  giving  ppiii, 
and  causing  trouble — depend  on  it,  her  show  of  benevo- 
lence is  mere  ostentation,  and  her  acts  of  kindness 
spring  not  from  the  heart.  She  will  convert  the  sew- 
ing circle  into  a  scandal  circle.  If  she  is  assiduous  in 
visiting  her  sick  friends,  she  will  turn  to  the  worst 
account,  particulars  she  may  thus  acquire  of  the 
sanctities  of  private  life  and  the  humiliating  mysteries 
of  the  sick-chamber. 

If  indeed  it  can  be  possible  that  tatling  and  mis- 
chief-making may  be  only  (as  is  sometimes  alleged)  a 
bad  habit,  proceeding  from  an  inability  to  govern  the 
tongue — shame  on  those  who  have  allowed  themselves 
to  acquire  such  a  habit,  and  who  make  no  effort  to 


CONYEr.SATIOJT. 


205 


subdue  it,  or  wlio  Iiave  encouraged  it  in  tlieir  cliildren, 
and  perhaps  set  them  the  example. 

If  you  are  so  unfortunate  as  to  know  one  of  these 
pests  of  society,  get  rid  of  her  acquaintance  as  soon  as 
you  can.  If  allowed  to  go  on,  she  will  infallibly 
bring  you  into  some  difficulty,  if  not  into  disgrace. 
If  she  begins  by  telling  you — "I  had  a  hard  battle  to 
fight  in  your  behalf  last  evening  at  Mrs.  Morley's. 
Miss  Jewson,  whom  you  believe  to  be  one  of  your  best 
friends,  said  some  very  severe  things  about  you,  wdiich, 
to  my  surprise,  were  echoed  by  Miss  Warden,  who 
said  she  knew  them  to  be  true.  But  I  contradicted 
them  warmly.  Still  they  would  not  be  convinced,  and 
said  I  must  be  blind  and  deaf  not  to  know  better. 
How  very  hard  it  is  to  distinguish  those  who  love 
from  those  who  hate  us  I" 

Instead  of  encouraging  the  mischief-maker  to  relate 
the  particulars,  and  explain  exactly  what  these  severe 
things  really  were,  the  true  and  dignified  course  should 
be  to  say  as  calmly  as  you  can — "  I  consider  no  per- 
son my  friend,  who  comes  to  tell  such  things  as  must 
give  me  pain  and  mortification,  and  lessen  my  regard 
for  those  I  have  hitherto  esteemed,  and  in  whose 
society  I  have  found  pleasure.  I  have  always  liked 
Miss  Jev7Son  and  Miss  Warden,  and  am  sorry  to  hear 
that  they  do  not  like  me.  Still,  as  I  am  not  certain 
of  the  exact  truth,  (being  in  no  place  where  I  could 
myself  overhear  the  discussion,)  it  will  make  no  differ- 
ence in  my  behaviour  to  those  young  ladies.  And 
now  then  we  will  change  the  subject,  never  to  resume 
it.    My  true  friends  do  not  bring  me  such  tales." 


203 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


Bj-the-bye,  tatlers  are  always  listeners,  and  are 
frequently  the  atrocious  writers  of  anonymous  letters, 
for  wliicli  tliey  should  be  expelled  from  society. 

Let  it  be  remembered  that  all  who  are  capable  of 
detailing  unpleasant  truths,  (such  as  can  answer  no 
purpose  but  to  produce  bad  feeling,  and  undying 
enmity,)  are  likewise  capable  of  exaggerating  and 
misrepresenting  facts,  that  do  not  seem  quite  strong 
enough  to  excite  much  indignation.  Tale-bearing 
always  leads  to  lying.  She  who  begins  with  the  first 
of  these  vices,  soon  arrives  at  the  second. 

Some  prelude  these  atrocious  communications  with — 
^'I  think  it  my  duty  to  tell  how  Miss  Jackson  and 
Mrs.  lYilson  talk  about  you,  for  it  is  right  that  you 
should  know  your  friends  from  your  enemies."  You 
listen,  believe,  and  from  that  time  become  the  enemy 
of  Miss  Jackson  and  Mrs.  Wilson — having  too  much 
pride  to  investigate  the  truth,  and  learn  what  they 
really  said. 

Others  will  commence  with — "I'm  a  plain-spoken 
woman,  and  consider  it  right,  for  your  own  sake,  to 
inform  you  that  since  your  return  from  Europe,  you 
talk  quite  too  much  of  your  travels." 

You  endeavour  to  defend  yourself  from  this  accusa- 
tion, by  replying  that  "having  seen  much  when 
abroad,  it  is  perfectly  natural  that  you  should  allude 
to  what  3"0u  have  seen." 

"Oh  !  but  there  should  be  moderation  in  all  things. 
To  be  candid — your  friend  Mrs.  Willet  says  she  is 
tired  of  hearing  of  France  and  Italy." 

"  V/hy  then  does  she  always  try  to  get  a  seat  next 


CONVERSATION. 


207 


to  me,  and  ask  me  to  tell  her  something  more  of  those 
countries?" 

"  Well,  I  don't  know.  People  are  so  deceitful ! 
There  is  Mr.  Liddard,  who  says  you  bore  him  to  death 
with  talking  about  England." 

'^And  yet  whenever  I  do  talk  about  England,  I 
always  find  him  at  the  back  of  my  chair.  And  Yfhen 
I  pause,  he  draws  me  on  to  say  more." 

"Men  are  such  flatterers  !  Well,  I  always  tell  the 
plain  truth.  So  it  is  best  you  should  know  Colonel 
Greenfield  declares  that  since  your  return  from  Europe 
you  are  absolutely  intolerable.  Excuse  my  telling  you 
these  things.  It  is  only  to  show  that  every  body  else 
thinks  just  as  I  do.  Mrs.  Gray  says  it  is  a  pity  you 
ever  crossed  the  Atlantic." 

Do  not  excuse  her — but  drop  her  acquaintance  as 
soon  as  you  can,  without  coming  to  a  quarrel,  in  which 
case  you  will  most  probably  get  the  worst.  A  plain- 
spoken  woman  is  always  to  be  dreaded.  Her  cold- 
blooded aifectation  of  frankness  is  only  a  pretext  to 
introduce  something  that  will  wound  your  feelings ; 
and  then  she  will  tell  you  "that  Mrs.  A.  B.  C.  and  D., 
and  Mr.  E.  and  Mr.  F.  also,  have  said  a  hundred  times 
that  you  are  a  woman  of  violent  temper,  and  cannot 
listen  to  advice  without  flying  into  a  passion." 

And  she  will  quietly  take  her  leave,  informing 
you  that  she  is  your  best  friend,  and  that  all  she 
has  said  was  entirely  for  your  own  good,  and  that 
she  shall  continue  to  admonish  you  whenever  she  sees 
occasion. 

A  plain-spoken  woman  will  tell  you  that  you  were 


208  THE  EEIIAVIOUr.  EOOK. 

thought  to  look  very  ill  at  Mrs.  Thomson's  party,  your 
dress  being  rather  in  bad  taste;  that  you  ought  to 
give  up  singing  in  company,  your  best  friends  saying 
that  your  style  is  now  a  little  old-fashioned;  that 
you  should  not  attempt  talking  French  to  French 
ladies,  as  Mr.  Leroux  and  Mr.  Dufond  say  that  your 
French  is  not  quite  Parisian,  &c.  &c.  She  will  say 
these  things  upon  no  authority  but  her  ovfn. 

When  any  one  prefaces  an  enquiry  by  the  vulgarism, 
"If  it  is  a  fair  question?"  you  m.ay  be  very  certain 
that  the  question  is  a  most  uni-dir  one — that  is,  a 
question  which  it  is  impertinent  to  ask,  and  of  no 
consequence  whatever  to  the  asker. 

If  a  person  begins  by  telling  you,  "  Do  not  be 
offended  at  what  I  am  going  to  say,"  prepare  yourself 
for  something  that  she  knows  will  certainly  oifend  you. 
But  as  she  has  given  you  notice,  try  to  listen,  and 
answer  with  calmness. 

It  is  a  delicate  and  thankless  business  to  tell  a 
friend  of  her  faults,  unless  you  are  certain  that,  in 
retui-n,  you  can  bear  without  anger  to  hear  her  point 
out  your  OAvn.    She  will  undoubtedly  recriminate. 

It  is  not  true  that  an  irritable  temper  cannot  be 
controlled.  It  can,  and  is,  whenever  the  worldly 
interest  of  the  enragee  depends  on  its  suppression. 

Frederick  the  Great  severely  reprimanded  a  Prussian 
officer  for  striking  a  soldier  at  a  review.  "  I  could  not 
refrain,"  said  the  officer.  "I  have  a  high  temper, your 
majesty,  and  I  cannot  avoid  showing  it,  when  I  see  a 
man  looking  sternly  at  me."  "Yes,  you  can,"  re- 
plied the  king.    "  I  am  looking  sternly  at  you,  and  I 


CONVEKSATIOjS'. 


209 


am  giving  you  ten  times  as  mucli  cause  of  ofience  as 
that  poor  soldier — yet  you  do  not  strike  me.'' 

A  naturally  irritable  disposition  can  always  be 
tamed  down,  by  a  strong  and  persevering  effort  to 
subdue  it,  and  by  determining  always  to  check  it  on 
its  first  approaches  to  passion.  The  indulgence  of 
temper  renders  a  man  (and  still  more  a  woman)  the 
dread  and  shame  of  the  whole  house.  It  wears  out 
the  affection  of  husbands,  wives,  and  children — of 
brothers  and  sisters ;  destroys  friendship ;  disturbs 
the  enjoyment  of  social  intercourse ;  causes  incessant 
changing  of  servants ;  and  is  a  constant  source  of 
misery  to  that  most  unhappy  of  all  classes,  poor 
relations. 

That  a  violent  temper  is  generally  accompanied  by 
a  good  heart,  is  a  popular-  fallacy.  On  the  contrary, 
the  indulgence  of  it  hardens  the  heart.  And  even  if 
its  ebullitions  are  always  succeeded  by  compunctious 
visitings,"  and  followed  by  apologies  and  expressions 
of  regret,  still  it  leaves  wounds  that  time  cannot 
always  efface,  and  which  w^e  may  forgive,  but  cannot 
forget. 

Ill-tempered  women  are  very  apt  to  call  themselves 
nervous,  and  to  attribute  their  violent  fits  of  passion  to 
a  weakness  of  the  nerves.  This  is  not  true.  A  real 
nervous  affection  shows  itself  "  more  in  sorrow  than  in 
anger,"  producing  tears,  tremor,  and  head-ache,  fears 
without  adequate  cause,  and  general  depression  of 
spirits— ^the  feelings  becoming  tender  to  a  fault. 

When  a  woman  abandons  herself  to  terrible  fits  of 
anger  with  little  or  no  cause,  and  makes  herself  a 

18* 


210 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


frightful  spectacle,  by  turning  white  witli  rage,  rolling 
up  her  eyes,  drawing  in  her  lips,  gritting  her  teeth, 
clenching  her  hands,  and  stamping  her  feet,  depend 
on  it,  she  is  not  of  a  nervous,  but  of  a  furious  tem- 
perament. A  looking-glass  held  before  her,  to  let  her 
see  what  a  shocking  object  she  has  made  herself,  would, 
we  think,  have  an  excellent  effect.  We  have  seen  but 
a  few  females  in  this  revolting  state,  and  only  three  of 
them  were  ladies — but  we  have  heard  of  many. 

When  the  paroxysm  is  over,  all  the  atonement  she 
can  make  is  to  apologize  humbly,  and  to  pray  con- 
tritely. If  she  has  really  any  goodness  of  heart,  and 
any  true  sense  of  religion,  she  will  do  this  promptly, 
and  prove  her  sincerity  by  being  very  kind  to  those 
whom  she  has  outraged  and  insulted — and  whose  best 
course  during  these  fits  of  fftry  is  to  make  no  answer, 
or  to  leave  the  room. 

As  out  of  nothing,  nothing  can  come,  to  be  a  good 
conversationist,  you  must  have  a  well-stored  mind, 
originality  of  ideas,  and  a  retentive  memory.  With- 
out making  a  lumber-room  of  your  head,  and  stuffing  it 
with  all  manner  of  useless  and  unnecessary  things  not 
worth  retaining,  you  should  select  only  such  as  are 
usefLd  or  ornamental,  interesting  or  amusing.  Your 
talk  must  flow  as  if  spontaneously;  one  subject  sug- 
gesting another,  none  being  dwelt  upon  too  long. 
Anecdotes  may  be  introduced  with  much  effect.  They 
should  be  short,  and  related  in  such  words  as  will  give 
them  the  most  point.  We  have  heard  the  sarfi'e  anec- 
dote told  by  two  persons.  With  one  it  became  prosy 
and  tiresome,  and  the  point  w^as  not  perceptible  from 


CONYEESATION.  211 

its  being  smothered  in  ill-cliosen  words.  With  the 
other  narrator,  the  anecdote  was  ''all  light  and  spirit; 
soon  told,  and  not  soon  forgotten."  Brevity  is  the 
soul  of  wit,  and  wit  is  the  soul  of  anecdote.  And 
where  wit  is  wanting,  humour  is  an  excellent  substi- 
tute. Every  body  likes  to  laugh,  or  ought  to.  Yet 
there  is  a  time  for  all  things ;  and  after  listening  to  a 
serious  or  interesting  incident  well  related,  it  is  ex- 
ceedingly annoying  to  hear  some  silly  and  heartless 
girl  follow  it  with  a  ridiculous  remark,  intended  to  be 
funny — such  as  ''Quite  solemncolly !" — or,  "We  are  ^ 
all  getting  into  the  doldrums." 

You  may  chance  to  find  yourself  in  a  company  where 
no  one  is  capable  of  appreciating  the  best  sort  of  con- 
versation, and  where  to  be  understood,  or  indeed  to 
keep  them  awake,  you  must  talk  down  to  the  capacities 
of  your  hearers.  You  must  manage  this  adroitly,  or 
they  may  find  you  out,  and  be  offended.  So,  after  all, 
it  is,  perhaps,  safest  to  go  on  and  scatter  pearls  where 
wax  beads  vfould  be  equally  valued.  Only  in  such 
society,  do  not  introduce  quotations  from  the  poets, 
especially  from  Shakspeare,  or  your  hearers  may 
wonder  what  queer  w^ords  you  are  saying.  Another 
time,  and  with  congenial  companions,  you  can  indulge 
in  "the  feast  of  reason,  and  the  flow  of  soul." 

If  placed  beside  a  lady  so  taciturn  that  no  effort  on 
your  part  can  draw  her  out,  or  elicit  more  than  a  mono- 
syllable, and  that  only  at  long  intervals,  you  may  safely 
conclude  that  there  is  nothing  in  her,  and  leave  her  to 
her  own  dullness,  or  to  be  enlivened  by  the  approach 
of  one  of  the  other  sex.    That  will  make  her  talk. 


212 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Few  persons  are  good  talkers  who  are  not  extensive 
and  miscellaneous  readers.  You  cannot  attentively 
read  the  best  authors  without  obtaining  a  great  com- 
msSid.  of  words,  so  that  you  can  always,  with  ease  and 
fluency,  clothe  your  ideas  in  appropriate  language. 
:^  Knowledge  is  of  course  the  basis  of  conversation — 
the  root  whose  deepened  strength  and  vigour  gives  life 
to  the  tree,  multiplicity  to  its  branches,  and  beauty 
to  its  foliage. 

Much  that  is  bad  and  foolish  in  women  would  have 
no  existence  if  their  minds  were  less  barren.  In  a 
waste  field,  worthless  and  bitter  weeds  will  spring  up 
w^hich  it  is  hard  to  eradicate;  while  a  soil  that  is  judi- 
ciously cultivated  produces  abundant  grain,  luxuriant 
grass,  and  beautiful  flowers. 

There  are  ladies  so  exceedingly  satisfied  with  them- 
selves, and  so  desirous  of  being  thought  the  special 
favourites  of  Providence,  that  they  are  always  desiring 
to  hold  out  an  idea  'Hhat  pain  and  sorrow  can  come 
not  near  them,"  and  that  they  enjoy  a  happy  exemp- 
tion from  "all  the  ills  that  flesh  is  heir  to."  They 
complain  of  nothing,  for  they  profess  to  have  nothing 
to  complain  of.  They  feel  not  the  cold  of  winter,  nor 
the  heat  of  summer.  The  temperature  is  always 
exactly  what  thetf  like.  To  them  the  street  is  never 
muddy  with  rain,  nor  slippery  w^ith  ice.  Unwhole- 
some food  agrees  perfectly  with  them.  They  sleep 
soundly  in  bad  beds,  or  rather  no  beds  are  bad. 
Travelling  never  fatigues  them.  Nobody  imposes  on 
them,  nobody  off'ends  them.  Other  people  may  be  ill 
— they  are  always  in  good  health  and  spirits.  To 


CONVEKSATION. 


213 


them  all  books  are  delightful — all  pictures  beautiful — 
all  music  charming.  Other  people  may  have  trouble 
with  their  children — they  have  none.  Other  people 
may  have  bad  servants — theirs  are  always  excellent. 

Now  if  all  this  were  true,  the  lot  of  such  persons 
would  indeed  be  enviable,  and  we  should  endeavour  to 
learn  by  what  process  such  complete  felicity  has  been 
attained — and  why  they  see  every  thing  through  such 
a  roseate  medium.  But  it  is  not  true.  This  is  all 
overweening  vanity,  and  a  desire  "to  set  themselves 
up  above  the  rest  of  the  world."  We  have  always 
noticed  that  these  over-fortunate,  over-happy  women 
have,  in  reality,  a  discontented,  care-worn  look,  re- 
sulting from  the  incessant  painful  effort  to  seem  what 
they  are  not.  And  if  any  body  will  take  the  trouble, 
it  is  very  easy  to  catch  them  in  discrepancies  and 
contradictions.  But  it  is  not  polite  to  do  so.  There- 
fore let  them  pass. 

As  mothers  are  always  on  the  qui  vive,  (and  very 
naturally,)  be  careful  what  you  say  of  their  children. 
Unless  he  is  a  decidedly  handsome  man,  you  may  give 
offence  by  remarking,  "The  boy  is  the  very  image  of 
his  father."  If  the  mother  is  a  vain  woman,  she  would 
much  rather  hear  that  all  the  children  are  the  very 
image  of  herself.  Refrain  from  praising  too  much 
the  children  of  another  family,  particularly  if  the  two 
sets  of  children  are  cousins.  It  is  often  dangerous  to 
tell  a  mother  that  "little  Willy  is  growing  quite  hand- 
some." She  will  probably  answer,  "I  had  hoped  my 
child  was  handsome  always."  With  some  mothers  it 
is  especially  imprudent  to  remark  that  "little  Mary 


214 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


looks  like  her  aunt,  or  lier  grandmother."  Again,  if 
you  prudently  say  nothing  about  the  looks  of  the  little 
dears,  you  may  be  suspected  and  perhaps  accused  of 
taking  no  interest  in  children.  Young  ladies,  when  in 
presence  of  gentlemen,  are  too  apt  to  go  on  the  other 
extreme,  and  over-act  their  parts,  in  the  excessive 
fondling  and  kissing  and  hugging  of  children  not  iix 
the  least  engaging,  or  even  good-looking.  We  cannot 
believe  that  any  female,  not  the  mother,  can  really 
fall  into  raptures  with  a  cross,  ugly  child.  But  how 
pleasant  it  is  to  play  with  and  amuse,  an  intelligent, 
affectionate,  and  good-tempered  little  thing,  to  hear  its 
innocent  sayings,  and  to  see  the  first  buddings  of  its 
infant  mind. 

When  you  are  visiting  another  city,  and  receiving 
civilities  from  some  of  its  inhabitants,  it  is  an  ill  re- 
quital for  their  attentions  to  disparage  their  place, 
and  glorify  your  own.  In  every  town  there  is  some- 
thing to  praise;  and  in  large  cities  there  is  a  great 
deal  to  amuse,  to  interest,  and  to  give  pleasure.  Yet 
there  are  travellers  who  (like  Smelfungus)  are  never 
satisfied  with  the  place  they  are  in — who  exclaim  all 
the  time  against  the  east  winds  of  Boston,  the  sea-air 
of  New  York,  the  summer  heats  of  Philadelphia,  the 
hilly  streets  of  Baltimore,  and  the  dusty  avenues  of 
Washington.  We  have  heard  people  from  New  Or- 
leans call  Philadelphia  the  hottest  city  in  the  Union, 
and  people  from  Quebec  call  it  the  coldest.  If  there 
are  two  successive  days  of  rain,  then  poor  Philadelphia 
is  the  rainiest  of  all  places.  If  it  snows  for  twenty- 
four  hours,  then  it  is  the  snowiest.    If  a  fire  breaks 


COXVERSATIOX. 


215 


out,  it  is  the  city  of  fires.  If  there  is  an  Irish  fight 
in  Mojamensing,  it  is  the  city  of  perpetual  riots.  Bj- 
the-bye,  after  that  summer  when  Tve  really  had  several 
successive  riots  up-to"^,  and  down-town,  we  saw  an 
English  caricature  of  the  City  of  Brotherly  Love, 
where  the  spirit  of  William  Penn,  in  hat  and  wig,  was 
looking  down  sadly  from  the  clouds  at  the  rioters,  who 
were  all  represented  as  Quakers,  in  strait,  plain  clothes, 
and  broad  brims,  knocking  each  other  about  with 
sticks  and  stones,  firing  pistols,  and  slashing  with 
bowie-knives.  Alas,  poor  Quakers !  how  guiltless  ye 
were  of  all  this !  It  is  a  common  belief  in  England, 
that  of  this  sect  are  all  the  people  of  Pennsylvania. 


216 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


CHAPTEE  XVI. 

INOOEEECT  WORDS. 

Every  one  wLo  sees  much  of  tlie  world  must  observe 
with  pain  and  surprise  various  unaccountable  instances 
of  improper  and  incorrect  words  that  sometimes  dis- 
figure the  phraseology  of  females  who  have  gone 
through  a  course  of  fashionable  education,  and  mixed 
in  what  is  really  genteel  society.  These  instances,  it 
is  true,  are  becoming  every  day  more  rare ;  but  we 
regret  that  they  should  exist  at  all.  Early  impres- 
sions are  hard  to  eradicate.  Bad  habits  of  speaking 
are  formed  in  childhood :  sometimes  from  the  society 
of  illiterate  parents,  but  more  frequently  from  that  of 
nurses  and  servants ;  and  if  not  corrected  or  shaken 
off  in  due  time,  will  cling  like  burrs  to  the  diction  of 
women  who  are  really  ladies  in  every  thing  else.  Such 
women  will  say  ^'that  there,"  and  "this  here" — 
^'thern  girls" — "them  boys" — "I  don't  want  no 
more" — "I  didn't  hear  nothing  about  it" — "I  didn't 
see  nobody  there" — "I  won't  do  so  no  more."  And 
other  similar  violations  of  grammar ;  and  grammar  is 
never  more  palpably  outraged  than  when  two  nega- 
tives are  used  for  an  affirmative.  It  is  surely  shorter 
and  easier  to  say,  "I  want  no  more"— "I  heard 


INCORRECT  WORDS. 


217 


nothing  about  it" — "I  saw  nobody  there" — "I  will 
do  so  no  more." 

Another  grammatical  error,  less  glaring,  but  equally 
incorrect,  is  the  too  common  practice  of  converting  a 
certainty  into  an  uncertainty  by  saying,  "  I  have  no 
doubt  but  he  was  there."  As  if  his  being  there  was 
your  only  doubt.  You  should  say,  "  I  have  no  doubt 
of  his  being  there."  "I  have  no  doubt  but  that  he 
wrote  it,"  seems  to  signify  that  you  do  doubt  his 
writing  it,  and  that  you  are  nearly  sure  he  did  not. 
The  proper  phrase  is,  "I  have  no  doubt  of  his  writing 
it."  I  do  not  doubt  but  that  she  knew  it  long  ago," 
implies  that  you  do  doubt  her  having  known  it.  It 
should  be,  "I  do  not  doubt  her  knowing  it  long  ago." 
Leave  out  but,  when  you  talk  of  doubting. 

No  word  is  proper  that  does  not  express  the  true 
meaning.  For  instance,  it  is  not  right  to  call  a  town- 
ship a  town.  A  township  is  a  section  of  land  that 
may  consist  entirely  of  forests  and  farms,  and  may 
not  comprise  even  a  small  village  or  hamlet.  A  town 
resembles  a  city  in  being  closely  built  up  with  streets 
of  adjoining  houses.  Men  cannot  go  fishing  or  hunt- 
ing in  a  totvn,  though  they  may  in  a  township.  We 
are  surprised  to  find  this  misapplication  of  the  word 
among  some  of  the  most  distinguished  of  the  New- 
England  literati.  Perhaps  it  explains  Jonathan's  per- 
plexity in  one  of  the  old  Yankee  Doodle  songs  : 

"  He  said  lie  couldn't  see  the  town, 
There  were  so  many  houses." 

We  hope  it  is  not  necessary  to  caution  our  readers 
19 


218 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


against  the  most  provincial  of  Yankee  provincialisms, 
such  as,  "I  hadn't  ought,"  or  "I  shouldn't  ought" — 
or  "It  warn't,"  instead  of  "  It  was  not" — or  the 
exclamations,  ''Do  tell!"  or  "I  want  to  know,"  ejacu- 
lated as  a  token  of  surprise  the  moment  after  you  have 
told,  and  made  known.  The  common  English  habit, 
or  rather  a  habit  of  the  common  English,  of  using  con- 
tinually the  words  "you  know,"  and  "you  know,"  is 
very  tiresome,  particularly  when  they  are  talking  of 
something  that  you  cannot  possibly  be  acquainted 
with.  Check  them  by  saying,  "No,  I  do  not  know." 
They  also  make  great  use  of  the  word  "monstrous" — 
ugly  as  that  word  is.  Do  not  imitate  them  in  saying 
that  you  are  "  monstrous  glad,"  or  "  monstrous  sorry," 
or  "monstrous  tired,"  or  that  a  young  lady  is  "  mon- 
strous pretty."  We  have  heard  even  "monstrous 
little." 

We  advise  our  New-England  friends  to  eschew, 
both  in  speaking  and  writing,  all  Yankee  phrases  that 
do  not  convey  the  exact  meaning  of  the  words.  For 
instance,  to  "  turn  out  the  tea,"  instead  of  to  '^pour  it 
out."  There  can  be  no  turn  given,  in  this  process,  to 
the  spout  or  handle  of  the  tea-pot.  On  the  contrary, 
it  cannot  pour  well  unless  it  is  held  straight.  To 
"  cut  the  eggs,"  instead  of  to  beat  them.  The  motion 
of  beating  eggs  does  not  cut  them.  "  Braiding  eggs," 
is  still  worse.  But  we  believe  that  this  braiding  is  not 
the  same  as  cutting.    What  is  it  ? 

Two  young  officers  were  travelling  in  the  far  West, 
when  they  stopped  to  take  supper  at  a  small  road-side 
tavern,  kept  by  a  very  rough  Yankee  woman.  The 


INCORRECT  WORDS. 


219 


landlady,  in  a  calico  sun-bonnet,  and  bare  feet,  stood 
at  the  head  of  the  table  to  pour  out.  She  enquired 
of  her  guests,  "  if  they  chose  long  sweetening,  or  short 
sweetening  in  their  coffee."  The  first  officer,  sup- 
posing that  '^long  sweetening"  meant  a  large  portion 
of  that  article,  chose  it  accordingly.  What  was  his 
dismay  when  he  saw  their  hostess  dip  her  finger  deep 
down  into  an  earthen  jar  of  honey  that  stood  near  her, 
and  then  stir  it  (the  finger)  round  in  the  coffee.  His 
companion,  seeing  this,  preferred  ''short  sweetening." 
Upon  which  the  woman  picked  up  a  large  lump  of 
maple  sugar  that  lay  in  a  brown  paper  on  the  floor 
beside  her,  and  biting  off  a  piece,  put  it  into  his  cup. 
Both  the  gentlemen  dispensed  with  coffee  that  evening. 
This  anecdote  we  heard  from  the  sister  of  one  of  those 
officers. 

''  Emptyings"  is  not  a  good  name  for  yeast.  "  Up 
chamber,  up  garret,  down  cellar,"  are  all  wrong.  Why 
not  say,  "up  in  the  chamber,  up  in  the  garret,  down 
in  the  kitchen,  down  in  the  cellar  ?"  &c.  Why  should  a 
mirthful  fit  of  laughter  be  called  ''a  gale!"  ''Last 
evening  we  were  all  in  such  a  gale  !" 

Snow  and  ice  are  not  the  same.  Therefore  a  snow- 
ball should  not  be  called  an  ice-ball,  which  latter  might 
be  a  very  dangerous  missile. 

Pincushions  are  pincushions,  and  not  pin-balls, 
unless  they  are  of  a  globular  shape.  If  in  the  form 
of  hearts,  diamonds,  &c.,  they  are  not  balls. 

When  you  are  greatly  fatigued,  say  so — and  not 
that  you  are  "almost  beat  out."  When  the  Yankees 
are  "beat  out,"  the  English  are  quite  "knocked  up." 


220 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


The  English  are  "starved  with  cold" — Americans 
only  starve  with  hunger.  They  may  perish  with  cold ; 
but  unless  hunger  is  added,  they  will  not  starve. 

It  is  wrong  to  say  that  certain  articles  of  food  are 
healthy  or  unhealthy.  Wholesome  and  unwholesome 
are  the  right  words.  A  pig  may  be  healthy  or 
unhealthy  while  alive ;  but  after  he  is  killed  and 
becomes  pork,  he  can  enjoy  no  health,  and  suffer  no 
sickness. 

If  you  have  been  accustomed  to  pronounce  the 
word  "  does"  as  "  doos,"  get  rid  of  the  custom  as  soon 
as  you  can.  Also,  give  up  saying  "  pint"  for  "  point," 
"jint"  for  "joint,"  "  anint"  for  "anoint,"  &c.  Above 
all,  cease  saying  "  featur,  creatur,  natur,  and  raptur." 

In  New  England  it  is  not  uncommon  to  hear  the 
word  "ugly"  applied  to  a  bad  temper.  We  have 
heard,  "  He  will  never  do  for  president,  because  he  is 
so  ugly."  On  our  observing  that  we  had  always  con- 
sidered the  gentleman  in  question,  as  rather  a  hand- 
some man,  it  was  explained  that  he  was  considered 
ugly  in  disposition. 

A  British  traveller,  walking  one  day  in  a  suburb  of 
Boston,  saw  a  woman  out  on  a  door-step  whipping  a 
screaming  child.  "  Good  woman,"  said  the  stranger, 
"why  do  you  whip  that  boy  so  severely."  She 
answered,  "  I  ivill  whip  him,  because  he  is  so  ugly." 
The  Englishman  walked  on;  but  put  down  in  his 
journal  that  "American  mothers  are  so  cruel  as  to 
beat  their  children,  merely  because  they  are  not 
handsome." 

No  genteel  Bostonian  should  call  Faneuil  Hall,  "  Old 


IXCORPcECT  WORDS. 


221 


Funnel,"  or  talk  of  the  Quinsev  market."  instead  of 
QuincT,  or  speak  of  '"Bacon  street."  or  "Bacon  Hill." 
That  place  was  so  called  from  a  heacon.  or  signal-pole 
with  a  light  at  the  top.  and  never  was  partieularlv 
celebrated  for  the  pickling  and  smoking  of  pork. 

The  word  '"slump,"  or  ''slumped,""  has  too  coarse 
a  sound  to  be  used  bv  a  lady. 

When  YOU  have  exchanged  one  article  for  another, 
say  so,  and  not  that  vou  have  '*  traded  it."' 

Do  not  sav,  "  I  should  admire  to  read  that  book," 
^'I  should  admire  to  hear  that  song."  "I  should 
admire  to  see  the  president."  Substitute.  '-I  should 
like  to  read  that  book,"  "  I  should  like  to  hear  that 
song,"  "I  should  like  to  see  the  president."' 

Using  the  word  "  love""  instead  of  "like"  is  not  pecit- 
liar  to  the  ladies  of  any  section  of  the  Union.  But 
they  may  assure  themselves  it  is  wrong  to  talk  of 
loving  any  thing  that  is  eatable.  They  may  liJce  ter- 
rapins, oysters,  chicken-salad,  or  ice-cream  ;  bitt  they 
need  not  Jove  terrapins  or  oysters,  or  love  chicken- 
salad. 

We  remember,  in  the  farce  of  Modern  Antiques, 
laughing  at  an  awkward  servant-girl  bringing  in  a 
disk  of  salad  to  a  supper-table,  before  the  company 
had  assembled,  and,  after  taking  a  large  bite,  turning 
her  foolish  face  toward  the  attdience,  and  saying,  '•  I 
loves  beet-root." 

Even  if  you  are  a  provincial  Xew-Yorker.  give  up 

calling  the  door-step  or  porch  by  the  ancient  Dutch 

name  of  "stoop,"  (stoep.)  and  do  not  talk  of  going  out 

on  the  stoop,  or  sittino-  in  the  stoop.    When  a  load  of 
10- 


222 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


wood  or  coal  is  put  down  at  your  door,  say  not  that  it 
is  "dumped."  Never  speak  of  visiting  friends  that 
"live  to  Brooklyn,"  or  "live  to  Newark."  They  live 
at  those  places,  not  to  them.  The  word  "muss" 
sounds  badly,  when  a  young'lady  says,  "her  scarf  is 
mussed,"  or  her  collar  is  "mussed" — or  that  her 
bureau  drawers  are  all  in  a  muss.  The  English 
synonyme,  "mess,"  has  rather  a  better  sound.  Be  it 
also  remembered  that  a  stool  is  not  a  bench.  A  bench 
holds  several  people,  a  stool  but  one. 

When  you  mean  that  an  article  of  dress  (a  bonnet 
or  a  cap)  is  neat  and  pretty,  do  not  say  that  it  is 
cunning.  An  inanimate  object  cannot  be  cunning. 
To  be  cunning  requires  some  mind.  We  are  sorry  to 
say  that  we  have  heard  females  who,  when  they 
intend  to  be  witty,  talk  of  taking  a  snooze,  (which 
means  a  nap,)  and  speak  of  a  comic  anecdote  as  being 
"rich,"  and  of  a  man  in  faded  clothes  as  looking 
"seedy."  We  have  heard  Philadelphia  ladies  speak 
of  a  "great  big"  house,  or  a  "great  big"  ship;  and 
there  are  still  som.e  who  expect  what  has  already  come 
to  pass — as,  "I  expect  it  rained  somewhere  last  night" 
-—"I  expect  she  arrived  yesterday" — "I  expect  he 
went  to  Baltimore."  In  all  these  cases  the  proper 
term  is  "I  suppose,"  and  not  "I  expect." 

The  word  "mayhap"  (instead  of  perhaps)  is  a  posi- 
tive vulgarism.  It  is  of  English  origin,  but  is  only 
used  in  England  by  very  low  people— and  by  English 
writers,  never. 

We  have  little  tolerance  for  young  ladies,  who, 
having  in  reality  neither  wit  nor  humour,  set  up  for 


INC3RRECT  WORDS. 


both,  and  having  nothing  of  the  right  stock  to  go  upon, 
substitute  coarseness  and  impertinence,  (not  to  sar 
impudence,)  and  try  to  excite  laughter,  and  attract 
the  attention  of  gentlemen,  by  talking  slang.  Where 
do  they  get  it  ?  How  do  they  pick  it  up  ?  From  low 
newspapers,  or  from  vulgar  books  ?  Surely  not  from 
low  companions? 

We  have  heard  one  of  these  ladies,  when  her  collar 
chanced  to  be  pinned  awry,  say  that  it  was  put  on 
drunk — also  that  her  bonnet  was  drunk,  meaning 
crooked  on  her  head.  Yfhen  disconcerted,  she  was 
"floored."  Yv^hen  submitting  to  do  a  thing  unwill- 
ingly, "she  was  brought  to  the  scratch."  Sometimes 
"  she  did  things  on  the  sly."  She  talked  of  a  certain 
great  vocalist  "singing  like  a  beast."  She  believed 
it  very  smart  and  piquant  to  use  these  vile  expressions. 
It  is  true,  when  at  parties,  she  always  had  half  a  dozen 
gentlemen  about  her ;  their  curiosity  being  excited  as 
to  what  she  would  say  next.  And  yet  she  was  a 
woman  of  many  good  qualities ;  and  one  who  boasted 
of  having  always  "lived  in  society." 

We  think  that  gentlemen  lose  a  particle  of  their 
respect  for  young  ladies  who  allow  their  names  to  be 
abbreviated  into  such  cognomens  as  Kate,  Madge, 
Bess,  Nell,  &c.  Surely  it  is  more  lady-like  to  be 
called  Catharine,  Margaret,  Eliza,  or  Ellen.  We 
have  heard  the  beautiful  name  Virginia  degraded  into 
Jinny;  and  Harriet  called  Hatty,  or  even  Hadge. 

A  very  silly  practice  has  been  introduced  of  writing 
Sally,  Sallie — Fanny,  Eannie — Mary,  Marie — Abby, 
Abbie,  &;c.     What  would  our  grand-parents  have 


224 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


thought  of  Pollie,  Mollie,  Peggie,  Kittie,  Nancie? 
Suppose  joung  men  were  to  adopt  it,  and  sign  them- 
selves, Sammie,  Billie,  Dickie,  Tommie,  &c, ! 

By-the-bye,  unless  he  is  a  relation,  let  no  young 
lady  address  a  gentleman  by  his  christian  name.  It 
is  a  familiarity  which  he  will  not  like. 


BORROWING. 


225 


CHAPTER  XVIL 

BORROWING. 

Any  article  you  are  likely  to  want  on  more  than 
one  occasion,  it  is  better  to  buy  than  to  borrow.  If 
your  own,  you  can  have  it  always  at  hand :  you  will 
lay  yourself  under  no  obligation  to  a  lender,  and  incur 
no  responsibility  as  to  its  safety  while  in  your  posses- 
sion. But  when  you  do  borrow,  see  that  the  article  is 
speedily  returned.  And,  under  no  consideration,  take 
the  liberty  of  lending  it  to  any  person  whatever,  before 
restoring  it  to  the  owner.  Apologies  and  expressions 
of  regret  are  no  compensation,  should  it  be  out  of  your 
power  to  replace  it  if  injured  or  lost. 

When  you  ask  to  borrow  a  thing,  do  not  say,  "Will 
you  loan  it  to  me?"  The  word  "loan"  is,  by  good 
talkers,  and  good  writers,  never  used  but  as  a  sub- 
stantive :  notwithstanding  that  J ohnson  gives  it  as  a 
verb  also,  but  only  on  one  obscure  authority — and 
Johnson  is  not  now  regarded  as  infallible.  To  lend, 
not  to  loan^  is  the  usual  and  proper  expression.  As  a 
substantive  it  is  generally  employed  in  a  commercial 
and  political  sense,  or  to  denote  a  large  sum  borrowed 
for  a  public  and  important  purpose.  It  is  true  you 
can  say,  "May  I  request  the  loan  of  your  fan?" 
"Will  you  permit  me   to   ask  the  loan  of  this 


226 


THE  BEHxiVIOUR  BOOK. 


book?"  But  it  is  mucli  easier  and  smoother  to  say 
simply,  "Will  you  lend  me  your  fan  for  a  few 
minutes  ?"  "Will  you  be  kind  enough  to  lend  me  this 
book?" 

No  articles,  perhaps,  are  more  frequently  borrowed 
than  umbrellas,  and  none  are  returned  with  so  little 
punctuality.  Frequently,  a  borrowed  umbrella  is 
never  thought  of  by  the  borrower,  till  after  the 
weather  clears  up ;  the  lender,  most  probably,  suffer- 
ing inconvenience  for  want  of  it.  Often  it  is  detained 
till  the  next  rain,  when  the  lender  has  to  take  the 
trouble  of  sending  for  it.  And  then  it  is  very  possible 
it  may  not  be  found  at  all ;  some  person  in  the  mean 
time  having  nefariously  carried  it  off.  In  such  a  case, 
it  is  a  matter  of  common  honesty  for  the  careless  bor- 
rower to  replace  that  umbrella  with  a  new  one ;  as  she 
is  not  to  suppose  that  empty  expressions  of  regret  or 
unmeaning  apologies  will  be  sufficient  compensation 
for  a  substantial  loss. 

To  avoid  any  difficulties  concerning  umbrellas,  it  is 
safest,  in  cloudy  weather,  not  to  leave  home  without 
one.  Many  persons  venture  out  beneath  a  threatening 
sky,  unwilling  to  encumber  themselves  with  an  umbrella, 
which  (possibly)  they  may  not  chance  to  require  before 
they  got  home.  Their  dependance  is  on  stopping  in  at 
the  house  of  a  friend,  and  borrowing  one  there.  But 
is  it  not  better  to  incommode  yourself  a  little  by  carry- 
ing a  closed  umbrella,  even  if  you  should  not  find  occa- 
sion to  use  it,  than  to  hasten  rapidly  through  the  street 
to  reach  a  shelter  when  you  find  ihe  rain  beginning  to 
drop ;  and  afterwards  to  deprive  yoiu*  friend,  even  tern- 


BORROWING. 


227 


porarily,  of  an  article  which  the  wet  weather  may  ren- 
der it  inconvement  to  spare.  Also,  you  may  be  caught 
by  a  sudden  shower,  at  a  considerable  distance  from  the 
dwelling  of  the  person  with  whom  you  are  acquainted, 
and  you  may  find  the  omnibuses  all  full,  (as  they  gene- 
rally are  when  it  rains,)  and  no  other  vehicle  in  sight. 
Therefore,  when  the  wind  is  in  a  rainy  quarter,  and 
the  sky  louring,  be  always  on  the  safe  side,  and  take 
an  umbrella  with  you  on  leaving  home. 

Every  lady  should  own  a  small  light  umbrella,  or  else 
a  very  large  parasol,  of  extra  size,  covered  with  strong 
India  silk  that  will  not  easily  tear  or  fade,  and  that 
may  be  used,  on  occasion,  for  either  sun  or  rain ;  and 
that  will  not  be  cumbrous  to  carry,  though  quite  large 
enough  to  shelter  one  person.  In  truth,  we  have  found 
but  few  umbrellas,  however  large,  that  could  effectually 
cover  Uvo  persons  (unless  they  were  people  of  very  small 
size)  so  that  the  rain  did  not  drop  upon  the  ofi'-shoulder 
of  one  or  the  other.  You  cannot  be  well  screened  by 
an  umbrella,  unless  you  carry  it  all  the  time  steadily 
in  your  own  hands,  and  over  yourself  alone.  And 
politeness  requires  that  you  should  give  your  com- 
panion the  best  of  the  shelter.  So  when  two  ladies  go 
out  together,  the  clouds  portending  rain,  let  each  take 
an  umbrella  for  herself,  and  then  much  injury  to 
bonnets  and  shawls  may  be  avoided. 

These  small  light  umbrellas  are  excellent  to  travel 
with,  and  especially  useful  in  the  transit  from  car  to 
steamboat,  or  even  from  the  house  to  the  carriage. 
When  not  in  "  actual  service,"  keep  this  umbrella  be- 
side you  with  your  shawl  and  your  travelling  satchel. 


228 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


It  will  be  useful  during  tlie  journey,  if  packed  away  in 
a  trunk.* 

When  you  purchase  an  umbrella,  desire  that,  before 
sending  it  home,  your  name  be  engraved  on  the  little 
plate  at  the  termination  of  the  handle,  or  else  on  the 
slide.  To  make  assurance  doubly  sure,"  you  may 
get  the  name  painted  in  full  in  small  white  or  yellow 
letters  on  the  inside  of  one  of  the  gores  of  silk.  These 
letters  will  not  be  conspicuous  on  the  outside,  but  they 
will  always  serve  to  identify  the  umbrella.  Your  resi- 
dence (if  permanent)  may  be  added.  When  about  to 
travel,  sew  a  small  card  with  your  address  near  the 
bottom  of  one  of  the  gores  inside.  This  card  may  be 
changed  when  staying  at  a  new  place.  With  these 
precautions,  and  a  little  care,  (unless  you  are  habitu- 
ally thoughtless  and  forgetful,)  you  may  carry  an 
umbrella  from  Maine  to  Florida  without  losing  it. 

All  the  members  of  a  family  should  be  provided 
with  at  least  one  rain- umbrella  of  their  own,  and  these 
should  be  kept  up-stairs  when  not  likely  to  be  wanted. 
There  is  always  great  danger  of  their  being  purloined, 
or  horroived,  if  left  in  the  hall.  Persons  who  would 
not,  for  the  world,  be  known  to  pilfer  a  single  cent, 
are  by  no  means  particular  with  regard  to  detaining 
an  umbrella  or  a  book. 

Umbrellas  for  the  kitchen  can  now  be  had  as  low  as 


*  In  buying  a  handsoine  parasol  or  umbrella,  see  that  it  has  a 
folding-joint  in  the  middle  of  the  stick,  and  that  this  joint  works 
easily,  so  that  there  may  be  no  difficulty  in  packing  it  in  a  trunk 
or  box.  To  prevent  the  silk  being  rubbed,  tie  up  the  parasol  in  a 
smooth  linen  case,  previous  to  packing. 


BORROWING. 


229 


seventy-five  cents,  or  one  dollar.  If  of  coloured  cotton 
(brown  or  blue)  and  highly  glazed,  they  will  turn  off  a 
moderate  rain  very  well,  but  a  drenching  shower  may 
cause  the  dye  or  colouring  to  run  in  streams.  For 
very  common  use,  though  higher  in  price,  the  best  are 
of  oil-cloth,  or  of  brown  unbleached  linen.  The 
handsomest  umbrellas  are  of  blue  or  brown  India 
silk,  w^ith  steel  frames,  and  a  small  silver  name-plate 
on  the  handle.  A  green  silk  umbrella  will  soon  be 
spoiled  by  the  rain,  and  none  look  so  badly  in  a  short 
time.  We  have  known  a  lady's  bonnet  entirely  ruined 
by  the  drippings  from  a  green  parasol,  hastily  put  up 
as  a  small  screen  from  a  sudden  shower.  No  colour 
stands  the  sun  and  damp  so  badly  as  green. 

After  borrowing  an  umbrella,  fail  not  to  send  it 
back  immediately,  unless  you  have  previously  ascer- 
tained from  the  owner  that  it  will  not  be  wanted  for 
two  or  three  hours.  In  that  case,  you  will  have  time 
to  dry  it  before  it  goes  home ;  and  this  should  de  done 
as  soon  as  possible,  that  it  may  be  returned  in  good 
order.  If  left  in  the  entry  or  hall,  it  may  be  carried 
ofi ;  or,  in  plain  words,  stolen.  Let  it  be  dried  under 
your  own  inspection,  spreading  it  wide  open,  and 
standing  it  on  the  floor.  If  dried  fast,  and  in  an  ex- 
panded position,  the  wetting  will  not  perceptibly 
injure  it.  But  if  left  shut  and  standing  up  closed, 
with  the  wet  soaking  into  the  umbrella,  it  will  dry 
in  discoloured  streaks,  and  be  spoiled.  If  the  spring 
or  any  other  part  of  a  borrowed  umbrella  gets  broken 
or  injured  while  in  your  possession,  be  sure  to  have  it 
repaired  before  sending  home.    There  is  a  meanness 


230 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


verging  on  dishonesty  in  leaving  this  to  be  done  by 
the  owner. 

If  the  cheap  or  common  umbrellas  are  given  up  to 
the  care  of  the  domestics,  and  kept  in  the  kitchen,  in 
all  probability  they  will  soon  disappear  altogether, 
and  be  no  longer  forthcoming  when  wanted.  They 
will  lend  them  to  their  friends,  and  lose  them  in  various 
ways.  The  umbrellas  should  be  kept  in  some  small 
room  or  closet  up-stairs ;  and  when  required,  the  ser- 
vants should  come  and  ask  for  them ;  bringing  them 
back  v/hen  done  with. 

When  you  go  out  to  tea,  even  in  a  summer  evening, 
carry  a  shawl  on  your  arm  to  throw  over  your  shoulders 
before  coming  out  into  the  night-air.  This  will  preclude 
the  necessity  of  borrowing  one  of  your  friend,  should 
the  weather  have  changed  and  grown  cooler.  Also,  to 
prevent  any  risk  from  damp  pavements,  take  with  you 
a  pair  of  over-shoes,  (India-rubber,  of  course,)  or  else  a 
pair  of  inside-soles,  such  as  you  can  conveniently  slip 
into  your  pocket.  We  have  found  no  inside-soles 
equal  to  those  of  lamb-skin  with  the  wool  left  on  the 
upper-side;  the  under-side  of  the  skin  being  coated 
with  India-rubber  varnish  to  render  them  water-proof. 
These  soles  are  both  warm  and  dry,  and  are  far  plea- 
santer  than  cork  soles  covered  with  flannel,  and  more 
lasting.  But  if  you  are  obliged  to  borrow  things  to 
wear  home,  see  that  they  are  sent  back  next  morning, 
if  not  the  same  evening,  and  in  good  order — the  shawl 
well-dried  from  the  damp,  and  folded  smoothly,  and 
the  over-shoes  cleaned  nicely. 

Always  take  a  fan  with  you  on  going  to  a  place  of 


BORROWING. 


231 


public  amusement.  You  will  be  sure  to  require  it,  and 
it  is  better  than  to  depend  on  fanning  yourself  with  the 
bill  or  programme,  or  borrowing  the  fan  of  a  more  pro- 
vident friend,  and  perhaps  forgetting  to  return  it. 

With  regard  to  the  practice  of  borrowing  articles 
of  household  use,  it  is  generally  a  custom  ''more 
honoured  in  the  breach  than  the  observance,"  par- 
ticularly when  living  in  a  place  where  all  such  things 
can  be  easily  obtained  by  sending  to  the  shops.  There 
are  persons  who,  with  ample  means  of  providing  them- 
selves with  all  that  is  necessary  for  domestic  service, 
are  continually  troubling  their  neighbours  for  the  loan 
of  a  hammer,  a  screw-driver,  a  gimlet,  a  carpet- 
stretcher,  a  bed-stead  screw,  a  fluting-iron,  a  preserv- 
ing kettle,  jelly-moulds,  ice-cream  freezers,  &c.  &c. 
If  these  or  any  other  articles  onust  be  borrowed,  let 
them  be  returned  promptly,  and  in  good  order. 

If,  in  consequence  of  the  unexpected  arrival  of 
company,  any  thing  for  the  table  is  borrowed  of  a 
neighbour,  such  as  tea,  coffee,  butter,  &c.,  see  that  it 
is  punctually  returned;  equal  in  quantity,  and  in 
quality;  or  rather  superior.  Habitual  borrowers  are 
very  apt  to  forget  this  piece  of  honesty,  either  neglect- 
ing to  return  the  things  at  all,  or  meanly  substi- 
tuting inferior  articles — or  perhaps  laying  themselves 
under  such  an  imputation  without  actually  deserving 
it,  should  the  lender  be  ill-natured  or  untruthful. 
There  is  a  homely  proverb,  "To  go  a-borrowing  is  to 
go  a-sorrowing." 

Yf  e  have  been  told  of  a  very  aristocratic  but  very 
economical  lady,  in  -one  of  our  large  cities,  who  was  in 


232 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


the  almost  daily  practice  of  borrowing  things  of  a 
neighbour  to  whom  she  never  condescended  to  speak. 
On  one  occasion  she  borrowed  the  use  of  that  neigh- 
bour's fire  to  roast  a  pair  of  fowls. 

Avoid  borrowing  change,  or  small  sums.  It  is 
possible  that  you  may  really  forget  to  repay  them ; 
but  then  it  is  also  possible  that  you  may  be  suspected 
of  forgetting  wilfully.  So  do  not  trust  much  to  your 
memory.  It  is  a  true  remark,  that  there  are  few 
instances  of  a  borrovfer  being  so  oblivious  as  to  offer 
twice  over  the  return  of  a  small  loan,  forgetting  that 
it  had  been  paid  already. 

In  borrowing  a  dress  as  a  pattern,  it  is  safest  not 
to  try  it  upon  yourself,  lest  some  part  of  the  body 
should  be  stretched  or  frayed.  Also,  in  trying  on  a 
bonnet  or  cap  that  is  not  your  own,  refrain  from  tying 
the  strings;  as  every  tying  will  give  them  additional 
wrinkles  or  rumples,  and  perhaps  somewhat  soil  them. 
Never  put  on  another  person's  gloves. 

Should  you  be  staying  at  a  boarding-house,  do  not 
depend  on  "the  lady  in  the  next  room,"  or  any  other 
lady,  to  lend  you  things  which  you  can  procure  quite 
as  easily  as  she  can.  Keep  yourself  always  provided 
with  pen,  ink,  and  paper,  envelopes,  wafers,  sealing- 
wax,  pencils,  post-ofiice  stamps,  &c.  Also  with  sewing 
implements. 

When  a  friend  lends  you  a  handkerchief,  a  collar, 
or  any  other  washable  article,  see  that  it  is  nicely 
washed,  and  done  up,  before  returning  it  to  her, — and 
do  so  promptly.  If  an  article  of  jewellery,  carry  it 
back  to  her  yourself,  and  put  it  into  her  own  hand,  to 


BORROWING, 


233 


preclude  all  risk  of  loss.  She  will  not  be  so  ungene- 
rous as  to  tell  any  person  that  she  has  lent  it  to  you ; 
and  will  for  a  while  afterward,  refrain  from  wearing 
it  herself,  in  any  company  where  it  may  be  recognized. 

Should  a  visiter  accidentally  leave  her  handkerchief 
at  your  house,  have  it  washed  and  ironed  before  re- 
storing it  to  her. 

On  borrowing  a  book,  immediately  put  a  cover  upon 
it — and  let  the  cover  be  of  clean,  smooth,  white  or 
light-coloured  paper.  What  is  called  nankeen  paper 
is  best  and  strongest  for  this  purpose.  Newspaper,  or 
any  paper  that  is  printed,  makes  a  vile  book-cover. 
Beside  its  mean  and  dirty  appearance,  the  printing- 
ink  will  not  only  soil  your  own  hands  while  reading, 
but  will  do  more  injury  to  the  binding  than  if  it  was 
left  uncovered. 

To  cover  a  book  neatly — take  a  sheet  of  nice  paper 
of  more  than  sufficient  size,  and  lay  the  book  open 
upon  it.  Cut  a  notch  or  indentation  at  the  top  and 
bottom  of  this  paper,  so  as  to  admit  the  back  of  the 
book,  making  the  notch  exactly  the  width  of  the  back, 
and  two  or  three  inches  deep.  Fold  down  the  edges 
of  the  paper  straightly,  smoothly,  and  evenly,  over 
the  edges  of  the  binding  or  cover.  Fold  the  corners 
of  the  paper  nicely  underneath,  (trimming  off  the 
superfluous  paper  that  turns  under,)  making  them  lie 
as  flat  as  possible.  You  may  secure  all  the  folds  at 
the  corners  with  small  wafers,  pins,  or  paste-cement. 
If  you  use  pins,  take  care  to  stick  them  so  as  not  to 
scratch  the  inside  of  the  binding,  or  to  prick  and  tear 
the  fly-leaves.    The  paper-cover  should  not  only  be 


234  THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 

strong,  but  smootli  also;  if  coarse  and  rough,  it  will 
injure  the  binding.  When  you  send  the  book  home, 
put  it  up  neatly,  so  as  to  make  a  well-looking  package ; 
secured  with  either  a  string  or  a  seal,  and  direct  it 
to  the  owner. 

If  the  book  is  a  pamphlet,  and  the  sewing-thread 
gives  way,  sew  it  again,  with  a  large  needle  and  a 
strong  brown  thread — not  white  cotton.  If  not  sewed 
immediately,  it  will  fall  apart,  and  some  leaves  may 
drop  out,  and  be  lost.  If,  by  any  unlucky  accident, 
a  leaf  is  torn,  lay  the  two  pieces  nicely  together,  and 
sew  them,  lightly,  with  a  rather  fine  thread.  But  if 
one  side  of  the  torn  page  is  blank,  it  will  be  best  to 
mend  it  by  pasting  a  small  narrow  slip  of  white  paper 
underneath,  so  as  to  unite  the  torn  edges  neatly. 

You  may  have  excellent  paste  or  cement,  continu- 
ally at  hand,  by  buying  at  a  druggist's  an  ounce  of 
the  best  and  cleanest  gum  tragacanth,  with  a  little  bit 
of  corrosive  sublimate  not  larger  than  a  grain  of  corn, 
and  dissolving  them  in  a  large  half-pint  of  clear  water, 
either  warm  or  cold.  Pick  the  gum  tragacanth  very 
clean,  freeing  it  carefully  from  all  dust  and  impurities. 
Put  it  with  the  corrosive  sublimate  into  a  white  or 
queensware  vessel  having  a  close  cover,  and  holding  a 
pint,  to  allow  for  svf elling.  Pour  on  the  water ;  cover 
it  closely;  and  stir  it  witli  a  stick,  several  times 
during  the  day.  When  sufficiently  dissolved,  the 
paste  will  be  smooth  throughout.  The  corrosive 
sublimate  will  cause  it  to  keep  good  for  a  year  or 
more;  and  it  is  an  excellent  and  most  convenient 
cement  for  all  purposes,  from  wall-paper  to  artificial 


BORROWING. 


235 


flowers.  It  must  on  no  account  be  kept  in  a  metal 
vessel  or  be  stirred  with  a  metal  spoon,  as  it  will  then 
turn  black.  No  house  should  be  without  this  paste — 
and  it  should  find  a  place  in  every  library  and  office. 
When  it  is  nearly  used  up,  and  becomes  dry  at  the 
bottom,  pour  on  a  little  water,  and  it  will  dissolve 
again. 

Make  no  remarks  with  pen  or  pencil  on  the  margin 
of  any  book  that  does  not  belong  to  yourself.  What- 
ever may  be  your  own  opinion  of  certain  passages, 
you  have  no  right  to  disturb  other  readers  by  obtrud- 
ing upon  them  these  opinions,  unasked  for.  The 
pleasure  of  reading  a  book  from  a  public  library,  is 
frequently  marred  by  finding,  as  you  proceed,  that 
some  impertinent  fools  have  been  before  you,  and 
scribbled  their  silly  comments  all  through;  or  in- 
dulged in  sneers  and  vituperations  directed  at  the 
author.  You  may  lessen  this  annoyance  by  turning 
over  all  the  leaves  before  you  begin  reading,  and 
erasing  all  the  marginal  remarks  with  India  rubber; 
and  this  will  also  be  an  act  of  kindness  to  the  next 
reader  after  yourself.  When  written  with  ink,  (as  is 
often  the  case,)  there  is  no  remedy;  and  you  must 
endure  the  infliction  of  being  annoyed  throughout  the 
book  by  these  gratuitous  criticisms.  In  a  book,  even 
belonging  to  yourself,  it  is  well  to  use  the  pencil 
sparingly;  and  only  to  correct  an  error  of  the  press, 
or  a  chronological  mistake  of  the  author.  All  readers 
like  to  form  their  own  opinions  as  they  go  along, 
without  any  prompting  from  those  who  have  preceded 
them. 


236 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


Never,  on  any  consideration,  allow  yourself  to  lend 
a  borrowed  book.  If  requested  to  do  so,  it  should  be 
a  sufficient  excuse  to  say  that  ''it  is  not  your  own." 
But  if  still  urged,  persist  in  declining  steadily;  for  it 
is  a  liberty  you  have  no  right  to  take  with  any  article 
belonging  to  another.  Even  if  the  owner  is  your 
sister,  you  should  lend  nothing  of  hers  without  first 
obtaining  her  permission.  Whatever  you  borrow  your- 
self, should  pass  safely  from  your  hands  to  those  of 
the  owner.  If  a  friend  of  yours  is  very  desirous  of 
reading  a  borrowed  book,  and  has  no  other  means  of 
obtaining  it,  and  you  think  you  can  depend  on  her 
carefulness  and  punctuality,  (not  else,)  you  may  promise 
"  to  request  for  her  the  favour."  And  when  the  owner 
has  consented,  (and  not  till  then,)  you  may  transfer  the 
book  to  the  new  borrower  with  strict  injunctions  to  take 
great  care  of  it,  and  to  return  it  as  soon  as  possible. 

I  have  known  a  borrowed  book  travel  round  a  whole 
circle  of  relations  and  acquaintances,  till,  when  sent 
home  at  last,  it  was  literally  worn  out  by  dint  of  use. 
And  this  when  nearly  the  whole  set  were  persons  who 
could  well  afi'ord  to  buy  all  they  were  desirous  of 
reading.  Many  ladies  like  very  well  to  read  when 
they  can  do  so  at  the  cost  of  their  friends;  but  they 
seem  to  regard  the  purchase  of  any  thing  to  improve 
the  mind,  or  amuse  the  fancy,  as  throwing  away 
money  which  they  would  expend  more  to  their  satis- 
faction in  articles  of  personal  decoration.  And  is  it 
not  melancholy  to  see  an  intelligent  child  craving  in 
vain  for  books,  while  bedizened  with  finery  to  gratify 
the  vanity  of  an  ostentatious  mother  ? 


BORROWING. 


23T 


If,  with  the  permission  of  the  owner,  you  have  lent 
a  borrowed  book  to  a  person  who,  having  lost  or  in- 
jured it,  still  has  the  presumption  to  ask  you  to 
intercede  for  the  loan  of  another,  you  are  bound  to 
refuse  the  request ;  and  do  so  with  civility  but  steadi- 
ness, assigning  the  true  reason.  It  may  be  a  salutary 
lesson  to  that  borrower. 

Remember  never  to  send  home  any  article  in  a 
wrapper  of  newspaper.  Keep  always  in  the  house  a 
supply  of  good  wrapping-paper,  bought  for  the  pur- 
pose, and  also  of  balls  of  twine.  For  putting  up 
small  things,  what  is  called  shoe-paper  is  very  useful. 
It  is  both  nice  and  cheap,  selling  from  fifty  to  sixty 
cents  per  ream,  according  to  the  size,  and  there  are 
twenty  quires  in  a  ream.  There  are  varieties  of 
stronger  and  larger  WTapping-paper  for  articles  that 
require  such,  and  for  parcels  that  are  to  be  sent  to 
far-off  places,  or  to  go  by  public  conveyances.  Such 
packages  are  best  secured  by  red  tape  and  sealing- 
wax.  At  every  stationer's  may  be  purchased  all 
varieties  of  paper. 

Be  particularly  careful  of  borrowed  magazines,  as 
the  loss  of  one  number  spoils  a  whole  set,  and  you 
may  find  great  difficulty  in  replacing  a  lost  number. 
Even  a  newspaper  should  be  punctually  returned. 
The  owner  may  wish  to  file  it,  or  to  send  it  away  to  a 
friend.  If  lost  or  defaced  while  in  your  possession, 
send  to  the  publishing-office  and  buy  another.  It  is 
unsafe  to  leave  the  book  you  are  reading  in  the  par- 
lour of  a  hotel.    Always  carry  it  away  with  you, 


238 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


•whenever  you  quit  the  room — otherwise  you  will  be 
likely  to  see  it  no  more. 

In  America,  books  are  so  cheap  (not  to  mention  the 
numerous  public  libraries)  that  in  most  instances  all 
w^ho  can  afford  it  had  better  buy  than  borrow,  par- 
ticularly such  works  as  are  worth  a  second  reading. 
If  you  find  your  books  accumulating  inconveniently, 
give  away  a  portion  of  them  to  some  lover  of  reading, 
who,  less  fortunate  than  yourself,  is  unable  to  expend 
much  money  with  the  booksellers. 

I  have  often  wondered  to  see  a  fair  young  >stranger 
sitting  day  after  day,  idle  and  listless  in  the  drawling- 
room  of  a  hotel,  when  she  might  have  known  that 
there  were  bookstores  in  the  immediate  neighbourhood. 

If,  while  in  your  possession,  a  borrowed  book  is 
irreparably  injured,  it  is  your  duty  to  replace  it  by 
purchasing  for  the  owner  another  copy.  And,  if  that 
cannot  be  procured,  all  you  can  do  is  to  buy  a  work  of 
equal  value,  and  to  present  that^  as  the  only  compen- 
sation in  your  power.  Observe  the  same  rule  vath  all 
borrowed  articles,  lost  or  injured.  The  lender  is 
surely  not  the  person  to  suffer  from  the  carelessness 
of  the  borrower.  Leave  no  borrowed  books  in  the 
way  of  children,  and  never  give  a  young  child  a  book 
to  play  with.  Eat  no  cake  or  fruit  over  an  open 
book,  lest  it  be  greased  or  stained.  And  take  care 
not  to  blister  or  spoil  the  binding  by  putting  it  down 
in  a  wet  place,  for  instance,  on  a  slopped  table. 

Some  young  ladies  have  a  bad  habit  of  biting  their 
fingers,  especially  if  they  rejoice  in  handsome  hands ; 
and  the  same  ladies,  by  way  of  variety,  are  prone  to 


BORROWING. 


239 


bite  the  corners  of  books,  and  the  edges  of  closed  fans. 
So  it  is  dangerous  to  trust  these  articles  in  their 
vicinity.  We  have  seen  the  corners  of  an  elegant 
Annual  nearly  bitten  oif  at  a  centre-table  in  the 
course  of  one  evening.  And  we  have  seen  ice-cream 
eaten  and  wine  drank  over  an  open  port-folio  of 
beautiful  engravings. 

By-the-bye,  in  taking  up  a  print  to  look  at  it,  always 
extend  it  carefully  with  both  hands,  that  the  paper  may 
be  in  no  danger  of  cracking  or  rumpling,  which  it 
cannot  escape  if  held  but  in  one  hand,  particularly  if 
there  is  a  breeze  blowing  near  it.  To  show  a  large 
engraving  vfithout  risk  of  injury,  spread  it  out  smoothly 
on  a  table  ;  keeping  it  flat  by  means  of  books  or  other 
weights,  laid  carefully  down  on  the  corners,  and,  if  the 
plate  is  very  large,  at  the  sides  also.  And  let  no  one 
lean  their  elbows  upon  it. 

It  is  an  irksome  task  to  show  any  sort  of  picture  to 
people  who  have  neither  taste,  knowledge,  nor  enjoy- 
ment of  the  art.  There  are  persons  (ungenteel  ones, 
it  is  true)  who  seem  to  have  no  other  pleasure,  when 
looking  at  a  fine  print  or  picture,  than  in  trying  to 
discover  in  the  figures  or  faces,  fancied  resemblances 
to  those  of  some  individuals  of  their  own  circle : 
loudly  declaring  for  instance,  that,  "  Queen  Victoria  is 
the  very  image  of  Sarah  Smith;"  "Prince  Albert  an 
exact  likeness  of  Dick  Brown  ;"  "the  Duke  of  Welling- 
ton the  very  ditto  of  old  Captain  Jones,"  &c.  &c.  To 
those  "who  have  no  painting  in  their  souls,"  there  is 
little  use  in  shoAving  or  explaining  any  fine  specimen 
of  that  noblest  cT  the  fine  arts.    AYe  have  heard  a 


240 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


gentleman  doubting  whether  a  capital  portrait  of 
Franklin  was  not  General  Washington  in  his  every- 
day dress.  We  could  fill  pages  with  the  absurd  re- 
marks we  have  heard  on  pictures,  even  from  persons 
who  have  had  a  costly  education  put  at  them.  There  are 
ladies  who  can  with  difficulty  be  made  to  understand 
the  difference  between  a  painting  and  an  engraving — 
others  who  think  that  "  the  same  man  always  makes 
both."  Some  call  a  coloured  print  a  painting — others 
talk*  of  themselves  painting  pictures  in  albums — not 
understanding  that,  properly  speaking,  they  are  water- 
colour  drawings  when  done  on  paper  and  with  transpa- 
rent tintings — while  pictures  are  painted  with  oil  or 
opaque  colours  on  canvas  or  board.  Frescoes  are 
painted  on  new  walls  before  the  plastering  is  quite 
dry,  so  that  the  colours  incorporate  at  once  with  the 
plaster,  and  dry  along  with  it;  acquiring  in  that 
manner  a  surprising  permanency. 

There  is  another  very  common  error,  that  of  calling 

*  We  were  a  few  years  since,  told  by  one  of  our  principal  book- 
sellers that  a  young  lady  came  into  his  store  when  he  chanced  to 
be  at  the  counter  himself,  and,  showing  him  a  small  English  prayer- 
book  elegantly  bound,  and  with  fine  engravings,  she  enquired  if  he 
had  any  exactly  like  that.  On  his  replying  in  the  negative,  she 
desired  that  he  would  get  precisely  such  a  prayer-book  made  for 
her,  in  time  for  church  on  Sunday  morning — (it  was  then  Friday) 
— as  she  had  set  her  mind  on  it.  It  must  have  just  such  pictures, 
and  just  such  a  beautiful  gilt  cover.  He  endeavoured  in  vain  to 
convince  her  of  the  utter  impossibility  of  performing  this  feat  of 
having  one  single  book  printed,  and  bound,  with  plates  engraved 
purposely  for  it,  and  all  in  the  space  of  a  day  and  a  half.  She 
seemed  much  displeased,  and  went  away,  in  search,  as  she  said, 
of    bookseller  that  was  more  obliging.    ^  . 


EORROWINa. 


241 


a  diorama  a  panorama.  A  panorama,  correctly  speak- 
ing, is  a  large  circular  representation  of  one  place  only, 
(siich  as  Rome,  Athens,  Thebes,  Paris,)  comprising  as 
much  as  the  eye  can  take  in  at  a  view.  The  spec- 
tators, looking  from  an  elevated  platform  in  the  centre, 
see  the  painting  all  around  them  in  every  direction, 
and  appearing  the  size  of  reulity,  but  always  stationary. 
The  panoramas  exhibited  successively  in  London  by 
Barker,  Burford,  Catherwood  and  others,  are  admi- 
rable and  truthful  views  of  the  places  they  represent ; 
and  after  viewing  them  a  few  minutes,  you  can 
scarcely  believe  that  you  are  not  actually  there,  and 
looking  at  real  objects.  A  few  of  these  triumphs  of 
perspective  and  colouring,  have  been  brought  to  Ame- 
rica. It  were  much  to  be  wished  that  an  arrange- 
ment could  be  made  for  conveying  every  one  of  these 
fine  panoramas  successively  across  the  Atlantic,  and 
exhibiting  them  in  all  our  principal  cities.  It  would 
be  a*good  speculation. 

It  is  difficult  to  imagine  whence  originated  the 
mistake  of  calling  a  diorama  a  panorama,  which  it 
is  not.  A  diorama  is  one  of  those  numerous  flat- 
surface  paintings  of  which  we  have  had  so  many,  (and 
some  few  of  them  very  good,)  and  which,  moving  on 
unseen  rollers,  glide  or  slide  along,  displaying  every 
few  minutes  a  new  portion  of  the  scenery. 

The  error  has  grown  so  common  that  persons  fall  '' 
habitually  into  it,  though  knowing  all  the  time  that  it 
is  an  error.    To  correct  it,  let  the  exhibiters  of  dio- 
ramas cease  to  call  them  panoramas,  and  give  them 
their  proper  name,  both  in  their  advertisements  and 


242 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


in  their  verbal  descriptions.  Sebron's  magnificent 
representation  of  the  departure  of  the  Israelites,  that 
looked  so  amazingly  real,  was  not  a  diorama,  for  it 
did  not  move,  and  not  a  panorama,  for  it  was  not  cir- 
cular. But  it  was  a  colossal  picture,  so  excellent 
that  at  the  first  glance  it  seemed  to  be  no  picture  at 
all,  but  the  real  scene,  with  the  real  people. 


OFFENCES. 


243 


CHAPTEH  XVIIL 

OFFENCES. 

If  the  visits  of  an  acquaintance  become  less  fre- 
quent than  formerly,  tlie  falling  off  is  not  always  to 
be  imputed  to  want  of  regard  for  you,  or  to  having 
lost  all  pleasure  in  your  society.  The  cause  may  be 
want  of  time,  removal  to  a  distance,  precarious  health, 
care  of  children,  absence  from  town,  family  troubles, 
depressed  fortunes,  and  various  other  circumstances. 
Also,  with  none  of  these  causes,  visiting  may  gradually 
and  almost  insensibly  decline,  and  neither  of  the 
parties  have  the  slightest  dislike  to  each  other.  If  no 
offence  has  been  intended,  none  should  be  taken ;  and 
Avhen  you  chance  to  meet,  instead  of  consuming  the 
time  in  complaints  of  estrangement,  meet  as  if  your 
intercourse  had  never  been  interrupted,  and  you  will 
find  it  very  easy  to  renew  it ;  and  perhaps  on  a  better 
footing  than  before.  The  renewal  should  be  marked 
by  a  prompt  interchange  of  special  invitations — 
followed  by  visits. 

Unless  your  rooms  are  spacious,  you  cannot  have 
what  is  called  a  large  general  party.  Some  of  your 
acquaintances  must  be  omitted,  and  all  that  are  left 
out,  are  generally  offended.    Therefore  it  is  not  well 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


ever  to  have  sucli  partieSj  unless  your  accommodations 
are  ample.  Squeezes  are  out  of  fashion  in  the  best 
American  society.  We  have  heard  of  parties  at  great 
houses  in  London,  where,  after  the  rooms  were  crowded 
to  suffocation,  a  large  portion  of  the  company  had  to 
pass  the  evening  on  the  stairs;  and  where  coaches, 
unable  to  draw  up  from  the  immense  number  of  these 
vehicles  that  were  in  advance,  had  to  remain  all  night 
at  the  foot  of  the  line,  with  ladies  sitting  in  them. 
When  morning  came,  they  had  to  turn  back,  and 
drive  home,  the  carriages  being  all  they  saw  of  the 
party. 

It  is  better  to  give  two  or  three  moderate  enter- 
tainments in  the  course  of  the  season,  than  to  crowd 
your  rooms  uncomfortably;  and  even  then  to  risk 
giving  offence  to  those  who  could  not  be  added  to  the 
number. 

If  such  offence  has  been  given,  try  to  atone  for  it 
by  inviting  the  offended  to  dine  with  you,  or  to  pass 
an  evening,  and  asking  at  the  same  time  a  few  pleasant 
people  whom  you  know  she  likes. 

You  may  have  a  very  intimate  and  sincere  friend 
who  does  not  find  it  convenient  to  send  for  you  every 
time  she  has  company.  If,  in  all  things  else,  she 
treats  you  with  uniform  kindness,  and  gives  reason 
to  believe  that  she  has  a  true  affection  for  you,  pass 
over  these  occasional  omissions  of  invitation,  and 
do  not  call  her  to  account,  or  treat  her  coolly 
when  you  see  her.  True  friendship  ought  not  de- 
pend upon  parties.  It  should  be  based  on  a  better 
foundation. 


OFFENCES. 


245 


If  no  answer  is  returned  to  a  note  of  invitation,  bo 
not  hasty  in  supposing  that  the  omission  has  sprung 
from  rudeness  or  neglect.  Trust  that  your  friend  is 
neither  rude  nor  neglectful;  and  believe  that  the  an- 
swer was  duly  sent,  but  that  it  miscarried  from  some 
accidental  circumstance, 

A  friend  may  inadvertently  say  something  that 
you  do  not  like  to  hear,  or  may  make  a  remark  that 
is  not  pleasant  to  you.  Unless  it  is  prefaced  with  a 
previous  apology;  or  unless  she  desires  you  "not  to 
be  offended  at  what  she  is  going  to  say;"  or  unless 
she  informs  you  that  ''she  considers  it  her  duty  always 
to  speak  her  mind," — you  have  no  right  to  suppose  the 
offence  premeditated,  and  therefore  you  should  restrain 
your  temper,  and  calmly  endeavour  to  convince  her 
that  she  is  wrong;  or  else  acknowledge  that  she  is 
right.  She  ought  then  to  apologize  for  what  she  said, 
and  you  should  immediately  change  the  subject,  and 
never  again  refer  to  it.  In  this  way  quarrels  may  be 
prevented,  and  ill-feeling  crushed  in  the  bud.  When 
what  is  called  "a  coolness"  takes  place  between, 
friends,  the  longer  it  goes  on  the  more  difficult  it  is 
to  get  over.  But  "better  late  than  never."  If,  on 
consideration,  you  find  that  you  were  in  the  wrong, 
let  no  false  pride,  no  stubborn  perverseness  prevent 
you  from  making  that  acknowledgement.  If  your 
friend,  on  her  part,  first  shows  a  desire  for  reconcili- 
ation, meet  her  half-way.  A  vindictive  disposition  is 
a  bad  one,  and  revenge  is  a  most  unchristian  feeling. 
People  of  sense  (unless  the  injury  is  very  great,  and 

of  lasting  consequences)  are  easy  to  appease,  because 
21- 


246 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


tliej  generally  have  good  feelings,  and  know  how  to 
listen  to  reason.    Dr.  Watts  most  truly  says — 

"  The  wise  will  let  their  anger  cool, 
At  least  before  'tis  night; 
But  in  the  bosom  of  a  fool, 
It  burns  till  morning  light." 

Should  you  chance  to  be  thrown  into  the  presence 
of  persons  who  have  proved  themselves  your  enemies, 
and  with  whom  you  can  have  no  intercourse,  say 
nothing  either  to  them  or  at  them;  and  do  not  place 
yourself  in  their  vicinity.  To  talk  at  a  person,  is 
mean  and  vulgar.  Those  who  do  it  are  fully  capable 
of  writing  anonymous  and  insulting  letters ;  and  they 
often  do  so.  High-minded  people  will  always  be 
scrupulously  careful  in  observing  toward  those  with 
whom  they  are  at  variance,  all  the  ceremonies  usual 
in  polite  society — particularly  the  conventional  civili- 
ties of  the  table. 

If  you  have,  unfortunately,  had  a  quarrel  with  a 
friend,  talk  of  it  to  others  as  little  as  possible ;  lest  in 
the  heat  of  anger,  you  may  give  an  exaggerated  ac- 
count, and  represent  your  adversary  in  darker  colours 
than  she  deserves.  You  may  be  very  sure  these  mis- 
representations will  reach  her  ear,  and  be  greatly 
magnified  by  every  successive  relator.  In  this  way  a 
trifle  may  be  swelled  into  importance ;  a  mole-hill  may 
become  a  mountain;  and  a  slight  affront  may  embitter 
the  feelings  of  future  years.  "Blessed  are  the  peace- 
makers,"— and  a  mutual  friend,  if  well-disposed  toward 
both  opponents,  generally  has  it  in  her  powder  to  effect 


OFFENCES. 


247 


a  reconciliation,  by  repeating,  kindly,  any  favourable 
remark  she  may  chance  to  have  heard  one  of  th* 
offended  parties  make  on  the  other.  In  truth,  we 
Tvish  it  were  the  universal  custom  for  all  people  to  tell 
other  people  whatever  good  they  may  hear  of  them — 
instead  of  the  wicked  and  hateful  practice  of  telling 
only  the  bad.  Make  it  a  rule  to  repeat  to  your  friends 
all  the  pleasant  remarks  that  (as  far  as  you  know)  are 
made  on  them,  and  you  will  increase  their  happiness, 
and  your  own  popularity.  We  do  not  mean  that  you 
should  flatter  them,  by  reciting  compliments  that  are 
not  true;  but  truth  is  not  flattery,  and  there  is  no 
reason  why  agreeable  truths  should  not  always  be 
told.  There  would  then  be  far  more  kind  feeling  in 
■  the  world.  Few  persons  are  so  bad  as  not  to  have 
some  good  in  them.  Let  them  hear  of  the  good. 
Few  are  so  ugly  as  not  to  have  about  them  something 
commendable  even  externally,  if  it  is  only  a  becoming 
dress.  Let  them  hear  of  that  dress.  Flattery  is 
praise  without  foundation.  To  tell  a  person  with 
heavy,  dull  gray  eyes,  that  her  eyes  are  of  a  bright 
and  beautiful  blue ;  to  talk  of  her  golden  locks  to  a 
woman  with  positive  red  hair  of  the  tint  called 
carroty;  to  tell  a  long,  thin,  stoop-shouldered  girl, 
that  she  possesses  the  light  and  airy  form  of  a  sylph ; 
or  a  short-necked,  fat  one  that  her  figure  has  the 
dignity  of  an  empress;  to  assure  a  faded  matron 
that  she  looks  like  a  young  girl;  to  fall  into  rap- 
tures on  listening  to  bad  music,  or  when  viewing  a 
drawing  that  depicts  nothing  intelligible ;  or  praising 
album  poetry  that  has  neither  "rhyme  nor  reason," — 


248 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


all  this  is  gross  flattery,  whicli  the  object  (if  she  has 
any  sense)  will  easily  detect,  and  suspect  that  you  are 
trying  experiments  on  her  vanity  and  credulity. 

Still  where  agreeable  qualities  really  exist,  it  is  not 
amiss  to  allude  to  them  delicately.  It  will  give  plea- 
sure without  compromising  veracity. 

When  any  thing  complimentary  is  said  to  you, 
acknowledge  it  by  a  bow  and  smile,  but  do  not  at- 
tempt an  answer  unless  you  can  say  something  in 
return  that  will  be  equally  sincere  and  pleasant. 
Most  probably  you  cannot;  therefore  look  gratified, 
and  bow  your  thanks,  but  remain  silent.  Few  ladies 
are  distinguished,  like  the  Harriet  Byron  of  Grandi- 
son,  for  a  very  pretty  manner  of  returning  a  com- 
pliment." Do  not  reject  the  compliment  by  pretend- 
ing to  prove  that  you  do  not  deserve  it.  But  if  it  is 
a  piece  of  bare-faced  flattery,  the  best  answer  is  to  look 
gravely,  and  say  or  do  nothing. 

Should  you  chance  accidentally  to  overhear  a  re- 
mark to  your  disadvantage,  consider  first  if  there  may 
not  be  some  truth  in  it.  If  you  feel  that  there  is,  turn 
it  to  profitable  account,  and  try  to  improve,  or  to  get 
rid  of  the  fault,  whatever  it  may  be.  But  never  show 
resentment  at  any  thing  not  intended  for  your  ear, 
unless  it  is  something  of  such  vital  importance  as  to 
render  it  necessary  that  you  should  come  forward  in 
self-defence.  These  instances,  however,  are  of  rare 
occurrence. 

If  you  are  so  placed  that  you  can  hear  the  con- 
versation of  persons  who  are  talking  ecbout  you, 
it  is  very  mean  to  sit  there  and   listen,  Imme- 


OFFEis^CES. 


249 


diately  remove  to  a  distance  far  enough  to  be  out  of 
hearing. 

It  is  a  proverb  that  listeners  seldom  hear  any  good 
of  themselves.  It  were  a  pity  if  they  should.  Eaves- 
dropping or  listening  beneath  an  open  window,  the 
crack  of  a  door,  or  through  a  key-hole,  are  as  dis- 
honourable as  to  pick  pockets. 


250 


THE  BEHAVIOUK  BOOK. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

OBLIGATIONS  TO  GENTLEMEN. 

In  her  intercourse  with  gentlemen,  a  lady  should 
take  care  to  avoid  all  pecuniary  obligations.  The  civi- 
lity that  a  gentleman  conventionally  owes  to  a  lady  is 
a  suiScient  tax — more  she  has  no  right  to  expect,  or  to 
accept.  A  man  of  good  sense,  and  of  true  politeness, 
will  not  be  oifended  at  her  unwillingness  to  become  his 
debtor.  On  the  contrary,  he  will  respect  her  delicacy, 
and  approve  her  dignity ;  and  consent  at  once  to  her 
becoming  her  own  banker  on  all  occasions  where  ex- 
pense is  to  be  incurred.  This  is  the  custom  in 
Europe  ;  and  is,  in  most  cases,  a  very  good  one. 

Yfhen  invited  to  join  a  party  to  a  place  of  amuse- 
ment, let  her  consent,  if  she  wishes ;  but  let  her  state 
expressly  that  it  is  only  on  condition  of  being  per- 
mitted to  pay  for  her  own  ticket.  If  she  steadily 
adheres  to  this  custom,  it  will  soon  be  understood  that 
such  is  always  her  commendable  practice;  and  she 
can  then,  with  perfect  proprietjr,  at  any  time,  ask  for 
a  seat  among  friends  who  intend  going.  To  thia 
accommodation  she  could  not  invite  herself,  if  in  the 
continual  habit  of  visiting  public  places  at  the  ex- 
pense of  others.  The  best  time  for  a  lady  to  pay  for 
herself  is  to  put  her  money  into  the  hand  of  the  gen- 


OBLIGATIONS  TO  GENTLEMEN. 


251 


tleman  previous  to  their  departure  for  tlie  place  of 
performance.  He  will  not  be  so  rude  as  to  refuse  to 
take  it.  If  he  does  refuse,  she  should  evince  her  re- 
sentment by  going  with  him  no  more. 

Young  men  of  limited  means  are  frequently  drawn 
into  expenses  they  can  ill  afford,  by  being  acquainted 
with  young  ladies  who  profess  a  passion  for  equestrian 
exercises' — a  most  inconvenient  passion  for  one  who 
has  not  a  horse  of  her  own,  or  who  lives  in  a  family 
where  no  horses  are  kept.  If  her  gentleman  is 
obliged  to  hire,  not  only  a  horse  for  himself,  but  also 
one  for  the  lady,  let  her  have  sufficient  consideration 
not  to  propose  to  him  that  they  should  take  rides 
together — and  let  her  not  draw  him  into  an  invitation, 
by  her  dwelling  excessively  on  the  delight  of  horse- 
back excursions.  In  cities,  these  rides  are  expensive 
luxuries  to  those  who  keep  no  horses.  Few  city  ladies 
ride  well,  (even  if  they  have  been  at  riding-school,)  for 
want  of  daily  practice  out  of  doors.  They  are  not 
exactly  at  ease  on  the  hors.e,  and  always  seem  some- 
what afraid  of  him ;  at  least  till  they  are  "  off  the 
stones,"  and  out  in  the  open  country.  While  in  the 
streets,  the  rare  sight  of  a  lady  on  horseback  attracts 
much  attention,  and  a  crowd  of  boys  gathers  round  to 
see  her  mount  her  steed,  or  alight  from  it.  This  to  a 
young  lady  of  delicacy  is  very  embarrassing,  or  ought 
to  be. 

In  the  country,  the  case  is  totally  different.  There, 
"practice  makes  perfect."  The  ladies,  being  ac- 
customed to  riding  their  own  horses  from  childhood, 
acquire  the  art  without  any  trouble,  have  no  fear,  feel 


252 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


perfectly  at  home  in  the  saddle,  and  therefore  sit 
gracefully,  and  manage  their  steeds  easily.  And  as 
every  country  gentleman  has  a  riding-horse  of  his 
own,  he  can  accompany  a  lady  without  the  expense  of 
hiring. 

Lay  no  wagers  with  gentlemen,  and  have  no  philo- 
penas  with  them.  In  betting  with  a  lady,  it  is  cus- 
tomary for  the  gentleman  to  pay  whether  he  wins  or 
loses.  What  then  does  the  wager  im.ply,  but  a  rapa- 
cious and  mean  desire  on  the  part  of  the  lady  to  "  get 
a  present  out  of  him" — as  such  ladies  would  express 
it.  No  delicate  and  refined  female  ever  bets  at  all. 
It  is  a  very  coarse  and  masculine  way  of  asserting  an 
opinion  or  a  belief ;  and  always  reminds  gentlemen  of 
the  race-course,  or  the,  gaming-table. 

We  disapprove  of  ladies  going  to  charity-fairs  in  the 
evening,  when  they  require  a  male  escort — and  when 
that  escort  is  likely  to  be  drawn  into  paying  exorbi- 
tant prices  for  gifts  to  his  fair  companion — particu- 
larly, if  induced  to  do  so  from  the  fear  of  appearing 
mean,  or  of  being  thought  wanting  in  benevolence. 
In  the  evening,  the  young  ladies  who  ''have  tables," 
are  apt  to  become  especially  importunate  in  urging 
the  sale  of  their  goods — and  appear  to  great  disad- 
vantage as  imitation-shop-keepers,  exhibiting  a  bold- 
ness in  teazing  that  no  real  saleswoman  would  pre- 
sume to  display.  Then  the  crowd  is  generally  great ;  the 
squeezing  and  pushing  very  uncomfortable  ;  and  most 
of  the  company  far  from  genteel.  Ladies  who  are 
ladies,  should  only  visit  fancy-fairs  in  the  day-time, 
when  they  can  go  without  gentlemen ;  none  of  whom 


OBLIGATIONS  TO  GENTLEMEN. 


253 


take  mucli  pleasure  in  tliis  mode  of  raising  money ;  or 
rather  of  levying  contributions  for  special  purposes. 
There  are  other  ways  that  are  more  lady-like,  more 
effective,  less  fatiguing,  and  more  satisfactory  to  all 
concerned — and  far  less  detrimental  to  the  interests 
of  the  numerous  poor  women  who  get  their  living  by 
their  needles,  or  by  their  ingenuity  in  making  orna- 
mental nick-nacks  for  sale,  and  who  ask  but  a  fair 
price  for  them.  Dress-makers  are  frequently  induced 
to  keep  back  portions  of  silk,  the  rightful  property  of 
their  customers,  vfho  may  afterwards  be  put  to  great 
inconvenience  for  want  of  them,  when  the  dress  is  to 
be  altered  or  repaired.  And  these  pieces  are  given  to 
the  ladies  who  go  about  begging  for  materials  to  make 
pincushions,  &c.  for  fancy-fairs.  This  is  dishonest. 
Let  them  go  to  a  store  and  buy  small  pieces  of  silk, 
velvet,  ribbon,  and  whatever  they  want  for  these 
purposes. 

If  you  have  occasion  to  send  by  a  gentleman  a 
package  to  a  transportation-office,  give  him  along 
with  it  the  money  to  pay  for  its  carriage.  If  you 
borrow  change,  (even  one  cent,)  return  it  to  him 
punctually.  He  ought  to  take  it  as  a  thing  of  course, 
without  any  comment.  When  you  commission  him  to 
buy  any  thing  for  you,  if  you  know  the  price,  give  the 
money  beforehand ;  otherwise,  pay  it  as  soon  as  he 
brings  the  article.  Do  all  such  things  promptly,  lest 
they  should  escape  your  memory  if  delayed. 

When  visiting  a  fancy-store  with  a  gentleman,  re- 
frain from  excessively  admiring  any  handsome  or 

expensive  article  you  may  chance  to  see  there.  Above 

-  22 


254 


THE  BEIIAVIOUK  BOOK. 


all,  express  no  Yv^isli  that  you  were  able  to  buy  it,  and 
no  regret  that  you  cannot,  lest  he  should  construe 
these  extreme  tokens  of  admirati^^  into  hints  that 
you  wish  him  to  buy  it  for  you.  To  allovf  him  to  do 
so,  would  on  your  part  be  very  mean  and  indelicate, 
and  on  his  very  foolish. 

It  ought  to  be  a  very  painful  office  (and  is  a  very 
improper  one)  for  young  ladies  to  go  round  soliciting 
from  gentlemen  subscriptions  for  charitable  purposes. 
Still  it  is  done.  Subscription-papers  should  only  be 
olfered  by  persons  somewhat  advanced  in  life,  and  of 
undoubted  respectability — and  then  the  application 
should  be  made,  exclusively,  to  those  whose  circum- 
stances are  known  to  be  affluent.  People  who  have 
not  much  to  give,  generally  prefer  giving  that  little 
to  objects  of  charity  within  their  own  knoAvledge. 
Who  is  there  that  does  not  know  a  poor  family? 
And  without  actually  giving  money,  (which  in  too 
many  instances,  is  immediately  appropriated  by  a 
drunken  husband  to  supply  himself  with  more  drink,) 
much  may  be  done  to  procure  a  few  comforts  for  a 
miserable  wife  and  children. 

When  you  ask  money  for  a  charitable  purpose,  do 
so  only  when  quite  alone  with  the  person  to  whom 
you  apply.  It  is  taking  an  undue  advantage  to  make 
the  request  in  presence  of  others — particularly  if,  as 
before  observed,  there  is  not  wealth  as  well  as  benevo- 
lence. There  is  a  time  for  all  things — and  young 
ladies  are  deservedly  unpopular  when,  even  in  the 
cause  of  charity,  they  seize  every  opportunity  to  levy 
contributions  on  the  purses  of  gentlemen. 


OBLIGATIONS  TO  GENTLEMEN. 


255 


It  is  wrong  to  trouble  gentlemen  with  commissions 
that  may  cause  them  inconvenience  or  expense.  In 
the  awful  days  of  bandboxes,  unfortunate  young  men 
riding  in  stages  were  sometimes  required  to  convey 
one  of  these  cumbrous  receptacles  of  bonnets  and  caps 
a  day's  journey  upon  their  knees,  to  save  it  from  rain 
outside.  Sometimes  an  immense  package  containing 
an  immense  shawl.  We  knew  an  officer  who,  by 
particular  desire,  actually  carried  three  great  shawls 
several  hundred  miles;  each  bundle  to  be  delivered  at 
a  different  house  in  *Hhe  City  of  Magnificent  Dis- 
tances." But  as  to  officers,  "sufferance  is  the  badge 
of  all  their  tribe."  Now  these  shawls  should  all  have 
been  sent  by  the  public  line,  even  if  the  transportation 
did>  cost  something. 

We  repeat,  that  a  lady  cannot  be  too  particular  in 
placing  herself  under  obligations  to  a  gentleman. 
She  should  scrupulously  avoid  .it  in  every  little  thing 
that  may  involve  him  in  expense  on  her  account. 
And  he  will  respect  her  the  more. 


256 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOS, 


CHAPTER  XX. 

CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN. 

'  On  being  introduced  to  a  female  writer,  it  is  rude  to 
say  that  "you  have  long  had  a  great  curiosity  to  see 
her."  Curiosity  is  not  the  right  word.  It  is  polite  to 
imply  that,  "knowing  her  well  by  reputation,  you  are 
glad  to  have  an  opportunity  of  making  her  personal 
acquaintance."  Say  nothing  concerning  her  writings, 
unless  you  chance  to  be  alone  with  her.  Take  care 
not  to  speak  of  her  first  work  as  being  her  best;  for 
if  it  is  really  so,  she  must  have  been  retrograding 
from  that  time ;  a  falling  off  that  she  will  not  like  to 
hear  of.  Perhaps  the  truth  may  be,  that  you  your- 
self have  read  only  her  first  work ;  and  if  you  tell  her 
this,  she  will  not  be  much  flattered  in  supposing  that 
you,  in  reality,  cared  so  little  for  her  first  book,  as  to 
feel  no  desire  to  try  a  second.  But  she  will  be  really 
gratified  to  learn  that  you  are  acquainted  with  most 
of  her  writings ;  and,  in  the  course  of  conversation,  it 
will  be  very  pleasant  for  her  to  hear  you  quote  some- 
thing from  them. 

If  she-  is  a  writer  of  fiction,  and  you  presume  to 
take  the  liberty  of  criticising  her  works,  (as  you  may 
at  her  own  request,  or  if  you  are  her  intimate  friend,) 
refrain  from  urging  that  certain  incidents  are  improha- 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN. 


257 


hle^  and  certain  characters  unnatural.  Of  this  it  is 
impossible  for  you  to  judge,  unless  you  could  have 
lived  the  very  same  life  that  she  has ;  known  exactly 
the  same  people;  and  inhabited  with  her  the  same 
places.  Remember  always  that  "Truth  is  stranger 
than  fiction."  The  French  say — "Le  vrai  n'est  pas 
toujours  le  plus  vraisemblable," — which,  literally  trans- 
lated, means  that  ''Truth  is  not  always  the  most  truth- 
like." Also,  be  it  understood  that  a  woman  of  quick 
perception  and  good  memory  can  see  and  recollect  a 
thousand  things  which  would  never  be  noticed  or 
remembered  by  an  obtuse  or  shallow,  common-place 
capacity.  And  the  intellect  of  a  good  WTiter  of  fiction 
is  always  brightened  by  the  practice  of  taking  in  and 
laying  up  ideas  with  a  view  toward  turning  them  to 
professional  use.  Trust  in  her,  and  believe  that  she 
has  painted  from  life.  A  sensible  fictionist  always 
does.  At  the  same  time,  be  not  too  curious  in 
questioning  her  as  to  the  identity  of  her  personages 
and  the  reality  of  her  incidents.  You  have  no  right 
to  expect  that  she  will  expose  to  you,  or  to  any  one 
else,  her  process  of  arranging  the  story,  bringing  out 
the  characters,  or  concocting  the  dialogue.  The 
machinery  of  her  work,  and  the  hidden  springs  which 
set  it  in  motion,  she  naturally  wishes  to  keep  to  her- 
self; and  she  cannot  be  expected  to  lay  them  hare  for 
the  gratification  of  impertinent  curiosity,  letting  them 
become  subjects  of  idle  gossip.  Be  satisfied  to  take 
her  works  as  you  find  them.  If  you  like  them,  read 
and  commend  them;  but  do  not  ask  her  to  conduct 

you  behind  the  scenes,  and  show  you  the  mysteries  of 

22* 


25B 


THE  EEIIAVIOUPt  BOOK. 


her  art — for  writing  is  really  an  art,  and  one  tliat 
cannot  be  acquired,  to  any  advantage,  without  a  cer- 
tain amount  of  talent,  taste,  and  cultivation,  to  say 
nothing  of  genius.  What  right  have  you  to  expect 
that  your  literary  friend  will  trust  you  with  "the 
secrets  of  her  prison-house,"  and  put  it  into  your 
power  to  betray  her  confidence  by  acquainting  the 
world  that  a  certain  popular  novelist  has  informed 
you  with  her  own  lips  ("but  it  must  on  no  account  be 
mentioned,  as  the  disclosure  would  give  mortal  offence, 
and  create  for  her  hosts  of  enemies,")  that  by  her 
character  of  Fanny  Gadfly  she  really  means  Lucy 
Giddings;  that  Mr.  Hardcastle  signifies  Mr.  Stone; 
that  Old  Wigmore  was  modelled  on  no  less  a  person 
than  Isaac  Baldwin;  that  Mrs.  Baskings  was  taken 
from  Mrs.  Sunning ;  and  Mrs.  Babes  from  Mrs.  Chil- 
ders — &c.  &c.  Also,  do  not  expect  her  to  tell  you  on 
what  facts  her  incidents  were  founded,  and  whether 
there  was  any  truth  in  them,  or  if  they  were  mere 
invention. 

Be  not  inquisitive  as  to  the  length  of  time  con- 
sumed in  writing  this  book  or  that — or  how  soon  the 
work  now  on  hand  will  be  finished.  It  can  scarcely 
be  any  concern  of  yours,  and  the  writer  may  have  rea- 
sons for  keeping  back  the  information.  Rest  assured 
that  whenever  a  public  announcement  of  a  new  book 
is  expedient,  it  will  certainly  be  made  in  print. 

There  are  persons  so  rude  as  to  question  a  literary 
woman  (even  on  a  slight  acquaintance)  as  to  the  re- 
muneration she  receives  for  her  writings — in  plain 
terms,  "How  much  did  you  get  for  that?  and  how 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN* 


259 


mncli  are  you  to  have  for  this  ?  And  how  much  do 
you  make  in  the  course  of  a  year  ?  And  how  much  a 
pa^e  do  you  get?  And  how  many  pages  can  you 
write  in  a  day  ?" 

To  any  impertinent  questions  from  a  stranger-lady 
concerning  the  profits  of  your  pen,  reply  concisely, 
that  these  things  are  secrets  between  yourself  and 
your  publishers.  If  you  kindly  condescend  to  answer 
without  evasion,  these  polite  enquiries,  you  will  pro- 
bably hear  such  exclamations  as,  ''Why,  really — you 
must  be  coining  money.  I  think  I'll  write  books 
myself!    There  can't  be  a  better  trade,"  &c. 

Ignorant  people  always  suppose  that  popular  writers 
are  wonderfully  well-paid — and  must  be  making  rapid 
fortunes — because  they  neither  starve  in  garrets,  nor 
wear  rags — at  least  in  America. 

Never  ask  one  writer  what  is  her  real  opinion  of  a 
cotemporary  author.  She  may  be  unwilling  to  entrust 
it  to  you,  as  she  can  have  no  guarantee  that  you  will 
not  whisper  it  round  till  it  gets  into  print.  If  she 
voluntarily  expresses  her  own  opinion  of  another 
writer,  and  it  is  unfavourable,  be  honourable  enough 
not  to  repeat  it;  but  guard  it  sedulously  from  be- 
trayal, and  avoid  mentioning  it  to  any  one. 

When  in  company  with  literary  women,  make  no 
allusions  to  "learned  ladies,"  or  "blue  stockings,"  or 
express  surprise  that  they  should  have  any  knowledge 
of  housewifery,  or  needle-work,  or  dress  ;  or  that  they 
are  able  to  talk  on  "common  things."  It  is  rude  and 
foolish,  and  shows  that  you  really  know  nothing  about 
them,  either  as  a  class  or  as  individuals. 


260 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


Never  tell  an  anthoress  that  "you  are  afraid  of 
lier" — or  entreat  lier  "  not  to  put  you  into  a  book." 
Be  assured  there  is  no  danger. 

An  authoress  has  seldom  leisure  to  entertain  morn- 
ing visiters ;  so  much  of  her  time  being  professionally 
occupied  either  in  writing,  or  in  reading  what  will 
prepare  her  for  writing.  She  should  apprize  all  her 
friends  of  the  hours  in  which  she  is  usually  engaged ; 
and  then  none  who  are  really  her  friends  and  well- 
wdshers,  will  encroach  upon  her  convenience  for  any 
purpose  of  their  own ;  unless  under  extraordinary 
circumstances.  To  tell  her  that  you  were  ''just  pass- 
ing by,"  or  "just  in  the  neighbourhood,"  and  "just 
thought  you  would  stop  in,"  is  a  very  selfish,  or  at 
least  a  very  inconsiderate  excuse.  Is  she  to  suppose 
that  you  do  not  consider  her  conversation  worthy  of  a 
visit  made  on  purpose  ? 

Eecollect  that  to  a  woman  vfho  gets  her  living  by 
her  pen,  "time  is  money,"  as  it  is  to  an  artist. 
Therefore,  encroaching  on  her  time  is  lessening  her 
income.  And  yet  how  often  is  this  done  (either 
heedlessly  or  selfishly)  by  persons  professing  to  be 
her  friends,  and  who  are  habitually  in  the  practice  of 
interrupting  her  in  her  writing  hours,  which  should 
always  be  in  the  morning,  if  possible.  They  think 
it  sufficient  to  say,  like  Paul  Pry,  "  I  hope  I  don't 
intrude" — knowing  all  the  time  that  they  do^  and  pre- 
tending to  believe  her  Avhen  civility  obliges  her  to  tell 
them  they  do  not.  Even  if  the  visit  is  not  a  long  one, 
it  is  still  an  interruption.  In  one  minute  it  may  break 
a  chain  of  ideas  which  cannot  be  reunited,  dispel 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN.  261 

thoughts  that  can  never  be  recalled,  disturb  the  con- 
struction of  a  sentence,  and  obliterate  a  recollection 
that  will  not  return.  And  to  all  this  the  literary  lady 
must  submit,  because  her  so-called  friend  "chanced  to 
be  out  that  morning  shopping" — or  "happened  to  be 
visiting  in  that  part  of  the  town" — and  therefore  has 
called  on  her  by  way  of  "  killing  two  birds  with  one 
stone."  Very  likely,  the  visiter  will  say  to  the  unfor- 
tunate visited,  "  I  know  it  is  inconvenient  to  you  to  see 
your  friends  in  the  morning,  but  I  never  feel  like  going 
out  in  the  afternoon.  As  soon  as  dinner  is  over  I  must 
have  my  nap  ;  and  by  the  time  that  is  finished,  it  is  too 
late  for  any  thing  else," 

In  consequence  of  these  ill-timed  visits,  the  printer 
may  have  to  send  in  vain  for  "  copy"  that  is  not  yet 
ready ;  and  an  article  written  expressly  for  a  maga- 
zine may  arrive  too  late  for  the  next  month,  and  be 
therefore  deferred  a  month  later,  which  may  subject 
her  not  only  to  inconvenience,  but  to  actual  pecuniary 
loss — loss  of  money.  Or,  at  least,  the  interruption 
may  compel  her  to  the  painful  effort  of  trying  to 
finish  it  even  by  sitting  up  late  at  night,  and  straining 
her  weary  eyes  by  lamp-light.  Yet  this  she  must 
endure  because  it  suits  an  idle  and  thoughtless  friend 
to  make  her  a  long  and  inopportune  visit.  The  chil- 
dren of  the  pen  and  the  pencil  might  say  to  these 
intruders,  like  the  frogs  in  the  pond  when  the  boys 
were  pelting  them  with  stones—"  This  may  be  sport 
to  you,  but  it  is  death  to  us." 

If,  when  admitted  into  her  study,  you  should  find 
her  writing-table  in  what  appears  to  you  like  great 


262 


THE  BEHAVIOim  BOOK. 


confusion,  recollect  that  there  is  really  no  wit  in  a 
remark  too  common  on  such  occasions, — Why,  you 
look  quite  littery," — a  poor  play  on  the  words  literary 
and  litter.  In  all  probability,  she  knows  precisely 
where  to  lay  her  hand  upon  every  paper  on  the  table : 
having  in  reality  placed  them  exactly  to  suit  her  con- 
venience. Though  their  arrangement  may  be  quite 
unintelligible  to  the  uninitiated,  there  is  no  doubt 
method  (her  own  method,  at  least)  in  their  apparent 
disorder.  It  is  not  likely  she  may  have  time  to  put 
her  writing  table  in  nice-looking  order  every  day.  To 
have  it  done  by  servants  is  out  of  the  question,  as  they 
would  make  "confusion  worse  confounded;"  being  of 
course  unable  to  comprehend  how  such  a  table  should 
be  arranged. 

If  you  chance  to  find  an  authoress  occupied  with 
her  needle,  express  no  astonishment,  and  refrain  from 
exclaiming,  "What!  can  you  sew?"  or,  "I  never 
supposed  a  literary  lady  could  even  hem  a  hand- 
kerchief!" 

This  is  a  false,  and  if  expressed  in  words,  an  insulting 
idea.  A  large  number  of  literary  females  are  excel- 
lent needle-women,  and  good  housewives ;  and  there 
is  no  reason  why  they  should  not  be.  The  same 
vigour  of  character  and  activity  of  intellect  which 
renders  a  woman  a  good  writer,  will  also  enable  her  to 
acquire  with  a  quickness,  almost  intuitive,  a  competent 
knowledge  of  household  affairs,  and  of  the  art  of  needle- 
work. And  she  will  find,  upon  making  the  attempt, 
that,  with  a  little  time  and  a  little  perseverance,  she 
may  become  as  notable  a  personage  (both  in  theory 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN. 


263 


and  practice)  as  if  slie  had  never  read  a  book,  or 
written  a  page. 

The  Dora  of  David  Copperfield  is  an  admirable 
illustration  of  the  fact  that  a  sillj,  illiterate  woman 
may  be  the  worst  of  housewives.  Dickens  has  un- 
questionably painted  this  character  exactly  from  life. 
But  that  he  always  does.  He  must  have  known  a 
Dora.    And  who  has  not  ? 

If  you  find  your  literary  friend  in  deshabille,  and 
she  apologizes  for  it^ — (she  had  best  not  apologize) — tell 
her  not  that  "  authoresses  are  privileged  persons,  and 
are  never  expected  to  pay  any  attention  to  dress." 
Now,  literary  slatterns  are  not  more  frequent  than 
slatterns  who  are  not  literary.  It  is  true  that  women 
of  enlarged  minds,  and  really  good  taste,  do  not  think 
it  necessary  to  follow  closely  all  the  changes  and 
follijes  of  fashion,  and  to  wear  things  that  are  incon- 
venient, uncomfortable,  and  unbecoming,  merely  be- 
cause milliners,  dress-makers,  &c.  have  pronounced 
them  "  the  last  new  style." 

It  is  ill-manners  to  refer  in  any  way  to  the  profes- 
sion of  the  person  to  whom  you  are  talking,  unless 
that  person  is  an  intimate  friend,  and  you  are  alone 
with  her ;  and  unless  she  herself  begins  the  subject. 
Still  worse,  to  allude  to  their  profession  as  if  you  sup- 
posed it  rendered  them  different  from  the  rest  of  the 
world,  and  marked  them  with  peculiarities  from  which 
other  people  are  exempt. 

It  is  true  that  authorlings  and  poetizers  are  apt  to 
affect  eccentricity.  Real  authors,  and  even  real  poets, 
(by  real  we  mean  good  ones,)  have  generally  a  large 


264 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


portion  of  common  sense  to  balance  their  genius,  and 
are  therefore  seldom  guilty  of  the  queernesses  unjustly 
imputed  to  the  whole  fraternity. 

When  in  company  with  a  literary  lady  with  whom 
you  are  not  on  very  confidential  terms,  it  is  bad  taste 
to  talk  to  her  exclusively  of  books,  and  to  endeavour 
to  draw  out  her  opinion  of  authors  with  whom  she  is 
personally  acquainted — and  whom  she  will,  of  course, 
be  unwilling  to  criticise,  (at  least  in  miscellaneous 
society,)  lest  her  remarks  should  be  invidiously  or  im- 
prudently repeated,  and  even  get  into  print.  "Any 
thing  new  in  the  literary  world?"  is  a  question  by 
which  some  people  always  commence  conversation 
with  an  author.  Why  should  it  be  supposed  that  they 
always  carry  the  shop  along  with  them,"  or  that  they 
take  no  interest  or  pleasure  in  things  not  connected 
with  books.  On  the  contrary,  they  are  glad  to  be 
allowed  the  privilege  of  unbending  like  other  people. 
And  a  good  writer  is  almost  always  a  good  talker, 
and  fully  capable  of  conversing  well  on  various  sub- 
jects.   Try  her. 

It  was  beautifully  said  of  Jane  Taylor,  the  charm- 
ing author  of  a  popular  and  never-tiring  little  book  of 
"Original  Poems  for  Children,"  that  "you  only  knew 
that  the  stream  of  literature  had  passed  over  her  mind 
by  the  fertility  it  left  behind  it." 
;  .  We  have  witnessed,  when  two  distinguished  lady- 
writers  chanced  to  be  at  the  same  party,  an  unman- 
nerly disposition  to  "  pit  them  against  each  other" — 
placing  them  side  by  side,  or  vis-a-vis,  and  saying 
something  about,  "When  Greek  meets  Greek,"  &c.^ 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN. 


265 


and  absolutely  collecting  a  circle  round  tliem,  to  be 
amused  or  edified  by  tbe  expected  dialogue.  This  is 
rude  and  foolish. 

It  is  not  treating  a  talented  woman  with  due  con- 
sideration, to  be  active  in  introducing  to  her  the 
silliest  and  flattest  people  in  the  room,  because  the 
said  flats  have  been  worked  up  into  a  desire  of  seeing, 
face  to  face,  a  live  authoress" — though  in  all  proba- 
bility they  have  not  read  one  of  her  works. 

That  notorious  lion-hunter,  the  Countess  of  Cork,  was 
so  candid  as  to  say  to  certain  celebrated  writers,  "  I'll 
sit  by  you  because  you  are  famous."  To  a  very  charm- 
ing American  lady  whom  she  was  persuading  to  come  to 
her  party,  she  frankly  added,  "  My  dear,  you  really 
must  not  refuse  me.  Don't  you  know  you  are  my 
decoy-duck." 

There  are  mothers  (called  pattern-mothers)  who 
uphold  the  theory  that  every  thing  in  the  world  must 
bend  to  the  advantage  (real  or  supposed)  of  children, 
that  is,  of  their  own  children — and  who  have  continu- 
ally on  their  lips  the  saying,  "  a  mother's  first  duty  is 
to  her  children."  So  it  is,  and  it  is  her  duty  not  to 
render  them  vain,  impertinent,  conceited,  and  obtru- 
sive, by  allowing  them  to  suppose  that  they  must  on 
all  occasions  be  brought  forward;  and  that  their 
mother's  visiters  have  nothing  to  do  but  to  improve 
and  amuse  tliem.  Therefore  a  literary  lady  often  re- 
ceives a  more  than  hint  from  such  a  mother  to  talk 
only  on  edifying  subjects  when  the  dear  little  crea- 
tures are  present ;  and  then  the  conversation  is  re- 
quired to  take  a  Penny-Magazine  tone,  exclusively— 


266 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


the  darlings  being,  most  probably,  restless  and  impa- 
tient all  the  time,  the  girls  sitting  uneasily  on  their 
chairs  and  looking  tired,  and  the  boys  suddenly  bolt- 
ing out  of  the  room  to  get  back  to  their  sports.  It  is 
true  the  children  will  be  less  impatient  if  the  visiter 
\Yill  trouble  herself  to  tell  them  stories"  all  the  time; 
but  it  is  rude  to  ask  her  to  do  so. 

When  directing  a  letter  to  "a  woman  of  letters,"  it 
is  not  considered  polite  to  insert  the  word  "Authoress" 
after  her  name.  And  yet  we  have  seen  this  done  by 
persons  who  ought  to  know  better.  If  you  are  unac- 
quainted with  the  number  and  street  of  her  residence, 
direct  to  the  care  of  her  publisher;  whose  place  you 
may  always  find,  by  referring  to  the  title-page  of  one 
of  her  last  works,  and  by  seeing  his  advertisements  in 
the  newspapers.  The  booksellers  always  know  where 
their  authors  are  to  be  found.  So  do  the  printers — 
for  their  boys  convey  the  proof-sheets. 

Observe  that  the  term  "learned  lady"  is  not  cor- 
rectly applied  to  a  female,  unless  she  has  successfully 
cultivated  v/hat  is  understood  to  be  the  learning  of 
colleges — for  instance,  the  dead  languages,  &c.  Un- 
fortunately, the  term  is  novf  seldom  used  but  in  deri- 
sion, and  to  denote  a  woman  whose  studies  have  been 
entirely  of  the  masculine  order.  You  may  speak  of  a 
w^ell-ihformed,  well-read,  talented,  intellectual,  accom- 
plished lady;  but  call  her  not  learned,  unless  she  is 
vfell-versed  in  the  Greek  and  Latin  classics,  and  able 
to  discuss  them  from  their  original  language.  Even 
then,  spare  her  the  appellation  of  learned,  if  gentle- 
men are  present.    In  the  dark  ages,  when  not  every 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  AYOMEN. 


267 


ladj  could  read  and  write,  the  few  that  were  entitled 
to  the  "benefit  of  clergy,"  frequently  "drank  deep  in 
tasting  the  Pierian  spring,"  and  proceeded  to  study 
the  learned  languages  with  great  success ;  for  instance, 
Lady  Jane  Grey  and  Queen  Elizabeth. 

In  desiring  the  autograph  of  a  literary  lady,  do  not 
expect  her  to  write  in  your  album  "a  piece  of  poetry." 
Be  satisfied  with  her  signature  only.  There  is  a  spice 
of  meanness  in  requesting  from  her,  as  a  gift,  any 
portion  of  her  stock  in  trade.  As  well  might  you  ask 
Mr.  Stewart,  or  Mr.  Levy,  to  present  you  with  an 
embroidered  collar,  or  a  pair  of  gloves.  For  the  same 
reason,  never  request  an  artist  to  "draw  something" 
in  your  album.  It  is  only  amateur  poets,  and  ama- 
teur artists,  that  can  afford  to  write  and  draw  in 
albums.  Those  who  make  a  living  by  their  pro- 
fession, have  no  tim'e  to  spare  for  gratuitous  perform- 
ances; and  it  is  as  wTong  to  ask  them,  as  it  is  to 
invite  public  singers  to  "  favour  the  company  with  a 
song"  at  private  parties,  Vfhere  they  are  invited  as 
guests.  It  is,  however,  not  unusual  for  professional 
musicians  to  kindly  and  politely  gratify  the  company 
by  inviting  themselves  to  sing;  saying,  " Perhaps  you 
would  like  to  hear  my  last  song."  And  sometimes,  if 
quite  "in  the  vein,"  a  real  poet,  v/hen  modestly  asked 
for  merely  his  signature,  will  voluntarily  add  a  few 
lines  of  verse.    But  do  not  expect  it. 

There  are  pretty  little  books  of  fine  paper,  hand- 
somely bound,  that  are  used  for  the  purpose  of  con- 
taining signature  autographs ;  one  on  each  page.  A 
lady  owning  such  a  book,  can  send  it  to  any  distin- 


268 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


giiished  person  of  whose  liand-writing  slie  wishes  to 
possess  a  specimen. 

When  the  name  at  the  bottom  of  a  letter  is  shown 
to  you  as  an  autograph,  it  is  rude  to  take  the  letter 
into  your  own  hand,  and  read  the  whole,  or  even  to 
glance  your  eye  over  it.  It  is  not  intended  that  you 
shall  see  any  thing  but  the  signature. 

We  will  now  address  a  few  words  to  beginners  in 
the  art  of  writing,  with  reference  to  their  intercourse 
with  women  of  well-established  literary  reputation. 
If  these  ladies  of  decided  standing  in  the  republic  of 
letters  have  sufficient  leisure,  they  will  generally  be 
very  kind  in  assisting  vnth  their  counsel  a  young  aspi- 
rant, who  shows  any  evidence  of  talent  for  the  pro- 
fession. Unluckily,  too  many  novices  in  the  art, 
mistake  a  mere  desire  to  get  into  print,  for  that  rarest 
of  gifts— genius.  And  without  .genius,  there  is  no 
possibility  of  gaining  by  the  pen,  either  fame,  or 
fortune. 

Long  manuscripts  are  frequently  sent  for  the  revisal 
^'at  leisure"  of  a  person  who  has  little  or  no  leisure. 
Yet  in  the  intervals  of  toiling  for  herself,  she  is 
expected  to  toil  for  some  one  else;  probably  for  a 
stranger  whom  she  does  not  know,  in  whom  she  can 
take  no  interest,  and  who  has  evidently  "no  writing 
in  her  soul."  If,  however,  the  modest  request  is 
kindly  complied  with,  in  all  probability  the  corrections 
will  only  give  offence,  and  may  perhaps  be  crossed  out 
before  the  manuscript  is  offered  to  the  publisher,  who 
very  likely  may  reject  it  for  want  of  these  very  cor- 
rections.   We  have  known  such  incidents. 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEN 


269 


The  least  talented  of  the  numerous  females  pre- 
tending to  authorship,  are  generally  the  most  con- 
ceited and  the  most  obtrusive.  They  are  frequently 
very  great  annoyances  to  women  "well-up  the  ladder," 
•who  are  expected,  in  many  instances,  not  only  to  re- 
vise the  manuscript,  but  immediately  to  find  a  pur- 
chaser for  it — a  purchaser  of  high  rank  among 
publishers — one  who  w^ill  bring  it  out  handsomely, 
ensure  it  an  immense  circulation,  pay  promptly, 
and  pay  as  much  as  is  given  to  the  standard 
authors.  And  besides  being  desired  to  "get  it  pub- 
lished," the  reviser  of  the  manuscript  will,  perhaps, 
be  requested  to  correct  the  proofs;  that  is,  if  the 
literary  novice  should  chance  to  know  what  proof- 
sheets  are. 

The  work  thus  arrogantly  thrust  upon  the  time 
and  attention  of  a  deservedly-popular  writer  may  be 
a  book  of  "sweet  poetry,"  on  weak,  worn-out,  com- 
mon-place subjects,  done  into  feeble,  halting,  ill- 
rhyming  verses,  such  as  few  read,  and  none  re- 
member. Or  the  aspirant  after  fame,  may  have 
chosen  the  easier  path  of  prose,  and  produced  a 
fiction  without  fancy,  a  novel  without  novelty,  "a 
thrilling  tale"  that  thrills  nobody,  a  picture  of  fashion- 
able life  after  no  fashion  that  ever  existed,  or  "a 
pathetic  story  of  domestic  life,"  neither  pathetic  nor 
domestic. 

Yet  if  a  practised  and  successful  author  ventures  to 
pronounce  an  U7ifav  our  able  verdict  on  such  produc- 
tions, because  the  writer  desired  her  candid  opinion, 
she  will  probably  light  up  a  flame  of  resentment,  that 


270 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


may  never  be  extinguislied,  and  make  an  enemy  for 
life;  the  objections  being  imputed  to  ''sheer  envy," 
and  to  a  malignant  design  of  "  extinguishing  a  rising 
star." 

A  sufficient  introduction  to  a  publisher  is  to  send 
him  the  manuscript,  accompanied  by  a  note  request- 
ing his  opinion  as  soon  as  convenient.  If  he  ap- 
proves it,  and  believes  it  will  be  profitable,  there  is  no 
doubt  of  his  being  willing  to  print  the  work.  And  if 
he  thinks  he  shall  make  nothing  by  it,  it  is  equally 
certain  that  he  will  decline  the  offer.  It  is  too  much 
to  expect  that  he  will  be  so  regardless  of  his  own 
interest  as  to  publish  a  book,  the  sale  of  which  will 
not  remunerate  him  for  the  cost  of  paper  and 
printing. 

Ladies  who  live  in  the  same  house  with  an  authoress, 
have  opportunities  enough  of  seeing  her  in  the  parlour, 
anS  at  table ;  therefore  they  may  dispense  with  visit- 
ing her  in  her  own  room.  Spare  her  all  interruptions 
of  applying  for  the  loan  of  books,  paper,  pens,  ink,  &c. 
Do  not  expect  that,  because  she  writes,  she  must  neces- 
sarily keep  a  free  circulating  library,  or  a  gratuitous 
stationer's  shop.  Supply  yourself  vfith  all  such  con- 
veniences from  the  regular  sources.  Buy  them,  and 
pay  for  them,  instead  of  troubling  one  who  has  not 
time  to  be  troubled.  Above  all,  refrain  from  the 
meanness  of  asking  her  to  lend  you  any  book  written 
by  herself.  If  she  volunteers  the  loan,  then  receive 
it  thankfully  ;  and  take  care  to  return  it  speedily,  and 
in  good  condition.  It  is  her  interest,  and  the  interest 
of  her  publishers,  that  a  large  number  of  copies  shall 


CONDUCT  TO  LITERARY  WOMEIT. 


271 


be  sold;  not  lent,  or  given  away.  Many  persons  er- 
roneously suppose  that  an  author  has  always  on  han's"" 
an  unlimited  number  of  her  own  books  ;  or  that  the 
publisher  will  kindly  give  her  as  many  as  she  can 
want  for  herself  and  friends.  This  is  by  no  means 
the  case.  It  is  usual,  when  the  first  edition  comes  out, 
for  the  publisher  to  send  the  author  half  a  dozen 
copies  of  the  book,  or  a  dozen,  if  it  is  a  small  one. 
After  that,  if  she  wants  any  more,  she  is  expected  to 
to  buy  them  of  the  bookseller.  Therefore,  she  has 
none  to  give  atvay^  except  to  members  of  her  own 
family,  or  to  friends  whose  circumstances  will  not 
permit  them  to  expend  money  in  books,  and  who 
have  an  ardent  love  for  reading  without  the  means 
of  gratifying  it.  We  have  known  ladies,  possessing 
diamonds  and  India  shawls,  and  living  in  splendid 
houses,  ask  the  author  for  the  loan  of  a  cookery-book, 
with  the  avowed  purpose  of  "  copying  out  the  best 
receipts." 

Apropos  to  cookery-books : — If  you  have  faithfully 
followed  a  receipt,  and  the  result  is  not  quite  satisfac- 
tory, there  is  nothing  amiss  in  your  acquainting  the 
writer  with  that  fact,  provided  it  is  a  fact.  On  the 
contrary,  you  may  do  her  a  kindness,  by  enabling  her 
to  detect  an  error  in  the  directions,  and  to  rectify  that 
error  in  a  future  edition. 

Women  often  assert  that  the  receipt  was  not  a  good 
one,  and  that  upon  trial  it  proved  a  failure,  when,  on 
investigation,  you  will  find  that,  from  false  economy, 
some  of  the  ingredients  were  left  out ;  or  the  relative 
proportions  diminished  in  quantity — too  much  of  the 


272 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


cheapest  articles  being  put  in,  and  not  enough  of  the 
more  costly.  Or  else,  that  sufficient  time  and  pains 
were  not  bestowed  on  the  mixing  and  preparing ;  or 
that  the  thing  was  not  sufficiently  cooked. 

Bj-the-bye,  remember  that  a  receipt  for  cookery,  is 
not  to  be  called  a  recipe.  The  word  recipe  belongs 
to  pharmacy,  and  is  only  used  with  reference  to  medi- 
cal prescriptions.  The  cook  uses  receipts^  the  apothe- 
cary recipes. 

Whatever  article  you  may  wish  to  borrow  from  an 
inmate  of  the  same  house,  apply  first  to  persons 
whose  time  is  of  comparatively  small  importance  to 
them,  before  you  disturb  and  interrupt  a  literary  lady. 
Po  not  trouble  her  for  the  loan  of  umbrellas,  over- 
shoes, hoods,  calashes,  &c.,  or  send  to  her  for  small 
change. 

We  once  lived  in  a  house  where  coal-fires  were 
scarce,  and  vfood-fires  plenty.  Our  own  fire-arrange- 
ment was  wood  in  a  Franklin  stove,  and  no  other  per- 
son in  the  house  was  the  fortunate  owner  of  a  pair  of 
bellows.  Liking  always  to  be  comfortable,  we  had 
bought  a  pair  for  ourselves. 

Ten  times  a  day  we  were  disturbed  by  a  knock  at 
the  door,  from  a  coloured  girl  who  came  a-borrowing" 
this  implement  to  revive  the  fire  of  some  other  room. 
She  called  it  by  a  pleasing  variety  of  names — running 
through  all  the  vowels.  Sometimes  she  wanted  the 
bellowsas  ;  sometimes  the  bellowses ;  or  the  bellows^s, 
the  bellowsos,  or  the  beilowsz^s.  These  frequent  inter- 
ruptions, with  others  that  were  similar,  became  a  real 
grievance.    We  thought  it  would  cost  us  less  to  pre- 


COXDUCT  TO  LITELAHY  Tro:.IEX.  273 

senr  tlie  "helloes  to  tlie  house,  and  luy  another  pair 
for  ourselves.    T\'e  did  so — hut  very  soon  the  first 
pair  was  somehow  missing,  and  oui'  own  was  again  in 
»  requisition. 

Since  that  winter  we  have  buimt  anthracite,  and 
therefore  have  no  bellow5(Z5  to  lend. 


274 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

SUGGESTIONS  TO  INEXPERIENCED  AUTHORS. 

There  is  some  economy  and  much  convenience  in 
buying  your  paper  by  the  ream,  (twenty  quires,)  having 
first  tried  a  sample.  The  surface  of  the  paper  should 
be  smooth,  and  somewhat  glossy ;  particularly  if  you 
write  with  metallic  pens.  That  which  is  soft  and 
spongy,  though  a  little  lower  in  price,  wears  out  the 
pen  so  fast  that  what  is  saved  in  paper  is  lost  in  pens ; 
also,  there  is  no  possibility  of  writing  on  it  with  ease 
and  expedition.  You  will  find  it  best  to  use  paper 
ruled  in  lines.  If  you  write  a  large  hand,  take  fools- 
cap ;  if  a  small  hand,  use  letter-paper  size.  But  note- 
paper  is  too  small,  when  you  are  writing  for  the  press. 

Before  you  commence  your  manuscript,  take  a 
quire,  and  prepare  each  sheet  by  splitting  it  all  down 
the  folded  side,  with  a  sharp  paper-cutter,  thus  divid- 
ing it  into  half-sheets.  You  can  do  this  better  on  a 
flat  table  than  on  the  slope  o^  a  desk.  Keep  your 
left  hand  pressing  down  hard  on  the  quire,  while  you 
are  cutting  it  with  your  right. 

The  best  paper-cutters  are  those  of  real  ivory.  A 
handle  is  of  no  advantage  to  them,  but  rather  the  con- 
trary.   They  should  be  thin,  plain,  and  perfectly 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  INEXPERIENCED  AUTHORS.  275 


straight,  except  being  rounded  off  at  the  two  ends. 
Ivory  paper-knives  of  this  form  are  generally  used  by 
the  book-binderSj  an  evidence  that  they  are  convenient 
and  expeditious.  Those  of  bone  or  horn  are  scarcely 
worth  buying,  though  but  half  the  price  ;  the  edges 
soon  becoming  blunt,  and  therefore  useless.  Wooden 
paper-knives  are  good  for  nothing.  Paper-knives  of 
mother  of  pearl,  and  other  ornamental  substances,  are 
of  little  utility,  being  rarely  sharp  enough,  (even  when 
new,)  and  in  a  short  time  becoming  quite  dull.  Also, 
they  break  very  easily.  Avoid  cutting  a  sheet  of 
paper,  or  the  leaves  of  a  book,  with  scissors ;  it  is  com- 
paratively a  slow  and  awkward  process ;  and  cannot, 
even  with  great  care,  be  effected  as  smoothly  and 
evenly  as  with  a  cutter  of  ivory. 

Before  you  split  or  divide  the  sheet,  press  the 
paper-knife  all  along  the  fold,  so  as  to  flatten  the 
crease,  and  make  it  cut  evenly  and  easily.  Having 
split  your  whole  sheets  into  leaves  or  half-sheets,  take 
each  half-sheet  separately,  and  fold  over  an  inch  or 
more  all  along  the  left-hand  edge ;  so  as  to  leave 
a  margin  or  space  for  sewing  the  manuscript  when 
finished.  Do  this  with  the  paper-knife.  Lay  a  pile  of 
these  half-sheets  beside  you  when  you  sit  down  to 
write,  and  take  them  as  you  want  them. 

Write  only  on  one  side  of  the  paper.  If  written  on 
both  sides,  it  will  cause  trouble  and  inconvenience  to 
the  printers,  by  obliging  them  to  turn  over  at  the  end 
of  every  page.  This  rule,  however,  may  be  dis- 
pensed with,  when  a  manuscript  is  so  short  that  it 
may  be  comprised  in  one  sheet,  and  is  to  be  trans- 


276 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


mitted  hj  mail.  This  may  be  the  more  easily  ma- 
naged, by  drawing  with  a  pencil  or  pen  a  straight  per- 
pendicular line  down  the  middle  of  each  page,  so  as  to 
divide  it  into  columns.  When  it  is  finished,  enclose  it 
in  an  envelope,  direct,  and  seal  it,  and  put  on  a  post- 
office  stamp.  If  the  manuscript  occupies  two  or  three 
sheets,  put  two  or  three  stamps  side  by  side.  There 
are  large  envelopes  that  will  hold  foolscap  paper,  pro- 
perly folded. 

Do  not  use  blue  ink ;  for  if  any  part  of  your  manu- 
script should  chance  to  get  wet,  there  is  a  risk  of  the 
blue  ink  being  effaced  or  obliterated  by  the  damp,  so 
as  to  render  the  writing  illegible ;  and  this  has  fre- 
quently happened. 

Let  your  writing  be  large  enough,  and  plain  enough 
to  be  read  with  ease,  and  the  compositor  will  be  less 
likely  to  make  mistakes.  Printers,  though  accus- 
tomed to  read  all  sorts  of  writing,  are  sometimes  com- 
pletely at  a  loss  in  deciphering  a  very  bad  hand. 
There  is  no  excuse  for  a  person  in  respectable  life 
persisting  in  writing  illegibly,  as  it  is  never  too  late 
to  improve.  You  have  only  to  take  lessons  of  a  good 
instructor,  and  apply  yourself  sedulously  to  acquiring 
a  new  hand,  and  you- will  succeed  in  doing  so. 

Do  not,  in  writing  for  the  press,  affect  the  crow- 
quill  calligraphy  that  is  fashionable  for  album  verses 
and  complimentary  billets.  When  your  manuscript 
is  finished,  sew  the  lea^ves  evenly  together,  wdth  nothing 
more  than  a  strong  thread ;  or,  if  it  is  very  thick,  it 
may  be  sewed  with  a  fine  twine  put  into  a  large 
needle.    A  handsome  cover,  daintily  fastened  with  a 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  INEXPEEIEXCED  AUTHORS.  277 


pretty  ribbon,  is  of  no  account  in  a  printing-office, 
where  tbe  first  thing  that  is  done  with  a  manuscript 
is  to  remove  the  cover,  and  cut  the  leaves  loose  from 
the  fastening.  The  printers  will  gladly  dispense  with 
covers,  ribbons,  and  fairy-like  penmanship,  in  favour 
of  a  plain  legible  hand,  pages  regularly  numbered, 
and  leaves  written  on  one  side  only. 

In  commencing  a  manuscript,  write  the  title  or 
caption  in  large  letters,  at  some  distance  from  the  top 
of  the  first  page ;  and  if  you  are  not  anonymous,  put 
your  name  a  little  below  the  title.  Then  begin  the 
first  line  of  the  first  paragraph,  several  inches  distant 
from  the  left-hand  side,  or  margin.  In  this  manner 
commence  every  paragraph.  The  length  of  the  para- 
graphs may  be  regulated  by  the  time  w^hen  you  think 
a  pause  longer  than  that  of  a  period  or  full  stop  may 
be  efi"ective ;  or  to  give  the  reader  an  opportunity  of 
resting  for  a  minute ;  or  to  denote  the  commencement 
of  another  subject. 

In  WTiting  a  dialogue,  begin  every  separate  speech 
with  a  capital,  and  commence  each  speech  on  a  new 
line,  and  at  some  distance  from  the  left-hand  margin. 
Also  mark  the  beginning  and  end  of  every  speech 
with  double  commas.  If  the  names  of  the  speakers 
are  given  at  the  commencement  of  every  speech,  write 
those  names  in  large  letters,  putting  a  dot  and  a  dash 
after  them.  All  these  arrangements  are  the  same  in 
writing  as  in  printing. 

If  you  are,  unfortunately,  not  familiar  with  the 
rules  of  punctuation,  refresh  your  memory  by  refer- 
ring to  them  in  a  grammar-book.    They  must  be 

24 


278 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


strictly  observed;  otherwise  your  meaning  will  be  un- 
intelligible. Always  remember  that  every  period  or 
full  stop,  and  every  note  of  interrogation,  or  of  admi- 
ration, must  be  followed  by  a  capital  letter,  beginning 
the  next  word.  Dashes,  particularly  in  a  dialogue, 
add  much  to  the  effect,  if  not  used  too  lavishly. 

Errors  of  orthography  are  rarely  committed  by  any 
one  who  presumes  to  write  for  the  press.  It  is 
scarcely  possible  for  a  person  who  reads  much  to  spell 
incorrectly,  as  the  appearance  of  the  printed  words 
becomes  insensibly  and  indelibly  fixed  in  the  mind. 
Still  it  may  be  well  to  write  with  a  dictionary  on  your 
table,  in  case  you  should  have  any  doubt  as  to  the 
proper  spelling  and  meaning  of  a  word  with  which 
you  may  not  be  very  familiar. 

Keep  also  a  grammar  on  your  table.  Grammatical 
errors  are  annoying  to  the  reader,  and  disgraceful  to 
the  writer,  unless  it  is  well  known  that  she  has  not 
had  the  advantage  of  an  education,  even  at  a  common 
school.  Then  she  is  to  be  pitied.  But  it  is  never  too 
late  to  study  grammar,  and  she  had  best  do  so  before 
she  ventures  to  write  for  the  public.  If  she  writes 
ungrammatically,  how  must  she  talk  !  In  a  work  of 
fiction  it  is  shocking  to  have  lords  and  ladies,  or  the 
noble  and  dignified  hero,  and  the  elegant  and  refined 
heroine,  conversing  in  "bad  grammar,"  because  the 
author  knew  no  better.  Yet  such  books  we  have 
seen.  There  are,  luckily,  not  many  of  them.  But 
there  should  be  none. 

Every  morning,  previous  to  commencing  your  task, 
revise  carefully  all  that  you  have  written  on  the  pre- 


SUGGESTIONS  TO  INEXPERIENCED  AUTHORS.  279 


ceeding  day,  and  correct  and  alter  whatever  you  may 
deem  susceptible  of  improvement.  Some  authors  re- 
vise every  page  as  soon  as  they  have  written  it.  But, 
unless  you  are  much  pressed  for  time,  it  is  best  to  do 
this  next  morning,  when  your  perceptions  are  fresh 
and  clear.  In  crossing  or  blotting  out,  do  it  effec- 
tually, so  that  the  original  words  may  not  appear 
through,  and  remain  still  legible.  If  you  find  that 
you  have  omitted  a  word,  or  if  you  wish  to  change 
one  word  for  another,  interline  it ;  inserting  the  new 
word  just  above  the  line  to  which  it  belongs,  and 
placing  this  mark  A  below.  Lay  aside  each  page  as 
you  finish  it.  Be  particular  in  numbering  every 
page ;  and  it  is  best  to  do  this  before  you  begin, 
placing  the  number  near  the  top  of  the  right-hand 
corner.  Let  not  your  lines  be  too  close,  or  there  will 
not  be  space  enough  for  legible  interlining. 

If  the  publisher  lives  in  your  own  town,  it  will  be 
sufficient  to  roll  up  the  manuscript  in  clean  white 
paper,  twisted  at  each  end,  and  wafered  in  the  middle. 
But  however  short  the  distance,  write  on  the  outside 
of  the  paper  the  full  dire>ction  of  the  publishing  office  ; 
that,  in  case  of  its  being  dropped  in  the  street,  any 
person  finding  it  may  know  exactly  where  to  take  it. 

In  putting  up  a  large  manuscript,  in  a  packet  for 
transmission  to  a  distant  place,  use  strong  nankeen 
paper  for  the  cover,  and  secure  it  with  wafers,  or 
paste,  if  it  is  to  go  a  voyage  in  a  steamer,  as  a  wax 
seal  may  be  melted  by  the  heat  of  the  fire.  If  it  will 
reach  its  destination  in  a  few  hours,  you  may  seal  it 
with  wax,  having  tied  red  tape  about.    Do  not  use 


280 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


twine,  as  that  may  cut  the  paper.  Newspapers  are 
generally  put  up  in  a  brownish  paper  cover,  pasted  at 
the  side  and  bottom,  with  one  end  left  open. 

Postage  is  now  so  cheap,  that  manuscripts  had  best 
always  be  transmitted  by  mail;  putting  a  sufficient 
number  of  stamps  on  the  outside,  where  they  may  be 
used  as  seals. 

Few  women  can  write  well  enough  for  publication, 
without  going  twice  over  the  subject;  first  in  what  is 
called  the  rough  copy,  and  then  making  a  fair  copy 
with  all  the  original  errors  corrected,  and  all  proper 
alterations  inserted.  If  you  have  time,  make  tivo  fair 
copies ;  one  for  the  printer,  and  one  to  keep  for  your- 
self, in  case  the  other  should  be  accidentally  destroyed 
or  lost — retaining  it  till  after  the  work  is  actually  in 
print.  Much  postage  is  wasted,  and  much  annoyance 
is  given  to  the  editors  of  periodicals,  by  applications 
for  the  restoration  of  unpublished  verses,  and  other 
''Rejected  Addresses,"  consisting,  perhaps,  of  a  sheet 
of  poetry,  or  a  few  pages  of  prose,  of  which  it  would 
have  been  very  easy  to  have  made  another  copy  for 
the  author's  keeping. 

In  writing  articles  for  Annuals,  let  it  be  remem- 
bered that  the  printing  of  these  books  is  always  com- 
pleted some  months  before  they  are  published  or  an- 
nounced for  sale.  Therefore,  all  contributions  should 
be  sent  to  the  publisher  before  February,  or  March  at 
farthest.  For  a  magazine,  they  should  be  transmitted 
at  least  two  months  in  advance.  For  a  weekly  paper, 
two  weeks  ahead. 

Those  who  m^ite  for  periodicals  should  remember 


SUGGESTI02sS  TO  INEXPERIEXCED  AUTHORS.  281 


that  it  is  the  custom  to  address  all  letters  on  com- 
pensations, copies  of  work,  &c.  to  the  publisher;  and 
not  to  the  editor,  who  seldom  has  any  concern  in  the 
pecuniary  affairs,  his  business  being  solely  to  receive, 
and  read  the  manuscripts,  to  accept  or  reject  them, 
and  to  arrange  them  for  the  press.  It  is  not  usual 
for  the  compensation  to  be  paid  till  after  the  book  is 
published.  Some  publishers  send  to  every  contributor 
one  copy  of  the  work.  Others  do  not  present  a  copy 
when  the  article  is  very  short- — for  instance,  a  few 
stanzas  of  verse.  Prose  obtains  a  higher  price  than 
poetry,  of  which  there  is  always  a  superabundance  in 
the  market.  Much  poetry  is  published  without  any 
pay  at  all;  the  writers  being  contented  with  seeing 
their  effusions  in  print.  No  good  author  has  any 
occasion  to  write  gratuitously.  A  "merely  passable" 
or  ''just  tolerable"  writer  of  poetry  or  fiction,  should 
give  up  the  inventive  line,  and  try  something  else — 
something  for  which  genius  is  not  indispensable ;  and 
from  which,  by  patience  and  industry,  a  sort  of  living 
may  be  wrought  out. 

In  composing  poetry,  a  common,  but  unpardonable 
fault  is  that  of  introducing  a  lame  or  halting  line — a 
line  with  one  syllable  too  many,  or  too  few.  And  if 
the  author  does  not  understand  that  it  is  an  intolerable 
blemish,  and  sends  it  uncorrected  to  the  press,  she  is 
unworthy  of  being  called  a  poetess.  We  are  inclined 
to  believe  that  no  person  devoid  of  an  ear  for  music,  can 
write  poetry  deserving  of  the  name.  The  ideas  may  be 
good,  but  the  lines  will  have  no  melody,  and  will  move 
harshly  and  ruggedly,  very  much  like  rough  prose. 


282 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Some  writers  seem  to  think  that  blank  verse  is 
nothing  but  prose  with  a  capital  at  the  beginning  of 
each  line;  never  having  learnt  or  remembered  that 
though  the  lines  do  not  rhyme,  thej  must  all  comprise 
ten  syllables,  (syllables,  not  words,)  otherwise  the  effect 
when  read,  will,  to  even  a  tolerable  ear,  be  absolutely 
painful.  We  saw  a  play,  (the  first  attempt  of  a  since 
distinguished  dramatist,)  the  dialogue  of  which  was 
unintelligible  to  the  audience,  and  nearly  impracti- 
cable to  the  actors,  who  found  it  absolutely  beyond 
their  skill  to  enunciate;  or  rather  beneath  it.  We 
afterward  heard  the  manager  of  the  Chestnut-street 
Theatre  explain,  that  the  difficulty,  both  with  the 
speakers  and  the  hearers,  was  the  execrable  blank 
verse  in  which  the  play  was  written;  some  of  the 
lines  containing  but  seven  or  eight  syllables,  (instead 
of  ten.)  and  some  twelve  or  fourteen.  A  very  fevr 
English  authors  write  irregular  blank  verse ;  but  we 
are  sorry  to  say  that  a  great  many  Americans  do  not 
seem  to  understand  the  process,  simple  as  it  is,  of 
confining  themselves  to  ten  syllables  only, — neither 
more  nor  less.    Can  they  have  read  Shakspeare  ? 

There  is  no  blank  verse  in  French  poetry.  That 
language  seems  incapable  of  it. 

If  you  are  writing  for  a  periodical,  and  are  desirous 
of  ascertaining  before-hand  how  many  pages  your 
manuscript  will  make  when  printed,  take,  at  random, 
any  printed  page  of  the  work,  and  copy  it  in  your 
usual  hand,  and  on  a  sheet  of  the  same  paper  you 
intend  using  throughout.  You  will  thus,  by  com- 
parison, be  able  to  judge  with  tolerable  accuracy, 


SUGGESTIOXS  TO  IXEXPERIEXCED  AUTHOPtS.  283 

how  much  of  jour  writing  will  make  a  page  when 
printed.  /_ :  /  -  -     .  -•. 

Keep  a  memorandum-hook  for  the  express  purpose 
of  setting  down  whatever  relates  to  your  literary 
affairs.  Insert  the  day  when  you  commenced  a  manu- 
script, the  day  when  you  finished  it,  and  the  day  on 
which  it  went  to  the  publisher.  Also,  the  whole  num- 
ber of  its  pages.  When  you  see  it  in  print,  put  down 
the  number  of  its  printed  pages.  In  this  book,  set 
down,  immediately  on  receiving  ihem^  whatever  sums 
are  paid  to  you  for  your  writings. 

If  you  are  a  writer  of  fiction,  have  a  large  book  for 
memorandums,  of  any  amusing  or  remarkable  things 
you  may  chance  to  hear,  and  which  you  may  turn  to 
account  afterward.  If  you  write  truth  only,  keep  a 
book  for  the  reception  of  useful  or  interesting  facts. 
A  written  book  of  names,  alphabetically  arranged, 
(surnames  and  christian  names,)  v\dll  be  of  great  ad- 
vantage in  selecting  appellations  for  your  characters. 
Do  not  give  elegant  names  to  your  common  people; 
or  to  your  patrician  characters  names  that  are  coarse 
and  vulgar.  A  fault  in  Dickens  is  that  nearly  all  his 
names  are  rugged,  uncouth,  and  ill-sounding,  and  sel- 
dom characteristic.  Why  should  a  very  excellent  and 
generous  brother  and  sister  be  called  Tom  Pinch  and 
Kuth  Pinch.    What  did  they  pinch  ? 

There  is  a  proof-reader  in  every  printing-office,  but 
after  he  has  done,  the  proofs  are  generally  sent  to  the 
author  for  farther  revisal. 

In  correcting  proof-sheets,  first  see  that  they  are 
quite  dry.    Draw  your  pen  through  any  word  you 


284 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


desire  to  change,  and  then  write  the  new  word  on  the 
margin,  placing  it  even  with  the  line  of  the  rejected 
word.  When  you  alter  the  punctuation,  converting  a 
comma  into  a  semicolon,  or  a  period  into  a  note  of 
admiration,  make  a  slight  mark  on  the  margin  of  that 
line,  that  the  printer  may  not  overlook  it.  If  you 
have  occasion  to  change  a  whole  sentence,  cross  it 
out,  and  put  the  new  sentence  on  the  margin  at  the 
bottom  of  the  page. 

If  the  printer's  boy  can  wait,  you  had  best  correct 
the  proofs  while  he  stays. 


CHILDREN. 


285 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

CHILDREN. 

Miss  Edgworth  says  that  the  education  of  a  child 
begins  at  three  months  old.  It  is  true  that  both  bad 
and  good  habits  may  seem  to  commence  at  this  early 
age  ;  but  we  do  not  believe  that  in  so  slight  a  soil  they 
take  a  very  deep  root,  or  that  what  is  called  a  cross 
baby  is  sure  to  grow  up  an  ill-tempered  adult.  Infants, 
when  they  are  not  really  sick,  frequently  cry  from  some 
incidental  annoyance,  and  not  from  a  fretful  disposition. 
If  they  feel  comfortably  they  will  usually  be  good-hu- 
moured and  pleasant.  Much  of  their  comfort  is  sacri- 
ficed to  the  vanity  of  the  mother  in  dressing  them 
fashionably  and  expensively.  We  knew  a  baby  that 
was  very  good  in  the  morning,  but  very  cross  in  the 
afternoon,  or  when  dressed  for  show.  And  no 
wonder,  for  in  her  show-costume  she  was  tortured  with 
necklace,  sleeve-loops,  and  bracelets  of  fine  branchy,  or 
rather  briary  coral,  scratching  and  irritating  her  deli- 
cate skin,  and  leaving  the  print  in  red  marks.  On 
our  representing  this  to  the  mother  as  the  probable 
cause  of  the  baby's  fretfulness,  the  thorny  ornaments 
were  left  off,  and  the  child  became  amiable.  Gold 
chains  are  also  very  irritating  to  the  neck  and  arms 
of  an  infant.    Coral  beads  of  a  smooth  round  form, 


286 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


strung  evenly  on  a  simple  thread  of  silk,  without  any 
intermingling  of  gold  cliain,  are,  perhaps,  the  most 
comfortable  necklaces  for  children,  and  are  also  very 
becoming ;  but  as  they  are  not  expensive,  they  are  of 
course  not  fashionable. 

Fortunately,  the  days  of  worked  caps  are  over. 
Young  ladies  are  no  longer  expected  to  cover  pieces 
of  cambric  with  elaborate  cotton  embroidery  for  the 
babies  of  their  married  friends,  and  the  tender  heads 
of  the  babies  are  no  longer  chafed  with  rough  needle- 
work rubbing  incessantly  upon  them,  or  heated  with  a 
silk  lining  to  the  cambric  already  thickened  all  over 
with  close,  heavy  patterns.  We  wish  also  that 
mothers,  generally,  were  less  proud  of  seeing  their 
babies  with  ^'luxuriant  heads  of  hair,"  which  if  it  has 
no  natural  tendency  to  curl,  disfigures  the  child  and 
gives  it  a  wild,  ungenteel  look.  If  it  does  curl,  it  still 
heats  the  head  and  neck,  and  is  said  to  draw  away 
much  strength  from  the  system.  The  most  healthy 
infants  we  have  seen,  had  very  little  hair,  or  it  was 
judiciously  kept  closely  cut.  To  curl  children's  hair 
in  papers  is  barbarous.  They  pay  dearly  for  the 
glory  of  appearing  in  ringlets  during  the  day,  if  they 
are  made  to  pass  their  nights  lying  upon  a  mass  of 
hard,  rough  bobs,  about  as  pleasant  as  if  they  had 
their  heads  in  a  bag  of  hickory-nuts.  But  then  the 
mother  has  the  gratification  of  hearing  their  curls 
admired  1 

Among  other  sufferings  inflicted  on  babies  is  that  of 
sending  them  out  in  bleak  winter  days  with  brimless 
hats,  that,  so  far  from  screening  their  faces  from  the 


CHILDREN. 


28T 


cold  wind,  do  not  even  afford  tlie  sliglitest  sliade  to 
their  eyes,  wliich  are  winking  and  watering  all  the 
time  from  the  glare  of  the  sun  and  snow.  We  have 
seen  false  curls  pinned  to  these  babies'  hats,  and  dan- 
gling in  their  eyes. 

Another  detestable  practice  is  that  of  making  the 
w<aists  of  children's  frocks  ridiculously  long  and  pain- 
fully tight ;  particularly  over  the  chest  and  body, 
which  are  thus  pressed  flat,  to  the  utter  ruin  of  the 
figure,  and  the  risk  of  producing  incurable  diseases — 
such  as  consumption  of  the  lungs,  and  projection  of  the 
spine ;  to  say  nothing  of  the  various  complaints  con- 
nected with  the  stomach,  which  is  thus  squeezed  into 
half  its  natural  compass.  Also,  the  sleeve-holes  are 
so  small  and  tight  as  to  push  up  the  shoulders.  Then 
the  hips  are  pressed  downward  far  below  their  proper 
place,  and  the  legs  are  consequently  in  danger  of 
becoming  short  and  bandy.  Is  it  possible  this  vile 
fashion  can  continue  much  longer ! — and  are  "  the 
rising  generation"  really  to  grow  up  with  high 
shoulders,  round  backs,  flat  chests,  bodies  that  seem 
longer  than  their  legs,  and  hips  almost  where  their 
knees  ought  to  be. 

Also,  these  limbs  must  suff'er  from  cold  in  winter 
with  no  other  covering  than  cotton  stockings,  the 
skirts  of  the  dress  scarcely  reaching  to  the  knees — the 
little  boys  disfigured  with  the  ugliest  of  all  garments, 
short  knee-breeches. 

Add  to  all  the  rest  of  these  abominations,  tight 
boots  with  peaked  toes,  and  can  we  wonder  that  chil- 
dren, even  beyond  the  period  of  infancy,  should,  at 


288 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


times,  be  cross,  irritable,  and  unamiable.  How  can 
they  be  otherwise,  when  they  seldom  feel  comfortably? 
Then,  if  the  parents  can  afford  it,  (or  whether  or  not,) 
the  unhappy  children  are  bedizened  with  all  manner 
of  expensive  finery,  and  interdicted  from  romping, 
lest  they  should  injure  it.  But,  what  matter  if  the 
children  suffer — the  mother's  vanity  must  be  gratified, 
and  she  must  have  the  delight  of  seeing  that  her  boys 
and  girls  are  as  fashionably  dressed  as  the  little 
Thomsons  and  Wilsons  and  Jacksons. 

We  look  back  with  regret  to  the  days  when  little 
girls,  as  well  as  boys,  wore  their  hair  closely  cropped ; 
convenient  and  cool,  and  showing  to  advantage  the 
form  of  the  head,  till  they  were  twelve  or  thirteen — 
and  they  wore  only  washable  dresses,  descending  far 
below  the  knees,  and  with  pantalets  down  to  their 
ancles.  In  summer  their  frocks,  had  short  wide  sleeves, 
and  were  not  close  up  to  the  throat.  The  bodies  were  of 
a  natural  length,  the  outside  gathered  full  upon  a 
moderately  tight  lining.  If  there  is  no  lining  to  a 
full  frock-body  it  will  puff  out  at  the  back  and  front, 
and  give  the  waist  a  look  of  deformity  before  and 
behind.  Then  the  little  girls  went  out  in  close 
cottage-bonnets  of  straw  in  summer,  and  beaver  in 
winter— shading  and  screening  their  faces— and  were 
kept  warm  when  out  of  doors  with  long  wide  cloaks  or 
coats  of  cloth  or  merino,  instead  of  the  fantastic  short 
things  now  worn,  with  open  sleeves  and  open  fronts. 
Then,  when  at  home,  how  innocent  and  childlike  they 
looked  in  their  long-sleeved  convenient  bib-aprons ! — so 
much  better  than  the  short  silk  ones  now  worn, 


CHILDREN, 


28'9 


trimmed  and  bordered  and  ribboned,  and  rendered  so 
fine  that  the  children  are  expected  to  be  as  careful 
of  injuring  their  showy  aprons  as  of  soiling  their 
showy  frocks. 

Formerly,  children  learned  to  play  various  amusing 
games,  such  as  "Hot  buttered  beans,"  "Blind-man's 
buff,"  &c.  Now  their  play  is  chiefly  running  and 
squeeling,  and  chasing  each  other  about,  without  any 
definite  object,  except  that  of  making  a  noise.  Then, 
at  a  juvenile  party,  the  amusement  was  chiefly  in  the 
varieties  of  these  entertaining  games.  Now  it  is 
dancing — for  as  many  as  can  find  places  to  dance — ■ 
and  nothing  at  all  for  those  who  cannot,  but  to  grow 
tired  and  sleepy.  In  former  times,  children's  parties 
commenced  at  two  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  in  winter, 
and  at  four  in  summer.  They  played  till  they  were 
summoned  to  a  large  and  well-supplied  tea-table,  and 
were  sent  for  to  come  home  by  eight  o'clock,  being 
then  quite  tired  enough  to  go  to  bed  and  sleep 
soundly,  and  waken  with  pleasant  recollections  of 
yesterday.  If  the  party  was  very  large,  the  elder 
children  sat  round  the  room,  and  tea,  &c.  was  handed 
to  them,  while  the  little  ones  were  accommodated  at  a 
table  where  the  hostess  presided.  The  children  of 
that  time  really  enjoyed  these  parties,  and  so  would 
those  of  the  present  time,  if  they  could  have  such. 
The  juvenile-party  dress  was  then  but  a  simple  white 
muslin  frock  with  a  ribbon  sash.  We  have  since  seen 
little  girls  at  a  summer  party  stedfastly  refuse  straw- 
berries and  cream,  in  obedience  to  the  interdiction  of 

their  mothers ;  who  had  enjoined  them  to  do  so,  lest 

25 


290 


THE  BEHAVIOUE  BOOK. 


tliey  sliould  stain  or  otherwise  injure  their  elegant 
silk  frocks. 

Fortunately,  it  is  no  longer  fashionable  for  mothers 
to  take  their  children  with  them  on  morning  visits. 
On  these  occasions  small  children  rarely  behave  well. 
They  soon  grow  tired,  and  restless,  and  begin  teazing 
to  go  somewhere  else.  Their  presence  is  (or  ought  to 
be)  a  restraint  on  conversation,  as  much  may  be  said 
during  a  visit  that  is  not  well  for  them  to  hear.  They 
comprehend  certain  things  far  more  easily  than  is 
supposed.  Great  mischief  has  ensued  from  allowing 
children  to  sit  and  listen ;  and  there  is  no  dependence 
on  their  discretion  or  secrecy. 

It  is  not  well  to  put  a  small  child  "through  its 
facings,"  by  trying  to  make  it  exhibit  any  of  its  little 
feats  before  strangers.  They  are  generally  very 
reluctant  to  make  this  exhibition.  Sometimes  they 
are  bashful,  sometimes  perverse;  but  if  the  mother 
persists  in  her  attempt  to  show  them  off,  it  will 
probably  prove  a  complete  failure,  and  end  in  a  cry, 
or  that  outbreak  usually  called  a  tantrum.  By-the- 
bye,  there  is  no  better  way  of  stopping  a  tantrum  than 
quietly  to  divert  the  child's  attention  to  something 
else. 

Beware  of  trusting  an  infant,  too  confidingly,  to  an 
European  nurse ;  and  when  she  carries  out  the  baby,  it 
would  be  well  if  an  older  sister  or  the  mother  herself 
could  go  along.  Instead  of  carrying  it  to  one  of  the 
public  squares,  or  to  some  other  place  where  there  is 
air  and  shade,  she  may  take  it  into  dirty  alleys,  on  a 
visit  to  some  of  her  own  relations,  perhaps  newly 


CHILDREN. 


291 


arrived  in  an  emigrant  ship,  with,  the  filth  and  diseases 
of  a  steerage  passage  still  about  them.  This  we  know 
to  have  been  done,  and  the  child  has  in  consequence 
taken  a  disgusting  disease.  Or,  believing  it  a  merito- 
rious act,  an  Irish  nurse  may  secretly  carry  the  infant 
to  a  priest,  and  have  it  baptized  in  the  Catholic 
church,  herself  standing  godmother.  Of  this  there 
have  been  numerous  instances.  Young  children  fre- 
quently acquire,  from  being  too  much  with  ignorant 
and  vulgar  nurses,  bad  habits  of  talking  that  are 
exceedingly  difficult  to  eradicate — so  lasting  are  early 
impressions.  We  have  heard  an  Irish  brogue  from 
infantine  lips ;  and  the  letter  H  sadly  misused  by  the 
American  nursling  of  a  low  Englishwoman.  Above 
all,  do  not  permit  your  own  children  to  play  with  the 
children  of  their  nurse.    No  good  ever  accrues  from  it. 

Children  should  not  be  brought  to  table  till  they 
are  able  to  feed  themselves,  first  with  a  spoon,  and 
next  with  a  fork.  And  not  then,  unless  they  can  be 
depended  on  to  keep  quiet,  and  not  talk.  The  chat- 
tering of  children  all  dinner-time  is  a  great  annoyance 
to  grown  people.  The  shi^ill  voice  of  a  child  can  be 
distinguished  annoyingly  amid  those  of  a  whole  com- 
pany. They  should  be  made  to  understand  that  if 
they  talk  at  table,  they  are  to  be  immediately  taken 
away  to  finish  their  dinner  in  the  nursery.  On  no 
consideration  should  they  be  admitted  to  table  when 
there  is  a  dinner-party.  The  foolish  custom  of  having 
all  the  children  dressed  for  the  purpose,  and  brought 
in  with  the  dessert,  is  now  obsolete.  It  never  was 
very  prevalent,  except  in  England. 


292 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


We  have  seen  cliildren  so  well  and  so  early  trained 
that  they  could  be  trusted  to  come  to  table  every  day 
without  the  least  fear  of  their  misbehaving  by  talking 
or  otherwise.  They  sat  quietly,  asked  for  nothing, 
took  contentedly  whatever  was  put  on  their  plates, 
made  no  attem.pt  at  helping  themselves,  and  neither 
greased  nor  slopped  the  table-cloth ;  and  when  done, 
wiped  their  mouths  and  hands  on  their  napkins,  before 
they  quitted  their  chairs,  which  they  did  at  a  sign 
from  their  mother;  going  out  without  noise,  and  nei- 
ther leaving  the  door  open  nor  slamming  it  hard.  It 
is  very  easy  to  accustom  children  to  these  observances. 
Also,  they  may  be  taught  very  early,  how  to  behave 
to  visiters.  For  instance,  not  to  pass  between  them 
and  the  fire,  not  to  hang  on  the  back  of  a  lady's 
chair ;  or  to  squeeze  close  to  her ;  or  to  get  on  her  lap ; 
or  to  finger  her  dress ;  or  to  search  her  reticule,  or  her 
pocket ;  or  to  ask  a  stranger  for  pennies  or  sixpences ; 
or  to  tell  her  that  she  is  not  pretty;  or  to  enquire 
"why  she  wears  such  an  ugly  bonnet?" 

We  have  known  a  fine  little  boy,  not  three  years 
old,  who,  on  the  entrance  of  a  friend  of  his  mother's, 
would  haul  up  a  chair  for  her,  and  invite  her  to  a  seat 
near  the  fire,  place  a  footstool  at  her  feet,  ask  her  to 
let  him  take  her  bonnet,  and  invite  her  to  stay  to 
dinner,  to  stay  all  day,  and  to  "  stay  for  ever,"  adding, 
"I  try  to  be  polite." 

There  are  very  little  girls  who,  if  their  mother  is 
from  home,  can  do  the  honours  in  her  place ;  seat  the 
visiter  on  the  sofa,  and  press  her  to  stay  till  their 
mother  comes  in ;  and  if  the  lady  declines  doing  so, 


CHILDREN. 


293 


they  will  ask  her  at  least  to  stay  awhile,  and  rest  her- 
self, and  have  a  glass  of  cold  water;  and  while  she 
stays,  they  will  do  their  best  to  entertain  her.  Such 
children  always  grow  up  with  polished  manners,  if 
not  removed  from  the  influence  that  made  them  so  in 
early  life. 

Children  should  be  early  taught  not  to  repeat  the 
conversation  of  grown  persons,  and  never  to  tell  the 
servants  any  thing  they  have  heard  in  the  parlour. 
When  they  come  home  from  school,  they  ought 
not  to  be  encouraged  in  telling  school-tales.  If  they 
dine  out,  never  question  them  concerning  what  they 
had  for  dinner.  Forbid  their  relating  any  circum- 
stances concerning  the  domestic  economy  of  the  house 
at  which  they  have  been  entertained. 

If  a  child  purloins  cakes  or  sweetmeats,  punish 
him  by  giving  him  none  the  next  time  they  are  on 
table. 

At  four  years  of  age,  a  beginning  should  be  made 
in  teaching  them  to  read,  by  hearing  them  the  alpha- 
bet every  day  till  they  have  learned  it  perfectly ;  and 
afterwards  the  first  spelling-tables.  With  a  quarter 
of  an  hour's  daily  instruction,  a  child  of  common 
capacity  will,  in  six  months,  be  able  to  spell  in  two  or 
three  syllables,  and  to  read  short  easy  stories  with 
the  syllables  divided.  At  the  end  of  the  year,  if  her 
lessons  are  regular,  and  not  so  long  as  to  tire  her,  she 
will,  in  all  probability,  take  pleasure  in  reading  to 
herself,  when  her  lessons  are  over.  Were  they 
taught  out  of  stor7/-hooJcs  only^  there  are  few  children 
that  at  the  age  of  six  years  would  find  any  difficulty 


294  THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


in  reading  fluently.  If  very  intelligent,  they  often 
can  read  well  at  five.  When  they  can  once  read, 
encourage  them  in  the  love  of  books ;  but  do  not  set 
them  at  any  other  branch  of  education  till  they  are 
eight.  Then,  their  hands  being  strong  enough  to 
guide  the  pen  firmly,  they  may  commence  writing 
copies.  They  should  be  supplied  with  slates  and 
pencils  at  three  years  old.  If  they  have  any  dormant 
talent  for  drawing,  this  will  call  it  out.  Little  girls 
may  begin  to  sew  at  four  or  five,  but  only  as  an 
amusement,  not  as  a  task.  The  best  and  most  satis- 
factory dolls  for  young  children  are  those  of  linen  or 
rag,  made  very  substantially.  Much  money  is  wasted 
in  toys  that  afford  them  no  amusement  whatever ;  and 
toys  that,  being  merely  to  look  at,  they  grow  tired  of 
immediately,  and  delight  in  breaking  to  pieces. 

Never  give  an  infant  a  book  to  play  with.  He  will 
most  assuredly  tear  it ;  that  being  the  only  amusement 
it  can  afford  him.  It  is  possible  at  a  very  early  age  to 
teach  a  tractable  female  child  such  a  respect  for  books 
that  she  will  never  attempt  to  injure  them.  When 
they  are  old  enough  to  take  pleasure  in  looking  at  the 
pictures,  it  is  easy  to  accustom  them  to  be  always 
satisfied  with  the  books  being  shown  to  them  in  the 
hands  of  grown  persons.  Do  not  buy  those  books 
that  have  absurd  and  revolting  prints  of  people  with 
gigantic  heads  and  diminutive  bodies.  Children  al- 
ways dislike  them,  and  so  they  ought. 

Rejoice  when  a  little  girl  shews  a  fondness  for 
reading,  and  by  all  means  encourage  it.  Keep  her 
well  supplied  with  good  and  entertaining  books,  and 


CHILDREN. 


295 


you  will  have  little  trouble  with  her.  Do  not  need- 
lessly interrupt,  and  call  her  off — but  let  her  read  in 
peace.  It  will  do  her  more  good  than  any  thing  else, 
and  lay  the  foundation  of  an  intelligent  mind.  A 
taste  for  reading,  if  not  formed  in  early  childhood, 
may  perhaps  never  come  at  all.  And  then  what  a 
solace  it  is  in  bodily  illness !  How  patiently  a  read- 
ing child,  whose  mind  is  stored  with  "pleasant  memo- 
ries," can  bear  pain,  and  submit  to  the  confinement 
of  a  sick-bed.  We  have  known  more  than  one 
instance  of  the  illness  of  a  reading  child  taking  a  turn 
for  the  better,  from  the  time  she  was  indulged  with  an 
amusino;  and  interestino;  book. 

There  is  no  place  in  which  children  appear  to 
greater  disadvantage  or  are  less  ungovernable  than  at 
hotels  or  boarding-houses.  We  are  always  sorry  when 
the  circumstances  of  parents  oblige  them  permanently 
to  live  thus  in  public,  with  their  young  families,  who 
are  consequently  brought  up  in  a  manner  which 
cannot  but  have  an  unfavourable  effect  in  forming  the 
characters  of  the  future  men  and  women.  By  way  of 
variety,  and  that  they  may  not  always  be  confined  up- 
stairs, the  children  are  encouraged,  or  at  least  per- 
mitted by  their  mothers,  to  spend  much  of  their  time  in 
the  drawing-room,  regardless  of  the  annoyance  which 
their  noise  and  romping  never  fails  to  inflict  upon  the 
legitimate  occupants  of  that  apartment.  The  parents, 
loving  their  children  too  much  to  be  incommoded 
themselves  by  any  thing  that  their  offspring  can  say 
or  do,  seem  not  aware  that  they  can  possibly  inter- 
rupt or  trouble  the  rest  of  the  company.    Or  else, 


296^ 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK, 


eonscious  of  their  own  inability  to  control  them,  they 
are  afraid  to  check  the  children  lest  they  should  turn 
restive,  rebel^  or  break  out  into  a  tantrum.  "Any 
thing  for  the  sake  of  peace,"  is  a  very  foolish  maxim 
where  juveniles  are  concerned.  By  being  firm  once 
or  twice,  and  dismissing  them  from  the  room  when 
they  deserve  it,  you  may  have  peace  ever  after.  The 
noisiest  and  most  inconvenient  time  to  have  children 
in  a  public  parlour  is  in  the  interval  between  their  tea 
and  their  bed-time.  Some  children  have  no  bed-time. 
And  when  they  are  tired  of  scampering  and  shouting, 
they  lie  about  sleeping  on  the  sofas,  and  cry  if  they 
are  finally  wakened,  to  go  up  with  their  mother  when 
she  retires  for  the  night. 

Still  worse  is  the  practice  that  prevails  in  some 
hotels  and  boarding-houses,  of  the  mothers  sending 
the  nurse-maids  with  the  babies,  to  sit  in  the  drawing- 
room  among  the  ladies ;  who  are  thus  liable  to  have  a 
vulgar  and  obtrusive  servant-girl,  most  probably 
"  from  the  old  country,"  boldly  taking  her  seat  in  the 
midst  of  them,  or  conspicuously  occupying  one  of  the 
front-windows ;  either  keeping  up  a  perpetual  under- 
current of  fulsome,  foolish  talk  to  the  baby,  or  listening 
eagerly  to  the  conversation  around  her,  and,  perhaps, 
repeating  it  invidiously  as  soon  as  she  gets  an  oppor- 
tunity. If  one  lady  sends  her  nurse-maid  to  sit  in  the 
drawing-room  with  the  child,  all  the  other  mothers  of 
babies  immediately  follow  suit,  and  the  drawing-room 
becomes  a  mere  nursery. 

Every  hotel  should  have  a  commodious  and  airy 
parlour  set  apart  entirely  for  the  children  and  nurses* 


CHILDREN. 


29T 


The  proprietors  could  easily  afford  to  keep  one  good 
room  for  that  purpose,  if  they  would  expend  a  little 
less  on  the  finery  of  the  parlours,  &c.  We  have  heard 
of  an  embroidered  piano-cover,  in  a  great  hotel,  costing 
fourteen  hundred  dollars,  and  the  children  pulling  it 
down  and  dragging  it  about  the  floor.  With  a  piano- 
cover  of  the  usual  cost,  and  other  things  less  osten- 
tatious, a  children's  parlour  might  well  have  been 
afforded  in  this  very  establishment. 

At  a  hotel,  if  the  children  come  to  the  ladies'  table, 
they  are  always  in  danger  of  eating  food  that  is 
highly  improper  for  them,  and  they  very  soon  learn 
to  help  themselves  to  much  more  than  they  want,  and 
to  eat  voraciously,  in  their  desire  to  "  have  something 
of  every  thing."  There  is  always  a  table  purposely 
for  those  children  whose  parents  pay  half-price  for 
them ;  and  at  which  the  housekeeper  presides.  How- 
ever good  this  table  may  be,  and  though  the  pies  and 
puddings  may  be  excellent,  the  mothers  are  frequently 
"issatisfied  with  the  absence  of  ice-cream,  blanc-mange, 
charlotte-russe,  &c.,  though  certainly,  were  they  in 
houses  of  their  own,  they  would  not  have  such  things 
every  day.  Therefore,  though  it  is  ''not  in  the  bond," 
the  mothers  carry  away  from  the  table  saucers  of 
these  delicacies,  and  the  children  learn  to  expect  a 
daily  supply  of  them  from  the  ladies'  dining-room. 
This,  we  must  say,  is  a  mean  practice.  We  have, 
however,  known  some  mothers,  who,  really  being 
"honourable  women,"  sent  every  day  to  a  confec- 
tioner's to  buy  ice-cream  for  their  children. 

There  is  danger  at  a  hotel  of  little  boys  loitering 


298 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


I 


about  the  bar  or  office,  encouraged  by  unthinking 
young  men,  who  give  them  "tastes  of  drink,"  and 
even  amuse  themselves  by  teaching  them  to  smoke 
segars. 

And  no  children,  either  boys  or  girls,  can  live  at  a 
public  house  without  hearing  and  seeing  much  that  it 
is  best  they  should  not  know.  The  English  travellers 
deprecate  the  American  practice  of  bringing  up  young 
people  in  hotels  or  boarding-houses.  And  they  are 
right. 


DECORUM  IN  CHURCH. 


299 


CHAPTER  XXIII. 

DECORUM  IN  CHURCH. 

We  wish  it  were  less  customary  to  go  to  churcli  in 
gay  and  costly  habiliments,  converting  its  sacred  pre- 
cincts into  a  place  for  the  display  of  finery,  and  of 
rivalry  to  your  equally  bedizened  neighbours.  In 
many  Catholic  countries,*  a  peculiar  costume  is  uni- 
versally adopted  for  visiting  a  place  of  worship — a 
very  plain  gown  of  entire  black,  with  a  long,  black 
cloak,  and  a  black  hood  finished  with  a  veil  that 
shades  the  face.  This  dress  is  kept  for  the  purpose 
of  wearing  at  church.  We  highly  approve  the  cus- 
tom, and  wish  that  something  similar  could  be  intro- 
duced into  the  United  States — particularly  on  the 
solemn  occasions  of  taking  the  communion,  or  being 
confirmed  as  a  christian  member.  We  have  known 
young  ladies  to  have  elegant  dresses  made  on  purpose, 
and  to  get  their  hair  dressed  by  a  barber  when  pre- 
paring for  confirmation. 

In  a  Sacred  Melody  of  Moore's,  St.  Jerome  tells  us — 

"Yet  worldly  is  that  heart  at  best, 

Which  beats  beneath  a  broider'd  veil; 
And  she  who  comes  in  glittering  vest 
To  mourn  her  frailty — still  is  frail." 


^  The  author  is  a  Protestant. 


300 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


Endeavour  always  to  be  in  your  pew  before  the 
service  commences,  and  do  not  hurry  out  of  it,  hastily, 
the  moment  the  benediction  is  finished;  or  begin 
visibly  to  prepare  for  departure  as  soon  as  it  commences. 
Stay  quietly  till  the  mass  of  the  crowd  has  gone. 

If  you  go  into  a  strange  church,  or  rather  into  a 
church  where  you  are  a  stranger,  wait  in  the  vestibule 
till  you  see  the  sexton :  and  then  request  him  to  show 
you  to  a  vacant  seat,  or  rather  to  one  which  he  be- 
lieves will  be  that  day  unoccupied — for  instance,  if  the 
family  owning  it  is  out  of  town.  This  is  far  better 
than  to  wander  about  the  aisles  alone,  or  to  intrude 
yourself  into  a  pew  where  you  may  cause  inconve- 
nience to  its  owners.  If  you  see  that  a  pew  is  full, 
you  know,  of  course,  that  you  cannot  obtain  a  seat  in 
it  without  dislodging  somebody. 

Yet  we  have  seen  many  a  lady,  on  entering  a  church 
in  which  she  was  a  stranger,  walk  boldly  up  the  middle 
aisle  to  one  of  the  best  pews  near  the  pulpit,  and 
pertinaciously  stand  there,  looking  steadfastly  at  its 
rightful  occupants,  till  one  of  them  quitted  his  own 
seat,  and  gave  it  up  to  her,  seeking  for  himself  another 
place  wherever  he  could  find  one.  Those  who  go  to 
strange  churches  should  be  contented  with  seats  near 
the  door;  or  at  the  lower  end  of  the  side-aisles;  or 
up  in  the  gallery. 

If  a  family  invites  you  to  go  to  church  with  them, 
or  to  come  thither,  and  have  a  seat  in  their  pew,  do 
not  take  the  liberty  of  asking  a  friend  of  your  own  to 
accompany  you;  and  abuve  all,  do  not  bring  a  child 
with  you. 


DECORUM  IN  CHUECH. 


301 


Should  you  (having  a  pevf  of  your  own)  ask  another 
lady  to  go  with  you,  call  for  her  in  due  time ;  and  she 
ought  to  be  quite  ready.  Place  her  in  a  corner-seat, 
(it  being  the  most  comfortable,)  and  see  that  she  is 
accommodated  with  a  foot-stool;  and  be  assiduous  in 
finding  the  places  for  her  in  the  prayer-book,  or  hymn- 
book. 

In  American  churches  there  is  much  civility  to 
strangers.  We  have  often  seen,  when  a  person  of 
respectable  appearance  was  in  quest  of  a  seat,  the 
doors  of  half  a  dozen  pews  kindly  opened  to  admit 
him,  and,  as  soon  as  he  entered,  a  prayer-book  offered 
to  him  open  at  the  proper  place. 

No  good  can  result  from  taking  children  to  church 
when  they  are  too  young  to  read,  or  to  understand. 
They  are  always  eager  to  go,  because  they  like  to  go 
everywhere;  but  when  once  seated  in  the  pew,  they 
soon  become  tired  and  restless ;  and  frequently  there 
is  no  way  to  keep  them  quiet,  but  to  let  them  go  to 
sleep  in  the  lap  of  the  mother  or  elder  sister.  And 
then  they  are  apt  to  cry  whenever  they  waken.  If 
there  are  two  little  boys,  they  are  prone  to  get  to 
playing,  or  what  is  far  worse,  quarrelling.  And  then 
if  they  make  a  noise,  some  elder  member  of  the  family 
is  subjected  to  the  mortification  of  conveying  them  out 
of  church — perhaps  by  desu-e  of  the  minister  audibly 
expressed  from  the  pulpit.  We  know  clergymen  wdio 
do  not  permit  their  children  to  be  taken  to  church  till 
they  can  read — convinced  that  if  their  first  recollec- 
tions of  a  place  of  worship  are  rather  painful  than 
pleasant,  they  are  the  less  likely  to  grow  up  with  a 


302 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


due  regard  for  religion — that  is,  for  religion  of  the 
heart — the  spirit,  and  not  merely  the  letter. 

We  are  sorry  to  see  young  ladies,  on  their  way  to 
church,  laughing  and  talking  loudly,  and  flirting  with 
the  beaux  that  are  gallanting  them  thither.  It  is  too 
probable  that  these  beaux  will  occupy  a  large  share 
of  their  thoughts  during  the  hours  of  worship.  Nay, 
there  are  some  so  irreverent,  and  so  regardless  of  the 
sanctity  of  the  place,  as  to  indulge  in  frequent 
whispers  to  those  near  them,  or  to  their  friends  in  the 
adjoining  pews. 

A  lady  of  high  fashion  and  fortune,  formerly  a  resi- 
dent of  Philadelphia,  was  noted  for  the  scandalous 
lightness  and  levity  of  her  behaviour  in  church — 
laughing  and  talking,  in  more  than  whispers,  nearly 
all  the  time,  to  the  idle  young  men  whom  she  always 
brought  with  her,  and  who,  to  do  them  justice,  some- 
times seemed  rather  ashamed  of  her  conduct.  Her 
pew  was  directly  in  front  of  the  pulpit.  One  Sunday 
morning.  Bishop  White  gave  her  a  severe  and  merited 
rebuke,  by  stopping  in  his  sermon,  fixing  his  eyes 
sadly  upon  her,  and  bowing  to  her,  as  an  intimation 
that  till  she  had  ceased  he  could  not  go  on.  We  are 
sorry  to  add  that  the  reproof  had  no  other  effect  than 
to  excite  her  anger,  and  caused  her  immediately  to  go 
out  of  church,  highly  exasperated.  That  lady  went  to 
live  in  Europe,  and  has  not  yet  become  a  good  woman, 
but  greatly  the  contrary. 

"The  Lord  is  in  his  holy  temple;  let  all  the 
earth  keep  silence  before  him,"  was  the  solemn  and 


DECORUM  IN  CHURCH. 


303 


impressive  inscription  over  tlie  altar  of  St.  Augustine's 
chui'ch  in  Philadelphia. 

In  visiting  a  church  of  a  different  denomination 
from  your  ovrn,  comply,  as  far  as  you  can,  -with  all 
the  ceremonies  observed  by  the  congregation,  par- 
ticularly if  you  are  in  a  foreign  country.  Even  if 
some  of  these  observances  are  not  the  least  in  con- 
formity with  your  own  opinions  and  feelings,  re- 
member that  you  are  there  as  a  guest,  and  have  no 
right  to  offend  or  give  displeasui^e  to  your  hosts  by 
evincing  a  marked  disapprobation  of  theu'  mode  of 
worship.  If  you  find  it  very  irksome  to  refrain, 
(which  it  should  not  be,)  you  need  not  go  a  second 
time.  Every  religious  sect  believes  its  own  faith  to 
be  the  best ;  but  God  only  knows  which  really  is. 
Christ  has  said,  ^'By  their  fruits  ye  shall  know 
them." 


304 


THF  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


CHAPTER  XXiy. 

MISCELLANIES. 

It  may  be  well  to  caution  our  joung  friends  against 
certain  bad  practices,  easily  contracted,  but  sometimes 
difficult  to  relinquish.  The  following  are  things  not 
to  be  done : — Biting  your  nails.  Slipping  a  ring  up 
and  down  your  finger.  Sitting  cross-kneed,  and 
jogging  your  feet.  Drumming  on  the  table  with 
your  knuckles ;  or,  still  worse,  tinking  on  a  piano 
with  your  fore-finger  only.  Humming  a  tune  before 
strangers.  Singing  as  you  go  up  and  down  stairs. 
Putting  your  arm  round  the  neck  of  another  young 
girl,  or  promenading  the  room  with  arms  encircling 
waists.  Holding  the  hand  of  a  friend  all  the  time  she 
sits  beside  you;  or  kissing  and  fondling  her  before 
company.    Sitting  too  closely. 

Slapping  a  gentleman  with  your  handkerchief,  or 
tapping  him  with  your  fan.  Allowing  him  to  take  a 
ring  off  your  finger,  to  look  at  it.  Permitting  him  to 
unclasp  your  bracelet,  or,  still  worse,  to  inspect  your 
brooch.  When  these  ornaments  are  to  be  shown  to 
another  person,  always  take  them  off  for  the  purpose. 
Pulling  at  your  own  ringlets,  or  your  own  ear-rings — 
or  fingering  your  neck  ribbon.    Suffering  a  gentle- 


MISCELLANIES. 


305 


man  to  toncii  your  curls.  Reading  "with  a  gentleman 
off  the  same  book  or  newspaper.  Looking  oyer  the 
shoulder  of  any  person  who  is  reading  or  writing. 
Taking  up  a  written  paper  from  the  table,  and  ex- 
amining it. 

To  listen  at  door-cracks,  and  peep  through  key- 
holes, is  vulgar  and  contemptible.  So  it  is  to  ask 
children  questions  concerning  their  parents,  though 
such  things  are  still  done. 

If  you  mean  that  you  were  angry,  do  not  say  you 
were  "mad." — ''It  made  me  so  mad" — "I  was  quite 
mad  at  her,"  are  phrases  not  to  be  used  by  people 
considering  themselves  genteel.  Anger  and  madness 
are  not  the  same,  or  should  not  be ;  though  it  is  true 
that  ungoverned  rage,  is,  sometimes,  carried  so  far  as 
to  seem  like  insanity. 

Enter  into  no  freaks  of  fashion  that  are  silly,  un- 
meaning, and  unlady-like ;  even  if  they  have  been 
introduced  by  a  belle,  and  followed  by  other  belles. 
Commit  no  absurdity  because  a  public  singer  or 
dancer  has  done  so  in  her  ignorance  of  good  beha- 
viour. During  the  Jenny  Lind  fever,  there  were 
young  ladies  who  affected  to  skuttle  into  a  drawing- 
room  all  of  a  sudden,  somewhat  as  the  fair  Swede 
came  shuttling  in  upon  the  concert  stage,  because  in 
reality  she  knew  not  how  to  make  her  entrance  grace- 
fully. Other  demoiselles  twined  and  waved  about, 
with  body,  head,  and  eyes,  never  a  moment  quiet. 
This  squirming  (as  it  was  called)  originated  in  a  very 
bad  imitation  of  Fanny  Elssler's  dancing  motions. 
At  one  time  there  were  girls  at  parties,  who  stood  on 


306 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


one  foot,  and  with  the  other  kicked  up  their  dresses 
behind,  while  talking  to  gentlemen.  This  fashion 
began  with  a  celebrated  beauty  who  "  dared  do  any 
thing."  Luckily,  these  ^' whims  and  oddities"  are 
always  of  short  duration,  and  are  never  adopted  by 
young  ladies  of  good  taste  and  refinement. 

Do  not  nod  your  head,  or  beat  time  with  fan  or 
foot  while  listening  to  music. 

Never  at  a  party  consent  to  accompany  another 
lady  in  a  duet,  unless  you  are  accustomed  to  singing 
with  her.  Still  worse — do  not  volunteer  to  "assist" 
her  in  a  song  that  is  not  a  duet.  Each  voice  will 
interrupt  and  spoil  the  other.  A  lady  who  sings  by 
ear  only,  cannot  accompany  one  that  sings  by  note. 

One  of  the  most  horrible  sounds  imaginable  is  that 
produced  by  several  fine  voices  all  singing  different 
songs.  This  cats'  concert  (as  school-girls  call  it) 
results  in  a  shocking  and  yet  ludicrous  discord, 
equally  frightful  and  laughable.  And  yet  all  the 
performers  are  singing  individually  well.    Try  it. 

Eaising  a  window-sash,  in  cold  weather,  without 
first  ascertaining  if  the  rest  of  the  company  are,  like 
yourself,  too  warm.  Leaving  the  parlour  door  open 
in  winter — a  perpetual  occurrence  at  hotels  and 
boarding-houses. 

Talking  so  loudly  that  you  can  be  heard  all  over 
the  room.  Or  so  low  that  you  cannot  be  heard  at  all, 
even  by  those  who  are  conversing  with  you.  This 
last  fault  is  the  worst.  To  talk  with  one  who  has  a 
habit  of  muttering  unintelligibly,  is  like  trying  to  read 
a  letter  illegibly  written. 


MISCELLANIES. 


307 


Using  too  often  the  word  "madam"  or  "ma'am," 
which  in  fact,  is  now  nearly  obselete  in  familiar  con- 
versation. In  the  old  French  tragedies  the  lovers 
addressed  their  mistresses  as  "madam."  But  then 
the  stage  Alexander  wore  a  powdered  wig,  and  a 
laced  coat,  knee-Lreeches,  and  a  long-skirted  waist- 
coat ;  and  Roxana  figured  in  a  hoop-petticoat,  a 
brocade  gown,  a  flowered  apron,  and  a  towering 
gauze  cap.  The  frequent  use  of  "sir"  is  also  out  of 
fashion.  "Yes,  ma'am,"  "JSTo,  ma'am,"  "Yes,  sir," 
"No,  sir,"  no  longer  sounds  well,  except  from  children 
to  their  elders.  If  you  have  not  distinctly  heard 
what  another  lady  has  just  said  to  you,  do  not  denote 
it  by  saying,  "Ma'am?"  but  remark  to  her,  "Excuse 
me,  I  did  not  exactly  hear  you !" 

Never,  in  a  public  parlour,  place  yourself  in  a  posi- 
tion where  you  can  secretly  hear  conversation  that  is 
not  intended  for  you — for  instance  in  a  corner  behind 
a  pillar.  If  you  hear  yourself  talked  of,  it  is  mean  to 
stay  and  listen.  It  is  a  true  adage  that  "Listeners 
seldom  hear  any  good  of  themselves." 

However  smart  and  witty  you  may  be  considered, 
do  not  exercise  your  wit  in  rallying  and  bantering 
your  friends.  If  you  do  so,  their  friendship  will  soon 
be  worn  out,  or  converted  into  positive  enmity.  A 
jest  that  carries  a  sting  with  it  can  never  give  a 
pleasant  sensation  to  the  object.  The  bite  of  a 
musquito  is  a  very  little  thing,  but  it  leaves  pain  and 
inflammation  behind  it,  and  the  more  it  is  rubbed  the 
longer  it  rankles  in  the  blood.  No  one  likes  to  have 
their  foibles  or  mishaps  turned  into  ridicule — before 


808 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


other  persons  especially.  And  few  can  cordially  join 
^   in  a  laugli  that  is  raised  against  themselves. 

The  slightest  jest  on  the  personal  defects  of  those 
you  are  conversing  with,  is  an  enormity  of  rudeness 
and  vulgarity.  It  is,  in  fact,  a  sneer  at  the  Creator 
that  made  them  so.  No  human  creature  is  account- 
able for  being  too  small,  or  too  large ;  for  an  ill-formed 
figure,  or  for  ill-shaped  limbs ;  for  irregular  features, 
or  a  bad  complexion. 

Still  worse,  to  rally  any  person  (especially  a  woman) 
on  her  age,  or  to  ask  indirect  questions  with  a  view  of 
discovering  what  her  age  really  is.  If  we  continue  to 
live,  we  must  continue  to  grow  old.  We  must  either 
advance  in  age,  or  we  must  die.  Where  then  is  the 
shame  of  surviving  our  youth?  And  when  youth 
departs,  beauty  goes  along  with  it.  At  least  as  much 
beauty  as  depends  on  complexion,  hair,  and  teeth.  In 
arriving  at  middle  age,  (or  a  little  beyond  it,)  a  lady 
must  compound  for  the  loss  of  either  face  or  figure. 
About  that  period  she  generally  becomes  thinner,  or 
fatter.  If  thin,  her  features  shrink,  and  her  skin 
shrivels  and  fades ;  even  though  she  retains  a  slender 
and  perhaps  a  girlish  form.  If  she  grows  fat,  her 
skin  may  continue  smooth,  and  her  complexion  fine, 
and  her  neck  and  arms  may  be  rounder  and  hand- 
somer than  in  girlhood;  but  then  symmetry  of  shape 
will  cease — and  she  must  reconcile  herself  to  the 
change  as  best  she  can.  But  a  woman  with  a  good 
mind,  a  good  heart,  and  a  good  temper,  can  never  at  any 
age  grow  ugly — for  an  intelligent  and  pleasant  expres- 
sion is  in  itself  beauty,  and  the  best  sort  of  beauty. 


MISCELLANIES. 


309 


Sad  indeed  is  tlie  condition  of  women  in  the  decline 
of  life  when  "No  lights  of  age  adorn  them."  When, 
having  neglected  in  the  spring  and  summer  to  lay  up 
any  stores  for  the  winter  that  is  sure  to  come,  they 
find  themselves  left  in  the  season  of  desolation  with 
nothing  to  fall  back  upon — no  pleasant  recollections 
of  the  acquisition  of  knowledge  or  the  performance  of 
good  deeds,  and  nothing  to  talk  about  but  the  idle 
gossip  of  the  day — striving  painfully  to  look  younger 
than  they  really  are;  still  haunting  balls  and  parties, 
and  enduring  all  the  discomforts  of  crowded  water- 
ing-places, long  after  all  pleasure  in  such  scenes  must 
have  passed  away.  But  then  they  must  linger  in 
public  because  they  are  miserable  at  home,  having  no 
resources  within  themselves,  and  few  enduring  friends 
to  enliven  them  with  their  society. 

The  woman  that  knows  how  to  grow  old  gracefully, 
will  adapt  her  dress  to  her  figure  and  her  age,  and 
wear  colours  that  suit  her  present  complexion.  If  her 
neck  and  arms  are  thin,  she  will  not  expose  them  under 
any  circumstances.  If  her  hair  is  grey,  she  will  not 
decorate  it  with  flowers  and  flimsy  ribbons.  If  her 
cheeks  are  hollow,  she  will  not  make  her  face  look 
still  longer  and  thinner  by  shadowing  it  with  long 
ringlets;  and  setting  her  head-dress  far  back — but 
she  will  give  it  as  much  softness  as  she  can,  by  a  light 
cap-border  tied  under  her  chin.  She  will  not  squeeze 
herself  out  of  all  human  shape  by  afi'ecting  a  long 
tight  corsage;  and  she  will  wear  no  dresses  glaring 
with  huge  flowers,  or  loaded  with  gaudy  trimmings. 
She  will  allude  to  her  age  as  a  thing  of  course ;  she 


310 


THE  BEHAVIOUR  BOOK. 


will  speak  without  hesitation  of  former  times,  though 
the  recollection  proves  her  to  be  really  old.  She  will 
be  kind  and  indulgent  to  the  young ;  and  the  young 
will  respect  and  love  her,  and  gladly  assemble  near 
her  chair,  and  be  amused  and  unconsciously  instructed. 
As  long  as  she  lives  and  retains  her  faculties  she  will 
endeavour  to  improve,  and  to  become  still  a  wiser  and 
a  better  woman ;  never  excusing  herself  by  indolently 
and  obstinately  averring  that  ''she  is  too  old  to  learn," 
or  that  she  cannot  give  up  her  old-fashioned  habits. 
If  she  finds  that  those  habits  are  unwarrantable,  or 
that  they  are  annoying  to  her  friends,  she  ought  to 
relinquish  them.  'No  one  with  a  mind  unimpaired, 
and  a  heart  still  fresh,  is  too  old  to  learn. 

This  book  is  addressed  chiefly  to  the  young ;  but  we 
shall  be  much  gratified  by  finding  that  even  old  ladies 
have  found  in  it  some  advantageous  suggestions  on 
points  that  had  hitherto  escaped  their  notice. 


THE  END. 


